i 


UCSB   LIBRARY 


MEMOIRS 


OF 


FANNY    NEWELL; 

WRITTEN  BY  HERSELF, 


AVD    PUBLISHED 


AT  HER  PARTICULAR  REQUEST,  AND  THE  DESIRE 
OF  NUMEROUS  FRIENDS. 


And  Mary  said,  My  soul  doth  magnify  the  Lord,  and  my  spirit 
doth  rejoice  in  God  my  Saviour." — Luke,  i.  46,  47. 


SECOND    EDITION, 

With  Corrections  and  Improvements. 

TO  WHICH  ARE  NOW  ADDED,  NUMEROUS  INTERESTING  LET- 
TERS, AND  A  PARTICULAR  ACCOUNT  OF  HER 
LAST  SICKNESS  AND  DEATH, 


Published  by  O.  Scott  and  E.  F.  Newell. 


MERRIAM,  LITTLE  &  CO PRINTERS. 


1832. 


Entered  according  to  the  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year 
1S24,  by  Ebenezer  F.  Newell,  in  the  Clerk's  Office  of 
the  District  Court  of  Maine. 


ADVERTISEMENT 

TO    THE 

SECOND    EDITION. 


The  first  edition  of  these  Memoirs  was  put 
to  press  in  the  Spring  of  1824.  Mrs.  Newell 
died  on  the  17th  of  April;  between  which 
time  and  the  first  of  June,  her  Memoirs  were 
printed.  In  consequence  of  the  great  haste 
in  which  this  edition  was  printed,  (that  it 
might  be  out  before  the  next  session  of  the 
New  England  Conference,)  it  was  imperfect 
in  two  respects : — first,  all  her  letters,  and  a 
considerable  part  of  her  journal  toward  the 
close,  were  necessarily  excluded,  by  fixing 
the  plan  of  the  book  too  small  in  the  begin- 
ning; and  secondly,  what  was  published 
was  put  to  press  in  a  very  imperfect  state. 
The  edition,  however,  imperfect  as  it  was, 
consisting  of  two  thousand  copies,  was  soon 
sold  off,  and  the  work  has  been  several  years 
out  of  print.  Numerous  and  pressing  calls 
from  all  parts  of  the  country,  have  led  the 
publishers  to  resolve  on  printing  another  edi- 
tion. The  present  edition  contains  at  least 
one  quarter  more  matter   than  the  first,  and 


IV  ADVERTISEMENT. 

the  old  matter  is  in  an. improved  state.  The 
new  matter  in  this  edition  consists  of  numer- 
ous interesting  letters,  several  pages  of  the 
closing  part  of  her  journal,  together  with  a 
particular  account  of  her  last  sickness  and 
deg,th.  The  whole  has  been  carefully  revised 
and  prepared  for  the  pr-ess,  by  an  experienced 
hand. 

Wholesale  purchasers  will  be  supplied  on 
very  liberal  terms. 

The  Publishers. 

Springfield,  Jlpril  17,  1832. 


MEMOIRS,  &c, 


June  lOth,  1818. 

Come  near,  all  ye  who  fear  God,  and  I  will 
declare  unto  you  what  the  Lord  has  done  for  my 
soul. 

It  is  the  love  of  my  great  Redeemer,  that  con- 
strains me  to  write.  All  glory  be  given  to  the  Lord 
in  the  highest. 

"  Salv(tlio7i !     O  the  joyful  sound, 
"  What  pleasure  to  our  ears  ! 
"A  sovereign  balm  for  every  wound, 
"  A  cordial  for  our  fears." 

I  was  born  in  Sidney,  in  the  county  of  Kennebec, 
State  of  Maine,  May  12th,  1793. 

At  a  very  early  period  of  my  life  I  was  drawn  to 
seek  the  living  God.  But  alas !  I  rejected  the 
many  calls  of  this  most  merciful  God,  putting  off  the 
day  of  repentance,  time  after  time,  and  still  chose  to 
run  with  the  giddy  multitude. 

But  having  now  obtained  a  feeling  hope,  and 
evangelical  trust  and  confidence  in  God  my  Saviour, 
I  for  my  own  satisfaction  sit  down  to  write  a  true 
history  of  my  past  experience.  When  quite  young 
I  can  well  remember  my  being  awakened  times 
without  number ;  and  at  so  very  early  a  period  of 
my  life,  that  I,  like  young  Samuel  of  old,  did  not 
know  that  it  was  the  Lord. 
1* 


b  MEMOIRS    OF 

At  the  early  age  of  five,  I  was  brought  to  think  on 
deaths,  by  seeing  one  of  my  httle  companions  dead, 
and  laid  by  the  side  of  the  wall  of  the  house.  After 
attending  the  funeral  of  the  child,  I  was  afraid  to  go 
any  where  alone  in  the  dark,  or  to  be  left  alone,  for 
fear  I  should  see  the  corpse. 

One  day  as  I  was  alone,  it  came  into  my  mind 
with  great  weight  and  power.  You  must  pray  or  be 
damned.  Although  I  had  but  little  idea  of  j^rayer, 
yet  without  hesitating  I  arose  from  my  amusement, 
and  went  to  a  window  in  the  chamber  where  I  was, 
and  kneeled  down  and  prayed,  but  how  or  for  what 
I  know  not ;  but  this  one  thing  I  well  know,  I  wept 
much,  and  thought  it  would  be  a  dreadful  thing  to 
die  unprepared.  When  I  arose  from  my  humble 
attitude,  I  felt  calm,  serene,  easy  and  quiet  in  my 
mind  for  some  time,  and  nothing  seemed  to  cross 
me.  One  thing  I  remember,  that  when  any  of  the 
children  cried,  I  wondered  how  they  could  do  so. 
But  these  tender  impressions  and  comfortable  feel- 
ings soon  wore  away,  and  I  had  a  relish  for  childlike 
plays,  and  grew  up  in  pride  and  vanity,  for  which  I 
now  mourn  and  lament. 

At  the  age  of  between  nine  and  ten  my  careless 
mind  was  again  awakened  by  dreams,  and  many 
other  ways  ;  some  of  which  I  think  proper  to  men- 
tion. I  went  to  the  funeral  of  an  aunt,  who  was 
peculiarly  dear — a  favorite  friend  of  mine.  I  highly 
valued  her.  Hearing  that  she  was  dead  affected 
me  very  much,  but  when  I  came  to  see  her  corpse, 
I  was  so  struck,  that  my  poor  body  shook  and  trem- 
bled, whilst  tears  were  roUing  down,  and  fast  falling 
from  my  eyes  ;  and  death,  ghastly  death  appeared 
so  tenitying  to  me  that  I  wished  I  had  never  been 
born.     My  kind  father  tenderly  endeavored  to  as- 


FANNY  NEWELL.  7 

suage  my  grief  and  told  me  not  to  cry  so  bitterly ; 
nevertheless  his  parental  affection  was  insufficient  to 
remove  the  terrors  of  death,  that  had  sunk  so  deep 
into  my  youthful  mind  ;  nor  were  they  ever  fully 
erased,  until  the  Lord  forgave  my  sins.  And  al- 
though lightness  and  vanity  possessed  my  heart,  yet 
these  thoughts  would  often  rush  into  my  mind,  and 
sink  down  into  my  heart,  You  must  die  and  com.e  to 
judgment.  As  I  was  returning  from  the  funeral,  I 
thought  If  my  mother  should  die  (who  was  then 
sick)  what  should  I  do  ? 

On  my  arrival  at  my  father's  house,  I  immediately 
retired  to  a  secret  place,  and  with  a  heart  big  with 
sorrow,  said  to  myself,  to-day  I  have  been  gazing 
on  a  spectacle,  which  is  a  complete  looking-glass, 
in  which  I  may  look  and  see  what  I  must  shortly 
be.  I  viewed  myself  as  on  the  brink  of  ruin,  and  I 
was  filled  with  all  the  horrors  of  a  guilty  conscience, 
and  was  afraid  to  stay  in  the  barn. 

I  then  made  many  promises  to  amend  my  life, 
a«d  began  to  reflect  how,  or  in  what  manner  I  might 
reform  ;  and  had  some  resolution  to  begin  that  very 
day.  First,  I  thought  I  must  be  more  obedient  to 
my  parents,  and  more  loving  to  my  brothers  and 
sisters  ;  but  alas,  my  goodness  was  like  the  morning 
cloud  and  the  early  dew,  which  soon  vanishes 
away. 

I  wiped  off  my  tears,  and  conviction  soon  left 
me,  and  by  breaking  off  my  good  resolutions,  I  of 
course,  ran  deeper  into  sin,  and  became  more  than 
ever  filled  with  lightness,  vanity,  and  sins  of  many 
descriptions.  Yet  the  good  Spirit  of  the  Lord  did 
not  leave  me,  but  still  strove  with  me  time  after 
time.  I  had  the  unspeakable  privilege  of  hearing 
many  powerful  sermons,  and  enjoying  many  religious 


o  MEMOIRS   OF 

advantages  ;  and  many  sorrowful  hours  and  melan- 
choly seasons  did  I  pass.  One  day,  even  whilst  I 
was  in  my  merry  career,  all  my  former  vows  and 
resolutions  came  afresh  into  my  mind,  and  those 
words,  formerly  spoken  to  me,  came  powerfully  into 
my  mind,  and  with  redoubled  weight  and  force  sunk 
down  into  my  heart ;  yoii  must  pray  or  he  damned. 
And  I  was  immediately  arrested  and  brought  to  a 
full  stop.  My  blood  chilled  in  my  veins,  and  with 
great  haste  I  retired  to  a  secret  place,  with  all  my 
sins  in  view.  I  fell  on  my  knees  and  cried,  O 
Lord,  save  or  I  perish.  I  then  arose,  and  thought 
to  make  good  the  resolutions,  which  I  had  before 
formed.  I  went  home  and  passed  a  very  restless 
night ;  but  O  how  painful  for  me  to  write,  while  I 
reflect  how  I  slighted  offered  mercy,  and  rejected  the 
counsel  of  God,  against  my  own  soul ! 

Soon  I  went  to  my  old  practices  again.  But  the 
patient  good  Spirit  of  God  did  not  leave  me ;  it 
followed  me,  crying  in  my  ear,  "  this  is  ^the  way, 
walk  ye  in  it."  But  instead  of  following  this  good 
Spirit,  I  strove  hard  against  it,  and  pursued  closely 
after  the  vanities  of  the  world,  striving  to  satisfy  my 
selfish  desires,  seeking  after  comibrt  and  happiness 
in  many  ways.  But  whenever  I  had  obtained  this 
or  that  object,  there  was  still  an  aching  void,  which 
the  world  can  never  fill ;  and  notwithstanding  the 
many  calls  of  God,  which  I  have  had  from  time  to 
time,  I  was  rushing  hastily  on  in  the  broad  frequented 
road  that  leads  to  death.  My  heart  grew  harder 
and  harder,  being  more  and  more  accustomed  to 
rebel  against  God. 

At  length  my  parents  were  awakened  to  see  their 
need  of  religion,  and  soon  obtained  a  pardon  of 
their  sins  and  became  members  of  the  church. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  V 

This  had  some  effect  upon  my  mind.  I  was  glad 
that  they  had  obtained  mercy. 

The  first  night  that  my  father  set  up  the  worship 
of  God  in  his  house,  was  a  memorable  night  to  me. 
He  first  took  his  Bible,  and  requested  the  children  to 
sit  down,  and  then  told  us  what  God  had  done  for 
him,  and  his  determination  to  serve  him.  He  fur- 
ther stated,  that  he  was  sorry,  that  he  had  by  exam- 
ple lead  us  so  long  in  the  paths  of  vanity,  and  that 
he  had  lived  before  us  in  revelHng  and  mirth.  But, 
said  he,  I  am  determined  by  the  grace  of  God  to 
lead  a  new  life,  and  now  begin  by  reading  his  holy 
word,  which  I  have  so  long,  to  my  confusion,  neg- 
lected, and  by  setting  up  his  worship  in  my  house. 

I  heard  all  these  particulars  with  great  attention, 
and  trembling  took  hold  upon  me ;  accordingly  he 
read  a  chapter,  and  like  David  he  said  by  practice, 
*'  Come,  let  us  worship,  let  us  bow  down,  let  us 
kneel  before  the  Lord."  He  then  humbled  himself 
upon  his  knees  to  pray.  But  0  what  heart  rendings 
I  then  had ;  I  could  have  freely  cried  aloud ;  but 
strove  hard  to  hide  my  feelings,  for  fear  of  being 
discovered  by  my  brothers  and  sisters.  I  stood  near 
the  chamber  door,  and  as  soon  as  he  had  closed  his 
affecting  prayer,  I  immediately  retired  to  my  cham- 
ber, and  in  groans  and  sighs  passed  the  night.  For 
a  season  I  was  greatly  affected  with  a  sight  of  my 
situation  as  a  sinner,  and  often  wished  thai  I  was  in 
possession  of  a  substantial  hope  and  confidence  in 
God,  that  would  effectually  take  away  the  fear  of 
death. 

In  this  situation  I  went  to  a  Friends'  meefing,  and 
heard  a  woman  preach  by  the  name  of  Thankful 
Huzzy.  I  was  so  much  affected  by  what  she  said, 
that  I  could  not  refrain  from  weeping. — The  first 


10  MEMOIRS    OF 

words  which  she  spoke,  were,  "  Little  children,  a 
new  commandment  I  give  unto  you,  that  you  should 
love  one  another."  I  went  home,  and  took  my 
Bible,  and  read  a  number  of  chapters  in  the  book  of 
Psalms,  which  appeared  beautiful  to  me  beyond 
description.  I  cried  out,  why  have  I  not  read  this 
book  more! — resolving  to  read  it  every  day.  I 
was  so  much  aifected  with  what  I  had  read,  that  I 
retired  to  a  secret  place,  where  I  might  give  vent  to 
sighs  and  longing  desires  for  salvation.  When  I 
had  reached  the  spot,  I  opened  the  good  book,  and 
read  of  the  sufferings  of  Christ  throughout  to  his 
death.  1  said  within  myself,  If  I  had  been  there, 
I  would  not  have  thus  cruelly  treated  him  ;  I  would 
have  been  his  friend ;  I  could  not  have  mocked  him, 
nor  spit  upon  him,  neither  could  I  have  done  as  the 
soldiers  did,  pierce  him  with  a  spear.  Then  it 
came  into  my  mind,  as  if  some  one  had  spoken  it 
to  me  by  way  of  question,  what  are  you  better  than 
they  were  ?  0  !  cried  I,  more  like  the  penitent 
thief  upon  the  cross,  who  said,  "  Lord,  remember 
me."  I  strove  to  call  on  God  for  help,  and  then 
returned  to  the  house,  and  opened  the  hymn  book 
on  these  expressive  lines ; 

"  Come,  thou  fount  of  every  blessing, 
"  Tune  my  heart  to  sing  thy  praise ; 
"  Streams  of  mercy  never  faiUng, 
"  Call  for  songs  of  loudest  praise." 

Woful  to  relate  !  after  this  I  became  an  impeni- 
tent sinner,  hair  hung  and  breeze  shaken  over  the 
gulf  of  ruin.  I  strove  to  hide  myself  under  the 
cloak  of  fore-ordinatioii,  and  at  any  time  when  I 
was  disturbed  with  the  thoughts  of  dying  and  going 
to  Hell,  I  would  often  say  to  myself,  if  I  am  to  be 


FANNY   NEWELL.  11 

saved,  I  shall  be ;  and  if  I  am  to  be  lost,  I  shall 
be ;  and  so  I  strove  to  lull  conscience  to  rest. — But 
this  was  only  a  fig-leaf  covering ;  for  although  I 
rested  considerably  easy  for  some  time,  even  when 
dangers  alarmed  me  on  either  hand,  saying  if  my 
time  is  come  to  die,  I  must  die  ;  and  if  I  am  to 
suffer  a  violent  death  of  any  kind ;  such  as  being 
torn  in  pieces  by  a  bear  of  the  woods,  I  cannot 
evade  the  decrees  of  God.  With  these,  and  like 
reflections,  I  could  sometimes  assuage  my  fears  in 
a  measure. 

About  this  time  my  eldest  sister  became  ,  serious, 
and  it  was  thought,  that  she  experienced  a  change 
of  heart  at  a  quarterly  meeting.  She  returned  very 
much  altered,  and  I  was  truly  glad,  and  resolved  to 
set  out  with  her  as  soon  as  she  should  open  the  way 
by  telling  me  her  experience,  as  I  expected  she 
would,  and  that  she  would  talk  with  me  about  my 
own  soul's  concern ;  but  to  my  surprise  she  did  not. 
I  watched  her  in  every  thing  in  hopes  to  learn  some- 
thing of  the  good  way.  For  a  while  she  was  con- 
stant in  secret  prayer,  and  reading  the  sacred  word 
of  God ;  but  all  her  goodness  was  like  the  early 
dew,  soon  worn  away,  and  she  became  more  vain 
and  light  than  before. 

My  father's  faithfulness  and  good  instructions 
from  time  to  time  affected  my  poor  heart  very  much ; 
especially  one  circumstance.  I  retired  to  rest  one  eve- 
ning before  family  prayer,  but  was  awfully  harassed 
all  night,  and  notwithstanding  this,  I  thought  I  would 
try  it  once  more.  Accordingly  I  retired  to  my 
lodging  room  at  an  early  hour,  as  before,  to  see  if  it 
would  affect  me  as  formerly.  I  had  but  just  laid 
down,  when  my  father  called  out,  "  Girls,  are  you 
gone   to  bed]"      '*  Yes  sir,"  was  the  answer.— 


12  MEMOIRS    OF 

"  Well !  what  if  you  should  awake  in  hell  before 
morning  ?"  My  bed  could  hold  me  no  longer  ;  I 
arose  and  with  hasty  steps  went  into  the  room  and 
stayed  until  after  prayers,  and  then  retired  with  my 
mind  somewhat  more  calm  and  serene ;  and  my 
fluttering  heart  more  at  ease. 

At  another  time  I  dreamed  that  Satan  was  rock- 
ing me  to  sleep  in  a  cradle.  I  awoke  and  my  bed 
was  shaking  under  me,  and  the  whole  house  ap- 
peared to  be  rolling.  I  was  much  affrighted,  and 
thought  it  was  a  reality.  I  arose  in  haste,  and  went 
into  another  room,  and  to  my  surprise  found  the 
family  up.  I  asked,  What  is  the  matter  ?  There- 
ply  was,  "  There  is  an  earthquake."  It  was  over, 
and  my  affright  in  a  measure  was  over  also.  O 
how  did  sin  abound  in  my  poor  disordered  soul — 
wild  distraction  reigned  in  my  heart  and  life,  whilst 
adding  sin  to  sin  ;  and  thereby  "  treasuring  up 
ivraih  against  the  day  of  wrath,"  as  saith  the  apos- 
tle Paul.  My  heart  was  so  hard,  that  I  could  sit 
and  hear  the  most  powerful  sermons  with  careless 
indifference,  and  without  remorse  of  conscience, 
considering  myself  quite  secure  under  my  old 
shield  of  fatality  before  mentioned. 

At  length  the  thunders  from  mount  Sinai  struck 
my  heart,  rent  my  garment,  and  I  was  left  naked 
before  God.  I  found  the  commandments  of  God 
were  truth,  and  fatality  was  false.  Here  I  stood 
in  the  wide  open  world,  not  knowing  which  way  to 
go,  or  where  to  flee ;  the  poet's  striking  thoughts 
running  through  my  mind. 

"  The  sinner  must  be  born  again, 
"  Did  loud  as  thunder  roll." 

Everlasting  praise  belongs  to  that  God,  who  gives 


FANNY  NEWELL.  13 

sight  to  the  blind,  ears  to  the  deaf,  and  feet  to  the 
lame ;  and  (as  in  former  days)  he  made  use  of  clay 
to  open  my  blind  eyes,  and  spake  through  one  of 
his  dear  servants  to  the  awakening  of  my  soul 
once  more.  Yes !  by  that  ever  dear  and  memora- 
ble servant  of  the  Lord,  Henry  Martin,  who  soon 
after  died  in  the  triumphs  of  faith,  on  Parker's  Isl- 
and, at  the  mouth  of  the  Kennebec  River ;  and  is 
now  praising  God  in  Paradise,  I  have  not  a  doubt. 
— Does  his  spirit  know,  that  this  poor  child  retains 
a  sense  of  pardoning  love,  which  he  was  instru- 
mental of  promoting  ?  Whether  it  be  so  or  not, 
may  the  merciful  God  bring  me  to  meet  him  in 
Heaven,  where  we  may  recount  the  pleasing  theme 
in  endless  day. 

The  first  time  I  ever  heard  him  preach  was  at  my 
father's  house.  The  text  was  in  Exodus,  xxxii. 
12.  "Who  is  on  the  Lord's  side ?"  and  his  words 
were  sent  home  to  my  heart  with  power  like  seven 
fold  peals  of  thunder.  I  at  first  strove  to  hide  from 
my  rude  companions  the  feelings  of  my  heart  by 
resisting  the  truth,  thinking  only  on  the  vanities  of 
my  gay  circle ;  and  with  songs  and  merry  tales  to 
entertain  my  mind  so  as  not  to  weep  at  what  the 
preacher  said.  But  this  was  all  in  vain  ;  for  truths, 
like  arrows  from  the  Lord,  flew  thick  and  fast,  and 
were  plunged  deep  into  my  wounded  heart,  so  that 
I  could  not  refrain  from  weepino-  aloud,  although 
my  sighs  and  groans  were  heard  by  all  around. 

After  the  meeting  was  closed,  the  preacher  be- 
gan to  converse  with  some  of  the  people,  who 
were  nearest  to  him ;  speaking  to  them  concerning 
their  souls.  I  resolved  not  to  give  him  an  opportu- 
nity of  conversing  with  me,  and  in  order  to  shun 
him  I  immediately  retired,  and  my  example  was 
2 


14  MEMOIRS    OF 

followed  by  a  number  of  my  rude  mates,  who  be- 
gan to  speak  lightly  of  the  preacher,  and  I  joined 
them — a  thing  which  I  believe  I  was  never  heard 
to  do  before  ;  for  I  concluded  that  it  ivas  as  bad  to 
speak  against  a  minister,  as  it  was  to  speak  against 
my  parents  ; — but  I  believe  it  was  the  enemy  who 
pushed  me  forward  in  it,  for  he  strove  hard  to  de- 
vour my  poor  soul ;  and  it  is  of  the  Lord's  mercy 
that  I  am  not  consumed.  The  speaker  tarried  all 
night  at  my  father's  house  ;  in  the  morning  he  im- 
proved his  time  in  conversing  with  the  family,  but  I 
was  very  careful  to  keep  out  of  the  room,  and 
when  I  was  called  to  attend  on  family  worship,  I 
stood  by  the  door,  and  when  he  said  Amen !  I  re- 
tired immediately.  He  exhorted  the  rest  of  the  fa- 
mily some  time,  and  I  was  much  afraid  that  he  would 
speak  to  me  also.  I  took  my  work  and  sat  down 
in  the  kitchen,  expecting  thereby  to  escape  his  no- 
tice ;  but  as  soon  as  he  had  freed  his  mind  with 
them,  he  came  in  and  seated  himself  near  where  I 
was  sitting,  and  had  it  not  been  for  fear  of  treating 
him  irreverently,  I  should  have  immediately  left  the 
room.  I  resolved  therefore  to  keep  my  seat  in  si- 
lence, but  his  words  were  to  me  sharper  than  any 
two  edged  sword,  and  I  began  to  tremble,  while  he 
opened  in  a  plain  and  easy  way  my  dangerous  con- 
dition, whilst  remaining  irreconciled  to  God. — At 
length  I  frankly  acknowledged  that  I  had  often  felt 
the  need  of  pure  religion,  and  saw  clearly  that  I 
was  a  sinner — he  said  "  if  you  will  kneel  down  I 
will  pray  for  you  now ;  but  I  did  not  yield  to  his  re- 
quest. He  then  asked  me,  if  I  ever  prayed  for 
myself;  to  which  I  made  him  no  answer.  "Well, 
(said  he)  if  you  will  try  to  pray  for  yourself  one  week, 
I  will  by  the  help  of  God  try  to  pray  for  you."     O 


FANNY    NEWELL.  15 

what  inward  horror  I  then  felt  thrill  through  my 
whole  soul!  Conviction  then  awoke  in  my  poor 
heart  to  a  great  degree. 

As  soon  as  he  left  the  room,  I  retired  to  the  barn, 
that  at  a  "  manger"  I  might  pray  to  him  who  was 
born  in  the  "  stable  at  Bethlehem."  With  a  heart 
big  with  grief  and  eyes  streaming  with  tears,  I  fell 
on  my  knees,  and  was  dumb  before  my  God,  whilst 
sorrow  overwhelmed  me ;  in  grief  I  then  came  to 
a  determination  to  seek  the  Lord  with  all  diligence. 
I  arose  and  walked  towards  the  house  and  began  to 
reflect,  that  my  sisters  would  know  how  I  felt,  and 
laugh  at  me ;  therefore  I  washed  my  face  and  ap- 
peared as  cheerful  as  I  could  ;  yet  my  conviction 
was  so  keen  and  pungent,  that  it  was  impossible  for 
me  to  conceal  it  altogether ;  for  like  Nehemiah 
of  old,  my  countenance  was  sad  for  about  one 
week ;  in  which  time  I  had  a  great  sense  of  my 
sins  and  of  the  wrath  of  God  against  the  sinner ; 
which  I  thought  must  soon  tall  on  my  devoted  head, 
because  I  had  sinned  in  so  high  a  degree  against 
the  best  of  beings. 

On  the  Sabbath  following  I  attended  a  meeting 
near  my  lather's.  When  I  retired  to  dress  myself 
for  the  assembly,  my  clothes  looked  too  gay  for  me, 
and  I  said  within  myself,  what  can  all  this  mean — 
formerly  my  clothing  never  used  to  be  half  gay 
enough ;  but  now  I  took  one  handkerchief  after 
another,  and  at  length  said  to  myself,  /  cannot  ap- 
pear  in  the  congregation  before  God  with  any  one 
of  these,  on  which  I  have  wasted  so  much  of  his 
precious  time  in  needless  work  of  stitching  and 
flowering,  of  which  I  now  repent;  for  I  might 
have  improved  that  blood-bought  time  to  better 
purpose.     My  heart  said  truly,  I  am  more  fit  to  be 


16  MEMOIRS    OP 

clothed  with  sackcloth  and  to  sit  down  in  ashes, 
than  to  adorn  this  dying  clay  in  needle  work.  I 
went  to  my  dear  mother  and  asked  her  for  a  plain 
handkerchief.  After  I  was  plainly  attired,  I  went 
forth.  At  first  sight  my  sisters  reproached  me  with 
an  intention  of  becoming  a  quaker.  I  said  nothing, 
but  my  tears  flowed  plentifully,  whilst  inwardly  I 
said,  if  you  could  but  know  what  I  feel  within,  you 
could  not  laugh. 

I  went  to  meeting  with  a  solemn  desire  to  obtain 
religion,  and  was  not  ashamed  to  let  the  world 
know  that  I  wanted  to  become  a  real  Christian  more 
than  I  wanted  all  things  else ;  yea  I  felt  a  resolu- 
tion to  forsake  the  foolish  and  live  to  God  in  the 
way  of  understanding ;  to  turn  to  God  Vvith  full 
purpose  of  heart,  and  seek  the  salvation  of  my  im- 
mortal soul. 

When  I  came  to  the  place  of  worship,  there  was 
nothing  which  took  any  particular  hold  of  my  mind, 
and  my  heart  seemed  to  be  hardened  ;  and  here  the 
enemy  began  to  reason  with  me,  and  took  great  ad- 
vantage of  my  poor  inexperienced  mind,  as  I  was 
very  ignorant  of  all  his  devices,  and  too  ready  to 
believe  his  suggestions  ;  whereby  he  soon  made  me 
ashamed  of  ever  attempting  to  pray  or  say  any  thing 
about  my  having  a  desire  of  religion.  The  follow- 
ing are  some  of  the  reasonings,  which  powerfully 
impressed  my  mind. — Thou  foolish  child  !  why  dost 
thou  think  to  seek  God  now  in  the  days  of  thy 
youth — you  will  thereby  lose  the  best  part  of  your 
cheerful  days — look  at  those  Christians  and  see 
how  melancholy  they  arc — O  how  lonesome  are 
their  lives — they  go  mourning  all  their  days  and 
have  no  pleasure— day  and  night  they  mourn  ! 
What,  said  I,  have  these  Christians  no  pleasure  ? 


Fanny  newell.  IT 

who  then  can  have  pleasure  ?  or  where  can  pleas- 
ure be  found  ]  The  answer  came  to  me  in  the 
form  of  a  question ;  thus,  Have  you  not  felt  more 
miserable  since  you  began  to  seek  the  Lord  tha^r 
you  did  before  you  listened  to  things  of  a  pioufe 
nature?  I  answered  thus  in  my  mind — there 
must  be  a  difference  or  the  Bible  cannot  be  true  ; 
for  yesterday  I  read  of  the  righteous,  that  their 
peace  shall  be  as  a  river — and  of  the  wicked,  that 
there  is  no  peace  to  the  wicked  saith  my  God — 
they  are  like  the  troubled  sea  which  cannot  rest, 
whose  waters  cast  up  mire  and  dirt.  But  stop, 
said  the  enemy,  only  think  how  much  happier  you 
were  when  in  your  merry  circle  than  you  are 
now, — therefore  give  up  all  these  dull  and  awful 
thoughts  of  death  and  eternity.  O,  be  much 
ashamed  for  your  enthusiastic  conduct  and  become 
gay,  pleasant  and  lively,  which  so  much  becomes  a 
youth  like  you. 

Reflections,  thus  rushing  in  like  a  flood,  soon 
overpowered  my  resolutions,  and  I  began  to  hold 
down  my  head  much  chagrined,  and  thought  that 
every  body  knew  just  how  I  felt,  and  what  had  pass- 
ed in  my  mind.  O  how  thoughtless,  said  I  to  my- 
self, I  was  to  come  here  so  meanly  dressed,  for  I 
had  left  some  of  my  former  gaiety  at  home.  I  had 
reasoned  so  long  with  the  enemy  of  all  good  that 
my  heart  was  hardened,  and  I  dropped  all  my  pious 
resolutions  of  seeking  the  Lord  until  a  more  con- 
venient opportunity  ;  doting  on  a  long  life  and  much 
pleasure  in  the  ways  of  sin  and  folly.  O  what  a 
poor  deluded  girl  I  was,  er.snared,  blinded  and  much 
entangled  by  the  gods  of  this  world,  and  did  not  as 
yet  discover  the  deception.  I  went  home  with  a 
wandering  mind,  and  did  not  return  to  the  afternoon 
2* 


18  MEMOIRS     OF 

meeting  because  of  shame  ;  and  the  week  passed 
on  without  my  having  any  very  serious  impres- 
sions ;  nor  did  I  attend  secret  prayer  or  use  any  of 
the  means  of  grace,  while  stupidity  possessed  my 
mind,  till  toward  the  close  of  the  week,  when  the 
time  of  Henry  Martin's  appointment  to  preach 
drew  near,  and  we  expected  him  to  return. 

The  fear  of  man  now  began  to  take  hold  of  me, 
and  I  was  much  troubled  about  how  I  should  meet 
him,  or  what  I  should  say  to  him  ;  for  I  had  prom- 
ised to  pray  in  secret  until  he  returned.  When  the 
day  arrived  that  he  was  to  preach  and  I  was  prepar- 
ing for  meeting,  a  thought  darted  into  my  mind  as 
though  some  one  had  spoken  to  me,  saying,  I  will 
tell  you  how  you  can  let  the  minister  know,  that  you 
have  given  up  seeking  the  Lord  for  the  salvation  of 
your  soul,  without  speaking  a  word.  Take  your 
nubs  and  put  them  into  your  ears  again,  curl  your 
hair,  and  put  on  your  ornaments,  and  he  will  imme- 
diately see  that  you  have  gone  back  to  your  old 
course  again.  Accordingly  I  did  so,  and  thought  I 
should  thereby  escape  the  particular  notice  of  his 
eye. 

In  this  I  was  disappointed  and  much  mistaken  ; 
for  as  soon  as  he  entered  the  room,  he  fixed  his 
eyes  on  me,  and  before  he  spoke  to  any  one  in  the 
room,  he  came  to  me  and  told  me  all  my  heart,  and 
as  I  thought  knew  all  that  had  passed  my  mind  and 
how  I  then  felt — and  truly  his  words  were  not  with- 
out effect,  but  sharp  like  a  sword  they  pierced  my 
heart  to  the  quick,  and  I  began  to  tremble  as  though 
limb  by  limb  all  would  fall  from  my  body.  Once 
more  I  dared  to  hft  a  desire  to  God  for  mercy,  and 
said  in  my  heart,  0  most  merciful  God !  if  thou  wilt 
give  me  strength  to  rise  once  more  from  my  seat. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  19 

and  spare  my  life  to  retire,  I  will  go  to  my  bed 
room,  and  if  I  am  now  to  die,  I  have  a  desire  there 
to  die  upon  my  knees  in  preference  to  any  other 
position.  As  soon  as  he  had  done  speaking  to  me, 
I  arose  and  passed  through  the  kitchen,  where  the 
people  had  began  to  assemble  for  meeting — the 
dread  of  Jehovah  had  taken  away  any  fear  of  the 
people  ;  for  as  I  passed  through  the  room  I  took 
down  a  pair  of  shears,  and  cut  off  the  curls  which 
I  had  made  in  my  hair,  and  threw  them  into  the 
fire  in  sight  of  the  people,  and  retiring  to  my  bed 
room,  fell  on  my  knees  and  begged  for  mercy,  and 
soon  I  wet  my  handkerchief  so  that  I  could  have 
wrung  out  water.  It  was  now  time  for  meeting. 
I  spread  my  wet  handkerchief  to  dry,  took  another 
and  went  to  meeting,  and  never  did  I  experience 
such  a  scene  before — every  thing  which  I  had  ever 
done  that  was  wrong  appeared  to  pass  before  me — 
and  I  could  heartily  say  with  the  poet, 

"  O  let  me  weep  my  life  away, 
"  For  having  grieved  thy  love." 

I  viewed  myself  a  wretched  undone  sinner,  hair 
hung  and  breeze  shaken  over  the  gulf  of  ruin, 
and  feared  greatly  that  mercy  was  clean  gone — 
forever  gone,  and  nothing  remained  for  me  but 
to  drop  into  the  "  lake  where  the  worm  dieth  not 
and  the  fire  is  not  quenched."  Nevertheless,  my 
cry  was,  O  Lord,  have  mercy  on  a  rebel  like  me — 
one  of  the  vilest  of  the  vile. 

"  O  !  cast  a  pitying  look,  all  goodness  as  thou  art, 
'-'  Like  that  which  faithless  Peter's  broke,  on  my  obdurate 
heart. 

At  the  close  of  the  meeting,  when  the  last  prayer 


20  MEMOIRS    OP 

was  made,  I  rose  from  my  seat  and  fell  on  my 
knees,  and  I  was  not  ashamed  to  tell  the  world 
now,  that  I  had  a  renewed  desire  to  seek  true  re- 
ligion at  the  loss  of  all  things  else  in  the  world, 
although  my  case  appeared  to  me  to  be  desperate. 
From  this  time  June,  1S08,  until  October  following, 
I  continued  to  plead  to  the  most  merciful  God  to 
show  pity,  and  pardon  a  repenting  sinner.  No 
tongue  can  describe,  or  language  paint  the  feelings 
of  my  mind  during  these  sorrowful  months.  Hop- 
ing that  the  candid  reader  of  these  lines  may  gain 
some  benefit,  I  will  attempt  to  note  down  some  of 
them.  Filled  with  sorrow,  I  went  mourning  day 
after  day,  night  after  night,  and  month  after  month* 
while  every  thing  around,  wherever  I  turned  my 
eye,  seemed  to  be  dressed  in  mourning  on  my  ac- 
count. I  read  my  Bible — but  it  all  was  dark — 
to  me  it  was  a  sealed  book. 

It  was  my  constant  practice  to  retire,  when  the 
weather  would  admit,  between  sunset  and  dark  to 
the  lonely  field,  where  I  might  be  alone  before  God, 
where  I  might  not  be  interrupted  while  pouring  out 
my  tears  and  prayers  into  the  bosom  of  my  compas- 
sionate Redeemer.  And  very  frequently  I  would  stay 
and  wrestle  in  prayer  until  a  very  late  hour  of  the 
night ;  yet  I  found  no  relief.  Thus  I  wandered,  day 
after  day,  with  increasing  sorrows.  Often  I  was  temp- 
ted to  leave  my  father's  house  and  wander  to  some 
lonely  desert,  and  there  let  hunger  take  away  my 
miserable  life  ;  thinking  it  would  be  better  thus  to 
end  my  days  than  to  destroy  myself  in  any  other 
way.  It  is  of  the  Lord's  mercy  that  I  am  alive. 
Often  I  would  look  on  the  happy  birds  of  the  air, 
and  say,  0  ye  fowls  of  the  wood !  lend  me  your 
wings  that  I  may  fly  to  the  utmost  bounds  of  ere- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  21 

ation   and  hide  myself  from  the  sight  of  all  living — ■ 

0  that  I  could  be  hid  from  the  face  of  him,  who  sittelh 
on  the  throne,  and  from  the  wrath  of  the  Lamb. — ■ 
But  these  words  came  to  my  mind — if  you  go  to  the 
utmost  parts  of  the  earth,  behold  he  is  there!  if  you 
make  your  bed  in  hell,  his  justice  will  find  you  there  ! 
Alas !  what  shall  I  do,  or  where  shall  I  jflee  ;  I 
am  like  a  bird  chased  ;  I  fear  that  my  maker  is  my 
enemy. — I  know  that  vengeance  belongeth  to  God : 
— my  terror  is  lest  his  indignation  should  fall  on 
my  head.  I  see  the  axe  is  laid  at  the  root  of  my 
tree,  and  the  voice  of  justice  is,"  cut  it  down,  why 
cumbereth  it  the  ground."!  have  had  a  day  of  grace 
and  space  for  repentance  but  I  improved  it  not  ; 
and  I  cannot  find  mercy  although  I  seek  it  care- 
fully with  tears. 

The  next  day  was  a  sorrowful  day  to  me.  I  read 
the  holy  Bible  but  could  not  find  one  passage  for  my 
encouragement — all  seemed  to  be  against  me,  and 
so  terrifying — that  I  laid  the  sacred  pages  by  and 
cried  ;  O  that  I  had  some  one  who  was  capable  of 
speaking  to  me  on  things  of  eternal  worth,  into 
whose  compassionate  heart  I  could  pour  my  in- 
creasing sorrows.  At  length  the  sable  curtain  of 
the  evening  began  to  spread  its  dismal  shadow,, 
and  tears  began  to  rise  in  my  mind  about  retir- 
ing into  the  fields  for  devotion,  as  I  had  formerly 
done  ;  lest  satan  should  destroy  me — But  a  thought 
rushed  into  my  mind,  take  the  Bible — that  is  God^s 
holy  word  and  satan  cannot  touch  you  whilst  you 
hold  that.  Accordingly  I  took  the  holy  treasure, 
and  went  before  the  light  of  day  was  wholly  gone, 
and  as  I  walked  along,  it  appeared  plain  to  me  that 
two  spirits  went  with  me,  one  before,  and  the  other  be- 
hind ; — the  one  before  had  cords  in  his  hands,  which 

1  thought  were  fastened  in  my  heart  and  drew  me 


22  MEMOIRS    OF 

towards  him.  This  was  so  affecting  to  me  that  I 
cried  aloud,  Lord.,  have  mercy  on  me !  for  I  thought 
it  was  my  Saviour,  and  that  in  this  way  he  was 
holding  me  from  the  power  of  the  adversary,  who 
was  just  behind,  ready  to  tear  me  in  pieces — with 
his  cruel  arms  extended  on  either  side,  ready  to 
clasp  me  in  as  I  walked  along ;  which  caused  me 
often  to  start  quick  as  if  to  shun  his  grasp,  and  look- 
ing round  expecting  to  see  his  horrid  shape.  In 
this  way  I  came  to  a  lonesome  spot,  quite  retired, 
and  there  resolved  to  sit  down,  and  meditate  on  my 
situation. 

I  opened  my  Bible  and  read  in  Luke  xiv.  31. 
"  What  king,  going  to  make  war  against  another 
king,  sitteth  not  down  first  and  consulteth,  whether 
he  be  able  with  ten  thousand,  to  meet  him  that  Com- 
eth against  him  with  twenty  thousand  ?"  Now  I 
was  ready  to  say,  I  am  not  able — I  am  a  reprobate, 
and  may  as  well  give  up  all  for  lost  as  not — and  for 
some  time  I  was  on  the  brink  of  despair,  and  could 
neither  pray  nor  read. 

When  I  returned  to  the  house,  I  was  much  sur- 
prised to  find  the  people  waiting  for  me,  seeing  it 
was  so  late  an  hour.  I  requested  the  privilege  of 
lodging  alone,  and  as  soon  as  I  had  retired,  I  again, 
prostrate  by  the  side  of  my  bed,  renewed  my  peti- 
tions for  the  least  drop  of  mercy  from  the  throne 
of  a  just  and  holy  God,  for  the  alone  merits  of  the 
adorable  Saviour;  yet  I  found  no  relief  in  my 
mind.  Being  very  considerably  fatigued,  I  threw 
myself  across  the  top  of  the  bed,  and  had  the  fol- 
lowing view.  It  appeared  to  me  as  though  there 
was  no  roof  on  the  house,  but  like  Abraham  of  old" 
I  was  brought  out  under  the  open  firmament  with 
the  penetrating  eye  of  Jehovah  upon  me,  and  de^ 


FANNY    NEWELL.  23 

mons  around  me  ready  to  carry  me  to  the  dismal 
abodes  of  the  damned.  What  language  can  paint 
the  dismal  state  of  my  distressed  mind — every 
nerve  vv^as  convulsed  in  the  midst  of  that /ear  which 
hath  torment.  Here  I  was  plunged,  hanging  only 
by  one  small  thread,  and  that  too  almost  fretted  off, 
whilst  my  language  was,  O  my  sins,  my  cruel  sins, 
what  have  you  done  1  will  Satan  have  my  captive 
soul  at  last — must  I  interment  dwell?  Suddenly 
my  chamber  appeared  as  light  as  day,  and  I  saw  a 
man  hanging  on  a  cross,  and  it  immediately  came 
into  my  mind,  that  it  was  Jesus  who  died  for  me. 
His  head  was  inclining  to  one  shoulder  and  turned 
from  me,  as  though  he  saw  me  not. — I  waited — and 
longed  that  he  would  cast  one  pitying  look  on  me, 
and  speak  peace  to  my  troubled  soul.  But  0  ! 
my  grief  there  is  none  can  tell. — He  turned  his 
head  and  fixed  his  eyes  on  me  with  a  frown,  as 
though  he  had  cast  me  off  for  ever.  I  cried  out, 
I  am  damned  !  I  am  damned  !  I  am  forever  gone  ! 
Language  can  never  describe  my  feelings.  I  veri- 
ly thought  myself  amongst  the  infernal  crew,  where 
they  were  blaspheming  the  name  of  the  most  high 
God.  But  I  could  not  join  them,  nor  even  blame 
my  Maker  for  casting  me  off;  for  I  said,  it  is  just. 
Here  I  had  such  a  view  of  the  justice  of  God 
in  my  condemnation,  that  I  said  with  the  Apostle, 
"  Every  mouth  shall  be  stopped  and  all  the  world 
become  guilty  before  God."  I  knew  that  I  was 
guilty  and  deserved  death — but  where  to  look  or 
which  way  to  fly  for  help  I  knew  not — I  could  only 
exclaim  against  myself  When  I  first  came  to 
leaHze  where  I  w^s,  these  words  were  in  my  mind ; 

"  How  can  a  lost  sinner  in  pain,  * 

Recover  his  I'orleited  peace  ; 


24  MEMOIRS    OF 

Will  Mercy  itself  bo  so  kind, 
As  to  give  him  a  happy  release  ?" 

I  immediately  left  the  bed  for  my  knees — but  was 
dumb,  and  despair  pressed  me  down  like  a  weight 
of  lead.  "  S 

Daylight  once  more  appeared,  yet  brought  noth- 
ing pleasing  to  me.  It  looked  more  gloomy  to 
me  than  the  dark  night  and  rolling  tempest ;  yea, 
every  thing  wore  a  melancholy  aspect.  My  food 
became  unpleasant  and  bitter.  I  mingled  my  drink 
with  weeping.  Day  after  day  passed  on  whilst  I 
remained  in  this  lonely  state  of  mind.  I  was  often 
tempted  to  destroy  my  own  hfe,  while  sleep  de- 
parted from  me,  and  I  could  do  but  htde  work. 
My  flesh  wasted  from  my  bones  as  fast  as  though 
I  had  been  sick  with  a  disease. 

When  I  read  my  Bible,  it  was  most  plain  and 
evident  that  a  sinner  must  be  born  again — or 
never  see  the  kingdom  of  God  ;  yet  I  argued,  this 
new  birth  is  not  for  me — I  am  certainly  a  reprobate, 
and  my  dwelling  must  be  with  everlasting  burnings. 

I  sought  God  daily  in  his  word, 

But  him  I  could  not  have  ; 
I  called  and  cried,  my  love,  my  Lord, 

But  he  no  answer  gave. 

One  day  in  my  lonely  retirement,  seeking  a  se- 
questered spot  for  reading,  meditation  and  prayer, 
I  began  to  search  the  inspired  page  in  order  to  find 
how  justification  comes  ;  for  I  thought  I  had  not 
sought  aright,  or  I  should  have  found  the  Lord  to 
the  joy  and  peace  of  my  mind  before  now.  I 
clearly  saw  it  was  by  faith,  as  saith  ,  the  Apostle, 
"  By  grace  are  ye  saved  though  faith  and  that  not 
of  yourselves— it  is  the  gift  of  God"     Again,  "  all 


FANJHy    NEWELL.  35 

men  have  not  faith."  I  argued,  faith  is  the  gift 
of  God,  and  I  am  one  of  them  from  whom  God  has 
v»ithho]den  this  blessing,  and  yet  I  was  conscious  that 
it  wassomethingwhich  I  must  have,or  never  be  justifi- 
ed before  God  ;  seeing  the  "jws/"  Hve  by  faith.  Here 
many  passages  of  Scripture  came  to  my  mind  with 
great  sweetness,  hght  and  power — such  as  these ; 
"  Dost  thou  beheve  that  I  am  able  to  do  this  ?" 
"If  thou  canst  believe,  all  things  are  possible  to 
them  who  believe."  "  Believe  on  the  Son  of  God 
and  thou  shalt  be  saved."  "  Only  beheve,  and 
thou  shalt  he  made  whole."  Here  I,  like  one  of 
old,  with  tears  fell  down,  saying,  "  Lord  I  believe, 
help  thou  my  unbelief."  I  kneeled  down — I  was 
lost  to  all  around  for  some  time,  and  whether  I  fell 
asleep  through  weakness  of  bodily  infirmity  and 
want  of  rest,  or  not,  I  cannot  tell,  but  when  I  came  to 
myself,  I  was  on  my  feet  praising  the  Lord  in  the 
poet's  words. 

"O  for  a  trumpet's  \oice 
On  all  the  v/orld  to  call, 
And  bid  their  hearts  rejoice 
In  Htm,  who  died  for  all." 

The  wide  creation  appeared  to  be  charming  me 
with  pleasant  scenes,  whilst  even  the  little  birds 
united  with  me  in  praises  to  God, 

In  the  midst  of  these  ecstacies,  suddenly  and 
unexpectedly  I  was  stopped  by  a  voice,  that  seemed 
to  utter  the  following  words;  "What!  are  you 
praising  God  ?  even  that  God  who  cannot  look  upon 
sin  with  the  least  allowance — the  demons  themselves 
might  as  well  praise  him.  Do  you  know  what  you 
are  praising  him  for?  You  had  better  wait  until 
your  sins  are  forgiven.  You  have  committed  the 
3 


26  MEMOIRS   OP 

unpardonable  sin,  and  Satan  is  sure  of  you  now, 
and  you  had  better  give  over  all  use  of  the  means  of 
grace, — what  benefit  will  they  bring  to  you  1 — they 
will  only  add  to  your  condemnation,  and  increase 
your  torment."  These  things  rolled  down  upon 
me,  and  passing  through  my  mind,  gave  me  an 
awful  shock,  damped  all  my  former  desires,  whilst 
stupidity  prevailed  over  my  mind,  and  I  returned  to 
the  house  with  my  heart  apparently  hard  and  unfeel- 
ing. During  several  days  my  mind  remained  in 
much  the  same  state  of  preponderance  in  favor  of 
giving  my  soul  up  for  lost. 

At  this  critical  period,  that  ever  to  be  remembered, 
Henry  Martin,  my  dear  father  in  the  Gospel,  came 
to  my  father's  house.  His  anxiety  for  my  ever- 
lasting and  best  good  was  the  same  as  formerly ; 
and  when  I  had  related  to  him  the  state  of  my  mind, 
he  used  all  his  energies  to  remove  me  from  my 
errors,  and  instruct  me  in  the  good  and  right  way. 
On  that  same  day  he  had  an  appointment  at  about 
two  miles  distance.  He  requested  me  to  go  with 
him  to  meeting.  I  told  him  I  had  rather  not,  for  I 
was  upon  the  point  of  giving  up  all  means  of  grace, 
nor  could  I  consent  to  attend  any  more  meetings, 
lest  it  should  increase  my  misery,  and  make  my 
torment  so  much  the  greater  when  I  should  have  to 
take  up  my  lodging  in  the  horrible  place,  where  the 
worm  dieth  not,  and  the  fire  is  not  quenched.  But 
that  dear  servant  of  the  Lord  felt  too  much  interest 
in  the  salvation  of  my  soul  to  give  me  up.  He 
answered  my  arguments,  removed  all  my  objections 
and  excuses,  until  at  length  I  yielded  to  his  request 
and  consented  to  go.  As  I  mounted  my  horse  and 
turned  to  ride  off,  I  cried  in  my  heart,  O !  that  I 
may  never  return  to  this  place  in  the  same  spirit 


PANNY  NEWELL.  27 

that  I  leave  it.  0!  for  an  alteration,  better  or 
worse, — O  Lord !  better  or  worse,  let  me  know  the 
worst  of  my  case ; — and  my  prayer  was  not  alone ; 
for  I  believe  that  dear,  faithful  servant  of  God, 
prayed  at  every  breath  and  every  step  he  took. 
Sometimes  he  would  drop  a  word  of  encouragement 
in  hopes  to  administer  some  relief  to  me ;  but 
nothing  seemed  to  reach  my  poor  desponding  heart. 
Words  such  as  the  following  would  thrill  through 
my  mind  like  electricity — "  you  will  be  damned — 
hell  is  your  portion,  and  thither  you  must  go." 
Thus  through  the  thick,  dark,  and  dismal  cloud  I 
waded  and  waded,  where  there  was  not  a  single  star 
to  give  the  least  glimmer  of  light,  and  it  appeared  to 
me,  that  I  should  be  carried  down  in  the  whirpool  of 
despair. 

At  length  we  arrived  at  the  place  of  meeting,  but 
my  mind  was  so  deeply  exercised,  that  I  could  not 
tell  how  or  what  was  preached ;  nevertheless  a  con- 
stant cry  for  mercy  filled  my  mind.  I  inquired,  O 
Lord  Jesus,  thou  Saviour  of  fallen  man,  didst  thou 
pour  out  thy  blood  in  sacrifice  for  me,  and  wilt  thou 
not  permit  me  to  wash  in  that  fountain  and  be  clean  ? 
Truly  my  soul  was  in  agonies  for  pardoning  mercy 
— only  one  gracious  drop  of  his  most  precious  blood 
would  heal  my  soul. 

One  dark  hour  more  did  I  sustain, 
And  then  the  night  was  past ; 
Though  I  had  sought  so  long  in  vain, 
I  found  the  Lord  at  last. 

Here  I  shall  relate  some  of  my  views  with  the 
hope  of  benefitting  those  into  whose  hands  these 
lines  may  happen  to  be  cast.  Whilst  I  sat  under 
preaching  my  desire  for  salvation  increased  greatly. 


^O  MEMOIRS    OF 

After  sermon  I  had  an  impression  to  rise  and  request 
prayer  particularly  for  me,  hoping  that  God  would 
hear  his  people  in  my  behalf,  but  I  did  not  then. 
It  then  came  with  distress  to  my  heart,  "  Your  dam- 
nation is  sealed;"  which  so  affected  me,  that  I 
trembled  like  a  leaf  in  the  wind.  At  length  my 
limbs  were  so  stiff  that  I  could  not  bend  them,  and 
my  tongue  was  stiff  in  my  mouth,  and  I  verily 
thought  I  was  dying,  and  should  be  damned. 
Reader,  judge  if  you  can,  what  I  then  felt !  But  if 
you  have  never  experienced  a  like  state  of  despair, 
it  is  impossible  for  you  to  form  a  just  conception  of 
mine. 

My  situation  was  soon  discovered  by  the  people  ; 
for  being  asked  by  a  Mrs.  Densmore,  if  I  was  not 
going  home,  as  some  of  the  people  had  gone  out,  I 
could  not  answer  her  ;  whereupon  the  preacher 
came  to  me  and  began  to  inquire  after  my  mind  ; 
but  he  saw  my  condition  and  called  to  the  people  of 
God  to  come  back  and  join  in  prayer  for  my  poor 
soul.  He  then  said  to  me,  "  If  you  will  kneel 
down  with  us,  we  will  all  try  to  pray  for  you."  I 
thought  if  the  Lord  would  condescend  to  give  me 
strength  to  kneel  once  more  that  I  might  die  upon 
my  knees,  it  was  all  that  I  asked.  He  did  so  ;  and 
as  I  kneeled  down  these  words  came  to  me  as 
though  some  one  had  spoken  them  to  me,  and  I 
know  not  but  they  were  spoken  by  some  one  present. 

"Renounce  the  world,  the  flesh  and  devil, 
You  sliall  have  pardon,  peace  and  Heaven^ 

Immediately  I  was  lost  to  all  that  was  around  me, 
and  the  exercise  of  my  mind  was  such,  that  if 
prayer  was  made  for  me,  I  knew  it  not ;  for  when 
the  above  words  "  Renounce,"  &c.  came  to  me. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  29 

the  mighty  struggle  of  my  mind  cannot  be  told.  I 
asked,  How  can  I  renounce  the  world  ? — for  in- 
deed I  thought  I  had ;  but  it  came  to  me  thus,  If 
God  should  now  convert  your  soul,  would  you  ever 
after  lead  a  new  life,  allowing  you  should  live  twen- 
ty years  l  JVo,  you  cannot — you  would  soon  turn 
to  the  beggarly  elements  of  the  world  :  therefore 
you  had  better  curse  God  and  die  ;  for  he  is  an  hard 
master,  requiring  hard  things  of  his  creatures.  On- 
ly think  you  have  been  asking,  pleading,  and  beg- 
ging for  six  long  months,  and  the  Lord  has  given 
you  no  tokens  of  favour  ;  you  have  had  nothing  but 
tribulation,  anguish  and  keen  distress — give  up  this 
very  moment — do  not  ask  once  more.  To  this  my 
groaning  heart  said.  How  can  I  give  up  willingly  to 
be  destroyed  ? — I  must,  I  will  plead  for  mercy,  un- 
til the  brittle  thread  of  life  is  worn  off  and  cut  asun- 
der !  Yet  the  shrill  voice  of  the  enemy  cried  con- 
tinually through  my  mind,  "  There  is  no  mercy  for 
you."  But  these  things  only  served  to  make  me 
cry  the  more  earnestly,  with  all  my  might,  like  poor 
blind  Bartimeus  of  old,  "  Jesus,  thou  son  of  David, 
have  mercy  on  me."  Like  Abraham,  I  was  now 
surrounded  with  a  body  of  darkness — enveloped  in 
blackness  of  darkness  and  an  horrible  gloom.  It 
appeared  to  me  that  this  was  the  last  time  I  should 
ever  have  to  ask  for  mercy ;  and  I  feared  that  what 
I  then  felt  was  only  a  faint  glimmer  of  what  I  should 
soon  feel. 

O  how  near  I  passed  to  that  dreadful  gulf.  T 
tremble  whilst  I  write.  I  am  truly  a  brand  plucked 
out  of  the  burning.  Through  the  cloud  of  darkness 
that  surrounded  me,  I  saw  a  small  ray  of  light,  and 
my  eyes  seemed  fixed  upon  it.  This  light  increas- 
ed, until  at  length  it  appeared  as  large  as  the  blaze 
3* 


so  MEMOIRS    OF 

of  a  candle,  only  differing  in  color.  Then  I  saw 
the  appearance  of  a  man,  and  then  the  darkness 
which  had  surrounded  me  withdrew  and  stood  in  a 
body  before  me  ;  which  I  thought  to  be  my  sins, 
and  they  appeared  like  mountains  piled  on  moun- 
tains, and  that  the  man  who  presented  himself  to  my 
view  was  Christ  ;  and  that  he  was  about  to  utter 
an  awful  sentence  against  me,  and  command  my 
sins  to  roll  upon  me,  and  crush  me  down  to  ever- 
lasting ruin.  There  hkewise  appeared  to  be  de- 
mons, waiting  to  drag  my  poor  soul  down  to  the 
bottomless  pit.  I  cried,  Doomed  I  am  justly — 
doomed  I  am  justly — 0  have  mercy  on  a  poor  hell- 
deserving  sinner !  That  kind  Saviour,  whose  name 
is  mercy  and  whose  nature  is  love,  replied,  "  Give 
me  your  heart ;"  to  which  I  answered  with  all  my 
energy,  Lord,  I  freely  give  up  every  thing,  and  my 
heart,  my  wicked  heart  too.  In  a  few  moments  he 
smiled  and  said,  "  I  have  taken  thy  sins  away  and 
put  them  upon  the  head  of  the  scape-goat,  and  sepa- 
rated them  from  thee,  as  far  as  the  east  is  from  the 
west."  Immediately  my  burden  was  gone,  and  I 
felt  something  in  my  heart  like  a  burning  fire,  at 
which  I  cried  out.  What  does  all  this  mean  1  and 
these  words  came  to  my  mind — "  I  will  set  upon 
you  like  a  refiner's  fire."  I  sunk  down,  like  gold 
separated  from  the  dross  running  into  a  body  pure 
and  clean — my  distress  was  gone  and  all  was  calm 
and  serene — but  no  joy !  I  cried,  O  Lord  !  can  it 
be  possible  that  such  a  rebel  as  I  have  been  can  be 
pardoned  ?  if  so,  be  pleased  in  infinite  mercy  to  give 
me  an  evidence  of  it.  Soon  my  empty  hollow 
heart  was  filled  with  love  and  joy  unspeakable, 
which  flowed  through  all  the  powers  of  my  soul  and 
body  too.      I  was  then  made  perfectly  sensible 


FANNY    NEWELL.  31 

where  I  was  and  what  was  around  me.  I  arose 
and  praised  my  God  with  all  my  powers  of  soul 
and  body — yes,  I  verily  believe,  that  if  any  creature 
on  earth  ever  loved  and  praised  God,  and  knew  that 
it  was  happy,  I  was  that  happy  soul. 

"Without  one  doubt  my  soul  could  tell, 
That  Jesus  had  done  all  things  well." 

When  I  kneeled  down  it  was  about  sunset,  and 
when  I  arose  from  my  humble  posture  it  was  about 
midnight.  Thus  I  continued  for  hours  in  the  low 
vale  of  sorrow,  prostrate  before  the  Lord,  until  he 
was  pleased  to  show  me  mercy,  and  I  had  experien- 
ced a  pardon  of  all  my  sins. 

"  Through  deep  distress 
My  Saviour  led  me  on, 
And  shew'd  his  love  to  me, 
When  all  my  hopes  were  gone." 

This  truly  was  a  happy  night  to  me,  every  thing  ap- 
peared new  and  glorious.  It  being  late  I  concluded 
to  tarry  all  night,  and  being  much  exhausted  and 
worn  out  by  mental  exercises,  I  retired  to  rest, — 
like  an  infant  upon  the  bosom  of  its  parent,  I  slept 
on  the  bosom  of  my  Redeemer  !  ! 

I  was  awake  early,  and  retired  in  order  to  pour  out 
my  soul  in  prayer  and  praise  to  my  Heavenly  Father; 
as  I  went  forth,  every  thing  presented  to  me  new 
scenes  of  beauty  and  grandeur.  O  how  pleasant 
the  morning  light,  and  how  strangely  differing  from 
the  morning  before,  when  dismal  grief  sat  brooding 
on  creation  ;  but  now  I  cast  my  eyes  around, —  1 
was  lost  in  wonder — I  would  stop  and  even  feel 
myself,  saying,  "  whereas  there  was  no  soundness 
in  my  flesh,  now  I  am  made  all  over  new — I  am  no 


3:3  MEMOIRS    OF 

more  full  of  wounds  and  bruises  and  putrifying 
sores,  that  run  in  the  night — no  leprosy  now  is  found 
on  me — 1  am  like  Naaman  of  old,  who  dipped 
himself  seven  times  in  Jordan — yea  I  am  made  all 
over  new — I  am  perfectly  whole — ray  flesh  and 
my  heart  are  hke  a  litde  child's— now  1  can  go  and 
have  access  to  my  Heavenly  Father  with  sweet 
communion.  I  shall  never  forget  the  petition  which 
I  asked  while  wrapped  in  visions  of  glory  at  the 
throne  of  Grace, — ever  to  be  kept  by  his  holy  arm 
€>f  power  from  all  sin,  and  to  strengthen  me  with 
bis  might,  in  which  I  might  travel 

"All  thelcngtih  of  the  celestial  road 
To  sec  and  praise  my  God." 

The  fowls  of  the  barn  flocked  round  me,  tuning 
their  shrill  voices,  and  as  I  then  thought,  joined  with 
all  creation  to  praise  my  Lord  for  what  he  had  done 
for  my  poor  soul. 

I  returned  to  the  house  and  sat  down  to  our  morn- 
ing repast,  and  such  a  sweet  meal  T  never  eat  before. 
It  was  spiced  with  grace,  and  perfumed  with  the 
love&f  God.  I  parted  with  the  endeared  family  in 
which  I  had  spent  the  night,  and  in  company  with 
a  sister  Densmore,  and  an  aunt  Bacon,  went  on  my 
happy  journey  towards  my  father's  house.  We 
were  a  happy  company — all  of  us  were  new-born 
souls,  just  set  out  on  our  pilgrimage,  journeying  to  the 
promised  possession,  and  but  a  lev/  hours  since  we 
had  breathed  the  vital  air — born  from  on  high — 
born  of  the  Spirit,  and  bound  for  bright  glory.  Like 
the  inhabitants  ^Zion  we  sang  praises  to  God, 
and  talked  of  his  goodness  as  we  passed  along  in 
the  highway,  wondering  and  wondering  that  the 
Lord  should  be  so  kind  as  to  regard  such  worms 


FANNY    NEWELL.  i>6 

of  the  dust,  and  inspire  them  to  praise   his  holy 
name. 

At  length  we  arrived,  and  my  mother  met  me  at 
the  gate,  saying  "  my  child,  what  made  you  stay  all 
night  ^"  To  which  I  replied,  dear  mother,  we  have 
had  a  glorious  shaking  amongst  the  dry  bones.  We 
went  into  the  house,  and  I  began  to  tell  what  the 
Lord  had  done  for  my  soul,  and  we  had  a  weeping 
and  a  rejoicing  time  together.  Soon  after  my  dear 
father  came  in  from  the  field,  when  we  sung  a  hymn 
and  all  joined  in  humble  prostration  at  the  throne  of 
grace,  to  render  thanks  to  Almighty  God  for  the 
great  things  which  he  had  done  for  me.  My  father 
prayed,  and  then  1  for  the  first  time  opened  my 
mouth  in  public.  0  !  what  an  heavenly  time — this 
ever  memorable  morning  was  a  season  of  joy  and 
thanksgiving— tmly  we  rejoiced  with  the  "fatted 
calf,"  and  like  them  of  old  our  language  was,  "  the 
dead  is  alive^  and  the  lost  is  found,  and  it  is  meet 
that  we  should  be  glad  and  rejoice." 

As  soon  as  our  raptures  were  a  little  subsided  I 
retired  into  the  garden,  and  orchard;  and  was 
struck  with  new  wonder  by  every  thing  I  saw,  and 
rejoiced  in  all  the  works  of  God's  skilful  hand  ;  but 
most  of  all  that  he  had  taken  my  feet  from  that  hor- 
rible pit  and  miry  clay,  into  which  sin  had  cast  me, 
and  had  placed  me,  and  established  my  feet  on  the 
rock  of  ages,  and  had  put  a  new  song  into  my 
mouth,  even  praises  to  his  holy  name.  I  cried  out, 
can  this  be  the  same  field  that  I  used  to  travel — is 
this  the  same  farm — are  these  the  same  buildings  ? 
They  must  be  the  same,  but  they  are  changed. 
"Ah!  no,  no!"  was  the  answer,  "the  change 
is  in  yourself — bringing  with  it  a  new  evidence 
that  I  was  born  of  God.     I  also  visited  those  lonely 


S4  MEMOIRS    Of* 

spots,  where  in  the  days  of  my  mourning,  far  from 
human  eye,  I  used  to  vent  my  sighs,  and  make  my 
complaints ;  and  it  appeared  as  if  these  all  shone 
with  lustre  unbounded.  I  leaped — I  walked — I 
rejoiced  that  my  sorrows  were  turned  into  joy — yea 
I  was  mounted  on  the  wings  of  an  eagle — almost 
like  Paul  I  could  say,  "Whether  in  the  body  or  not 
I  cannot  tell,  but  this  one  thing  I  will  do,  forgetting 
the  things  that  are  behind,  I  will  press  forward  to- 
ward the  mark  of  the  high  calling  of  God,  which  is 
in  Christ  Jesus." 

I  returned  to  the  house  with  a  glad  and  a  light 
heart,  and  my  body  was  as  light  as  my  heart.  Borne 
on  the  wings  of  faith  and  love,  my  raptured  soul 
was  filled.  On  opening  the  Bible  I  read  the  fif- 
teenth chapter  of  St  John's  gospel  of  our  divine 
Lord,  beginning  thus,  "I  am  me  true  vine,  ye  are 
the  branches."  Such  a  relish  for  the  word  of  God 
I  never  had  before  experienced — such  light  and 
heavenly  understanding  of  the  word.  I  could  say 
with  Hezekiah,  "  Good  is  the  word  of  the  Lord." 
Very  often  these  words  would  flow  through  my 
peaceful  mind ; 

"  O  wond'rous  grace  ! 

O  boundless  love  ! 

How  deep  the  mystery  lies." 

At  length  the  day  passed,  and  the  night  for  rest 
appeared.  I  slept,  and  I  awoke,  and  found  my 
kind  Preserver  near ;  neither  had  I  slept  away  my 
peace,  for  it  was  like  an  overflowing  stream,  rising 
higher  and  higher ;  and  when  I  went  to  my  work, 
it  was  not  a  burden  as  in  months  past.  Da^  after 
day  passed  ^nd  I  could  say  with  the  poet ; 


FANNY    NEWELL.  35 

"  Not  a  cloud  did  arise 
To  darken  my  skies, 
Or  hide  for  a  moment 
My  Lord  from  my  eyes." 

All  was  calm,  and  joy,  and  peace,  nor  could  I  remain 
silent — and  no  one,  who  had  been  acquainted  with 
my  situation  in  the  months  just  passed,  wondered  to 
hear  me  speak  in  a  cause  so  good  as  that  of  relig- 
ion, pure  and  undefiled  ;  for  I  was  taken  from  the 
low  dungeon  of  despair,  and  brought  into  the  liberty 
of  the  sons  of  God.  I  had  been  like  one  con- 
demned to  death,  and  sentenced  to  be  hanged,  who 
had  received  a  pardon,  and  was  restored  to  his  life, 
and  his  friends,  and  more  abundant  mercy.  I  was 
raised  from  the  gates  of  an  eternal  hell,  where  the 
worm  dieth  not,  and  the  lire  is  not  quenched,  and 
placed  where  I  could  rejoice  in  hope  of  eternal  rest 
at  God's  right  hand.  O  glory,  glory  be  to  God  who 
reigns  on  high ! 

Sabbath,  October,  1808. 
I  went  to  meeting  in  what  is  called  the  Pond  Set- 
tlement, and  had  a  glorious  waiting  upon  the  Lord. 
It  was  the  first  Sabbath  that  I  had  really  lived  upon 
the  earth.     I  could  say  these  words  in  sincerity ; 

"0  that  I  could  all  invite 

This  saving  truth  to  prove, 

And  show  the  length,  and  breadth,  and  height, 

And  depth  of  Jesus'  love." 

On  the  next  Sabbath  the  meeting  was  holden  near 
my  father's,  and  it  was  a  good  meeting  to  me.  It 
was  the  first  time  of  my  having  the  privilege  of  tell- 
ing my  young  friends  what  the  Lord  had  done  for 
my  soul,  m  a  public  congregation,  since  1  had  found 


36  MEMOIRS    OF 

deliverance  ;  and  a  most  memorable  time  it  was— 
tears  of  joy  and  grief  floAved  in  abundance,  whilst 
the  saints  of  God  rejoiced,  and  sinners  were  cut  to 
the  heart — while  I  could  only  say,  "  Glory  to  God 
in  the  highest,  peace  on  earth,  and  good  will  towards 
poor  guilty  man !"  For  my  soul  was  full  of  glory, 
neither  was  my  joy  confined  here.  From  day 
to  day  I  went  on  rejoicing  in  God  my  Saviour^ 
and  was  prepared  to  say,  "  0  Lord !  thy  word  is 
truth  indeed ; — thy  yoke  is  easy,  and  thy  burden  is 
light." 

I  was  soon  pressed,  by  a  sense  of  duty,  to  join 
the  people  of  God,  and  was  willing  to  be  a  poor 
despised  Methodist ;  and  as  soon  as  I  had  an  op- 
portunity I  embraced  it,  and  joined  the  class  in  Sid- 
ney, of  which  my  father  was  the  leader.  Many 
were  the  solemn  reflections  which  passed  through 
my  mind  on  being  received  into  the  bosom  of  the 
church — to  be  a  living  branch  of  that  living  vine — 
bringing  forth  fruit  to  the  honor  and  glory  of  God 
was  my  only  desire,  and  only  aim  and  constant 
prayer. 

I  retired  after  the  meeting  was  closed,  and  prayed 
earnestly  to  the  Lord,  that  he  would  always  keep 
me  from  backsliding  and  protect  me  from  the  snares 
of  the  devil,  who  as  a  roaring  lion  walketh  about 
seeking  whom  he  may  devour;  and  preserve  me 
from  bringing  a  wound  on  that  most  precious  cause^ 
which  I  had  been  recommending  to  my  young 
friends  ; — inviting  them  to  come  and  go  with  me 
in  the  way  of  righteousness  and  peace.  The 
answer  to  this  my  fervent  cry  was,  that  the  same 
Lord,  who  has  converted  thy  soul,  is  able  to  keep 
thee  unto  the  day  of  the  Lord  Jesus  ;  if  you  com- 
mit the  keeping  of  your  soul  unto  him  as  unto  a 


FANNY    NEWELL.  S7 

faithful  Creator,  by  patient  continuance  in  well  do- 
ing, seeking  for  glory,  and  honor,  and  eternal  life. 
Here  I  found  where  my  great  strength  lay.  I 
found  that  I  had  a  divine  confidence  in  my  God, 
that  he  would  be  my  guide  even  unto  death  ;  and 
here  I  could  say  with  the  poet  again ; 

"  Night  unto  night  thy  name  repeats, 
The  day  renews  the  sound  ; 
Wide  as  the  heavens  on  which  he  sits, 
To  turn   the  seasons  round." 

Baptism  now  began  to  agitate  my  mind,  and  I 
cried  to  my  heavenly  Parent,  that  I  might  be  di- 
rected aright  in  this  also,  and  not  be  guilty  of  go- 
ing too  fast  or  too  slow.  Dear  brother  Henry 
Martin  (my  spiritual  guide)  came  to  my  father's, 
and  asked  me  respecting  my  views  of  baptism.  I 
told  him  freely  what  had  rested  on  my  mind  upon 
that  subject.  He  told  me  that  he  had  an  appoint- 
ment at  the  Pond  Settlement  on  the  Thursday  fol- 
lowing, and  that  he  expected  some  would  go  for- 
ward in  that  ordinance,  and  he  thought  I  had  better 
embrace  the  opportunity.  I  told  him  that  I  chose 
to  converse  with  my  parents.  Accordingly  I  did, 
and  my  mother  thought  I  had  better  wait  until 
spring.  My  father  said  he  had  no  objection,  if  I 
was  convinced  that  it  was  my  duty.  He  gave 
me  a  short  exhortation,  called  the  family  to- 
gether, and  after  worshipping,  I  retired,  and 
low  on  my  knees,  like  Mary,  at  the  footstool  of 
mercy,  I  besought  the  Lord's  direction.  0  thou 
who  knowest  all  things,  if  thou  seest  that  it  will 
make  for  thy  glory,  and  my  best  good,  remove  eve- 
ry obstruction,  and  let  the  day  be  clear,  and  pleas- 
ant, and  all  in  peace ;  but  if  not  pleasing  in  thy 
4 


38  MEMOIRS    OF 

sight,  let  it  be  clearly  manifested  to  me,  thy  submis- 
sive child. 

Composed  and  serene  I  lay  down  to  rest,  and 
when  the  morning  once  more  was  ushered  in,  all 
was  calm,  the  sun  arose  with  unusual  mildness,  and 
nothing  to  hinder  my  going.  My  soul  was  happy, 
and  I  longed  to  embrace  the  holy  ordinance  of  bap- 
tism, and  thus  evidence  to  the  world,  that  I  had  put 
off  the  old  man  and  his  deeds,  and  had  put  on  the 
new  man,  which  is  Christ  the  Lord  ; — resolving  by 
his  grace  to  come  out  and  be  separated  from  the 
wicked  world,  its  habits,  maxims,  and  wrong  cus- 
toms.— This  was  a  most  memorable  day  to  me  and 
also  to  many  others. 

On  my  way  to  the  meeting  I  breathed  out  my 
heart  in  constant  prayer  to  God  for  strength  to  raise 
me  above  the  fear  of  man,  and  give  me  that  faith 
that  overcomes,  and  holds  the  promise  fast.  After 
a  short  discourse,  I  arose  and  told  my  desire  and 
intention,  and  related  my  experience  in  some  of  its 
most  important  parts  ;  and  when  the  necessary  pre- 
paration was  made,  we  repaired  to  the  water,  and  I 
could  say  truly,  "  we  are  marching  through  Imman- 
uel's  land  to  fairer  worlds  on  high."  The  language 
of  my  heart  was  poured  out  in  the  following  hymn, 
which  I  repeated  as  I  passed  down  to  the  water.  I 
could  not  recollect  from  whence  it  came,  yet  I  was 
able  to  repeat  it  then,  and  to  retain  it  in  my  memory 
ever  since.  Afterwards  I  found  it  in  the  Methodist 
hymn  book. 

1.  Happy  soul !  thy  days  are  ended, 
All  thy  mourning  days  below ; 
Go,  by  angel  guards  attended, 
To  the  sight  of  Jesus  go. 
Waiting  to  receive  thy  spirit, 


FANNY    NEWELL.  39 

Lo  !  the  Saviour  stands  abo%'e  ; 
Shows  the  purchase  of  his  merit, 
Reaches  out  the  croxvn  of  love. 

2.  Struggle  through  thy  latest  passion, 
To  thy  great  Redeemer's  breast ; 
To  his  utternKist  salvation  ; 
To  his  everlasting  Rest. 
For  the  joy  he  sets  before  thee, 
Bear  a  momentary  pain  ; 
Die  to  live  a  life  of  glory  ; 
Suffer  with  thy  Lord  to  Reign. 

Eight  persons  were  baptized  before  myself;  I 
being  the  youngest.  When  it  came  to  my  turn,  my 
heart  leaped  for  joy,  and  I  cried  out  as  I  moved 
along,  "  farewell,  vain  world,  I  am  going  home" — 
and  stepped  down  into  the  water,  and  thought  that 
I  could  have  gone  across  the  pond  as  easily  as  I 
did  three  rods. — I  kneeled  down  and  was  plunged 
forward,  and  when  I  arose,  I  stood  some  time  in  the 
water,  and  exhorted  the  numerous  congregation 
which  crowded  round  the  the  shore  ;  and  I  praised 
the  Lord  with  loud  strains.  O  the  raptures !  in 
which  my  soul  was  held !  Caught  up  as  it  were  to 
the  third  Heaven,  I  had  renewed  my  strength  to 
travel  the  celestial  road  Heaven-ward.  We  went 
to  the  place  appointed  for  prayer-meeting,  shouting 
and  singing ;  and  a  most  glorious  time  it  was.  Dear 
Brother  H.  M.  was  so  happy,  that  he  was  ready  to 
fly  to  a  fairer  clime.  He  shouted,  and  cried  "  I 
will  praise  the  Lord,  for  my  tongue  is  none  too 
good  to  be  employed  in  his  praise,  nor  my  lungs  too 
good  to  be  worn  out  in  his  service."  Thus  he  con- 
tinued shouting  until  his  strength  failed,  and  he  fell 
to  the  floor. 

This  will  be  a  memorable  meeting  to  me,  for  it 
was  the   last  that  I  ever  enjoyed  with  my  dear 


40  MEMOIRS    OF 

Henry  Martin  on  the  shores  of  time ;  although 
we  httle  thought  then  that  we  were  receiving  our 
last  benefit  of  his  useful  labors ;  but  flattered  our- 
selves that  we  should  be  favored  with  his  counsels, 
reproofs  and  prayers,  as  a  father  and  shepherd  over 
us  poor  helpless  sheep  of  Christ's  newly  gathered 
fold,  who  by  his  advice  and  care  might  be  aided  in 
the  good  way.  But  God's  thoughts  are  not  our 
thoughts,  nor  his  ways  our  ways  ;  yet 

"  Deep  in  unfalhomable  mines, 
Of  never  failing  skill, 
He  treasures  up  his  bright  designs, 
And  Works  his  sovereign  will." 

The  next  morning  I  set  out  for  home  in  company 
with  my  cousin  Cynthia  Robinson.  We  took  an 
affectionate  leave  of  our  very  dear  brother  Henry 
Martin.  *'  Do  not  weep,  children,"  said  he,  "  for  I 
expect,  if  the  Lord  will,  to  return  again  shortly." 
He  was  going  to  visit  Parker's  Isle  at  the  mouth  of 
Kennebec  river,  in  hopes  to  see  that  prophecy  ful- 
filled, "  The  Isles  shall  wait  for  thy  law."  As  he 
passed  on  before  me  something  seemed  to  impress 
my  mind  that  he  would  not  return  ;  and  I  told  it  to 
Cynthia,  but  she  said,  do  not  harbour  such  a  thought. 
Notwithstanding  all  my  desires  and  hopes  of  his  re- 
turn, I  had  an  impression  that  he  never  would. 

The  thought,  he  will  not  return,  rested  on  my 
mind.  Peace  like  an  overflowing  stream  wafted 
my  happy  soul  along  for  many  months,  and  I  began 
to  conclude  that  I  should  see  trouble  no  more. 

Travelling  in  the  strength  of  my  great  Redeemer 
— wafted  by  strong  gales  of  love,  I  moved  on  to- 
wards the  inheritance  above  ;  but  experience  taught 
•  me  that  I   was  not  going  to  Heaven  in  isilver  slip- 


FANNV    NEWELL.  41 

pers,  nor  on  flowery  beds  of  ease,  as  saith  the  poet ; 

"  I  must  fight  if  I  would  reign  ; 
Increase  my  courage,  Lord." 

Christ  hath  said,  "  Not  every  one  that  saith  unto 
me  Lord,  Lor^d^  shall  enter  into  the  kingdom  of 
God,  but  he  who  doeth  the  will  of  my  Father,  who 
is  in  Heaven." 

The  news  of  H.  Martin's  death  reached  us  in  a 
few  weeks  after  his  arrival  on  the  Island ;  for  he  at- 
tended but  one  meeting  there,  before  he  was  taken 
sick  and  died  in  the  triumphs  of  faith,  after  a  very 
short  though  painful  sickness.  Not  long  before 
he  breathed  his  last  he  revived,  and  sang  with  a 
triumphant  voice ; 

"  I'm  happy  !  I'm  happy  ! 

0  wondrous  account  ! 
My  soul  is  immortal  ; 

1  stand  oti  the  mount. 
I  gaze  on  my  treasure, 
And  long  to  be  there. 

With  Angels,  my  kindred,        V 
And  Jesus,  my  dear." 

It  was  heavy  news  to  me  and  also  to  the  church. 
Our  language  was,  what  shall  we  do  for  a  shepherd 
to  take  the  oversight  of  the  flock,  seeing  our  belov- 
ed and  faithful  Minister  is  so  early  and  so  suddenly 
removed  from  our  fond  and  pious  embraces  ;  and 
we  so  young  and  inexperienced  in  the  things  of  the 
kingdom  ?  The  Bible,  0  what  a  treasure  !  These 
words  from  that  inspired  volume,  came  with  divine 
sweetness  and  power  to  my  mind.  "  I  will  be  a 
father  to  the  fatherless."  This  sweetens  every  cup, 
and  makes  sad  things  easy ;  for  he  is  ever  the 
same — he  changeth  not.  My  heart  repHed,  O 
4* 


42  MEMOIRS    OF 

God !  if  thou  art  my  father,  I  hare  enough.  Suffer 
me  to  come  to  thee,  as  a  child  cometh  to  a  parent, 
and  teach  thou  me  what  to  do  in  all  thiugs  ;  for  thou 
teachest  as  never  man  taught. 

To  the  praise  of  my  Maker,  and  for  the  encour- 
agement of  young  pilgrims  especially,  I  desire  to 
relate  some  of  his  special  dealings  with  me  ;  for  he 
is  very  indulgent.  That  which  1  cannot  compre- 
hend when  awake,  as  Job  said,  he  revealeth  to  me, 
when  deep  sleep  locks  up  the  mental  faculties. 

At  this  time,  while  perplexed  to  know  what  to  do 
for  a  leader,  I  dreamed  that  I  stood  on  the  bank  of 
the  Kennebec  river.  Suddenly  I  was  taken  by  an 
Angel  and  set  on  a  narrow  strip  of  ice  in  the  mid- 
dle of  the  river,  not  more  than  one  foot  in  width,  but 
straight  as  a  line,  and  was  told  by  the  Angel  to  go 
forward,  and  I  should  soon  see  H.  Martin.  Re- 
collecting that  he  died  at  the  mouth  of  this  river,  I 
set  forward  with  great  delight,  running  with  rapidity, 
expecting  soon  to  meet  with  my  beloved  friend  and 
father  in  the  bonds  of  the  gospel.  To  my  great 
surprise  and  most  imminent  danger,  I  found  that 
my  feet  would  slip  off  on  one  side  or  the  other ; 
which  filled  my  mind  with  fears,  that  I  should  soon 
plunge  into  the  water,  and  there  drown.  O  that  I 
had  been  suffered  to  stay  on  the  dry  land,  I  exclaim- 
ed. Whereupon  my  kind  conductor,  the  Angel,  ap- 
peared and  said,  "  Here  is  the  cross — take  and  car- 
ry it  in  your  arms — hold  it  erect,  and  your  feet  will 
not  slip ;"  but  if  I  laid  it  down  or  suffered  either  part 
to  touch  or  drag,  it  would  endanger  my  life,  and  my 
only  safety  was  to  keep  the  cross  on  a  true  and  per- 
fect balance,  holding  it  upright.  To  my  inexpres- 
sible delight  I  found  my  feet  stood  firm,  my  fears 
subsided,  and  I  went  on  calm,  serene,  pleasant, 


FANNY    NEWELL.  4S 

steady  and  safe,  whilst  the  heavy  cross,  so  far  from 
being  a  burden  to  press  me  down,  was  a  support 
and  comfort  to  me ;  which  enabled  me  to  pursue  my 
journey  with  greater  alacrity.  I  awoke  and  was  pre^ 
pared  to  say,  O  what  has  God  revealed  to  me  this 
night.  It  is  the  way  that  leads  to  God,  T  will  walk 
therein  that  I  mav  find  rest  to  my  soul.  On  open- 
ing my  Bible  I  find  that  the  cross  is  there  set  forth 
as  the  Christian's  only  safety ;  so  much  so  that  Christ 
hath  said,  and  his  words  are  truth  without  one  shad- 
ow of  doubt,  "  Except  a  man  deny  himself  and  take 
up  his  cross  daily  and  follow  me,  he  cannot  be  my 
disciple  ;"  and  Paul  said,  "  I  will  glory  in  the  cross 
of  Christ,  for  by  it  the  world  is  crucified  unto  me 
and  I  unto  the  world."  On  a  close  examination  I 
found,  that  if  I  neglected  the  least  duty  in  small  or 
great  things,  I  was  in  danger. 

As  I  have  entered  into  the  vineyard  of  the  Lord 
I  am  conscious  that  I  am  to  labor  in  order  to  receive 
my  penny  ;  and  although  I  am  but  a  child  yet  he 
finds  some  services  forme  to  perform.  It  is  well  to 
labor  for  my  Lord.  He  sends  me  from  one  house 
to  another  to  publish  to  all  my  dear  companions, 
what  he  has  done  for  me,  and  strive  to  win  them 
also  to  his  service.  I  find  it  all  glory  in  the  highest 
for  me  to  do  any  thing  for  him,  who  has  done  so 
much  for  me. 

June  6,  1809. 
About  this  time  I  had  some  trials  and  temptafions 
to  encounter.  The  enemy  of  all  righteousness 
tried  hard  to  ensnare  my  soul.  He  laid  his  bait  in 
every  corner,  and  threw  his  darts  on  every  side. 
The  first  of  any  magnitude  occurred  one  morning 
as  I  was  preparing  to  attend  a  love-feast.     My  father 


44  MEMOIRS   OF 

said  to  me  (no  doubt  with  pure  and  good  motives) 
Fanny,  you  must  not  pray  and  speak  so  loud ;  for 
you  will  wear  yourself  out.  Not  considering  that 
he  spake  in  love,  I  fell  into  an  inquiry  what  it  could 
mean  to  receive  such  a  check  from  a  pious  father  ? 
for  all  the  opposition  that  I  met  with  from  a  gainsaying 
world  had  no  influence  upon  me,  or  could  check 
in  the  least  the  unbounded  peace  and  joy  I  felt  in 
doing  that  which  I  thought  most  pleasing  in  the  sight 
of  the  great  Redeemer ;  but  the  enemy  took  the 
advantage  and  said  to  me,  "  There,  your  father  has 
no  charity  for  you,  nor  has  any  body  else;  and 
you  are  not  a  Christian  ;  for  you  know  you  have 
no  trials  to  pass  through;  and  Christians  have 
trials."  Immediately  this  struck  me  such  a  blow 
as  I  had  never  felt  before.  I  had  been  a  stranger 
to  such  things  until  now.  I  cried  and  prayed,  and 
had  sorrowful  weeping,  being  sorely  troubled  ;  nor 
would  I  give  myself  any  ease,  until  God  spake 
peace  to  my  mind  again,  and  filled  my  heart  with 
love  and  joy,  and  gave  me  a  fresh  evidence  of  my 
acceptance  with  him,  and  a  superior  love  to  him 
and  his  cause  and  his  people.  Thus  by  looking  to 
God  I  found  comfort  and  strength  against  the  enemy, 
and  I  now  thought  I  should  be  disturbed  no  more  ; 
but  the  inspired  writings  inform  us  that  the  devil  is 
like  a  roarinsj  lion,  going  about  seeking  whom  he 
may  devour,  and  I  found  it  so ;  for  he  soon  inter- 
rupted my  tranquillity,  and  I  found  that  there  was  no 
such  thing  as  being  a  lazy  Christian,  for  the  power 
of  the  enemy  is  great,  and  sometimes  rolled  on 
like  a  cloud  to  darken  my  sky  and  hinder  my  pro- 
gress in  rehgion.  Notwithstanding  my  watchings, 
fastings,  and  praying,  I  was  constrained  to  cry  out 
in  the  language  of  the  poet ; 


FANNr  NEWELL.  45 

"  O  God,  our  help  in  ages  past, 
Our  hope  in  years  to  come  ; 
Our  shelter  from  the  stormy  blast, 
And  our  eternal  home  ; 
Under  the  shadow  of  thy  throne, 
Still  may  vve  dwell  secure ; 
Sufficient  is  thine  arm  alone, 
And  our  defence  is  sure." 

This  year  was  a  year  of  trials  to  me  ; 

"And  when  new  trials  spring  and  rise 
We  find  how  great  our  weakness  is." 

I  was  followed  with  this  thought,  that  the  enemy,  by 
whom  I  had  so  often  been  brought  low,  would  in 
the  end  prevail,  and  I  should  finally  be  overcome. 
But  the  thought  of  going  back  and  returning  to  the 
weak  and  beggarly  elements  of  the  world  was  truly 
painful  to  me,  and  being  young  in  years  and  young 
in  piety,  the  subtle  foe  began  to  make  me  fear. 
But  I  was  delivered  from  this  snare  also,  by  follow- 
ing the  advice  of  that  servant  of  God,  James  ;  see 
4th  chapter,  "  Resist  the  devil  and  he  will  flee  from 
you.  Draw  nigh  to  God  and  he  will  draw  nigh  to 
you."  Yet  too  often  in  my  warring  I  was  forced  to 
say,  "  Now  I  revive  and  now  am  slain." 

When  I  was  delivered  from  temptation  of  any 
kind  whatever,  I  rejoiced  like  an  able  experienced 
warrior  who  had  gained  a  signal  victory,  and  I  said 
in  my  heart,  I  have  one  trial  the  fewer  to  pass  whilst 
on  my  journey  home — glory  to  God  !- — and  my 
heart  would  overflow  with  love  and  gratitude  to  my 
heavenly  Benefactor,  and  I  would  join  with  David 
and  say,  "  My  cup  runneth  over."  Thus  I  went 
on  my  way  rejoicing,  making  an  unreserved  dedica- 
tion of  myself  to  God  ;  for  I  remembered  the  painfu 


4(j  MEMOIRS  OF 

days  and  nights  that  I  passed  for  months,  before  my 
soul  found  comfort ;  yea,  the  wormwood  and  the 
gall,  and  that  memorable  night  on  which  I  found 
pardon  and  deliverance.  It  was  then  that  I 
promised  God  that  if  he  would  deliver  my  soul,  I 
would  be  his  willing  subject  all  my  days,  through 
his  strength.  Blessed  be  his  adorable  name,  he 
has  enabled  me  thus  far  to  keep  my  engagement. 

All  my  trials  have  terminated  for  my  good — they 
have  been  profitable  unto  me  ;  for  they  put  me  on 
my  guard,  and  stir  me  up  to  new  resolutions.  Re- 
lying on  the  grace  of  God,  I  am  resolved  that 
nothing  henceforth  shall  interrupt  me  in  the  discharge 
of  every  known  duty ;  for  I  find  that  in  duty  and 
for  duty  I  am  blessed  of  God  my  Redeemer.  I 
now  attend  on  all  the  ordinances  of  God's  house, 
and  take  great  delight  in  reading  his  holy  word,  and 
religious  authors;  but  the  book  of  inspiration 
teaches  me  to  read  and  become  acquainted  with, 
and  keep  my  own  heart,  and  by  reading  my  Bible,  I 
see  and  feel  the  need  of  a  great  work  being  done 
for  my  soul,  before  I  can  be  qualified  to  act  my  part 
with  becoming  dignity  in  the  church  of  Christ. 
Unspeakable  gratitude  inspires  me  to  sing  with  a 
grateful  heart,  for  what  God  has  already  done  for 
me,  and  I  trust  he  will  also  perfect  me  in  every 
grace. 

Like  the  blind  man's  of  old,  my  eyes  are  opened 
and  I  am  commanded  to  look  up.  O  what  do  I 
see? — I  see  and  lament  the  condition  of  poor 
jjerishing  sinners^  and  my  heart  is  pained  for  them, 
and  often  in  an  agony';  and  I  feel  it  my  duty  to  tell 
them  of  their  situation,  and  warn  them  of  their 
danger ;  but  I  am  sometimes  kept  back  from  my 
duty  by  a  sense  of  my  own  many  weaknesses.     It 


FANNY    NEWELL.  47 

is  my  duty  to  reprove  sin  wherever  I  see  it,  but  the 
cross  is  very  heavy  for  a  poor  young  female  to  take 
up,  and  bear ;  therefore  I  have  sometimes  tried  to 
get  round  it  by  neglecting  my  duty.  But  in  so 
doing  I  pierce  myself  through  with  many  sorrows. 
In  meditation  one  day  scripture  flowed  through 
my  mind,  especially  such  passages  as  the  following ; 
"  When  I  say  to  the  wicked,  O  wicked  man,  thou 
shalt  surely  die  ;  if  thou  dost  not  speak  to  warn  the 
wicked  from  his  w^ay,  that  wicked  man  shall  die  in 
his  iniquity ;  but  his  blood  will  I  require  at  thine 
hand."  "Be  not  dismayed  at  their  countenances, 
but  speak  and  be  not  afraid,  whether  they  will  hear 
or  whether  they  will  forbear."  "  Be  instant,  in  sea- 
son and  out  of  season,  reprove,  exhort,  instruct." 
"  Be  thou  faithful  unto  death,  and  I  will  give  thee  a 
crown  of  life."  Conviction  fastens  on  my  heart, 
and  I  cry  out,  O  Lord  !  grant  me  strength  to  bear 
the  hallowed  cross,  or  I  see  plainly  I  must,  after  all, 
perish. 

In  the  evening  of  this  happy  solemn  day  an 
opportunity  offered  of  exhorting  the  people  to  turn 
to  God  and  live,  and  I  felt  impressions  to  address 
them,  but  shrunk  back  from  the  cross,  and  went 
home  with  a  heavy  heart — I  saw  the  sword  of  jus- 
tice unsheathed  to  slay  the  wicked,  and  I  was 
acquainted  with  their  ignorance,  and  saw  the  danger 
to  which  they  were  exposed  ;  and  yet  I  had  refused 
to  give  them  warning,  and  point  them  to  Jesus,  the 
sinner's  only  safety,  and  could  not  help  fearing  that 
God  would  not  give  me  another  opportunity  of 
speaking  to  them,  as  some  of  them  might  die  in 
their  sins,  and  their  blood  would  be  required  at  my 
hand.  This  caused  me  to  reflect  on  the  Day  of 
Judgment,  when  the  Lord  Jesus  shall  be  revealed 


48  MEMOIRS   OF 

from  heaven  to  judge  the  world  in  righteousness. 
0  the  terror  which  I  feel !  I  am  afraid  to  meet  him, 
for  I  am  unprepared,  and  what  shall  I  do?  I  will 
take  the  cup  of  salvation  and  call  once  more  upon 
the  name  of  the  Lord.  But  this  has  been  a  restless 
night  to  me,  whilst  I  have  no  doubt  the  careless 
sinners  for  whose  sake  I  am  troubled  and  mourn, 
have  slept  in  careless  ease. 

This  morning  1  arise  and  am  very  uneasy.  I 
take  the  bible  and  go  to  the  throne  of  grace  for 
help  in  this  time  of  weerf,  and  blessed  be  my  King 
and  my  God,  he  has  not  sent  me  empty  away ;  and 
the  sin  of  omission  is  once  more  forgiven;  and  I 
set  out  once  more  to  be  for  God  and  for  none  else. 

July  3th,  1809. 
I  now  enjoy  a  tender  conscience,  which  feels  the 
slightest  touch  of  sin.  I  have  a  great  love  for  the 
people  of  God,  but  especially  those  in  the  class  to 
which  I  belong.  They  are  dear  to  me  as  my  own 
soul. 

"  O  what  a  loving  band  we  are, 
United  in  one  faith  and  prayer. 
All  glory  be  to  Christ  my  Lord ! 
For  he  is  all  in  all  to  me. 

His  name  yields  the  sweetest  perfume, 
And  sweeter  than  music  his  voice  ; 
His  presence  disperses  my  gloom, 
And  makes  all  within  me  rejoice." 

This  day  my  hands  are  nimbly  at  work,  and  business 
moves  on  rapidly ;  yet  my  mind  is  carried  above  all 
my  employment.  Text  after  text  of  scripture  flows 
through  my  mind  with  explanations  which  comfort 
and  instruct  me.  Truly  the  ways  of  wisdom  are 
pleasant,  and  all  her  paths  are  peace. 


FANNY   NEWELL.  49 

It  is  with  trembling  that  I  rejoice,  knowing  that 
I  have  a  subtle  enemy  to  encounter,  lest  he  should 
lead  me  astray.  I  set  apart  this  day  (Fridmj)  as  a 
day  of  self-examination,  to  see  if  there  is  not  some 
wicked  thing  lurking  within — some  root  of  bitter- 
ness that  will  spring  up  and  trouble  me,  and  I 
thereby  become  an  unprofitable  servant,  like  the 
withering  branch  which  beareth  not  fruit,  threatened 
by  our  Lord  to  be  cut  off  and  cast  into  the  fire — 
although  the  thought  is  too  distressing  for  me  to  har- 
bor. The  15th  chapter  of  St.  John  is  a  profitable 
one  to  me.  0  my  Heavenly  Father !  keep  a  child ! 
Keep  me  in  the  true  vine  a  fruitful  branch,  bearing 
much  fruit  to  the  glory  of  God. 

In  the  evening  as  I  was  just  returning  from  that 
ever  to  be  remembered  and  delightful  spot,  where 
in  solitary  retirement  I  have  been  more  delighted 
than  ever,  in  reading,  meditation  and  prayer — re- 
flecting on  the  superior  charms  of  devotion  when 
compared  with  the  short  lived  pleasures  of  sin  and 
folly,  I  was  roused  by  the  approach  of  some  of  my 
fellow  youth,  who  were  passing  the  farm  and  were 
in  a  merry  gale.  I  asked  myself,  will  you  go  and 
join  them?  O  no — no,  cried  I  in  good  earnest — 
not  for  ten  thousand  worlds ;  for  their  company  is 
no  more  desirable  to  me.  What  is  the  matter 
now?  (something  seemed  to  ask) — a  short  time 
ago  you  would  have  left  your  food,  even  when 
.  hunger  began  to  clamor,  to  go  and  join  the  cheerful 
circle.  Yea,  so  I  would  in  the  days  of  my  folly ; 
but  I  have  found  better  company,  which  is  with  me 
constantly,  even  night  and  day — yea,  a  heavenly 
circle  of  the  best  of  friends — and  I  have  many 
promises  that  are  on  record,  and  these  assure  me 
that  the  friend  of  sinners  will  never  leave  nor  for- 
5 


50  MEMOIRS    OF 

sake  me.  0  !  that  I  may  never  leave  nor  forsake 
him. 

"  And  now  another  day  is  gone, 
I'll' sing  my  Maker's  praise  ; 
My  comforts  every  horn-  make  known 
His  glory  and  his  grace." 

Blessed  be  God !  I  am  contented  to  be  a  young 
Christian  aloue,  although  I  have  many  and  very 
strong  desires  for  my  dear  youthful  friends,  and  am 
determined  to  follow  them  with  my  tears,  prayers 
and  exhortations,  \mtil  they  turn  to  God  and  live. 
If  they  never  return  and  come  to  Jesus  I  shall  fol- 
low them  to  the  gates  of  ruin,  and  then,  0 !  then 
they  will  drop,  where  neither  prayers  nor  tears  can 
do  them  any  good  ;  for  there  will  be  "  night  in  which 
no  man  can  work,"  saith  Christ  the  Lord,  Shortly 
after  this,  my  soul  was  in  agony  for  sinners  in  this 
place  ;  and  whilst  pouring  out  my  ardent  and  most 
fervent  petitions  to  God  for  them,  my  bodily  strength 
failed,  and  1  lay  prostrate  before  the  Lord,  and  was 
willing  to  be  with  Christ  in  the  garden  of  Gethse- 
mane  on  the  cold  ground  in  tears,  or  even  on  the 
cross ;  if  I  could  be  of  any  use  in  bringing  lost 
sinners  home  to  God's  favor. 

In  the  evening  there  was  a  prayer-meeting,  and 
a  precious  time  we  enjoyed,  whilst  our  united  pray- 
ers ascended  like  sweet  incense,  perfumed  with  the 
atoning  merits  of  our  adorable  Immanuel.  The 
awful  and  dangerous  state  of  sinners  lies  so  near 
my  heart,  that  I  have  been  in  distress  for  them  so 
that  their  case  seems  similar  to  my  own.  Yes,  in 
our  little  meeting  there  were  two  particular  ones,  for 
whom  I  felt  a  fresh  bleeding  wound,  (as  it  were) 
open  in  my  poor  aching  heart.     Glory  to  God  in 


FANNY    NEWELL.  51 

the  highest  I  there  is  peace  to  be  found  on  earth  in 
beUeving  in  Jesus ; 

"  Whose  name  yields  the  richest  perfume, 
And  sweeter  than  music  his  voice  ; 
His  presence  disperses  my  gloom, 
And  makes  all  within  me  rejoice." 

Our  class  meetings  are  attended  with  peculiar 
blessings  to  encourage  us  to  march  on  in  that  heav- 
enly way,  which  is  cast  up  for  the  redeemed  of  the 
Lord  to  travel  in,  and  no  doubt,  if  the  good  evan- 
gehcal  prophet  Isaiah  had  been  in  our  little  class 
meeting  this  evening,  he  would  have  said,  "  look  in 
the  12th  chapter  of  my  prophecy,  and  there  you 
will  find  where  I  had  a  view  of  the  happy  believers 
shouting  praise  to  God,  while  on  their  way  to  Zion." 
Our  Circuit  preacher  was  present,  (Br.  Spaulding) 
and  we  were  so  filled  with  the  new  wine  of  the 
Kingdom,  that  we  had  a  shout  in  the  Camp  of 
Israel — yea  they  might  have  said  of  us,  as  they  did 
of  the  apostles  on  the  day  of  Pentecost,  "  they  are 
drunk  with  new  wine." 

My  beloved  brothers  and  sisters  lie  near  my  heart, 
and  I  have  strong  desires  for  them — I  long  for 
them  to  go  with  me  to  Heaven.  0  Lord  !  what 
can  I  say  to  them  more  than  I  have  said,  to  per- 
suade them  to  fear  and  serve  thee.  On  the  day  in 
which  my  eldest  brother's  second  child  was  born,  I 
withdrew  secretly  to  a  bed  room  near  my  sister's, 
and  prayed  to  God  that  her  sickness  might  be  so  se- 
vere as  to  alarm  her  fears,  and  excite  her  to  seek  her 
souPs  everlasting  welfare — and  so  it  was ;  which 
makes  me  believe  that  my  desires  were  from  the 
Lord,  and  now  she  is  mourning  for  sin  and  longing 
for  deliverance.     O  my  Saviour !  give  her  pardon 


52  MEMOIRS    OF 

for  thine  own  name  and  mercies'  sake.  I  now  also 
seej  what  I  have  long  desired  to  see,  a  little  awaken- 
ing in  my  father's  family. 

June  9, 1809. 

I  set  out  in  company  with  Br.  Isaac  Steadman 
and  his  wife  to  attend  a  camp-meeting,  which  was 
to  be  holden  in  Monmouth.  At  the  same  time  and 
place  the  annual  New  England  Conference  was 
holden  by  the  Methodist  Episcopal  Church.  The 
first  day  of  the  camp-meeting,  it  being  a  new  kind 
of  meeting  to  me — having  never  attended  any  thing 
of  the  kind  before  and  every  thing  appearing  strange, 
I  gained  but  little  profit  and  was  much  tried  within 
myself,  mostly  on  account  of  not  being  so  much 
engaged  as  some  others  appeared  to  be.  On  the 
first  evening  the  assembly  drew  near  to  the  preach- 
er's stand  for  a  public  prayer  meeting,  and  as  I 
came  to  the  place,  I  cried  in  my  heart,  O  Lord  !  I 
want  more  religion !  I  must  have  more  religion ! 
for  1  am  not  one  half  enough  engaged  in  the  work 
of  God.  I  feel  that  there  are  greater  attainments 
for  me,  even  in  this  life.  O  deepen  and  widen  the 
work  of  Grace  in  my  soul.  0  sanctify  me  wholly 
before  I  leave  this  place.  This  was  my  prayer 
during  the  first  and  the  second  day. 

After  the  meetings  closed  I  retired  with  my 
female  friends  to  try  to  gain  a  little  rest,  but  I  could 
not ;  my  distress  of  mind  was  such,  that  sleep  de- 
parted from  me,  and  my  exercises  of  mind  increased 
every  moment,  so  that  I  could  neither  sleep  nor  eat 
food.  I  wanted  a  fresh  token  of  my  Saviour's 
love — a  new  evidence  that  I  was  a  child  of  God — 
yea  I  wanted  to  love  him  more — even  so  that  when 
I  returned  home  I  might  live  better,  and  walk  up- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  5S 

rightly  all  the  days  of  my  life — yea  like  Jacob  of 
old  I  wrestled  all  night,  until  the  break  of  day,  and 
would  not  let  my  Saviour  go,  until  he  blessed  me. 
I  could  say  with  the  poet ; 

"  What  though  my  shrinking  flesh  complain, 

And  murmur  to  contend  so  long, 
I  rise  superior  to  my  pain  ; 

When  I  am  weak,  then  am  I  strong  ; 
And  when  my  all  of  strength  shall  fail, 
I  shall  with  the  God  man  prevail.^^ 

Sabbath  morning,  I  attended  prayer  meeting  at 
the  stand,  0  !  what  a  struggle  I  felt  for  perfect  love, 
that  casteth  out  fear. 

"  My  vehement  soul  cried  out  oppress'd, 

Impatient  to  be  freed ; 
Nor  can  I,  Lord,  nor  will  I  rest, 

'Till  I  am  sav'd  indeed." 

The  kind  Redeemer  condescended  to  grant  me  the 
spirit  of  faith  by  which  I  laid  hold  on  the  blessing, 
and  held  it  fast.  O  !  what  an  enjoyment  of  God 
my  soul  was  favored  with. 

"  'Twas  light  descending  from  the  skies, 
And  O  how  marvellous  in  our  eyes." 

O  my  soul ! — this  is  a  season  never  to  be  forgotten, 
whilst  sense  or  reason  lasts.  O  !  what  words  can 
paint  the  glorious  views,  which  perfect  love  unfolds. 
At  the  close  of  the  prayer  meeting  the  people 
went  to  their  tents  for  breakfast.  I  could  not  bear 
to  leave  the  endeared  spot,  but  sat  on  the  ground, 
blessing  and  praising  the  Lord  for  his  wonderful 
goodness  to  me.  Brother  J.  Beal  came  to  me  and 
said,  Fanny,  you  must  go  to  the  tent  and  take  some 
6* 


54  MEMOIRS    OF 

refreshment.  With  the  assistance  of  sister  L, 
Springer  I  arose  and  they  led  me  along  to  the  tent. 
But  when  I  got  there,  my  soul  was  so  full  of  glory, 
that  I  was  ready  to  fly  away — I  was  mounted  on 
eagles'  wings — I  soared  aloft.  They  presented  me 
with  a  cup  of  coffee,  and  bade  me  eat  and  drink. 
I  attempted,  but  was  not  able  to  raise  the  cup  to  my 
mouth,  but  cried  out,  I  have  meat  to  eat  that  the 
world  knoweth  not  of.  I  fell  back  in  my  chair,  and 
my  soul  was  swimming  in  the  ocean  of  God's  un- 
bounded love.     0  what 

"Angel  tongue  can  tell, 

'Tis  love  immense  and  unconfin'd, 

A  deep  where  all  our  thoughts  are  drown'd." 

As  soon  as  I  had  gained  a  little  strength,  I  arose, 
and  by  the  kind  assistance  of  my  dear  sisters  in  the 
Lord,  1  returned  to  the  stand ;  where  we  were  soon 
to  hear  preaching.  As  1  passed  along  I  could  say 
with  raptures  of  delight ; 

"  We're  marching  through 

Immanuel'g  ground, 

To  fairer  worlds  on  high." 

I  took  my  seat  to  hear  preaching,  but  I  heard 
none  at  this  time  ;  for  before  preaching,  Brother  T- 
Merritt,  the  secretary  of  the  meeting,  was  taking 
down  the  names  of  those  who  had  experienced  jus- 
tification, and  those  who  had  obtained  that  second 
blessing — sanctification.  He  sent  for  me.  Ac- 
cordingly I  went,  and  stepped  upon  the  seat  before 
the  Preacher's  stand  ;  and  he  said  to  me,  Have  yois 
experienced  sanctification  1  I  answered.  No,  for  I 
did  not  then  understand  what  sanctification  was — 


rANNY    NEWELL.  55 

but  I  felt  as  I  never  did  before.  These  words  were 
scarcely  uttered,  when  I  felt  a  spark  of  divine 
power  which  took  away  all  my  bodily  strength,  and 
the  last  words  which  I  heard  were — she  is  going — 
but  that  moment  I  was  caught  up  to  the  third  hea- 
ven ;  and  heard  things  unspeakable ;  some  of 
which  I  shall  attempt  imperfectly  to  relate. 

1  was  entirely  insensible  to  all  that  passed  around 
me  in  this  world,  and  according  to  the  best  account 
that  I  have  since  obtained,  I  remained  so  between 
three  and  four  hours.  Brother  T.  Robinson  stated 
that  he  was  about  to  go  home,  but  was  detained  on 
my  account ;  being  unwilhng  to  go  and  leave  me  in 
this  apparently  lifeless  situation.  Knowing  that  my 
friends  would  be  over  anxious  about  me,  he  waited 
the  event. 

I  was  dead  to  all  below  ;  yet  my  mind  was  ac- 
tive and  sensible — led  on  with  ravishing  delight  to 
those  joys  that  beggar  all  language,  and  far  surpass 
description.  In  the  first  place  I  seemed  to  be 
transported  by  bright  Angels,  as  it  appeared,  and 
was  impressed  on  my  mind,  for  I  saw  no  other  ap- 
pearance or  form  than  bodies  of  light,  and  in  col- 
or more  like  the  sun  than  that  of  fire  ;  and  it  ap- 
peared to  me  that  by  their  power  they  bore  me  up- 
ward to  the  paradise  of  God. — I  thought  that  I 
came  into  the  celestial  city,  and  saw  God  and  his 
throne,  and  as  I  came  to  the  place  I  saw  countless 
armies  of  shining  spirits,  who  were  praising  God, 
and  giving  glory  to  the  Lamb.  I  saw  no  distinct 
form  or  appearance  of  God,  or  angels,  or  glorified 
saints,  but  bodies  of  light,  and  those  which  were 
nearest  the  throne  of  God  were  the  largest,  and  as 
they  were  seated  farther  distant  from  the  throne, 
they  were  difterent  in  bigness  and  brilliancy.     They 


56  MEMOIRS    OF 

sang  praises  in  loud  strains — but  I  could  not  sing 
with  them  or  learn  their  song — but  now  and  then  I 
could  distinctly  hear  and  understand  these  well 
known  expressions, — Hallelujah  !  ! — glory  to  God 
in  the  highest !  ! — I  longed  to  join  them  in  singing 
one  of  those  heavenly  anthems;  and  one  of  them 
said  to  me  you  shaUj  and  immediately  I  struck  in 
and  sang  so  as  I  never  did  before  or  since. 

Having  enjoyed  this  delightful  place  a  short  time,  I 
was  again  borne  on  the  wings  or  rather  powers  of 
the  bright  shining  ones  back  to  earth  again  ;  and  I 
came  to  a  place  where  I  had  a  view  of  Christ,  a» 
though  he  was  nailed  to  the  cross,  his  arms  extend- 
ed, and  he  interceding  for  dying  men  and  women  ^ 
and  his  cry  was  most  affecting — enough  to  break 
the  hardest  heart  of  stone — whilst  hesaid,  "  Father^ 
spare  them — spare  the  barren — those  that  bear  no> 
fruit  spare  a  little  longer  ;  for  I  have  died,  O  ! 
Father,  spare  them." — 0  yes,  I  saw — and  O  amaz- 
ing sight ! — in  speechless  wonder  I  lay  low  at  his  a- 
dorable  feet ;  and  O  how  was  my  soul  filled  when  he 
owned  me  for  his  child!  I  coiild  then  with  the  ut- 
most confidence  say,  "  Jlbha,  Father.^''  In  short  I 
was  so  filled  with  God  and  glory,  that  I  cried  out, — 
0  Lord,  enlarge  my  scanty  vessel,  or  let  it  break. 
After  this  view  I  was  moved  on  to  life  and  activity 
(I  mean  temporal  life  and  the  activity  of  my  bodily 
powers.) 

As  soo.n  as  the  Lord  was  pleased  to  give  me 
strength  I  arose  in  obedience  to  my  divine  Master's 
command,  and  delivered  the  message  which  his 
Spirit  dictated  to  me  ;  and  as  I  have  since  learned, 
there  was  no  confusion,  or  disorder,  or  any  irregu- 
larity, or  the  least  interruption  in  the  proceedings  ; 
for  i  arose  (according  to  information)  just  as  the 


FANNY    NEWELL.  57 

Bishop  was  going  to  preach,  and  the  people  were 
all  seated  ;  while  thousands  flocked  near  the  stand. 
Prayer  had  been  made,  and  the  last  singing  before 
preaching  just  closed,  and  the  Rev.  E.  Sabin  was 
giving  some  directions  to  the  people.  He  had 
closed  his  remarks,  and  stood  to  see  his  orders 
obeyed — the  Bishop  waiting,  &c.  The  first  I  knew 
of  any  thing  around  me  I  was  standing  upon  my 
feet,  and  praising  God  in  the  midst  of  the  people 
with  my  tongue,  which  was  wonderfully  formed  of 
clay  for  that  very  purpose.  The  first  words  which 
I  uttered  were — "  I  speak  the  truth  in  Christ,  I  lie 
not — my  conscience  bearing  me  witness  in  the  Ho- 
ly Ghost." — I  looked  around  on  the  congregati'on, 
and  verily  believe  1  could  have  told  every  Christian 
that  was  there — for  I  beheld  a  small  light  on  the 
heads  of  many — some  larger  and  some  smaller.  I 
turned  my  eyes  on  the  ministers  of  God's  holy 
word,  and  0  !  what  stars  of  different  magnitudes — 
some  of  them  appeared  like  burning  lights.  As  I 
addressed  myself  to  the  people.  Elder  Sabin  said, 
"  So  you  shall,  sister."  All  were  silent  until  I  had 
closed  my  message  and  sat  down. 

The  Bishop  then  arose,  and  improved  his  hour  ; 
and  a  most  interesting  and  instructive  discourse 
flowed,  like  a  stream  of  deep  chrystal  waters,  for 
the  benefit  of  the  large  crowd  of  attentive  hearers. 
My  own  enjoyments  can  never  be  described  by 
mortal  tongue  or  pen. — It  was  all  gloiy,  as 
though 

"  Earth  and  Heaven  agreed, 

Angels  and  men  were  join'd 

To  celebrate  with  me, 

The  Saviour  of  mankind  ; 
To  adore  the  all-atoning  Lamb, 
And  bleas  the  sound  of  Jesus'  name." 


58  MEMOIRS    OF 

I  was  like  a  young  convert — every  thing  appeared 
new — O  what  enlarged  views  I  had  of  that  angelic 
song,  "  Glory  to  God  on  high,  peace  on  earth,  and 
good  will  toward  man  ;"  and  could  add,  all  glory  ta 
God  for  the  gift  of  the  Holy  Ghost ! 


"  'Tis  a  Heaven  below, 

My  Redeemer  to  know, 

And  the  Angels  can  do  nothing  more, 

Than  to  falfat  his  feet, 

And  the  story  repeat. 

And  the  Lover  of  sinners  adore." 


0,  what  a  heaven  of  heavens  !  I  enjoyed  in  my 
soul.  Whilst  I  thought  on  the  vision  and  the  glory, 
that  had  been  revealed  to  me,  I  was  almost  incapa- 
ble of  supporting  myself.  I  passed  a  most  solemn, 
and  glorious,  and  happy  night. 

The  next  morning  we  parted  with  affections  and 
views,  which  can  never  fully  be  described.  After 
various  exercises,  in  solemn  procession,  the  preach- 
ers in  front,  we  all  moved  round  the  ground  in  or- 
der to  take  the  parting  hand  in  a  regular  and  profit- 
able manner,  and  to  see  the  dear  servants  of  the 
Lord  fold  each  other  in  their  arms,  with  tears  run- 
ning down  their  cheeks;  then  tearing  from  each 
other's  embrace,  and  flying  to  publish  a  Saviour's 
dying  love  to  dying  men,  in  hopes  to  meet  again  in 
peace,  "  bringing  their  sheaves  with  them,"  as  said 
the  psalmist.  I  too  could  say,  farewell  to  this  hap- 
py grove.  May  your  maples  grow,  and  ever  bear 
some  mystic  mark  of  that  wonderful  grace,  which 
has  been  poured  out  upon  the  people,  who  have  set 
under  your  cool  shadows,  whilst  truth  from  the 
speakers'  lips  has  been  sent  home  with  power  to  the 


FANNY    NEWELL.  59 

hearts  of  many.  Ye  have  witnessed  the  groans  of 
the  wounded,  and  the  songs  of  the  redeemed.  Af- 
ter this  most  affecting  and  solemn  parting  we  mov- 
ed on  toward  home,  and  as  I  cast  a  last  look  toward 
that  most  endeared  and  neveMo-be-forgotten  spot, 
I  said  hke  Moses  of  old,  O  Lord,  let  thy  presence 
go  with  me,  and  I  am  sure  all  shall  be  well.  Joy- 
ful in  God  we  travelled  on  to  Readfield,  and  put  up 
for  the  night  at  Wm.  Taylor's,  and  passed  the  even- 
ing very  agreeably  in  telling  the  great  displays  of 
Divine  Mercy,  which  were  wrought  amongst  the 
people,  but  especially  in  our  own  hearts  ;  and  the 
next  day  reached  my  father's  house  in  Sidney, 
where  we  were  received  with  joy.  It  was  truly  a 
foretaste  of  heaven,  and  although  we  were  on  earth, 
yet  the  holy  angels  seemed  to  hover  over  us  ;  and 
though  unseen,  mix  with  the  little  circle,  glad  to 
join  in  our  prtiises.  O  glory  to  God  !  for  the  heav- 
en of  love,  which  he  has  been  pleased  to  let  remain 
in  my  unworthy  heart.  I  now  can  travel  on  heav- 
en-ward with  rapid  steps,  rejoicing  evermore,  and 
praying  without  ceasing.  In  the  light  afflictions 
which  I  meet  I  can  rejoice  ;  for  God  will  "  carry 
the  lambs  in  his  bosom."  I  have  a  constant  cry 
in  my  heart  to  feel  the  weight  of  the  cause  of  truth, 
and  the  worth  of  souls — to  be  employed  in  the  work 
of  God — in  striving  to  win  souls  to  Christ  my 
Lord ;  and  in  obedience  to  my  Divine  Instructor, 
who  bids  me  warn  the  wicked  of  their  danger,  I, 
like  Isaiah,  cry  aloud,  and  spare  not  my  voice  or 
lungs.  Some  have  said,  don't  speak  so  loud,  but 
the  view  I  have  of  the  wretched  state  of  the  wicked 
constrains  me  to  call  loudly  upon  them,  lest  they 
sleep  until  they  awake  in  endless  ruin— then  it  will 
be  too  late.     0  !  that  truth,  hke  a  trumpet,  might 


60  MEMOIRS    OF 

awake  them  out  of  their  lethargic  slumber.  My 
meditation  on  the  happy  state  of  the  righteous  has 
this  day  been  such  as  gives  great  consolation  ;  for 
although  many  are  their  afflictions,  the  Lord  deliv- 
ereth  out  of  them  all. 

Friday.  I  have  been  examining  myself; — and 
by  close  examination  I  find  that  my  vineyard,  hke 
David's  of  old,  wants  weeding  every  day,  and  my 
language  is,  O  Lord,  help  me  to  sink  down  into  the 
great  deep  of  my  own  heart — do  thou  search,  try, 
and  prove  me  thyself— and  now  I  find  an  easy  ac- 
cess to  the  throne  of  grace,  and  have  strong  confi- 
dence in  God  my  Saviour,  giving  glory  to  his  name; 
for  his  tender  mercy  is  over  all  the  work  of  his  hands. 

"Praise  ye  the  Lord,  'tis  good  to  raise 
Our  hearts  and  voices  in  his  praise." 

My  desires  are  kindling  for  my  beloved  sister 
Sarah,  whose  birth  was  next  to  my  own.  I  want 
her  company — I  am  as  it  were  all  alone — and  if 
none  will  be  persuaded  to  go  with  me  to  heaven,  I 
am  willing  to  go  alone  ;  for  I  had  rather  go  alone 
to  joys  on  high,  than  sink  to  ruin  with  a  gay  trifling 
multitude.  One  day  I  met  two  of  my  young  friends 
in  a  field  near  the  pond,  where  I  was  baptized,  and 
invited  them  to  sit  down  with  me.  When  I  had 
spent  some  time  in  reasoning  with  them  on  the  great 
importance  of  the  soul's  chief  concern,  and  had  sung 
a  hymn,  and  prayed  with  them,  I  saw  marks  of  peni- 
tence, and  parted  with  them ;  finding  my  mind 
much  drawn  out  to  God  for  a  revival  of  religion 
amongst  the  dear  youth  of  this  place,  and  have  some 
expectation  and  hope  of  seeing  a  turning  to  God  from 
idols.     I  have  dealt  plainly  with  them  in  love,  and 


FANNY    NEWftLL.  61 

now  leave  the  event  with  my  Maker.  One  evening 
I  invited  my  sister  to  accompany  me  to  my  secret 
devotion,  but  she  refused  me  ;  yet  I  can  carry  her 
case  with  me,  and  know  not  how  to  go  to  heaven, 
and  leave  her  behind. 

Friday  I  observe  as  ^fast,  and  1  pray,  and  read, 
and  find  profit ;  and  every  third  Friday  I  humble 
myself  before  the  Lord  in  fasting  and  praying  for 
the  Ministers  of  the  Gospel ; — that  their  words 
may  reach  others,  even  as  they  have  reached  me. 
All  denominations  are  comprehended  in  the  arms  of 
my  devotion.  In  the  afternoon  of  this  Fast  day,  I 
took  my  Bible,  and  retired  to  my  beloved  consecrat- 
ed spot  for  devotion  :  and  as  I  passed  through 
the  orchard,  I  reached  up  my  hand  to  pluck  off  an 
apple,  that  was  sweet  and  palatable  to  my  taste. 
This  scripture  came  to  me,  "  Lovest  thou  these  more 
than  me  1"  I  said  No — no,  my  Lord  !  I  can  de- 
ny myself  all  the  sweets  which  this  world  affords, 
for  one  single  moment's  converse  with  thee.  So  I 
hastened  on  to  my  "  closet,"  and  a  sweet  refreshing 
season  I  had — great  peace  in  reading  the  Bible  on 
my  knees  before  the  throne  of  grace,  for  Christ  is 
that  Lamb  that  was  slain,  and  has  prevailed  to  open 
the  book  ;  and  I  find  he  opens  my  understanding 
of  it  whilst  1  thus  peruse  it,  O  !  what  comfort  I 
have  when  alone  with  my  Bible  and  my  Maker — 
time  seems  short,  and  I  want  to  be  prepared  for  the 
last  day  of  my  life  ;  so  that  I  may  die  in  peace  and 
sleep  in  Jesus,  as  saith  the  Poet ; 

"How  long,  dear  Saviour  !  O  how  long, 

Shall  that  bright  hour  delay  ? 
Fly  Bwifter  round,  ye  wheels  of  time, 

And  bring  the  joyful  day." 
6 


62  MEMOIRS   OF 

I  now  have  a  day  of  rejoicing,  and  am  exceeding 
glad  for  what  the  Lord  has  enabled  me  to  do.  I 
have  prevailed  over  my  sister  so  far,  that  she  came 
down  humbly  with  me  in  prayer  last  night,  and  she 
appeared  to  be  somewhat  affected.  O  that  I  may 
soon  have  the  felicity  to  see  her  a  happy  convert 
praising  God. 

I  sometimes  spend  a  day  in  visiting  my  young 
friends,  and  the  advice  of  the  inspired  writings, 
"  Keep  thy  heart  with  all  diligence,  for  out  of  it  are 
the  issues  of  ///e,"  rests  constantly  on  my  memory, 
and  I  repeat  it  often ;  for  I  am  afraid  to  go  in  the 
way  of  sinners,  or  walk  in  the  counsels  of  the  un- 
godly. I  am  young,  and  may  be  too  easily  turned 
out  of  the  good  way. 

Sabbath.  Our  assembly  is  solemn,  and  signs  of 
reformation  appear. 

Tuesday.  The  circuit  preacher,  E.  F.  Newell, 
came  to  my  father's  house  to  preach  for  the  first 
time.  His  text  was  Psalms  cxxii.  1,  "I  was  glad 
when  they  said  unto  me,  let  us  go  up  to  the  house 
of  the  Lord  ;"  and  he  added,  I  also  am  glad  that  I 
have  been  brought  here  safe.  Glory  be  given  to 
God  for  the  same.  I  added  in  my  heart.  Amen,  if 
reformation  attends  your  labor  amongst  us.  Be- 
fore he  got  through  his  sermon  I  had  strong  faith  to 
believe  that  God  would  revive  his  work  among  us, 
and  my  little  vessel  was,  like  David's  cup,  running 
over  ;  and  I  lost  my  bodily  strength,  for  awhile, 
and  the  Lord  revealed  his  glory  and  power  to  me, 
and  I  prophecied  reformation.  When  the  meeting 
was  closed,  I  had  the  boldness  of  the  lion  ;  cheer- 
fully took  up  my  cross,  and  passing  through,  talked 


FANNY    NEWELL.  63 

with  every  person  in  the  room,  warning  and  exhort- 
ing, and  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  was  upon  me  to  help 
and  strengthen  me  in  this  duty.  1  could  say,  "  the 
Lord  is  my  helper,  of  whom  shall  I  be  afraid." 

This  day  was  marked  with  great  good.  My 
faith  was  not  vain  ;  for  some  were  under  deep 
awakenings,  whilst  all  appeared  serious.  S.  Long- 
ley  and  I  retired  for  secret  prayer,  and  a  melting 
season  we  had,  and  as  we  were  returning  to  the 
house,  we  passed  by  Brother  L  Steadman's  house, 
and  I  felt  a  particular  impression  to  go  into  the 
house,  and  we  turned  in.  I  found  there  that  two 
young  women  were  serious,  and  willing  to  come 
low,  and  even  kneel  before  the  Lord,  if  we  would 
pray  for  them.  The  adorable  Saviour  laid  the  worth 
of  their  souls  so  near  our  hearts,  that  we  continued 
our  supplications  until  about  one  o'clock.  The  two 
youths  were  hopefully  converted  to  God.  One  of 
them  arose  and  ran  first  to  Brother  Steadman  and 
then  to  his  wife,  confessing  her  faults,  and  saying, 
Do  you  forgive  me  all  that  you  have  seen  amiss  in 
me  ever  since  I  have  lived  with  you,  for  the  Lord 
has  pardoned  my  sins,  and  I  want  every  body  to 
forgive  me  also.  She  then  came  to  me  and  said, 
Fanny,  0  how  much  I  now  love  you.  I  fear  I 
never  should  have  seen  my  wretched  situation,  if  it 
had  not  been  for  your  faithful  warnings  to  me.  Al- 
though I  hated  you  once,  yet  now  I  love  you  better 
than  I  do  myself.  I  used  to  take  pains  to  shun 
you,  but  now  pray  do  permit  me  to  keep  your  com- 
pany. While  she  was  speaking  the  other  was  de- 
livered, and  began  to  clap  her  hands,  and  shouted 
aloud  for  joy,  and  we  all  joined  to  praise  God  for 
his  great  mercer  wherewith  he  had  loved  us.  After 
commending  myself  to  the  care  of  my  constant  pre- 


64  MEMOIRS  OF 

server,  I  lay  down  to  sle^p,  and  had  a  dream,  which 
I  think  proper  to  relate.  My  mind  was  in  sweet 
composure  when  I  gave  myself  up  to  sleep. 


THZ:  DREAM. 

On  a  sudden  fear  came  into  my  mind,  lest  I 
should  not  hold  out  to  the  end,  and  be  faithful  unto 
death.  If  I  come  short  of  heaven,  I  thought  I 
should  never  see  my  beloved  father  in  Christ,  Hen- 
ry Martin.  This  caused  me  to  cry  to  the  Lord  to 
help  my  infirmities,  and  keep  me  as  the  apple  of  his 
eye.  I  fancied  that  I  fell  into  a  deep  sleep,  and 
dreamed  that  a  woman,  who  had  been  dead,  came  to 
me  and  said,  "  Fanny,  I  am  sent  with  an  errand 
from  Brother  Henry  Martin  to  you,"  and  as  I  lis- 
tened to  hear  she  began  with  a  question.  "  Did 
you  know  that  he  was  going  to  be  married  before 
he  died  ?"  I  answered,  no.  "  He  was,"  said  she, 
"  and  has  sent  me  to  tell  you,  that  you  must  take 
his  gown,  and  wear  it ;  and  when  you  die  you  must 
leave  it  where  he  left  it."  On  which  I  awoke  and 
exchanged  my  pillow  for  my  knees.  I  thought  on 
Elijah  and  Elisha,  and  was  prepared  to  say,  "  be- 
hold the  handmaid  of  the  Lord,  let  the  mantle  of  an 
Henry,  or  rather  Elijah,  rest  on  me.  The  morn- 
ing flows  in,  but  goodness  and  mercy  flow  more  de- 
lightfully. This  is  one  of  my  good  mornings.  I 
believe  the  Lord  is  about  to  send  us  reformation. 

I  also  had  another  vision  of  the  night,  which  was 
aa  follows  ;  I  dreamed  that  I  was  in  a  very  narrow 
path,  and  on  either  side  grew  thorns  and  briars — I 
thought  that  two  very  young  children  were  entrusted 


FANNY    NEWELL.  65 

to  my  care.  Them  I  had  to  help  along,  and  so  I 
made  very  slow  progi-ess,  and  was  torn  by  the  briars 
as  I  passed.  At  length  I  came  to  a  dismal  slough, 
which  at  first  sight  appeared  impassable  ;  but  as  I 
drew  near  I  saw  that  some  persons  had  paSsed,  and 
had  left  their  tracks  in  the  m.ud.  I  took  my  chil- 
dren up  under  my  arms,  and  ventured  forward.  Af- 
ter some  fatigue  I  reached  the  other  side  of  the 
slough,  and  ascending  a  rise  of  land,  I  sat  down  to 
rest ;  but  soon  I  arose  and  resumed  my  journey, 
travelling  with  rapidity  and  courage,  resolving  to 
finish  my  journey  before  sun-set.  When  I  came 
to  the  top  of  a  long  hill  I  again  sat  down  to  rest, 
and  looking  before  me  I  saw,  at  the  distance  of 
about  half  a  mile,  a  large  river,  which  I  expected  to 
cross.  Finding  the  sun  almost  down,  I  rested  a 
little  while,  and  then  set  out  again  with  new  zeal, 
taking  my  children  one  under  each  arm.  After 
much  fatigue  I  reached  the  bank  of  the  river,  and 
set  my  children  down.  I  looked  for  a  passage  where 
I  could  cross,  but  could  see  none.  I  then  betook 
myself  to  prayer,  and  before  I  arose  from  my  devo- 
tion, the  circuit  preacher.  Brother  Newell,  came 
and  said  that  he  had  come  to  help  me  across  the 
river  ;  on  which  1  awoke. 

Reflecting  on  my  dream,  I  explained  it  thus. 
The  two  young  women  who  were  converted  a  few 
nights  before  were  my  two  little  children  ;  and  I 
must  nurse  them  by  watching  over  them  in  love, 
and  so  help  them  on  to  heaven  ;  and  the  servants 
of  God  v/ould  help  in  this  work.  I  then  prayed  to 
the  God  of  heaven,  that  he  would  give  me  strength 
to  bear  them  on  my  mind  continually,  as  I  did  my 
children  in  my  arms  in  my  dream ;  for  I  know  that 
we  can  be  helps  to  each  other,  having  found  great 
6* 


66  MEMOIRS  or 

help  from  the  pious  labors  of  my  veiy  dear  Christian 
friends.  O  Lord  !  help  me  to  stand  in  my  lot  and 
proper  place ;  for  I  feel  many  and  various  duties 
resting  with  weight  on  my  heart. 

The  ordinances  of  God's  house  are  my  delight. 
Reading  the  Bible  and  committing  it  to  my  memory 
are  sweet  employments.  In  searching  this  ines- 
timable treasure,  I  find  that  there  are  great  attain- 
ments to  be  made.  Yes,  0  yes,  many  and  very 
great  are  the  promises  of  God  to  his  humble,  faithful 
followers.  There  is  also  a  growth  in  grace,  and  I 
thirst  to  be  perfected  in  every  good  work,  as  saith 
the  inspired  writer.  Thanks  be  to  my  Almighty 
Saviour  for  what  has  been  done  for  me  already. 
O  Lord !  go  on — refine  my  heart  from  its  dross — 
from  every  base  desire,  and  inspire  me  with  a  pure 
heart  to  serve  thee  acceptably.  Help  me  so  to 
keep  myself  from  all  sin,  that  the  wicked  one  may 
not  touch  me.  Keep  thou  me  as  the  apple  of  thine 
eye,  for  I  am  perfect  weakness. 

Sabbath  morn.  0  how  great  the  change  from  dark- 
ness to  light — whereas  I  was  once  blind  I  now  see 
— the  Lord  has  opened  my  eyes,  for  I  now  see  and 
lament  the  sad  condition  of  poor  perishing  sinners. 
With  a  deep  impression  on  my  affected  mind  I  feel 
it  is  a  duty  to  tell  them  of  their  danger,  and  warn 
them  to  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come,  and  lay  hold 
on  that  blessed  hope  set  before  them  in  the  gospel. 
But  I  am  often  kept  back  from  a  compliance  with 
this  duty — reahzing  my  weakness  and  inability  to 
speak  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,  who  has  told  me  to 
reprove  sin,  wherever  I  see  it.  I  find  the  cross 
here  to  be  very  heavy  for  me,  a  poor  female  youth, 
to  take  up  continually,  and  too  often  I  shrink  from 
it ;  but  in  ao  doing  I  pierce  myself  through  with  ma- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  67 

ny  sorrows.  This  day  many  passages  of  scripture 
flow  through  my  mind  with  power  and  solemnity  ; 
such  as  these,  "When  I  say  to  the  wicked, 
thou  shalt  surely  die  ;  if  thou  give  him  not  warn- 
ing, nor  speak  to  warn  the  wicked  from  his 
wicked  ways  to  save  his  life,  that  wicked  man  shall 
die  in  his  sin  ;  but  his  blood  will  I  require  at  thy 
hand."  I  do  see  the  sword  of  justice  lifted  up  to 
slay  the  wicked,  and  I  must  take  up  my  cross,  and 
give  them  warning  ;  for  they  are  blind  and  deaf — 
the  Sun  of  Righteousness  is  not  arisen  upon  them  ; 
and  shall  I  refuse  to  give  them  warning  1 — If  I  do, 
I  shall  bring  condemnation,  and  displease  the  King 
of  kings,  and  be  reckoned  amongst  the  disobedient 
and  slothful  servants,  who  hide  their  talent  in  the 
earth,  and  refuse  to  occupy  their  Lord's  money. 
Shall  I  hear  that  fearful  sentence,  "  Thou  wicked 
and  slothful  servant?" — Forbid  it — O  forbid  it, 
most  merciful  Lord  !  and  help  a  child,  who  trusts 
in  thee,  to  do  thy  holy  will — to  occupy  my  talent 
unto  my  dying  day.  0  help  me  to  improve  the  tal- 
ent committed  to  my  care  ;  for  1  do  desire  to  be  a 
living  branch  of  the  living  vine,  which  bears  much 
fruit ;  increasing  every  year,  bearing  more  and 
more,  Amen,  and  amen. 

Juhj  8th,  1809. 
My  conscience  is  tender, — like  Jeremiah,  I  can 
say,  "  O  that  my  head  were  waters,  and  mine  eyes 
a  fountain  of  tears  ;"  then  would  I  weep  day  and 
night  for  my  guilty  kindred  spirits,  bound  to  the 
eternal  world,  and  altogether  unprepared  for  that — 
to  them — dread  moment.  Nor  are  my  tears  in 
vain,  for  now  I  feel,  and  believe  that  God  has  heard 
my  feeble  prayers,  and  sent  down  answers  of  peace. 


68  MEMOIRS   OF 

My  dear  sister  S.  has,  I  humbly  hope  and  trust, 
passed  from  death  unto  hfe.  Praise  ye  the  Lord, 
all  ye  his  saints  !  My  soul  will  rejoice  in  his  work — 
reformation  is  spreading — O  that  it  may  reach  every 
heart — 0  give  me  to  feel  the  weight  of  the  cause, 
and  the  worth  of  souls.  1  am  willing  to  do  or  suf- 
fer anything  for  Christ,  my  Lord,  which  he  sees 
best  to  lay  upon  me  ;  not  regarding  what  man  shall 
say  or  do  in  opposition  ;  for  through  Christ  strength- 
ening me, 

"  I  can  do  all  things,  or  can  bear 
All  sufTerings,  if  my  Lord  be  there." 

T^ast  nigh^in  my  sleep  my  thoughts  were  again 
occupied  in  preaching  to  perishing  sinners.  When 
awake,  the  subject  rests  upon  me,  and  I  am  brought 
to  wonder,  why  my  mind  is  so  much  on  preaching, 
both  night  and  day,  sleeping  and  waking,  seeing  1 
am  but  a  Ir^eble  woman.  At  times  1  think  I  will  go 
and  jom  the  people  called  Quakers  or  Friends, 
because  they  approbate  females  to  preach  amongst 
them.  Travelling  and  visiting  from  house  to  house 
is  all  my  delight,  and  the  joy  of  my  heart.  Not- 
withstanding I  have  labored  to  collect  all  the  objec- 
tions that  could  be  made  against  a  woman's  speak- 
ing in  public,  on  any  occasion  whatever,  to  excuse 
myself,  and  then  owning  that  it  was  my  youth  and 
ignorance  that  had  pushed  me  forward,— after  all 
my  labor,  I  could  not  ease  my  conscience,  or  obtain 
peace  of  mind ;  tiierefore  I  must  go  in  that  way 
where  I  can  find  peace  with  God  ;  for  if  God  frowns 
upon  me,  who  can  appease  his  wrath  ?  Yet  it  is  so 
crucifying  to  my  proud  nature,  that  I  too  often  neg- 
lect my  duty,  framing  some  excuse  ;  but  find  by  sad 


FANNY   NIWELL.  69 

experience  that  it  will  not  do.  I  have  again  and 
again  given  myself  unreservedly  to  the  Lord  ;  and 
at  times  I  am  perfectly  willing  that  he  should  do 
with  me  what  seemeth  good  in  his  sight ;  for  although 
I  am  weak,  yet  He  is  strong — ^he  will  help  all  my 
infirmities. 

Friday.     This  is  my  day  for  fasting  and  prayer. 

0  that  I  may  appear  to  fast  in  the  sight  of  Him, 
who  searcheth  the  heart ;  and  not  to  be  seen  of 
men.  I  want  humility,  and  I  want  to  stand  in  my 
lot  and  place. 

Mgust  Ist,  1808. 
At  this  time  my  mind  was  greatly  exercised.     It 
appeared  that  God  had  something  for  me  to  do,  that 

1  had  not  done.  The  Spirit  of  the  Lord  followed 
me,  as  though  it  was  urging  me  to  do  something, 
and  I  knew  not  what  it  was ;  but  finally  concluded 
that  I  must  give  my  time  more  to  visiting  from  house 
to  house.  Accordingly  I  did,  but  this  did  not  reheve 
me.  I  still  felt  the  drawings  of  that  Spirit ;  and  so 
great  was  the  anxiety  of  my  mind,  that  often  in  the 
night  seasons  I  imagined  myself  in  some  distant 
land,  exhorting,  praying,  and  warning  sinners. 
More  and  more  distressing  were  my  feelings,  until 
at  length,  Hke  Saul  of  Tarsus,  I  cried  out  "  Lord ! 
what  wilt  thou  have  me  to  do  ?"  This  prayer  I 
continued  for  full  three  months,  until  the  Lord  was 
pleased  to  make  my  duty  plain. 

September.  I  find  for  about  four  weeks  past  my 
mind  has  had  many  reflections ;  some  of  which  I 
wish  to  relate.  Lord !  I  am  thine ;  O  keep  me  as 
in  the  hollow  of  thine  hand,  and  under  the  shadow 
of  thy  wing ;  for  I  want  more  of  that  wisdom  from 


70  xMEMOIRS   OF 

above,  that  is  profitable  to  direct.  Then  1  shall  be 
prudent,  for  thus  it  is  written,  «  I,  Wisdom,  dwell 
with  prudence  and  find  out  knowledge  of  witty 
inventions.  O  wisdom  !  thou  hast  builded  thine 
house — thou  hast  hewn  out  thy  seven  pillars — thou 
hast  spread  thy  table,  and  killed  thy  beasts,  and 
mingled  thy  wine,  and  sent  forth  thy  maidens. 
She  crieth  upon  the  high  places  of  the  city,  "Whoso 
is  simple,  let  him  turn  in  hither."  As  for  him  who 
wanteth  understanding,  she  saith  to  him,  "  Come, 
eat  of  my  bread  and  drink  of  the  wine  which  I  have 
mingled.  Forsake  the  foolish,  and  live ;  and  go  in 
the  way  of  understanding."  O  my  soul !  mark 
well  this  invitation,  and  exhortation.  I  have  heard 
the  voice  of  wisdom,  and  I  have  inclined  my  ear  to 
hearken,  and  have  come  to  learn  the  way  of  peace ; 
for  I  have  heard  her  say,."l  love  them  who  love 
me,  and  they  who  seek  me  early  shall  find  me." 
Well,  saith  she,  "  I  will  tell  thee  what  shall  be  the 
beginning,  and  also  what  shall  be  the  happy  end  of 
following  my  instruction."  Well,  wisdom,  T  have 
come  to  inquire  for  the  old  paths,  and  the  good  way. 
Wisdom  answers  me,. "  Hear,  and  I  will  speak  of 
excellent  things.  The  fear  of  the  Lord  is  the 
beginning  of  wisdom :  and  the  knowledge  of  the  Holy 
One  is  understanding.  Also  the  fear  of  the  Lord  is 
to  hate  evil :  pride,  and  arrogancy,  and  the  evil  way, 
and  the  fro  ward  mouth  do  I  hate.  Counsel  is  mine, 
and  sound  wisdom  :  I  am  understanding ;  I  have 
strength ;  my  fruit  is  better  than  gold,  yea  than  fine, 
gold ;  and  my  revenue  than  choice  silver.  I  lead 
in  the  way  of  righteousness,  in  the  midst  of  the 
paths  of  judgment,  that  I  may  cause  those  who 
love  me  to  inherit  substance ;  and  I  will  fill  their 
treasures.     Now,  therefore,  hearken  unto  me,.  0 


FANNY    NEWELL.  71 

ye  children;  for  blessed  are  they  who  keep  my 
ways."  0  wisdom,  I  have  found  thee!  Yes, 
according  to  thine  own  words,  I  have  found  thy 
beginning,  and  I  will  have  no  other  guide.  I  do 
hate  evil,  pride,  and  a  froward  mouth.  Yea !  every 
evil  way,  and  thou  hast  told  me  that  thou  hast 
strength ;  therefore, 

"  Though  feeble,  pinion'd  in  the  dust  I  lie. 
Yet  thou  the  great  I  am,  canst  raise  me  high  ; 
Come  then,  great  patron,  and  thy  will  be  done, 
For  thou  canst  finish  what  thou  "hast  begun." 

Wisdom,  if  thou  hast  found  me,  hold  me  fast ;  for 
truly  wisdom  is  better  than  rubies,  and  all  things 
that  can  be  desired  are  not  to  be  compared  to  it. 
Therefore  receive  her  instructions,  and  not  silver  ; 
and  knowledge  rather  than  choice  gold ;  for  they 
are  plain  to  him  who  understandeth,  and  might  to 
them  who  have  knowledge.  Good  is  thy  caution, 
O  wisdom,  for  I  do  desire  to  hold  thee  fast.  I  be- 
lieve that  thou  art  better  than  rubies,  and  1  desire 
thee  more  than  gold,  or  silver,  honor,  or  even  long 
life ;  there  I  will  pursue  thy  paths,  for  I  perceive 
that  they  are  the  paths  of  Peace,  and  I  am  happy 
that  I  have  found  thee. 

Now  I  am  encouraged,  because  of  thy  word, 
which  saith,  "  Blessed  i?  the  man  that  heareth  me, 
waiting  daily  at  my  gates."  Here  let  me  live, 
watching,  and  waiting ;  so  shall  I  increase  my 
strength,  wisdom,  and  understanding.  Praise 
God,  O  my  soul,  for  thou  art  rich  ;  yea,  thou  hast 
an  inexhaustible  store,  the  fountain  of  all  good. 
Now  also  thou  mayest  be  rich  in  good  works,  for 
nothing  shall  be  able  to  stop  thy  progress,  if  thou 
commit  the  keeping  of  thy  soul  to  him  in  well  doing, 


72  MEMOIRS   OF 

as  unto  a  faithful  creator  ;  no,  nothing  but  sin  can 
separate  between  thee  and  thy  God,  for  wisdom  hath 
told  me  so.  O  wisdom!  under  thy  protection  I 
shall  not  be  afraid  of  enchanted  ground,  or  tremble 
at  the  roariug  lion,  that  seeketh  to  devour— no  for  j 

"  I  can  walk  through  death's  darkest  shade, 
If  Christ  be  with  me  there  ;" — 

and  while  passing  over  the  rough  sea  of  life,  say, 
Wisdom  !  shall  I  not  be  safe,  although  I  may  see 
heavy  storms,  may  not 

"  My  little  bark  most  firm  abide, 
And  every  boisterous  storm  outride  ?" 

I  still  listen  while  Wisdom  speaks  to  me  again. 
"  If  ye  bear  fruit,  well ;  if  not,  ye  shall  be  cut  off, 
as  a  branch  that  is  withered ; — for  as  the  branch 
cannot  bear  fruit  except  it  abide  in  the  vine,  no  more 
can  ye,  except  ye  abide  in  me.  If  ye  abide  in  me, 
and  my  words  abide  in  you,  ye  shall  ask  what  ye 
will,  and  it  shall  be  done  unto  you.  Herein  is  my 
Father  glorified,  that  ye  bear  much  fruit ;  so  shall 
ye  be  my  disciples.  Remember  these  important 
declarations  of  Christ,  thy  Saviour ;  for  whoso  find- 
eth  me  findeth  life  and  shall  obtain  favor  of  the 
Lord.  But  he  that  sinneth  against  me  wrongeth 
his  own  soul :  all  they  who  hate  me  love  deatkJ*^ 

Thus  my  mind  has  been  enriched  from  the  true 
source  of  all  essential  knowledge,  and  with  Solo- 
mon I  can  say,  "0  Jesus  !  thou  art  altogether 
lovely — the  chiefest  amongst  ten  thousand — thou 
only  art  worthy  to  be  adored— for  thy  name  is  'won- 
derful, counsellor,  the  mighty  God,  the  Everlasting  1 
Fathf^r,  thp  Prince  of  Peace,  Immanuel." 


FANNY    NEWELL.  73 

Therefore  '  I  will  trust  and  not  be  afraid,  for  the 
Lord  Jehovah  is  my  strength  and  mj  song ;  he 
also  is  become  my  salvation.' " 

"  I  am  safe  and  I  am  happy, 
While  on  thy  dear  name  I  lie ; 
Sin  or  Satan  cannot  harm  me, 
While  my  Saviour  is  so  nigh." 

*'  Lord,  I  am  weak,  but  thou  art  strong, 
Thou  art  my  portion  and  my  song." 

Thou  hast  instructed  me  and  taught  me  as  never 
man  taught ;  and  I  clearly  see  what  the  poet  meant, 
when  he  said, 

"  Every  moment,  Lord !  I  nqed 
The  merits  of  thy  death." 

0  Lord,  clothe  me  with  humility,  as  with  a  garment ; 
for  all  the  ornament  which  I  seek  is  a  meek  and 
quiet  spirit.  Willingly  I  lay  aside  all  outward  orna- 
ments, and  seek  for  all  that  inward  adorning  of  the 
mind,  which  will  meet  the  approbation  of  my  Judge 
in  the  great  day.  Although  for  this  sacrifice  my 
youthful  friends  ridicule  me  and  call  me  supersti- 
tious, and  say,  "  how  simple  she  is,  to  strip  off  all 
her  gaiety,  and  dress  so  plainly,  and  appear  so 
mean,  and  leave  all  her  young  friends  and  not  join 
them  even  in  the  least  cheerful  mirth ;"  yet  when  I 
consider  my  accountabiUty,  not  only  for  my  precious 
blood-bought  time,  but  also  for  all  I  possess,  I  can 
say  amidst  it  all ; 

"  For  this  let  men  revile  my  name, 
No  cross  I  fear,  despise  all  shame : 
7 


74  MEMOIRS    OF 

All  hail  reproach,  and  welcome  pain, 
Only  thy  terrors,  Lord  I  restrain." 

After  these  soul-reviving  seasons,  in  which  my 
views  of  time  and  eternity  were  expanded,  I  had 
some  unexpected  trials  to  pass  through ;  some  of 
which  I  will  briefly  notice,  for  the  profit  of  the  youth, 
who  perhaps  may  be  benefited  by  reading  my  ex- 
perience. They  commenced  by  many  unpleasant 
thoughts  darting  into  my  mind,  which  troubled  me 
much,  and  I  consider  them  as  from  the  enemy  ;  my 
cry  is, 

"Away,  vain  thoughts  that  lodge  within." 

Thus  resisting  the  unhallowed  impressions,  and 
drawing  near  to  God  by  constant  inward  breathings, 
I  close  the  day  in  peace,  and  come  to  my  place  of 
devotion  with  these  sweet  words  ; 

**  I  come  to  own  thy  power  divine, 
That  watches  o'er  my  days." 

For  several  days  I  could  say  with  David,  "  my  foot 
had  well  nigh  slipped  ;"  but  these  temptations  only 
served  to  rouse  up  my  mind,  and  prepare  me  to  be 
ready  to  meet  what  followed. 

Several  of  my  young  friends  had  experienced  a 
change  of  heart,  and  we  spent  many  happy,  and  I 
trust  profitable  hours  together,  which  endeared  us 
to  each  other.  I  viewed  them  as  tokens  of  God's 
favor  to  me,  and  they  viewed  me  as  instrumental  of 
their  good. 

"  My  God,  I  am  thine,  what  comfort  divine. 
What  a  blessing  to  know  that  my  Jeeus  is  mine 


FANNY    NEWELL.  75 

In  the  heavenly  Lamb,  thrice  happy  I  am ; 

And  my  heart  doth  rejoice  at  the  sound  of  his  name. 

"Now  onward  I  haste  to  the  heavenly  feast ; 
That,  that  is  the  fulness  ;  but  this  is  the  taste; 
And  this  1  shall  prove,  till  with  joy  I  remove 
To  the  heaven  of  heavens  in  Jesus's  love." 

My  mind  was  sweetly  exercised,  even  in  sleep  ; 
— one  night  I  fancied  that  I  was  in  a  large  assembly 
preaching  from  these  words,  "  Repent,  for  the  king- 
dom of  heaven  is  at  hand."  Could  I  preach  as 
well  when  awake  as  when  asleep,  I  should  think 
"  wo  is  me,  if  I  preach  not  the  Gospel ;" — and  even 
now  if  I  was  a  man,  I  should  think  it  was  my  duty, 
and  should  be  willing  to  go  and  preach  Jesus, 
and  hold  a  bleeding  Saviour  up  to  view  before  a 
guilty  world  of  sinners.  O  Saviour !  thou  art  call- 
ing me  to  something,  I  know  not  what ;  but  my 
concern  is  so  great  for  my  follow-mortals,  that  I 
could  willingly  do  or  suffer  whatever  the  good  Lord 
should  be  pleased  to  lay  upon  me. 

"  Come,  O  my  God,  thyself  reveal, 
Fill  all  this  mighty  void." 

For  thou  only  canst  make  duty  plain,  and  give  my 
troubled  bosom  peace. — Thou,  Lord,  hast  given 
me  a  talent  to  occupy,  and  by  grace  I  am  determin- 
ed to  be  faithful  unto  death. 

October  1st. 
My  mind  is  led  to  view  Jesus  as  the  only  Saviour, 
and  he  is  every  way  sufficient  to  save  a  helpless 
soul,  who  trusts  in  him  for  grace  and  receives  power 
daily  to  conquer  every  foe,  and  press  towards  the 
kii^gdom. 


76  MEMOIRS    OF 

For  two  months  past  I  have  written  very  little. 
Reading,  meditation,  and  prayer  has  drank  up  the 
moments,  which  I  could  arrest  from  the  busy  scenes 
of  domestic  employment,  and  the  fruit  has  been 
sweet.  The  anxieties  of  my  mind  have  been  great ; 
and  I  have  not  wisdom  enough  to  discern  all  the 
devices  of  the  enemy.  To  use  the  words  of  the 
poet  ; 

"I  have  no  skill  the  snare  to  shun, 
But  thou,  O  Christ,  my  wisdom  art ; 

I  ever  into  ruin  run, 

But  thou  art  greater  than  my  heart." 

Mark  the  features  of  my  mind.  For  I  have  "  put 
on  Christ,  making  no  provision  for  the  flesh  to 
fulfil  the  lusts  thereof;"  neither  can  I  bear  to  have 
one  moment  of  my  time  run  to  waste,  but  all  my 
time  spent  to  the  glory  of  God  and  the  good  of 
souls. — Time  to  me  appears  to  be  short.  0  that 
I  may  do  a  little  good  in  the  vineyard  of  the  Lord 
before  I  die.  Stimulate  my  heart,  O  thou  Prince  Im- 
manuel !  that  I  may  be  more  industrious,  and  more 
prudent,  more  watchful,  prayerful,  humble  and  holy, 
yea,  like  thyself,  thou  source  of  all  perfection. 

With  the  apostle  of  the  Gentiles  I  can  pray, 
"  may  the  very  God  of  peace  sanctify  me  wholly  ; — 
may  spirit,  and  soul,  and  body  be  preserved  blame- 
less unto  the  coming  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ." 
1  Thess.  v.  23. 

One  week  more  has  rolled  into  vast  eternity,  and 
my  great  Redeemer  has  been  very  precious  to  my 
soul.  This  day  I  sat  under  the  droppings  of  his 
sanctuary,  and  his  banner  over  me  was  love.  O 
my  love,  thou  art  all  fair — there  is  no  spot  in  thee 
— let  me  bo  adorned  with  thy  righteousness,  and 


FANNY    NEWELL.  77 

then  I  shall  be  prepared  for  heaven ;  yea,  I  shall 
have  a  heaven  to  go  to  heaven  in. 

"  The  way  the  holy  Prophets  went, 
The  road  that  leads  from  banishment, 
The  King's  highway  of  holiness 
I'll  go  ;  for  all  his  paths  are  peace." 

One  day  more  is  gone,  and  it  is 

"  A  heaven  below  my  Redeemer  to  know, 
And  the  Angels  can  do  nothing  more 
Than  to  fall  at  his  feet,  and  the  story  repeat, 
And  the  Lover  of  sinners  adore." 


0 !  the  unbounded  love  I  have  for  God,  and  the 
melting  love  I  have  for  perishing  sinners !  Lord  ! 
revive  thy  blessed  work  in  this  place,  and  strengthen 
the  weak  lambs  of  thy  flock. 

One  Sabbath  more — 0  Lord  !  give  me  wisdom 
and  strength,  skill  and  grace  to  know,  and  do  thy 
will ;  yea,  Lord,  let  me  receive  the  word  from  thy 
mouth,  and  warn  the  people  from  thee.  Blessed  be 
God  for  his  goodness  to  me  this  day ;  for  he  has 
given  me  strength  to  stand  in  his  council.  In  the 
morning,  whilst  prostrate  before  him  in  prayer,  I 
had  an  immediate  answer,  that  he  would  give  me 
strength  to  do  my  duty,  warn  the  wicked  and  re- 
prove sin  wherever  I  see  it.  0  Lord!  make  me  a 
terror  to  evil  doers,  and  a  praise  to  those  who  do 
well.  Several  weeks  roll  away,  and  nothing  spe- 
cial. Some  trials  and  depression  of  spirit  I  expe- 
rienced ;  for  I  cannot  give  up  the  thoughts  of  visit- 
ing other  regions  before  I  die,  especially  Vermont. 
But  I  rest  with  great  confidence,  that  God,  whose  I 
am  and  whom  I  serve,  will  clear  the  way  before  me. 
7* 


78  MEMOIRS    OF 

The  Lord  makes  my  days  to  piosper?  uhile 

"  I  give  my  mortal  interest  up, 
And  make  my  God  my  all." 

This  holy  treasure — the  Bible !  O  what  a  body 
of  truth — how  deep  its  mines — how  rich  its  treas- 
ures. O  thou,  who  alone  canst  give  me  true  under- 
standing of  it,  shine  forth.  I  thank  thee  for  what  I 
do  already  understand  of  this  mystery.  Yet  all  I 
have  learned  only  begets  an  unbounded  hungering 
and  thirsting  after  wisdom,  righteousness,  sanctifi- 
cation,  and  complete  redemption. 

"  O  God  !  thou  art  my  everlasting  trust, 

Thy  goodness  I  adore  ; 
Send  down  thy  grace,  O  blessed  Lord, 
That  1  may  love  thee  more." 

0  shall  I — even  I,  stand  on  Zion's  balmy  top  ? — 
Shall  I  see  the  King  in  his  beauty — shall  I  wear  a 
white  robe — shall  I  bear  a  glittering  crown  on  my 
exalted  head,  through  grace  1  This  precious  word 
informs  me  that  I  may. — What  a  monument  of 
grace  shall  I  be,  if  I  'ever  get  to  heaven.  Glory  to 
God  in  the  highest,  that  there  is  peace  to  be  ob 
tained  on  this  earth ! 

"  Jesus,  the  name  that  charms  our  fears, 

And  bids  our  sorrows  cease  ; 
'Tis  music  in  the  sinner's  ears, 

'Tis  life,  and  health,  and  peace." 

My  days  are  passing  sweetly  away,  whilst  I  am 
watching  for  opportunities  to  expose  all  sinful 
habits,  especially  those  of  youth.  This  day  I  have 
had  opportunity  of  showing  the  evils,  which  result 


FANNY    NEWELL.  79 

from  so  much  time  being  wasted  by  young  people. 
0  how  many  fair  characters  have  been  spoiled  by 
the  evil  customs,  too  prevalent  amongst  the  youth, 
of  wasting  hours  in  company  every  night.  Tears 
cannot  wipe  away  the  evil.  I  retire  to  my  devo- 
tions and  pray  for  reformation ;  and  realize,  that 
if  the  precious  time  thus  badly  wasted  was  to  be 
improved  in  useful  and  pious  employments,  what 
great  benefit  would  be  realized  and  happiness  se- 
cured !  1  find  the  name  of  the  Lord  a  strong  tow- 
er and  safe  refuge — there  I  can  hide  from  all  my 
foes.  O  blessed  forever  be  that  holy  hand,  that  has 
turned  my  feet  from  evil  ways,  which  strengthens 
me  daily  to  perform  my  vow.  0  what  a  blessed 
choice  I  have  made,  now  in  the  morning  of  life. 
This  adorning  of  Christ's  righteousness,  which  I 
now  feel  to  adorn  my  soul,  exceeds  all  the  fine 
equipage  of  a  King's  daughter ;  for  the  most  costly 
fine  gilded  robes  cannot  preserve  us  from  the  vani- 
ties of  this  world,  neither  can  vast  riches  preserve 
us  from  temptation,  or  all  the  gilded  show  and  ad- 
vantage of  learning  preserve  the  robe  of  innocency 
from  stains,  much  less  can  any  of  these  forgive  sin, 
remove  guilt,  or  save  the  soul  from  death  and  con- 
demnation in  the  day  of  judgment,  or  from  the  lake 
of  fire. 

Glory  to  God !  Religion  can  do  all  this — yea ! 
the  religion  which  Christ  teaches  gives  daily  bread, 
that  will  increase  strength,  and  enable  the  soul  to 
quench  all  the  fiery  darts  of  the  eAemy,  and  keep 
their  robes  unspotted  from  the  world.  Now  I  can 
sing, 

"  ^Itj'  strength  is  all  in  Jesus'  name ; 
His  name  is  my  delight ; 


80  MEMOIRS    OF 

His  power  preserves  me  all  the  day, 
His  goodness,  all  the  night." 

My  soul  is  a  witness  of  the  divine  reality  of  reli- 
gion. O,  my  merciful  Redeemer !  preserve  me  to 
be  thy  unwavering  witness  forever.  Religion  ! — it 
is  an  insurmountable  barrier  against  all  the  assaults 
of  this  vain  world.  Who,  then,  would  not  seek  this 
pearl  of  great  price — this  hidden  treasure — hid  from 
a  sensual  mind,  but  in  the  full  view  of  all  such  as 
seek  the  Lord  sincerely,  with  full  purpose  of  heart  ! 
O,  my  dear  youthful  reader !  choose  the  good  part, 
like  Mary,  and  it  will  not  be  taken  from  you.— The 
sneers  of  a  gay,  wicked  circle,  will  not  disturb  fixed 
piety.  Make  it  your  main  business,  then,  to  seek 
the  Lord — choose  him  for  your  prophet,  priest  and 
king — then  it  shall  be  well  with  you  in  time  and 
eternity.  Sway  thy  sceptre,  0  Jesus  ! — ride  forth 
in  victorious  mercy,  0  thou  mighty  conqueror !  and 
let  truth  hke  arrows,  reach  the  heart  of  the  sinner. 
O  !  that  they  may  be  converted  to  thee  ;  for  thy 
name  and  mercies'  sake. 

Many  were  the  gracious  seasons  which  I  en- 
joyed, both  in  public  and  private  devotions,  through 
this  winter. 

"Lord,  keep  me  safe  while  here  below, 
And  fill  my  soul  with  meekness  too." 

"  God  is  my  sun,  and  he's  my  shield, 
Through  him  I'm  sure  to  win  the  field." 

March,  1810. 
We  have  had  a  solemn  meeting,  and  the  circuit 
preacher.  Brother  Newell,  tarried  over  night  at  my 
father's  and  employed  a  few  hours  of  his  time  in 


FANNY    NEWELL.  81 

writing,  whilst  T  and  my  sister  were  sitting  in  the 
same  room.  He  stopped  writing  and  paused  a  mo- 
ment, and  then  tore  off  a  small  piece  of  paper,  and 
wrote  upon  it,  and  reached  it  to  me.  I  took  it,  ai^d 
began  to  read  the  first  question,  and  was  so  struck 
that  I  dared  not  read  further.  I  folded  it  up,  and 
after  a  short  time  I  withdrew,  and  in  secret  retire- 
ment on  my  knees  before  the  Lord,  I  prayed  and 
said,  O  Lord  God  of  Israel !  if  there  is  any  thing 
written  in  this  paper,  that  is  contrary  to  thy  will,  or 
that  will  take  my  mind  from  thee,  or  draw  my  affec- 
tions from  thee,  I  had  rather  not  read  it — nor  can  I 
dare  to  read  it,  until  thou  shalt  give  me  freedom  so 
to  do.     Therefore  I  come  to  thee,  0  God. 

After  spending  some  time  I  felt  free  to  open  and 
read  the  writing,  which  was  as  follows  ; — "  Please 
to  weigh  the  following  questions  in  solemn  prayer 
before  God,  and  when  you  feel  free,  give  me  an  an- 
swer.— 1st.  Are  you  convinced  that  it  is  your  duty 
to  change  your  state  ? — 2d.  Is  your  mind  drawn 
to  any  person  in  particular  ? — It  is  not  vain  specu- 
lation that  makes  me  ask  these  questions.  I  shall 
have  but  one  more  to  ask. — 0  that  eternity  may  in- 
fluence all  our  movements." — This  was  all  it  con- 
tained. 

Brother  Newell  soon  took  leave  of  the  family. 
After  praying  with  us,  he  went  on  to  his  appoint- 
ment. 

O  God !  I  am  thine,  and  I  do  believe  that  thou 
wilt  direct  me  in  all  things.  My  heart  seems  to  be 
so  closely  pressed  to  my  Saviour,  and  so  taken  with 
his  charms,  that  none  of  these  things  move  me  from 
him,  but  only  serve  to  make  me  more  on  my  guard. 
— Yea,  they  drive  me  to  the  throne  of  grace. 


oa  MEMOIRS    OF 

"'Tis  all  my  happiness  below 

To  live  beneath  the  cross."  : 

Glory  to  God  in  the  highest  for  the  cross  !  By  it  I 
am  crucified  to  the  world,  and  the  world  to  me. 

Two  weeks  rolled  away.  When  Br.  Newell 
came  to  his  appointment,  he  asked  me  if  I  had 
weighed  those  questions,  and  was  prepared  to  give 
any  answer.  I  replied,  Not  fully  ;  but  am  willing 
to  relate  some  of  the  exercises  of  my  mind,  which 
I  did.  When  he  had  prayed  with  the  family,  he 
went  on  his  way,  and  in  one  week  returned,  took 
dinner,  joined  with  us  to  sing  and  pray,  and  as  he 
was  going  away  he  gave  me  a  paper,  and  said, 
"  Sister  Fanny,  I  wish  you  to  watch  and  be  much 
in  prayer  to  God  ;"  and  then  left  me.  On  the  pa- 
per he  had  written  a  sketch  of  his  former  character, 
his  experience,  and  call  to  the  ministry ;  and  then 
asked  me  this  question,  "  could  you  join  such  an 
one  in  marriage,  and  help  him  in  the  great  work  of 
saving  souls  ?"  He  added,  "  I  cannot  advise  one 
of  your  tender  age  and  delicate  constitution  to  join, 
and  engage  in  so  arduous  a  work,  with  one  who  has 
no  worldly  property  or  prospect  to  present  to  you 
for  comfort ;  having  nothing,  yet  possessing  all 
things;  but  if  you  are  convinced,  that  the  Lord  has 
called  you  to  this  great  work,  and  I  could  be  so 
happy  as  to  have  your  help,  I  would  receive  you  as 
a  tender  lamb  to  my  bosom,  and  by  the  grace  of 
God,  be  a  guard  to  you  ;  while  you  might  labor  with 
me  in  the  gospel.  May  the  Lord  give  thee  under- 
standing in  all  things.     Farewell.     E.  F.  N." 

Having  examined  this  writing,  hke  the  former,  in 
retirement,  I  now  lifted  my  heart  to  God  and  said, 
0  thou  God  of  love,  I  am  now  brought  to  the  test, 


FANNY    NEWELL.  83 

and  tremble,  lest  I  miss  my  object,  and  sink  in 
quicksands  ;  and  thereby  lose  my  peace,  and  be 
disappointed  in  my  expectation. 

From  this  time  until  we  were  married,  which  was 
not  until  the  following  October,  we  had  very  little 
private  conversation.  For  a  number  of  weeks  I 
have  had  daily  communion  with  God.  Doubts, 
fears,  temptations,  and  trials,  all  shrink  before  the 
breath  of  prayer. 

Just  before  brother  Newell  was  going  to  the 
Annual  New-England  Conference,  he  came  to  my 
father's  and  happening  lo  be  left  in  a  room  with  him 
alone,  he  asked  me  if  I  had  weighed  the  subjects  on 
which  he  had  written,  so  as  to  be  able  and  ready  to 
give  him  a  full  answer.  I  paused  a  moment  and 
then  answered,  yes.  "  Well,"  continued  he,  "  if  thy 
heart  is  right  with  my  heart,  as  my  heart  is  with 
thine,  give  me  thy  hand."  After  a  moment's 
silence,  I  reached  out  one  hand  to  him  and  covered 
my  eyes  with  the  other  ;  and  in  my  heart  said,  "  O 
God,  thou  knowest  that  for  thy  sake  I  do  this,  and 
not  for  ease,  honor,  riches,  or  pleasure."  He 
returned  from  conference  having  been  appointed  to 
Norridgewock  circuit.  We  conversed  together  a 
little  and  concluded  to  be  published.  He  returned 
not  until  the  day  before  we  were  married,  which 
was  at  a  quarterly  meeting  holden  in  Sidney,  near 
my  father's  house.  What  a  most  solemn,  melting, 
and  precious  season  !  There  was  a  large  concourse 
of  people. 

After  the  preaching  I  felt  such  an  impression  to 
speak,  that  I  did  not  dare  to  neglect  it ;  but  rose  and 
exhorted  the  people  ;  and  had  great  liberty  in  so 
doing.  Brother  Newell  rose,  read  an  hymn,  and 
after  singing  mentioned  to  the  people  his  intention 


84  MEMOIRS    OF 

to  be  joined  in  marriage  after  the  meeting  v/as  clo- 
sed, and  before  the  sacrament  should  be  attended  ; 
and  gave  his  various  reasons  for  thus  doing.  One 
reason  was,  that  if  any  one  wished  to  withdraw, 
there  was  full  hberty  to  do  it  without  disorder.  The 
service  was  closed  by  prayer  ;  but  no  one  withdrew 
or  moved. 

Then  brother  Newell  turned  toward  me,  and 
came  to  the  seat  where  I  sat,  and  presented  his 
hand.     I  arose  and  gave  him  mine  and  could  truly 


"  I  take  my  helmet,  sword  and  shield, 
And  boldly  march  into  the  field." 

I  valued  no  man's  smile  or  frown,  praise  or  reproach. 

"I've  listed  in  the  holy  war, 
Content  with  suffering  soldier's  fare  ; 
I've  listed  and  I  mean  to  fight 
The  fight  of  faith,  with  all  my  might." 

During  the  ceremony  a  poor  broken  hearted  sin- 
ner, about  three  yards  before  us,  cried  aloud  for 
mercy ;  and,  as  I  have  since  learned,  found  peace. 
After  we  were  married,  Mr.  Newell  turned  with  the 
other  preachers,  and  immediately  engaged  to  pre- 
pare and  administer  the  sacrament;  and  a  most 
precious  solemn  time  it  was.  Thus  according  to 
our  wish  we  were  married  without  any  more  cere- 
mony than  necessity  required. 

We  had  been  each  (although  unknown  to  the  other) 
fasting,  and  praying  for  a  divine  manifestation  at  the 
quarterly  meeting,  and  when  that  soul  cried  out  for 
mercy,  it  was  to  us  such  a  full  answer  to  our  prayer, 
that  we  were  ready  to  say.  Of  a  truth  the  Lord  has 


FANNY   NEWELL.  85 

deigned  to  grace  our  union  with  his  divine  presence. 
At  the  dawn  of  day  Mr.  Newell  went  on  his  way, 
and  left  me  to  my  devotions  and  my  God. 

JVovember  lOth. 
Mr.  Newell  returned,  and  on  the  11th  I  started 
with  him  on  a  tour  round  his  circuit,  and  in  this 
journey  I  was  more  than  ever  confirmed,  that  I  was 
in  the  work,  for  which  the  Lord  had  by  painful 
scenes  for  several  years  been  preparing  me.  Yea, 
blessed  be  God,  for  he  does  confirm  his  word  with 
signs  following.  At  every  appointment  the  melting 
power  of  God  was  more  or  less  experienced. 

I  attended  one  funeral  occasion,  and  I  was  amply 
paid  for  all  my  fatigue. — 

There  were  the  remains  of  two  children  to  be  buried, 
who  were  burnt  in  a  house  whilst  the  parents  were 
absent.  The  first  alarm  the  woman  heard  was — 
"  Your  house  is  on  fire  and  the  children  are  in  it." 
— They  were  all  they  had.  O  how  good  it  is  to 
recommend  religion  to  those  who  are  in  trouble. 
The  Lord  can  give  rest  to  the  aching  breast  of  a 
bereaved  parent.  Blessed  be  God,  his  work  is 
sweet,  and  his  reward  is  glorious,  and  I  am  none  too 
good  to  be  worn  out  in  his  service  ;  I  am  thine,  O 
Lord !  do  with  me  what  seemeth  to  thee  good. 

I  returned  to  my  father's  in  March,  and  was 
received  with  joy  by  my  friends,  but  found  my 
mother  sick.  Mr.  Newell  returned  to  his  circuit 
the  next  day,  and  I  find  the  goodness  of  God  so 
great  to  me,  that  I  pray  earnestly  for  humility  and 
meekness,  lest  I  should  be  self-exalted  and  proud  ; 
for  I  am  feeble,  and  without  the  grace  of  God  I  can 
do  nothing  right. 

In  April  I  attended  one  quarterly  meeting  in 
8 


86  MEMOIRS   OF 

Fairfield,  and  another  in  Augusta,  They  were 
most  solemn  meetings  to  me,  but  the  Lord  was  my 
Rock! 

May,  1811. 
I  attend  class  meeting,  and  find  painful  sensations 
at  the  thoughts  of  leaving  this  society,  so  endeared 
to  me  by  ties  the  most  sacred.  It  is  hard  to  think 
of  parting  with  my  dear  brethren  in  Sidney — to 
leave  a  people  with  whom  I  have  been  united  in 
such  strong  bonds  of  friendship,  and  covenant  love. 
O  what  a  precious  vine  the  Lord  has  planted  here — 
tender  plants  of  his  own  right  hand's  planting,  plants 
of  renown.  O  may  they  grow  and  thrive  as  in  the 
court-yard  of  Heaven — like  trees  by  the  river, 
whose  leaf  doth  not  wither,  but  bringeth  forth  fruit 
in  its  season.  Here  my  feet  were  taken  from  the 
horrible  pit  and  miry  clay,  and  placed  on  the  rock 
of  ages — the  chief  corner  stone — and  a  new  song 
put  into  my  mouth — even  praises  to  God.  He  has 
established  my  goings; — all  glory  to  his  exalted 
name.  He  has  engrafted  me  into  his  vine ;  yes, 
the  good  shepherd  has  called  me  by  name,  and  I 
delight  to  follow  him,  and  now  he  calls  me^. shall  I 
say  where  ?  O  hast  thou  indeed  called  me  to  labor 
in  thy  extended  vineyard  with  thy  servant?  O 
speak  the  answer  to  my  heart — commission  me 
anew.     0  live  in  my  heart — 

"Spring  up,  O  well,  I  ever  cry, 
Spring  up  within  my  soul." 

Let  me  go  to  the  people  as  a  cloud  full  of  rain. 
Prepare  me,  thou  God  of  love,  go  with  me,  for 
Jacob  cannot  rise  but  by  thee.    O  thou  most  mighty. 


FANNY   NEWELL.  87 

clothe  me  with  humihty.  I  am  consoled,  O  Lord, 
when  I  reflect,  that  thou  knowest  the  secrets  of  my 
heart ;  for  I  have  not  followed  cunningly  devised 
fables.  I  have  been  like  a  lamb  bleating  for  its 
dam,  and  would  not  be  silent  or  stop,  until  it  found 
the  breast  on  which  it  might  be  nourished.  I  have 
been  fed  on  the  sincere  milk  of  the  word,  and  still 
I  desire  it ;  for  I  am  not  able  to  eat  strong  meat. 
Thou  knowest,  O  my  heavenly  Father,  what  I  have 
need  of  to  qualify  me  to  do  what  seemeth  to  thee 
good.     Let  thy  presence  go  with  me — 


"  O  let  me  live  my  God  to  please, 
My  God  to  glorify ; 
To  spread  content  and  happiness, 
On  all  his  sons  beneath." 


Evening,  0  Lord,  assist  me  to  write  so  that, 
while  I  pen  down  my  thoughts,  and  the  feelings  of 
my  heart,  I  may  be  strengthened,  quickened  and 
solemnized  ;  for  it  is  possible  that,  whilst  some  of 
my  friends  are  reading  these  sentences  impressed 
by  my  own  hand  on  this  paper,  they  may  be  stirred 
up  to  seek  and  serve  God.  Now  as  I  humbly  trust, 
in  obedience  to  thee,  O  my  Redeemer,  I  am  con- 
templating a  journey  to  Vermont.  How  often  I 
have  been  there  in  my  mind !  The  time  is  at  hand 
that  I  must  leave  my  father's  house,  my  parents 
dear,  my  brothers  and  sisters,  whom  I  love,  and  go, 
perhaps  to  see  them  no  more  on  earth ;  yet  I  shall 
retain  a  lasting  remembrance  of  the  dehghtful  un- 
ruffled hours,  which  I  have  passed  with  this  family, 
from  which  I  claim  my  birth.  The  Lord  has  al- 
ready done  great  things  for  us,  and  I  firmly  believe 
that  he  will  effect  a  more  glorious  work  in  the  hearts 


88  MEMOIRS  OF 

of  those,  who  remain  as  yet  unconverted.  I  have 
prayed  for  them  day  and  night.  0  never  shall  I 
forget  the  wrestlings  I  have  had  for  their  dear  souls. 

"  All  this  still  legible  in  memory's  page, 
And  still  to  be  so  to  my  latest  age, 
Adds  joy  to  duty,  makes  me  glad  to  pay 
Such  honors  to  thee,  as  my  members  niay. 
A  frail  memorial,  but  sincere, 
Not  scorn'd  in  Heaven — 
Though  little  notic'd  here." 

Maij,  1811. 
I  am  now  preparing  for  a  long  journey.  0  how 
happy  are  all  those,  who  walk  with  a  single  eye  to 
the  glory  of  God.  Now,  0  Lord,  help  me  to  dis- 
charge all  my  duties  in  this  place  faithfully,  before  I 
leave  it ;  for  I  may  never  return.  I  have  been 
taking  a  retrospective  view  of  my  life,  since  I  pro- 
fessed religion,  and  feel  a  peace  of  mind,  that 
tongue  cannot  express  ;  for  although  I  see  my  short 
comings,  yet  I  can  say  with  Paul,  I  take  the  people 
of  this  vicinity  to  record  this  day,  that  I  am  clear  of 
their  blood  ;  for  I  have  not  shunned  to  declare  unto 
them  the  whole  counsel  of  God,  so  far  as  he  has 
revealed  it  to  me,  and  has  given  me  ability  to  perform 
it ;  and  have  warned  them  publicly,  from  house  to 
house,  with  many  tears ;  yea,  they  all  know  from 
the  iirst  of  my  conversion,  in  what  manner  I  have 
been  taught  in  the  school  of  Christ ;  and  I  have 
learnt  many  profitable  lessons.  The  first  was, 
"  Watch  and  pray  always."  "  Four  things  thou 
must  watch  over,  viz. — 1st.  thy  thoughts,  2d.  thy 
affections.  3d.  thy  words.  4th.  thy  actions.  Six 
things  thou  must  watch  against,  viz. — 1st.  those 
things  that  thou  art  most  inclined  to  by  temper  and 


FANNY    NEWELL.  89 

natural  constitution.     2d.  against  those   sins  thou 
art  most  obnoxious  to,  by  reason  of  thy  particular 
calling,  condition,  state  and  course  of  life.     3d.  the 
sins  of  the  time   and  place  where  thou  livest.     4th. 
all  occasions  of  temptation,  which  thou  perceivest 
are  likely  to  endanger  thy  soul.     5th.  against  dis- 
honoring God  in  the  unlawful  use  of  lawful  things. 
6th.  error  and  seduction  of  mind.     Three  things 
thou  must  watch  for,   1st.   the   movings  of  God's 
Spirit.     2d.  opportunities  to  glorify  God  in  doing 
good.     3d.  to  get  good.     Three  tilings  may  stimu- 
late to  these  duties,  1st.  most  of  the  the  sins   into 
which  any  one  falls  are  by  carelessness  and  want  of 
watchfulness.     2d.  the  enemy  of  our  soul  is  watch- 
ful to  destroy  us.    3d.  the  necessity  of  perseverance, 
whereunto  a  concurrence  of  our  care  and  diligence 
is  required."     To  watch  over  the  thoughts  is  most 
important.     I  must  be  very  careful  not  to  lodge 
or  entertain  sinful  thoughts   in    my    mind. — But 
how  can   I    prevent   wild  thoughts  from   coming 
into  my  mind  ?     One  preacher  observed,  "  we  can- 
not prevent  birds  flying  over  our  heads,  but  we  can 
prevent  their  making  nests  in  our  hair."     I  must 
consider  the  remedies  which  are  so  plainly  laid  down 
in  the  word  of  God.     I  will  settle  in   my  mind 
strong  and  deep  apprehensions  of  the  perfections  of 
Jehovah — his  Omnipresence  and  Omniscience,  and 
will  say,  "  thou  God  seest  me."    It  shall  be  my  care 
to   suppress  bad  thoughts  when  they  first  rise.     I 
will  not  comply  with  them,  but  abandon,  and  abhor 
them,  and  cry  out  unto  the   Lord  for  help.     I  will 
endeavor  to  have  a  stock  of  good  matter  always  on 
hand  for  my  thoughts  to  work  upon.     A  good  man 
bath  a  good  treasure  in  his  heart,  out  of  which  he 
8* 


90  MEMOIRS    OF 

bringeth  forth  good  things.  I  will  strive  to  spirit- 
uahze  my  daily  employments,  and  the  surrounding 
worldly  objects,  and  raise  some  holy  meditations 
from  them ;  for  this  was  my  Saviour's  constant 
practice.  The  fowls — the  water — the  ox — the 
crib — the  husbandman,  &c.  constantly  furnished 
subjects  for  useful  lessons  of  instruction ;  and  can 
I  follow  a  better  example  ?  If  I  am  conscientiously 
watchful  over  my  thoughts,  it  will  be  a  great  argu- 
ment for  my  sincerity,  and  the  truth  of  the  grace  of 
God  in  me.  Many  restraints  lie  upon  the  outer 
man  to  over-awe  it,  and  keep  it  from  evil ;  but  the 
power  of  grace  appears,  when  it  commands  the 
inward  man,  and  lays  restraints  upon  our  thinking 
faculties,  and  brings  every  thought  into  captivity  in 
obedience  to  Christ ;  who  saith,  "  out  of  the  heart 
proceedeth  evil  thoughts.  The  evil  man,  out  of  the 
evil  treasure  of  his  heart,  bringeth  forth  evil  things  ; 
but  the  good  man  out  of  the  good  treasure  of  his 
heart,  bringeth  forth  good  things."  David  said,  "  I 
hate  vain  thoughts,  but  thy  law  do  I  love. — I  medi- 
tate therein  day  and  night."  It  is  the  evil  that  pro- 
ceedeth from  the  heart,  that  defileth  a  man,  therefore 
thus  saith  the  Lord,  "  let  the  wicked  man  forsake 
his  way,  and  the  unrighteous  man  his  thoughts  ;  let 
him  return  unto  the  Lord,  and  he  will  have  mercy 
upon  him,  and  unto  our  God,  for  he  will  abundant- 
ly pardon."  My  soul  shall  be  satisfied  as  with 
marrow  and  fatness,  and  my  mouth  shall  praise  thee 
in  the  night  watches.  I  thought  on  my  ways,  and 
turned  my  feet  into  thy  testimonies.  I  will  commend 
my  works  unto  the  Lord,  and  my  thoughts  shall  be 
established.  Grant  me  grace,  0  Lord  !  that  I  may 
keep  my  heart  with  all  diligence  for  out  of  it  are  the 
issues  of  life. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  Di 

Salurdaij.  I  am  putting  up  my  clothes  for  my 
journey  to  Vermont.  Truly  we  need  a  few  ne- 
cessary things  for  the  poor  body,  yet  I  want  but 
little,  nor  that  little  long  ;  for  He,  who  careth  for 
the  little  sparrow,  surely  careth  for  me.  This  is 
indeed  a  solemn  day  to  me.  I  am  continually 
thinking  of  leaving  my  native  land  to  go,  I  know 
not  where. 

I  have  criven  my  mortal  interest  up, 
To  make  my  God  my  all ; 

and  truly  when 

"  Jesus  shows  his  mercy  mine," 

I  am  satisfied ;  for 

"  His  presence  makes  my  paradise, 
And  M'here  he  is — is  heaven. " 

But  a  few  days  more,  and  I  shall  leave  my  father's 
house — that  dear  circle — but  I  can  by  the  grace  of 
God  say,  farewell,  my  earthly  friends — farewell. 
My  Saviour  calls  and  I  must  go. — It  is  with  solemn 
joy  that  I  look  forward  to  next  Monday,  or  the 
time  when  the  parting  hour  will  come. 

Ah !  little  did  I  t)nce  think  that  I  should  ever 
leave  my  native  home ;  for  I  have  often  painted  to 
myself  a  permanent  residence  in  the  midst  of  my 
connections,  and  long  to  enjoy  that  society  which  I 
love.  Now  I  plainly  see  that  God  has  appointed 
me  a  very  different  course,  and  feel  confident  that 
nothing  but  the  Spirit  of  the  Lord  has  effected  the 
work  of  making  me  willing,  and  obtaining  my  pa- 
rents' and  friends'   consent  to  give  me  up  and  let 


92  MEMOIRS    OF 

me  go  from  their  house,  at  this  tender  age.  These 
and  Hke  reflections  cause  me  to  say,  O  Lord  !  if  I 
can  be  of  use  in  thy  cause,  take  me,  and  do  with  me 
as  thou  didst  with  the  Apostles— baptize  me  with 
the  Holy  Ghost,  and  with  fire.  Go  with  me  and 
I  can  forsake  father  and  mother,  sister  and  brother, 
yea,  all,  for  thy  sake  and  the  Church's.  O  give  me 
the  hundred  fold,  which  thou  hast  promised  as  my 
reward  in  this  world,  with  persecution.  I  claim 
the  promise  1   O  give  it  me  ;  and 

"  I'll  bear  the  cross,  endure  the  pain, 
Supported  by  thy  word." 

O  Lord,  my  God !  life  eternal,  is  the  remainder  of 
the  sum.  O  my  soul,  how  rich  thou  mayest  be,  if 
thou  wilt  only  prove  faithful  unto  death.     Surely 

"  I  must  fight,  if  I  would  reign  ; 
Increase  my  courage,  Lord." 

Once  more  I  resume  my  pen  to  record  a  few  of  my 
thoughts.  It  relieves  my  mind.  The  Lord  is  good, 
and  seems  to  favor  me  with  a  great  degree  of  peace ; 
nevertheless  I  have  many  childish  feelings,  when  I 
think  of  leaving  my  friends,  and  being  separated 
so  far  from  them.  Yet  I  cannot  but  look  forward 
withjoy  to  the  parting  day.  However,  if  I  could 
go,  as  I  could  wish,  it  would  not  be  so  painful  at 
the  last,  as  nature  would  suggest.  I  have  been  try- 
ing to  have  my  work  done  and  well  done,  as  I  have 
before  said.  I  have  more  work  to  do  here ;  I  have 
yet  a  few  charges  to  leave  with  my  dear  sister  Sa- 
rah, who  has  set  out  with  me  for  heaven.  We  have 
been  like  true  yokefellows  to  help  each  other  on  in 
the  good  way,  and  now  I  am  about  to  leave  her,  I 


FANNY    NEWELL.  93 

have  some  fears  that  she  will  backslide,  as  all  her 
young  friends  are  against  her  ;  for  Christ  hath  said, 
"he  that  is  not  for  me  is  against  me."  I  have  a 
few  things  to  say  to  the  rest  of  the  children.  Ah ! 
how  can  I  leave  the  dear  little  twins — my  youngest 
brother  and  sister — seeing  I  have  had  a  particular 
care  of  them  so  long,  that  they  twine  about  my  af- 
fectionate heart. 

Sabbath.  It  is  the  last  I  expect  to  spend  again 
very  soon  with  my  Sidney  friends  and  brethren. 
May  this  be  the  best  that  I  ever  had. 

Evening.  0  blessed  be  God  for  his  great  good- 
ness to  me.  He  has  enabled  his  handmaid  to  dis- 
charge her  last  duty  to  her  brothers  and  sisters, 
friends  and  neighbors,  saint  and  sinner,  with  a  calm- 
ness of  spirit,  that  I  did  not  expect.  But  the  Lord 
is  good,  and  his  mercy  endureth  forever.  Glory  to 
God  in  the  highest.  My  soul  is  happy — happy — 
Hallelujah. 

Mondaij,  May  I2th,  1811. 

The  expected  solemn  delightful  morning  is  come, 
and  now,  0  Lord !  stand  by  me  this  once  also,  that 
I  may  take  leave  of  my  friends  with  composure  of 
spirit,  and  console  their  hearts,  and  give  them  peace 
in  beheving  that  it  is  all  for  the  best  good  of  thy 
cause,  that  I  should  leave  them,  and  that  I  go  in 
obedience  to  thee  ;  for  no  money  would  be  tempting 
enough  to  draw  me  thus  to  leave  this,  to  me,  most 
delightful  place.  But  I  must  leave  off  writing  and 
attend  prayers ;  for  the  neighbors  are  already  col- 
lecting to  see  me  go,  and  give  me  the  parting  hand. 

Tuesday  evening  we  arrived  at  brother  Bishop's 
in  Winthrop  and  were  received  with  marks  of  the 
greatest  Christian  kindness.  Yesterday  I  took 
leave  of  my  weeping  friends, — and  a  memorable 


94  MEMOIRS    OF 

season  it  will  be  to  me.  1  with  joy  and  grief  in  my 
heart  took  the  parting  hand  of  an  affectionate  father 
and  mother,  brothers  and  sisters,  kind  and  dear — a 
loving  society  of  Christians,  and  dear  neighbors, 
whilst  a  solemnity  rested  on  my  mind,  which  I  can- 
not describe.  Silence  prevailed  while  I  ascended 
the  carriage — tears  and  soft  sighs  were  left  to  tell 
the  farewell !  We  sat  silent  in  the  carriage,  whilst 
moving  onward. 

I  have  now  set  out  on  my  long  anticipated  mission 
to  Vermont.  What  am  I  going  for  ? — riches  1  no — 
ease  ?  surely  not — honor  or  pleasure  ] — all  these  I 
leave  to  those  who  love  them.  I  have  higher  at- 
tainments in  my  mind.  I  have  more  worthy  ob- 
jects in  view.  I  am  going  to  seek  a  bride  for 
my  Master,  and  hope  to  win  souls  to  Christ,  my 
Lord  !  Now,  0  God  of  love,  thou,  who  hast  thus 
far  opened  and  prepared  my  way  before  me,  assist 
me  to  do  my  every  duty,  and  keep  me  in  the  hollow 
of  thine  hand,  and  guide  my  feet  in  the  ways  of 
righteousness.  I  find  it  good  to  journey  with  one, 
who  delights  to  sing  and  pray.  We  travel  by  easy 
stages,  and  find  many  kind  friends  on  our  way. 

Saturday.  We  arrive  at  brother  Place's  in  Ro- 
chester, ]V.  H.  I  am  a  little  fatigued,  but  have  en- 
joyed a  quiet  and  peaceful  frame  of  mind  until  to- 
day ;  but  from  what  cause  my  mind  is  disquieted  I 
know  not.     My  cry  is, 

"Come,  Lord,  in  my  poor  heart  appear, 
My  God,  my  Saviour,  come  away ; 
O  cheer  me  with  a  heavenly  ray." 

We  had  several  meetings.  The  sacramental 
season  was  good,  but  the  prayer  meeting  was  extra- 
ordinary. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  95 

Monday.  We  left  Rochester  to  go  on  to  father 
Newell's.  The  rocky  roads  of  New-Hampshh-e 
retard  our  progress,  and  we  fall  far  short  of  our  ex- 
pected haven.  Night  comes  on,  and  I  am  very 
much  fatigued,  and  we  begin  to  inquire  for  a  place 
of  entertainment.  There  were  no  inns  near.  We 
applied,  and  applied,  and  found  nothing  but  denial. 
Every  one  had  some  excuse.  This  indeed  was  a 
trying  scene  to  me.  I  began  to  reflect  how  often 
my  parents  entertained  strangers,  yea,  they  always 
kept  open  doors  for  friends  and  foes.  I  have  seen 
my  father  go  and  sit  down  by  the  side  of  the  high- 
way, as  though  he  waited  the  arrival  of  some  stran- 
gers, that  he  might  say  to  them,  "  turn  in,  I  have 
straw  and  provender  enough" — nor  do  I  remember 
their  ever  turning  any  one  away.  At  length  we 
came  in  sight  of  a  small  house,  and  I  said  to  my 
companion,  let  us  go  there.  He  observed,  the 
house  was  small  and  out  of  the  road,  and  we  had 
better  pursue  our  course  to  a  large  elegant  house, 
which  just  began  to  appear  in  sight,  where  we 
might  be  made  comfortable.  I  observed,  perhaps 
they  will  not  be  more  willing,  and  if  I  can  rest  my 
weary  head  safe  from  the  damp  vapors  of  the  night, 
it  is  enough.  As  we  came  opposite  the  house,  an 
old  man  came  out,  crippling  toward  the  bars. — Mr. 
Newell  hailed  him  in  this  language,  "  Father ! 
have  you  room  for  weary  pilgrims?'  "Yes,  yes, 
turn  in,  turn  in,"  replied  he,  and  hastened  with  all 
his  dexterity  to  the  bars,  and  began  to  remove  them 
with  as  much  apparent  joy,  as  though  he  had  just 
received  a  friend,  who  had  been  long  absent ;  and 
with  as  much  joy  we  turned  in.  With  gratitude  to 
my  God,  in  my  heart  I  exclaimed,  blessed  be  God 
for  his  goodness.     We  went  in  and  found  a  neat 


96  MEMOIRS    OF 

family,  consisting  of  the  aged  parents  and  one 
daughter.  We  thankfully  partook  of  their  whole- 
some fare ;  had  a  very  precious  interview,  and  in 
the  morning  they  followed  us  to  the  highway,  pro- 
nounced many  blessings  on  us,  having  freely  en- 
tertained us  without  money  or  price.  Thank  the 
Lord  that  there  are  some,  who  delight  to  do  good 
and  communicate.  O  Lord  !  thou  hast  promised  to 
reward  a  cup  of  cold  water,  and  wilt  thou  not  re- 
member these  who  have  entertained  us  strangers? 

JMciy  2 1st.  We  reached  Pembroke,  N.  H.,  and 
I  was  presented  to  father  and  mother  Newell,  as  a 
new  daughter,  whom  God  had  added  to  the  family. 
They  received  me  with  every  mark  of  attention  and 
respect.  We  passed  about  two  weeks  in  visiting 
the  connexions,  holding  meetings,  and  enjoying 
some  interesting  and  profitable  interviews  with  the 
church. 

We  had  a,  good  time  at  father  Newell's  ;  and 
June  19th  set  out  for  Barnard,  \'t.,  where  the  New- 
England  Conference  is  to  be  holden,  and  where 
Mr.  Newell  expects  to  receive  his  appointment. 
O  Lord  !  direct  in  this  thing,  is  the  silent  breathing 
of  my  heart.  Only  let  the  place  be,  where  it  shall 
be  most  for  our  profit,  and  the  best  good  of  thy 
cause,  and  redound  most  to  thy  glory.  Our  roads 
are  rough  and  rocky,  and  many  sloughs  are  to  be 
passed  in  this  rugged  region  ;  yet  like  a  young  sol- 
dier equipped  and  animated  with  the  thoughts  of  victo- 
ry ;  and  although  not  expecting  to  destroy  the  enemy 
and  win  the  victory  alone  with  his  homely  weapons,  he 
is  wilUng  to  do  what  he  can.  O  Lord,  thou  knowest 
that  I  desire  to  serve  thee  acceptably,  and  to  conduct 
myself  with  propriety,  as  becomes  a  child  of  Grace. 

20th, — Fall  in  company  with  a  precious  brother 


FANNT    NEWELL.  97 

and  sister  Frost,  journeying  our  way.  Time  passes 
pleasantly,  while  peace  of  mind  and  health  of  body 
are  increasing.  This  day  we  have  pleasant  roads 
and  views,  while  winding  amongst  the  high  hills  of 
Vermont.  Upon  the  pleasant  banks  of  White  Riv- 
er at  evening  we  find  a  company  of  preachers,  and 
they  seem  like  so  many  brothers  filled  with  love  and 
zeal  for  God  and  the  good  of  souls.  O  !  what  a 
spirit  of  the  gospel  is  here.  I  feel  the  gentle 
breathings  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  watering  my  full 
heart. 

2lsU — In  compan)  with  a  number  of  the  dear 
servants  of  the  Lord  we  begin  to  ascend  some  of 
the  high  hills,  which  enable  us  to  look  down  on  the 
houses  in  the  vallies.  The  steep  sloping  hills,  on 
whose  sides  the  winding  road  with  great  labor  and 
difficulty  is  fixed,  make  me  a  little  timid  while  rid- 
ing ;  but  my  mind  is  filled  with  joy,  when  I  reflect 
on  the  preservative  goodness  of  God.  My  long 
journey  of  near  300  miles  has  not  impaired  but  im- 
proved my  health.  Although  fears  were  entertained 
that  I  should  die  on  the  road,  yet  blessed  be  God  ! 
I  breathe  the  fresh  air  of  the  high  hills  and  am 
happy. 

We  arrive  at  Barnard  and  find  much  people  col- 
lected for  Conference.  After  dinner  I  walked  out 
with  sister  F.  and  was  suddenly  attacked  with  the 
spotted  fever,  which  was  as  follows.  We  had  not 
walked  far  before  a  severe  pain  darted  through  my 
temple,  and  spread  rapidly  over  my  whole  body. 
W^ith  the  assistance  of  my  kind  friend  I  reached  the 
house  with  difficulty.  A  doctor  being  present,  he 
was  called  into  the  room  where  I  was.  He  at- 
tempted to  draw  blood  first  in  my  hand,  and  then  in 
my  arm.  How  they  proceeded  then  I  do  not  recol- 
9' 


98  MEMOIRS   OF 

lecU  but  have  been  since  informed,  that  I  had  my 
perfect  senses,  and  knew  every  thing  that  I  saw ; 
but  could  retain  nothing,  and  that  when  my  dear  hus- 
band came  in,  I  took  him  by  the  hand,  saying,  I  am 
very  sick ;  he  passed  out  of  my  sight,  and  I  en- 
quired when  my  dear  husband  would  come,  that  I 
wanted  to  see  him.  He  immediately  stepped  to  me 
again,  and  I  said  I  had  forgotten.  The  doctors 
proceeded  to  bleed  me  five  times  in  less  than  three 
hours.  Five  were  present  and  one  stayed  con- 
stantly by  me.  Thus  amongst  strangers  the  Lord 
provided  for  me*  This  fever  has  prevailed  much 
in  this  vicinity  of  late.  One  young  woman  died 
only  a  short  time  before,  in  the  room  where  I  was 
sick.  The  Bishops  of  the  Conference  boarded  in 
the  house  and  I  was  favored  with  their  prayers  and 
visits. 

One  day  Bishop  Asbury  came  into  the  room, 
walked  up  to  the  bed,  looked  on  me,  and  groaned, 
turned  about,  walked  up  and  down  the  room,  and 
then  went  out  without  saying  a  word.  I  felt  entire 
resignation  to  the  will  of  God — life  or  death — but 
seeing  the  anxiety  of  my  companion,  and  knowing 
that  this  fever  generally  terminated  very  soon  in  death 
or  restoration,  my  mind  was  for  a  moment  disturbed, 
and  I  said  inwardly,  if  I  die,  I  shall  be  disappointed 
in  my  expectations  in  coming  to  this  place. — How- 
ever, after  some  earnest  breathings  of  heart  to  God 
in  prayer,  my  peace  returned  to  me,  and  I  said  to 
my  companion,  on  the  third  day  of  my  fever, 
(Saturday)  fear  not ;  I  know  this  is  a  critical  time. 
You  are  in  a  few  days  to  receive  your  appointment, 
and  will  wish  to  go  to  the  same  as  soon  as  possible. 
Trust  in  God ;  he  will  do  all  things  well ;  and  as  for 
me,  I  am  confident  that  you  will  not  be  detained  on 


I 


FANNY    NEWELL.  99 

my  account.  I  shall  not  be  any  hinderance  to  keep 
you  from  your  circuit.  Death  will  close  the  scene 
with  me,  and  you  may  lay  my  body  in  yonder  grave- 
yard ; — where  it  will  be  safe,  lying  in  peace  until 
the  blessed  morning  of  the  resurrection  ;  or  I  shall 
be  raised  up,  and  able  to  go  with  you. 

On  saying  these  words  my  soul  felt  what  my 
tongue,  pen,  or  words  cannot  express.  The  good 
Bishop  Asbury  came  again  into  my  room  as  before, 
looked  on  me,  walked  to  the  door  and  kneeled 
down,  and  prayed ;  and  such  a  prayer  I  scarcely 
ever  heard  before.  Blessed  be  God  for  the  prayer 
of  faith,  which  saveth  the  sick.  He  rose,  came  and 
looked  on  me  again,  and  said,  "she  will  get 
well." 

Sabbath. — About  two  o'clock  P.  M.  the  Doctor, 
who  had  the  principal  charge  came  in  and  some 
other  of  his  counsellors  with  him.  They  appeared 
much  alarmed  at  my  case,  and  said  if  I  left  that 
room  in  three  weeks  we  might  think  ourselves  well 
off, — gave  strict  rules  and  a  large  quantity  of  medi- 
cine ;  but  "  according  to  our  faith  so  it  was." 
About  five  o'clock  P.  M.  the  raging  fever  gave  way 
in  a  moment,  and  I  said,  to  the  joy  of  my  beheving 
husband,  I  am  well  but  weak.  The  nights  were 
short,  and  my  companion,  who  had  watched  with  me 
every  night  of  my  sickness,  fell  asleep,  and  we 
neither  of  us  awoke  until  daylight  appeared.  My 
dear  friend  aroused  me  and  with  a  smile  said,  **  take 
a  little  cordial  for  we  have  overslept  ourselves."  I 
looked  up  and  asked,  is  it  possible  that  I  have  had 
one  whole  night's  rest,  free  from  scorching  pains  1 
We  joined  in  thanksgiving  and  poured  out  our  thank- 
offering  to  God,  who  had  done  such  wonders  for  us. 

Monday,^-The  Elders  were  to  be  ordained  this 


100  MEMOIRS    OF 

day,  and  Mr.  Newell  was  one.  He  went  to  the 
conference,  saying  to  the  Doctor,  who  was  then 
with  me,  "  if  you  think  it  will  do  to  gratify  my  wife 
in  coming  to  ordination,  and  will  lend  her  all  need- 
ful aid,  you  will  have  your  reward."  Accordingly 
about  1 1  o'clock  A.  M.  with  a  little  help,  I  was  able 
to  ride  about  fifty  rods  to  the  meeting-house,  and 
sat  in  the  aisle,  near  the  door  of  the  house ; — I 
heard  part  of  the  sermon,  and  saw  the  Elders  (my 
husband  being  one)  ordained,  and  then  returned. 

The  old  doctor  came  and  asked  with  astonish- 
ment, if  his  patient  had  been  to  meeting,  and  was 
answered,  yes.  "  You  have  made  work  for  repent- 
ance," said  he.  Mr.  Newell  said,  "  Doctor,  please 
to  examine."  He  did  and  said,  "  Truly  there  is  no 
disease,  only  weakness."  He  gave  the  doctor  all 
the  medicine  just  as  he  had  left  it  the  day  before, 
saying,  "  We  acknowledge  the  hand  of  God  in  this 
restoration  from  this  dire  disease."  "  Well,"  said 
the  Dr.  "  Here  is  my  medicine  ;  I  profess  no  relig- 
ion, yet  am  not  prepared  to  gainsay  your  statement." 
He  would  receive  no  money  as  a  reward.  0  my 
Lord !  bless  him,  and  all  my  kind  attendants. 

On  Wednesday  following,  we  set  out  on  our  jour- 
ney to  go  to  Danville  circuit,  somewhat  weak  in 
body,  but  strong  in  God  my  Saviour.  I  travelled 
on  with  considerable  ease ;  for  the  Lord  was  with 
us  in  very  deed. 

Saturday. — We  had  rough  roads  and  my  fatigues 
caused  my  poor  body  to  give  out ;  but  I  supported 
my  distress,  and  concealed  my  feelings  for  a  long 
time.  At  length  I  said,  you  must  stop  and  let  me 
lie  down  in  the  carriage  ;  for  there  was  no  house 
near,  and  the  woods  which  we  had  entered  were  five 
or  six  miles  through — let  me  rest  a  little,  and  then 


FANNY    NEWELL.  101 

try  again.  Accordingly  he  did,  and  Mr.  Newell 
went  into  the  woods  out  of  my  sight ;  but  I  felt 
when  his  prayers  reached  heaven.  Altough  I  knew 
not  that  he  went  to  pray,  yet  I  perceived  that  I  was 
made  whole.  He  returned  in  about  two  or  three 
minutes,  and  I  said  to  him,  you  have  been  praying 
for  me.  His  countenance  was  melted,  as  I  spoke, 
and  he  said,  "  How  do  you  know,  are  you  better?" 
I  answered  yes,  as  well  as  I  was  in  the  morning — 
thanks  be  to  God  who  heareth  prayer,  we  ask  and 
receive,  seek  and  find,  knock  and  it  is  opened  unto 
us.  This  was  help  \n  time  of  need.  We  took  a 
little  refreshment,  and  then  travelled  on  as  under 
the  wing  of  the  Almighty,  who  is  a  present  help  in 
trouble.  We  arrived  at  Danville  and  went  to  Br. 
A.  Sias's  about  eight  o'clock  P.  M. 

Sabbath. — Our  meeting  was  solemn  and  interest- 
ing. 

On  Friday,  July  6th,  I  parted  with  my  husband, 
at  Br.  Bachelder's ;  where  I  expect  to  tarry  for  a 
short  time,  to  rest  and  refresh  the  poor  weary  body. 
This  is  the  first  time,  that  I  ever  was  left  among 
strangers,  without  any  of  my  relations  near.  But 
praise  be  given  to  my  Redeemer,  for  his  goodness 
is  more  precious  to  me  than  all  earthly  friends. 
My  desires  are  strong  to  be  useful  to  this  family, 
especially  to  my  female  friends ;  to  whom  I  find 
great  access. 

Sabbath.  Attend  meeting  with  entire  strangers, 
in  a  strange  land  ;  but  the  Lord  was  present  indeed, 
and  his  power  was  sensibly  felt  by  many.  We  had 
a  most  glorious  time.  Jesus  calms  my  fears,  soothes 
my  sorrows,  and  gives  me  peace,  even  in  this  for- 
eign land. 

Tuesday  evening;     I  have  been  visiting  another 
9* 


102  MEMOIRS    OF 

family,  and  we  spent  the  time  in  singing  hyninas,  con- 
versing on  heavenly  things,  praying  to  our  God,  and 
had  a  profitable  waiting  before  the  Lord,  and  parted, 
leaving  them  in  tears. 

"  My  thoughts  in  holy  wondor  rise, 
And  bring  their  thanks  to  thee — 
And  when  my  spirit  drinks  her  fill 
At  some  good  word  of  thine, 
Not  mighty  men,  who  share  the  spoil, 
Have  joys  compar'd  to  mine." 

I  do  praise  God,  that  ever  I  sought  him  while  he 
was  to  be  found,  that  is  in  the  morning  of  my  life  ; 
but  0  !  how  high  is  religion  in  my  estimation — it  is 
the  only  thing  that  will  give  satisfaction  and  comfort 
to  the  immortal  mind.  My  soul  is  happy.  Glory 
in  the  highest  to  my  maker !  I  am  not  sorry  that  I 
bid  my  friends  farewell ;  for  it  was  the  Spirit  of  God 
that  bade  me  go,  and  I  hope  never  to  do  as  the 
Israelites  did,  turn  back  to  the  things  left  in  Egypt. 
O  Lord  !  give  me  grace  to  conquer.  O,  the  good- 
ness of  God  to  me !  He  has  heard  prayer,  and  he 
will  surely  send  us  reformation.  This  year  it  has 
already  began  in  my  heart,  and  I  look  to  see  it 
abroad.  In  my  lonely  walks  God  is  my  portion, 
and  my  all — He  will  favor  us — Zion  shall  flourish — 
Rejoice  in  hope,  0  my  soul,  for  the  Redeemer's 
glory  will  shine  forth. 

Some  weeks  have  passed  since  I  put  pen  to  pa- 
per, aud  I  have  had  many  trials.  While  looking  at 
my  own  insufficiency  to  perform  the  duties  beibre 
me,  I  often  shrink  from  them ;  but  I  have  no  peace 
but  in  striving,  in  my  weak  way,  to  do  whatever  my 
Lord  requires  of  me  ;  for  my  desire  is  not  to  offend 
i/jy  Maker — God.      The  Lord    has  made    hard 


FANNY  NEWELL.  103 

things  easy  to  me,  and  now  I  will  venture  forward 
in  this  most  solemn  and  awful  duty  laid  upon  me,  to 
go  and  warn-them  of  an  approaching  death,  trusting 
in  thee,  O  thou  Eternal  Jehovah !  Lord  God  Om- 
nipotent. 

The  duty  was  this — to  go  and  warn  brother  B/s 
son,  who  lived  in  the  same  house  with  him,  that  his 
only  child  would  die  and  not  live.  The  child  was 
highly  prized  by  all  the  household,  old  and  young  ; 
especially  by  the  parents,  who  were  not  professors 
of  religion.  It  was  revealed  to  me,  that  the  child 
would  die.  At  first  I  put  the  thoughts  out  of  my 
mind  as  much  as  possible  ;  but  one  night  I  dreamed 
that  a  man  came  to  my  bed-side,  and  awoke  me  out 
of  my  sleep,  and  said,  "  Go  to  the  staircase,  and 
take  that  coffin,  and  carry  it  to  Mr.  Batchelder  for 
his  child ;  for  the  child  will  die."  Ithought  that  I 
sprang  out  of  bed,  and  took  the  coffin  from  a  tall 
slender  man,  asked  him  the  price,  and  gave  him  the 
money.  As  soon  as  I  took  the  coffin  into  my  arms, 
I  awoke  with  speechless  awe,  and  was  upon  the 
point  of  rising,  and  going  immediately  to  do  my 
long  neglected  errand,  but  finally  concluded  to'wait 
until  morning.     But  I  slept  no  more  that  night. 

Accordingly  I  went  into  the  room  the  next  day, 
and  found  the  mother  makmg  a  gown  for  the  child. 
— This  will  do  for  an  introduction  to  my  errand. — 
I  said,  You  are  making  a  garment  for  that  child,  but 
she  will  never  put  it  on.  She  suddenly  lifted  up  her 
head,  saying,  "  What  do  you  mean  ?"  I  said.  Your 
child  will  not  live  long.  She  was  speechless.  I 
said.  Prepare  to  part  with  that  dear  child.  After  a 
few  words  more  I  left  the  room,  and  retired  to  my 
chamber  and  was  much  tried,  for  these  thoughts 
rushed  into  my  mind, — You  have  given  that  woman 


104  MEMOIRS   OF 

needless  pain,  and  distresses  of  heart,  and  you  have 
imagined  that  it  was  the  Spirit  of  God  ;  but  it  was 
not.  The  child  is  in  good  health,  and  will  not  die. 
For  a  few  moments  I  would  have  given  any  thing 
in  my  power,  if  I  had  not  spoken  to  her  on  the  sub- 
ject. I  was  so  troubled,  that  I  could  not  eat,  nor 
sleep,  until  after  I  heard  the  child  cry  in  this  same 
night,  and  with  the  sound  it  came  into  my  mind, 
there.  Death  has  flung  his  arrows  into  that  child's 
bosom.  And  so  it  was  ;  for  it  was  taken  sick  that 
very  night,  and  died  in  about  twelve  days.  Strange 
to  tell !  the  parents  did  not  think  the  child  danger- 
ously sick  ;  neither  were  they  humbled. 

On  the  morning  before  the  child  died,  I  was  at  a 
distance  from  the  house,  and  the  young  women  with 
me,  when  suddenly  a  cry  of  lamentation  was  heard 
from  the  window  of  the  house.  We  ran  in  and 
found  the  child  dying,  and  the  mother  in  agonies  of 
grief.  I  strove  to  console  her  by  exciting  her  to 
yield  to  the  Providence  of  God,  but  she  could  not 
be  reconciled  to  give  up  her  darling  child.  She 
took  hold  of  the  babe,  saying,  "You  must  not  die — 
I  cannot  give  you  up."  While  I  stood  and  beheld 
this  scene,  and  the  distress  of  the  dying  child, 
something  seemed  to  move  me  to  tell  the  mother 
not  to  keep  the  child  in  misery  any  longer,  by  her 
unwillingness  to  give  it  up,  I  said  to  the  woman, 
Are  you  willing  to  see  your  child  in  this  distress  I 
She  answered,  0  no.  Then  give  her  up,  for  it  ap- 
pears to  me  that  God  holds  this  child  in  the  arms  of 
death,  because  of  the  unwillingness  of  your  mind 
to  give  her  up.  Pray,  and  weep  then  for  thyself, 
and  be  reconciled  to  God,  and  he  will  say,  '  it  is 
enough,'  and  take  the  child  to  himself.  On  hearing 
this  she  left  the  child,  and  sat  down  apparently  com- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  1G5 

posed,  and  in  a  measure  she  was  composed.  The 
child  then  breathed  quietly  a  few  breaths  and  sweet- 
ly fell  asleep,  to  wake  no  more,  until  the  resurrec- 
tion. After  the  remains  of  the  child  were  laid 
solemnly  and  decently  by  the  side  of  the  wall  of  the 
room,  all  were  called  in.  The  grandfather  read  a 
chapter  in  the  Bible,  and  they  requested  me  to 
pray.  I  did,  and  the  Lord  was  my  helper,  and  a 
solemn  and  melting  time  we  had. 

Mr.  Newell  was  sent  for  to  attend  the  funeral. 
His  text  was  in  2  Kings,  iv.  26.  "  Is  it  well  with 
thee  ?  is  it  well  with  thy  husband  ?  is  it  well  with 
the  child  ?  And  she  answered,  It  is  well."  After 
returning  from  the  grave  we  had  a  season  of  waiting 
before  the  Lord.  Never  was  my  heart  more  drawn 
out  for  any  one  than  for  these  poor  bereaved  parents 
and  mourning  relatives.  0  that  this  providence  of 
God  might  wean  them  from  the  world,  and  cause 
them  to  see  and  feel  the  necessity  of  setting  their 
aftections  on  things  above,  and  not  on  things  on 
this  earth. 

»RugusL 
I  go  to  Walden,  on  the  west  part  of  the  circuit. 
O,  that  I  may  be   faithful  in  this  place  also,  and 
always   show  myself  a  friend   of  Christ   and    his 
cause,  in  every  house  I  enter ! 

O,  make  my  heart  thy  fix'd  abode  ; 
There  let  the  heavenly  Dove  reside. 

The  affectionate  people  of  this  place  have  shown 
me  much  kindness.  Lord  have  mercy  upon  their 
souls,  and  give  me  to  see  a  more  powerful  work  of 
thy  Spirit  on  their  hearts.  We  have  had  many 
lively  and  solemn  meetings  in  this  place. 


106  MEMOIRS    OP 

October. 
I  have  spent  this  month  in  travelling  the  circuit 
with   Mr.   Newell,  and  have  seen  some  most  pow- 
erful times,  and  all  were  truly  affecting  meetings, 
especially,  our  quarterly  meeting.     One   circum- 
stance deserves  notice  :  Mr.  Newell  preached  in 
the  forenoon,  and  said  toward  the  close  of  his  dis^ 
course,  that  he  felt  as  though  he  was  preaching  his  last 
discourse  to  some  one  in  the  assembly;  and  that  some 
one  of  that  congregation  were  hearing  their  last 
sermon.     The  next  Tuesday  following  we  called 
in  to  pray  with  the  bereaved  family,   and  saw  the 
pale  remains  of  a  young  man,  who  was  at  meeting 
with  us,   on  the   Sabbath  in  the   forenoon,  left  the 
meeting  at  noon,  and  was  taken  sick  Sabbath  eve, 
and  died  this  morning  about  6  o'clock.     Q  how 
fading  are  the  blooming  flowers  of  youth  !  May  we 
be  also  ready.     My  mind  has  been  kept  in  perfect 
peace,  while  laboring  for  my  Lord  and  Master  in 
his  vineyard.     I  believe  that  the  Lord  is  preparing 
me  for  some  great  trial.     O  that  I  may  so  improve 
this  grace,  that  I  may  meet  the  trial  with  joy,  what- 
ever it  may  be, 

J\*ovember  23c?. 
Thus  far  the  most  merciful  Lord  has  led  me  on 
for  two  weeks  past,  through  glimmering  hopes  and 
gloomy  fears ;  but  this  day  my  faith  is  increased 
wonderfully., 

"  O  my  foreboding,  treacherous  heart,  be  stiU, 
Be  calm  arid  sink  into  God's  holy  will." 

"  Since  I  have  made  the  Lord  my  trust, 

A  refuge  always  nigh  ; 
"Why  should  I  Hke  a  timorous  bird. 

To  distant  mountains  fty  ?" 


FANNY    NEWELL.  107 


no ! 

"I  will  gladly  fulfil  his  adorable  will, 
Roll  round  with  the  year, 

And  never  standstill 
Till  the  Master  appear." 

"  So  shall  my  walk  be  close  with  God, 
Calm  and  serene  my  frame, 

And  purer  light  shall  mark  the  road, 
That  leads  me  to  the  Lamb." 


December  3d. 

Mr.  Newell  has  returned  from  his  appointment. 
I  have  had  another  day  of  thick  darkness,  but  the 
Lord  has  removed  it ;  blessed  be  his  holy  name ! 
the  Comforter  is  come  and  a  trying  scene  is  near. 

Here  I  will  refer  the  reader  to  1  Samuel  i. — I 
have  prayed,  but  I  have  feared,  that  I  should  not 
live,  hke  Hannah  of  old,  to  see  the  full  accomplish- 
ment of  my  faith  ;  but  God  will  raise  up  an  Eh  if 
need  so  require.  It  is  now  a  long  time  since  I 
have  been  able  to  write^  and  what  shall  be  said,  O 
my  Lord  and  my  God,  for  the  wonderful  things 
which  thou  hast  done  for  me  ?  I  will  adopt  the 
language  of  David,  and  say,  "  O  give  thanks  unto 
the  Lord,  for  he  is  good  ;  for  his  mercy  endureth 
forever."  It  is  with  solemn  awe,  that  I  attempt  a 
relation  of  the  deahngs  of  God  with  me,  for  a  few 
weeks  that  are  past. 

I  am  truly  a  monument  of  his  mercy — one  that 
has  been  delivered  from  the  jaws  of  death — yea, 
more,  I  thought  I  had  clean  escaped  out  of  this 
troublesome  world. 

On  the  evening  of  the  4th  of  December,  1811, 
my  first  born  was  introduced  to  the  joy  of  all  present. 
I  said  in  my  heart,  he  shall  be  called  Ebenczer  ; 


108  MEMOIRS   OF 

for  hitherto  the  Lord  has  helped  me.  Three  days 
after,  by  means  of  neglect,  I  took  a  violent  cold, 
and  a  fever  followed.  O  what  a  wonder  that  I 
am  alive  on  the  shores  of  time.  I  am  a  miracle  of 
grace,  and  am  thankful  for  this  instance  of  mercy  ; 
for  I  would  rejoice  in  the  will  of  my  Heavenly 
Father,  and  to  have  it  more  than  my  meat  and  drink 
to  do  his  will.  For  me  it  would  have  been  better  to 
have  departed,  and  then  I  should  have  been  with 
Christ.  O  yes,  the  delightful  prospect  which  I  had 
of  heaven  and  glory  still  rests  within  my  heart.  On 
the  eighth  day  my  body  sunk  in  a  measure  under 
my  disease,  and  for  several  days  I  had  httle  know- 
ledge of  what  passed  around  me.  The  terror  of 
death  was  upon  me,  and  I  expected  soon  to  pass 
its  dismal  vale.  My  mind  was  resigned  to  give  up 
my  friends,  and  die  in  a  strange  land,  yet  to  leave 
a  dear  afflicted  husband  and  tender  son,  were  pain- 
ful thoughts  to  me.  I  began  now  to  examine  my- 
self, and  sought  earnestly  for  full  resignation  to  the 
will  of  God — and  I  found  what  I  sought.  The 
Lord  delivered  me  from  the  terrors  of  death,  and 
enabled  me  to  give  up  all,  and  I  felt  fully  resigned 
to  go. 

Then  an  awful,  glorious,  interesting  scene  was 
open  to  my  view ;  and  whether  I  was  in  the  body  or 
out  of  the  body,  I  cannot  tell ;  God  knoweth. 
This  one  thing  I  know,  that  I  had  no  knowledge  of 
anything,  that  transpired  below  the  sun  on  this 
earth.  Neither  did  I  see  anything  with  my  natural 
eyes  ;  for  they  were  covered  with  several  thickness- 
es of  cloth,  to  protect  them  from  the  hght,  which 
gave  me  pain.  In  the  first  of  my  vision  I  thought, 
that  I  had  taken  leave  of  all  earthly  friends,  and  was 
taken  up  a  little  from  the  earth  ;  from  thence  looking 


FANNY    NEWELL.  109 

down  I  saw  my  body,  from  which  my  spirit  had  so 
lately  taken  her  flight.  I  saw  also  my  companion 
and  friends  weeping  around  the  poor  lifeless  clay, 
and  thought  God  had  taken  all  natural  affection 
from  me,  for  I  felt  no  degree  of  sorrow.  My  stay 
here  was  short ;  for  I  beheld  a  path  like  stairs  lead- 
ing from  earth  to  Heaven,  and  immediately  was  on 
the  stairs  ascending  up  to  Heaven.  I  observed 
that  there  were  multitudes  of  people  behind  and 
before  me,  who  were  ascending  the  same  stairs. 
As  we  came  to  the  top,  the  stairs  seemed  to  form 
an  oval ;  and  descending  into  a  level,  I  beheld  on 
this  plain  a  gulf  of  darkness,  out  of  which  issued 
black  pillars  of  smoke. 

Still  advancing  I  observed  a  great  contrast  in  the 
people  who  were  with  me.  Some  of  them  appeared 
very  lively,  gay,  and  elegantly  dressed ;  others  ap- 
peared meanly  dressed  and  decrepit.  As  I  drew 
near  the  gulf,  some  fears  began  to  arise,  not  dis- 
cerning any  way  to  cross  it.  I  hurried  on  hoping 
to  see  how  those  who  were  before  me  crossed,  or 
what  became  of  them.  When  I  came  near,  to  my 
great  astonishment  I  saw  over  the  gulf,  and  lo !  a 
wall  great  and  high,  in  which  was  a  gate.  I  beheld 
some  persons  entering.  I  stood  with  wonder  and 
ardent  desire  to  cross,  being  confident  that,  if  I 
could  only  get  on  the  other  side,  I  should  be  forever 
safe,  and  happy.  With  redoubled  haste  I  moved  on 
to  see  what  was  the  end  of  those,  who  were  yet 
before  me.  Coming  near  the  brink,  to  my  surprise, 
those  who  appeared  mean  and  decrepit  in  a  moment 
were  changed  and  assumed  the  most  beautiful  ap- 
pearance that  my  eyes  had  ever  beheld ;  and  im- 
mediately I  saw  them  on  the  other  side ;  the  gate 
opened  ;  they  enter,  and  were  seen  no  more.  Oh ! 
10 


110  MEMOIRS    OF 

dreadful  to  tell,  those  dear  souls,  who  but  a  few 
moments  before  were  lively  and  gay,  here  appeared 
too  horrid  to  describe.  As  they  approached  the 
brink,  they  writhed  and  with  an  horrid  shriek  drop- 
ped, and  plunged  out  of  my  sight.  This  is  the  end 
of  the  wicked.  I  thought  that  I  would  kneel  down, 
and  pray,  that  my  faith  might  not  fail,  and  plead  for 
help  in  this  time  of  need. 

Rising  from  my  knees,  and  looking  most  earn- 
estly across  the  gulf,  I  beheld  the  gate  thrown  wide 
open,  and  a  man  standing  full  in  the  gateway.  I 
raised  up  both  my  hands,  and  cried  out,  that  is  my 
Saviour,  Christ  the  Lord.  0  how  unspt^akable  was 
the  joy  that  filled  my  soul.  Immediately  he  spoke 
and  said,  "  Fanny,  you  must  not  come  yet ;  thou 
shalt  not  die,  but  live,  and  declare  the  works  of  the 
Lord  to  the  children  of  men.  Go  back  to  yonder 
earth."  When  these  words  were  spoken,  I  was 
turned  about.  He  pointed  out  my  course  to  me, 
repeating  the  words  "  thou  shalt  not  die,"  &c.  My 
mind  shrunk  at  the  thoughts  of  going  back  again  to 
the  earth.  I  cried  out,  how  can  I  go  back  ?  My 
mind  was  filled,  whilst  in  full  view  of  the  heavenly 
world,  and  just  ready  to  enter  bright  glory,  and 
must  I  be  driven  back  upon  the  boisterous  ocean  of 
life  ?  O  Lord,  help  me.  Then  these  words  were  spok- 
en the  third  time,  "  thou  shalt  not  die,"  &c.,  and  with 
them  a  divine  power  of  reconciliation  so  filled  my 
heart,  that  all  was  peace ;  and  such  a  view  of  dif- 
ferent parts  of  the  earth,  islands,  new  settlements, 
and  large  towns,  and  villages,  was  given  to  me  that, 
when  I  came  to  myself,  I  called  for  Mr.  Newell.  He 
sat  by  me  (as  he  afterwards  told  me,  waiting  to  see 
what  the  Lord  was  about  to  do  with  me,  and  had 
my  hand  in  his,)  and  pressing  my  hand  gently  said, 


FANNY  NEWELL.  HI 

I  am  here.  I  answered,  I  shall  not  die,  but  live, 
and  declare  the  wonderful  works  of  God  to  the 
children  of  men. 

I  requested  the  meeting  to  be  adjourned  from 
the  school-house  that  was  near,  and  have  the  meet- 
ing in  the  house,  where  I  had  been  sick.  It  was  so 
ordered,  and  the  next  evening  the  good  neighbors 
flocked  in  and  filled  the  adjoining  room  and  Mr. 
Newell  preached  from  Psalm  cxviii.  17,  "  I  shall 
not  die  but  live  and  declare  the  works  of  the  Lord," 
agreeably  to  my  request.  I  was  enabled  from  my 
bed  to  exhort  the  people,  who,  with  many  tears, 
rejoiced  with  us  in  what  the  Lord  had  done ;  for 
when  the  Doctor,  a  very  skilful  man,  left  the  house 
the  night  before,  he  said.  Sister  Newell  can't  live 
until  morning.  Of  course  the  inquiry  was.  Is  she 
dead  ?  The  blessings  of  Heaven  seemed  to  fall 
and  rest  upon  us.  O  Lord,  hold  that  kind  people 
in  remembrance.  "  0  that  men  would  praise  the 
Lord  for  his  goodness,  and  his  wonderful  works  to 
the  children  of  men." 

"  If  such  a  worm,  as  I,  can  spread 
The  common  Saviour's  name, 
Let  Him,  who  rais'd  me  from  the  dead, 
Gluicken  my  mortal  frame." 

I  bless  the  Lord  who  crowneth  me  with  loving  kind- 
ness. He  hath  remembered  the  low  estate  of  his 
handmaid.  I  was  brought  low  and  he  hath  raised 
me  from  the  gates  of  death,  that  I  should  praise 
him  in  the  land  of  the  living.  The  dead  cannot 
praise  thee  in  this  earth,  but  the  living  !  they  praise 
thee.  Praise  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  let  the  re- 
deemed of  the  Lord  praise  him,  whom  he  hath 
redeemed  with  his  own  blood.     I  will  call  upon  the 


112  MEMOIRS   OF 

Lord  as  long  as  I  live,,  and  make  mention  that  he  is 
good.  Great  and  terrible  is  he  when  he  ariseth  to 
make  known  his  wrath  amongst  the  wicked.  But 
I  will  keep  thy  law  within  my  heart.  It  shall  be 
my  delight  to  meditate  day  and  night.  Set  me  as  a 
seal  upon  thy  heart,  for  thy  love  is  stronger  than 
death. 

"  Beneath  the  shadow  of  thy  wings, 
I  shall  securely  rest." 

Sabbath,  Dec.  22. 
I  am  now  able  to  begin  to  take  care  of  the  great 
charge,  which  the  Lord  has  committed  to  me.  At 
a  quarterly  meeting  holden  in  Cabot,  we  devoted 
our  son  to  God  in  the  holy  ordinance  of  baptism, 
and  so  manifest  was  the  approbation  of  that  God, 
to  whom  we  set  him  apart  by  this  sacred  seal,  that 
error  stood  back,  and  one  of  the  most  rigid  said,  *'  let 
them,  who  think  it  their  duty  to  baptize  infants,  do  it, 
and  the  Lord  bless  them."  A  young  woman,  who  had 
waited  to  be  baptized  by  immersion,  on  this  occasion, 
rose  in  a  distant  part  of  the  crowded  assembly,  and 
said  with  a  loud  and  quick  voice,  "  let  me  go  to 
Heaven  with  little  children" — rushed  through  the 
crowd — kneeled  down  and  was  baptized  by  pouring. 
This  gave  such  a  shock  to  the  people,  and  the  glory 
of  God  was  so  manifest,  that  all  appeared  to  be  sat- 
isfied, that  God  owned  this  ordinance.  My  soul 
felt  a  blessing  in  giving  myself  afresh  to  him,  with 
all  I  have  and  am.  0  that  we  may  have  grace  to 
bring  this  child  up  for  God.     Amen. 

February. 
Visit  some  part  of  the  circuit,  where  reformation 


FANNY    NEWELL.  IIS 

has  been  spreading.  In  Greensboroiigh  a  young 
man  came  out  to  meeting,  because  he  heard  that 
the  preacher's  wife  sometimes  exhorted  the  people ; 
and,  as  he  afterwards  stated,  beheved  in  what  is 
calledUniversahsm.  Mr.  NewelPs  text  was,  1  Cor. 
vi.  19,  20.  "Ye  are  not  your  own,  for  ye  are 
bought  with  a  price  :"  Here  Mr.  Newell  paused  and 
stood  silent  about  one  minute.  The  young  man 
thought,  well,  this  will  do  for  me  ;  the  preacher  ^vill 
do  no  harm  to  my  sentiments  to-night.  But  when 
the  latter  clause  was  read,  "  therefore  glorify  God  in 
your  body,  and  in  your  spirit,  which  are  his,"  he  trem- 
bled ;  and  whilst  the  discourse  lasted,  his  sentiments 
were  failing  him  ;  but  as  he  added,  when  the  woman 
rose  and  spake,  he  was  like  sinking  Peter ;  crying. 
Lord,  save  or  I  perish.  I  sink  into  eternal  ruin. 
He  was  not  alone.  Many  like  himself,  sought  and 
found  mercy,  on  this  part  of  the  circuit ;  and  now 
the  promises  of  the  Lord  are  verified.  I  left  a 
kind  father's  house,  but  have  found  truly  a  hundred 
fathers'  houses ;  yea,  all  the  people,  where  I  go, 
treat  me  with  respect,  and  many  with  Christian  af- 
fection. Now  I  am  preparing  to  leave  this  place, 
many  have  been  the  heart  cheerings  and  soul  reviv- 
ings,  which  I  have  enjoyed  in  various  parts  of  this 
circuit,  and  now  to  part  with  this  circle  of  Heaven- 
bound  friends  seems  trying. 

June  8th. 
We  parted  with  our  friends  on  Danville  Circuit. 
Some  of  the  youth  followed  us  through  the  neigh- 
borhood from  which  we  set  out.  We  called  and 
prayed  with  several  families,  and  bid  them  farewell  ; 
and  we  had  a  solemn  and  affectionate  parting  ;  for 
they  seemed  like  our  Heavenly  Father's  family, — 
10* 


114  MEBIOIRS    OF 

Bless  the  Lord,  0  my  soul,  for  giving  us  favor  in 
the  eyes  of  the  people,  and  souls  for  our  hire.  O 
how  merciful  has  the  Lord  dealt  with  his  feeble  dust 
this  year  ! — I  will  record  his  praise. — We  move  on 
by  easy  stages  to  Pembroke,  and  renew  the  tender 
friendship  with  endeared  family  connections ; — hold 
several  meetings — and  have  freedom  in  private  con- 
versation with  many.  O  may  the  Lord  make  it  a 
lasting  blessing  to  them,  even  when  I  am  no  more 
numbered  with  the  inhabitants  of  this  earth. 

June  22c/. 
We  find  it  painful  to  pvut  with  these  friends,  but 
duty  draws  us  on. 

23. — Reach  Lynn,  Mass.  where  our  conference  was 
holden,  put  up  at  Br.  Newell's  ;  a  family  connection 
of  my  husband.  O  that  I  may  be  useful  to  this  family 
and  all  with  whom  I  may  converse  during  this  meet- 
ing. These  times  are  trying.  War  ! — the  proc- 
lamation of  war  reached  us  while  we  are  here,  and 
our  meetings  are  attended  with  solemnity. —  Mr. 
Newell's  appointment  is  on  Barre  circuit,  in  Ver- 
mont. 

We  take  a  tour  to  Kennebec-  I  hail  my  native 
land  with  joy,  and  with  gratitude  relate  the  dealings 
of  a  kind  and  bountiful  hand,  that  has  been  with  us, 
and  the  wonderful  works  of  God  that  I  have  witnes- 
sed. Find  that  death  has  been  removing  numbers 
of  my  former  acquaintance, — and  now  1  can  go  to 
my  beloved  spot,  where  my  duty  was  made  known 
to  me — to  go  and  sound  salvation.  O  praise  the 
Lord  for  what  he  has  shown  me  of  his  glory,  and 
taught  me  by  his  Spirit. 

After  a  short  and  I  trust  profitable  stay,  we  again 
urn  our  course  to  distant  climes.     After  a  long  and 


FANNY    NEWELL.  11^ 

pleasant,  though  fatiguing  journey,  we  are  again 
fixed  on  our  circuit,  and  truly  it  affects  my  heart, 
and  gives  me  a  new  evidence  of  my  being  in  my 
place,  where  the  Lord  would  have  me,  to  witness 
the  kindness  of  strangers.  Our  meetings  are  at- 
tended with  power,  and  signs  of  reformation  appear 
in  every  part  of  the  circuit.  I  have  attended  a 
number  of  places,  and  sinners  lie  near  my  heart. 
Souls  are  precious,  and  the  anxiety  I  feel  for  the 
advancement  of  the  Redeemer's  kingdom  makes  me 
forgetful  of  the  deprivations,  which  surround  me, 
and  the  afflictions  which  I  suffer.  I  make  my  home 
in  Berlin,  at  Br.  Currier's,  and  many  are  the  happy 
meetings,  with  which  the  Lord  has  favored  us 
while  here.  Some  souls  were  converted,  and  we 
had  some  loud  shouts  for  the  redemption  of  some 
precious  souls,  brought  out  of  darkness  into  God's 
marvellous  light.  The  sound  of  battle — garments 
rolled  in  blood,  cause  me  to  cry  to  the  Prince  of 
Peace,  to  sway  his  mild  sceptre  and  hush  the  nations 
to  rest. 

I  have  been  round  the  circuit  with  Mr.  Newell. 
Bless  the  Lord  for  the  work  of  grace  on  this  circuit ; 
— but  tleath  has  marked  many  victims.  In  one 
small  place,  thinly  inhabited,  seventeen  were  carried 
to  their  graves  in  less  than  three  weeks.  Out  of 
one  family  consisting  often  persons,  if  my  memory 
serves  me,  seven  have  died  ;  only  three  children  left. 
The  house  thus  left  stood  desolate.  Some  grave- 
yards looked  almost  like  plowed  fields.  Ah  !  Lord, 
when  thy  judgments  are  in  the  earth,  will  the  people 
learn  righteousness  ?  0  how  many  poor  soldiers,  far 
from  their  friends,  have  been  buried  by  strangers  ; 
and  if  any  tears  were  shed  over  their  graves,  they 
must  be  by  strangers.     Mr.  Newell  has  been  called 


1  16  MEMOIRS   OF 

to  preach  a  number  of  funeral  sermons  to  the  friends, 
who  were  called  to  the  painful  scene  of  paying  this 
respect  to  the  memory  of  their  friends,  who  died  in 
the  army,  and  were  buried  at  a  distance. 

He  gave  me  the  relation  of  one  poor  woman,  who 
heard  that  her  husband  was  sick  in  Plattsburgh. 
She  left  her  little  ones,  and  went  with  speed  in 
hopes  to  console  her  afflicted  husband.  She  heard 
nothing  of  him,  until  she  opened  the  door  of  the 
hospital,  and  was  there  informed  that  he  was  dead 
and  buried.  Every  one  present  would  have  gladly 
given  her  some  relief,  but  she  refused  every  offer. 
At  length  one  man  kindly  offered  to  show  her  where 
he  was  buried.  She  thanked  him,  and  followed 
him  to  a  new  burying  ground,  that  had  been  opened 
about  twelve  weeks,  and  counted  three  hundred 
graves.  She  walked  amongst  them  weeping,  but 
her  sorrow  was  not  full.  When  she  came  home 
and  sat  down,  and  the  children  flocked  round  her, 
eagerly  asking,  "  Where  is  father — is  he  coming 
home" — then  the  full  cup  of  grief  was  tasted.  She 
requested  Mr.  N.  to  preach  a  funeral  sermon  to 
her  and  her  weeping  friends,  and  was  gratified.  O 
that  the  Comforter — the  Spirit  of  grace  and  truth 
may  support  and  console  the  bosom  of  the  widow 
and  orphan.  His  text  was  Job,  xix.  21.  "Have 
pity  upon  me,  have  pity  upon  me,  O  ye  my  friends ; 
for  the  hand  of  God  hath  touched  me." 

In  Plainfield  I  spent  a  few  happy  weeks.  One 
dear  servant  of  Christ  was  called  to  leave  the  world. 
He  was  beloved  by  all  who  knew  him  ;  yet  before 
he  died,  his  views  of  his  misspent  time  awoke  in 
his  mind,  and  he  could  not  rest.  In  the  night,  he 
sent  out  to  have  his  neighbors  called.  Many  of 
them  left  their  beds  and  came  to  see  him.     He  con- 


PANNY   NEWELL.  117 

fessed  his  little  engagedness  in  the  cause  he  had 
professed — asked  them  to  forgive  him  ;  saying,  If 
I  had  been  faithful  to  warn  you,  and  exhort  you, 
and  feel  for  your  souls  as  a  Christian  ought,  there 
would  have  been  reformation.  He  pleaded  with 
them  to  be  faithful,and  not  live  so  cold  and  luke- 
warm, as  he  had  done. — O,  my  soul !  take  warning 
and  make  diligent  improvement  of  each  fleeting 
moment. 

"  So  when  my  moments  all  are  fled, 
I  may  with  joy  lay  down  my  head." 

We  have  memorable  meetings  in  this  place. 

May. 

Mr.  Newell  brings  me  intelligence  that  his  horse 
is  stolen.  At  first  I  began  to  think  of  the  loss,  but 
soon  reflected  on  the  wretched  condition  of  the 
thief;  and  said  to  Mr.  Newell,  Let  us  pray  to  God 
for  that  poor  man  ;  for  if  the  horse  should  start,  and 
throw  him  off  and  kill  him,  he  would  certainly  go 
down  to  ruin  ;  and  thus  we  lost  sight  of  the  horse, 
in  praying  to  God  to  have  mercy  upon  the  soul  of 
the  poor  thief.  The  dear  people  thought  on  us. 
One  kind  brother  said,  I  cannot  sleep  in  my  bed, 
and  know  that  our  preacher  is  travelling  the  circuit  on 
foot  to  win  souls  to  Christ,  while  I  have  a  horse  in 
my  possession, — take  my  horse  and  go  on  without 
concern  until  another  is  provided  for  you.  We 
unite  in  prayer  and  Mr.  Newell  said  with  a  smile, 
Although  one  injures  us,  another  is  ready  to  do  us 
good.  So  he  \et\  us  and  went  on  to  his  appoint- 
ment, losing  no  time,  for  the  want  of  conveyance. 

The  first  of  June  we  leave  this  circuit  and  move 
on  towards  Conference,  with  our  hearts  much  re- 


118  MEMOIRS    OF 

freshed ;  for  the  affectionate  people  have  supplied 
our  lack,  and  loaded  us  with  benefits.  O  Lord  I 
reward  them  according  to  thy  promise.  Truly  the 
Lord  is  good,  and  I  have  been  happily  disappointed. 
The  desire  of  my  heart  is  in  a  measure  granted — 
for  souls  are  converted  to  God,  and  I  am  surrounded 
with  his  goodness. 

My  tender  feelings  are  again  wrought  up,  while 
parting  with  my  kind  and  loving  brethren  and  friends, 
which  I  have  found  this  year,  and  formed  an  agreea- 
ble acquaintance  with.  We  part  in  hopes  to  meet 
again  in  peace,  where  parting  shall  be  no  more. 
We  attend  a  camp-meeting,  and  then  go  on,  praising 
God  for  his  goodness,  to  Brookfield,  where  Mr. 
Newell  leaves  me  amongst  his  relations  in  his  native 
town,  while  he  goes  on  to  Conference.  Here  I 
form  a  new  circle  of  friends,  deeply  impressed  on 
my  memory.  O,  that  my  visit  tu  this  place  may 
prove  a  blessing.  We  have  many  pleasing  and  1 
hope  profitable  interviews.  Mr.  Newell  returns. 
We  have  an  affectionate  parting  with  our  friends, 
and  pass  through  North-Brookfield,  and  spend 
some  time  in  the  grave-yard,  where  his  grand- 
father Newell  was  buried.  There  was  no  ap- 
pearance of  a  grave,  where  his  body  was  en- 
tombed. How  short  is  time!  Here  the  mossy 
stones  have  given  up  their  charge,  and  we  cannot 
tell  who  was  buried  beneath  them.  But  it  is  no 
matter,  thought  I — let  my  name  only  be  written  in 
the  fair  book  of  life,  it  will  be  read  by  all  in  a  coming 
day,  when  these,  who  have  been  so  long  confined 
to  this  scanty  bed,  shall  rise  and  come  forth — yea, 
when  all  the  dead  come  forth,  small  and  great,  to  be 
judged  in  the  great  day. 

Here  we  spend  a  profitable  moment,  and  then 
bend  our  course  towards  Vermont  again ;  for  Mr. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  119 

Ne well's  appointment  is  the  Barnard  circuit.  There 
about  two  years  ago  I  was  favored  with  such  marks 
of  love  and  friendship,  as  time  cannot  obliterate ; 
and  now  my  lot  is  fixed  amongst  them  for  a  few- 
months  more.  0  my  support  and  constant  help, 
preserve  and  keep  me,  as  the  apple  of  thine  eye, 
that  1  may  not  offend  thee,  but  prove  a  blessing  to 
this  endeared  people.     Souls  are  precious. 

"  Through  tribulation  deep, 

The  way  to  glory  hes  ; 
This  stormy  course  I  keep 

O'er  these  tempestuous  seas  ; 
By  wmds  and  waves  I'm  tost  and  driv'n, 
Freighted  with  grace  and  bound  to  heav'n." 

I  go  round  this  large  circuit,  witnessing  the  pre- 
sence and  power  of  God  ready  to  heal.  How  is 
my  poor  heart  affected  to  see  the  tears  and  hear  the 
sighs  of  the  penitents.  Truly  I  can  weep  with 
those  that  weep,  and  rejoice  with  those  that  rejoice. 
I  look  back  to  Sidney  and  call  to  mind  those  nights 
and  days  of  my  own  sorrow,  and  say,  now  I  see, 
hear,  feel,  and  know  by  experience  what  1  then  an- 
ticipated in  visions  and  contemplations,  and  now 
had  I  a  brazen  mouth,  an  iron  tongue,  and  adaman- 
tine lungs,  I  would  willingly  stand  on  these  wild 
mountains,  and  sound  Salvation,  until  all  creation 
should  hear  the  joyful  news,  and  fall  in  love  with 
my  ever  blessed  Saviour,  and  join  with  all  the  bright 
armies  in  heaven,  to  give  him  praises  due.  But 
this  is  not  God's  method.  I  am  reading  my  Bible, 
and  that  tells  me,  that  many  shall  run  to  and  fro,  and 
knowledge  shall  increase  in  the  earth.  Well,  then, 
weak'  and  frail  as  I  am,  like  that  woman  of  old,  I 
will  run  and  say,  "  Come,  and  see  a  man,  who  has 


120  MEMOIRS  OF 

told  me  all  things  that  ever  I  did ;  is  not  this  the 
ChnstV 

I  have  many  bodily  infirmities  to  suffer,  and  many 
severe  and  trying  scenes  to  pass,  but  blessed  be 
God,  his  faithfulness  never  fails.  He  raises  me  up 
friends  in  every  place  ;  yea,  the  physicians  have  not 
forgotten  to  be  kind,  and  that  not  for  money.  They 
refuse  rewards  of  gold,  saying,  You  are  engaged  in 
a  good  work — we  will  not  receive  your  money — 
keep  it  for  your  good.  O  Lord  !  let  thy  blood  pre- 
pare them  for  heaven.  I  have  fathers  and  mothers 
in  this  place,  and  our  meetings  are  crowned  with 
newborn  souls.  Praise  ye  the  Lord.  Although  I 
am  deprived  of  some  public  meetings,  on  account 
of  bodily  infirmity,  yet  my  time  is  spent  profitably 
to  myself  Of  late  I  have  thought  much  on  death, 
judgment,  and  eternity,  and  they  appear  near  to  me. 
But 


"  111  hope  of  an  immortal  crown, 
I  now  sustain  the  cross ; 
And  gladly  wander  up  and  down, 
And  smile  at  pain  or  loss." 

The  time  to  part  with  our  proved  friends  in  this 
place  draws  near,  and  as  Paul,  when  he  left  the  isle, 
was  loaded  with  all  he  had  need  of,  so  were  we  ; 
and  after  a  most  interesting  season  of  devotion,  in 
which  a  number  of  vocal  prayers  were  fervently 
poured  out  for  us,  and  our  little  one,  that  God  would 
protect,  and  aid,  and  comfort  us  on  our  journey,  we 
tore  ourselves  away  from  them,  while  tears  flowed 
in  abundance — but  in  strong  hopes  of  meeting 
again,  where  tears  are  seen  no  more. 

We  follow  down  the  White  River,  and  cross  Con- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  121 

inecticut  River,  and  begin  to  rise  the  hills  to  the 
East,  and  meet  some  soldiers.  Mr.  Newell  spoke 
to  them  and  they  wept.  He  found  that  the  main 
body  were  moving  on  to  meet  us,  at  a  few  miles 
distance.  We  continually  met  some,  who  were 
feeble,  and  suffered  to  go  on  ahead.  My  dear 
friend  talked  to  them,  as  he  passed  slowly  by  them, 
and  expressed  how  strong  his  desire  was  to  pray 
with  the  main  body  of  the  troops,  resolving  to  pro- 
pose it  to  the  officers.  So  the  good  providence  of 
God  would  have  it,  for  just  as  we  came  in  sight, 
they  halted  for  a  few  moments'  respite  from  the  fa- 
tigues of  marching.  When  we  came  to  them,  Mr. 
Newell  saluted  them  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,  and 
they  waved  the  glittering  spear.  He  expressed  his 
desire  to  pray  with  the  party,  which  they  gladl)'  ac- 
cepted ;  saying,  we  are  rejoiced  to  find  a  Minister, 
who  is  willing  to  pray  for  us,  and  not  curse  us. 
One  of  the  officers  took  our  horse  by  the  bridle, 
for  he  was  afraid  of  their  arms,  and  led  us  along  to 
the  baggage-waggon,  whilst  command  was  given  to 
beat  the  drum — Not  for  war,  was  my  cry  ;  this 
hoarse  music  is  now  used  to  call  you  to  peace  and 
heaven.  The  hollow  square  was  formed.  I  sat  in 
the  carriage  which  formed  part  of  one  hne,  and  my 
dear  husband  was  conducted,  in  a  martial  way,  to 
the  centre,  and  my  heart  went  with  him,  and  the 
Lord  stood  by  him.     He  began  by  singing 

"  Am  I  a  soldier  of  the  cross, 
A  follower  of  the  Lamb  ?"  &c. 

He  gave  them  a  few  words  of  address  from  these 
words,  "  Quit  yourselves  like  men,    be  bold,  be 
strong."     He  told  them  that  wickedness    would 
11 


122  MEMOIRS   OF 

make  them  cowards  in  the  day  of  death,  but  that 
righteousness  would  make  men  bold  in  judgment. 
When  he  kneeled  down  to  pray,  some  of  the  sol- 
diers kneeled  also  ;  others  stood  erect,  and,  before 
the  prayer  was  closed,  sobs  and  cries  were  hear^ 
from  every  part  of  the  circle.  They  melted  down 
— they  wept — and  many  bowed  down  to  the  earth. 

0  my  soul,  how  far  removed  from  the  horrors  of 
war  is  the  spirit  of  the  gospel !  Christ  hath  said,  I 
came  not  to  destroy  men's  lives,  but  to  save  ! 

We  now  renew  our  journey,  and  as  Ave  proceed, 

1  reflect.  What  has  the  Lord  wrought  for  me.  I 
now  have  a  son  and  a  daughter — fair  pictures  of 
health — blossoms  plucked  from  the  hand  of  the 
Lord  in  the  midst  of  the  green  hills  of  Vermont. 
Can  now  cross  rivers  with  my  two  children — speak 
to  men  in  the  highway — and  see  them  weep. 

Once  more  we  enjoy  a  pleasing  interview  at 
father  Newell's  in  Pembroke,  N.  H.  We  recount 
the  mercies  of  God,  have  some  precious  meetings, 
and  part  again,  in  hopes,  if  we  meet  no  more  on 
earth,  to  meet  in  heaven.  We  journey  on  to  the 
east,  but  find  the  heavy  rains  render  travelling  un- 
pleasant. Our  tight  covered  waggon  enables  us  to 
persevere  :  but  we  fear  the  bridges  will  be  carried 
away  by  the  freshet,  and  so  it  was.  For  we  crossed 
Saco  bridge  a  few  fiours  only  before  it  gave  way. 

After  travelling  40  or  50  miles  out  of  our  regular 
course,  we  came  to  my  native  land  once  more,  and 
with  a  grateful  heart  render  thanks  to  our  kind  Pre- 
server, whose  providence  has  been  over  us  for 
good.  Great  have  been  the  displays  of  his  power, 
which  I  have  witnessed  in  Vermont,  in  camp-meet- 
ings and  other  large  assemblies,  where  truth  reached 
the  hearts  of  many,  to  the  salvation  of  their  souls. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  123 

I  spend  a  few  weeks  with  my  beloved  friends, 
and  am  now  preparing  to  go  to  my  new  station, 
which  is  on  Pitlston  circuit,  Kennebec.  Here  also 
the  Lord  raises  me  up  many  friends.  I  travel 
round  the  circuit  with  my  bosom  friend,  and  find  the 
rocky  shores  and  islands  of  the  sea  ready  to  wait 
for  God's  law,  and  many  of  them  have  it  written  in 
their  hearts.  Souls  are  flocking  to  Jesus  ;  but  the 
sound  of  guns  on  the  Sabbath,  and  the  alarms  of 
war,  call  for  the  supporting  hand  of  Grace  to  bear 
us  up  under  the  great  and  various  changes,  through 
which  we  pass  in  this  valley  of  death,  where  his 
light  has  come,  and  the  glory  of  the  Lord  has  risen 
upon  us. 

In  1815  Mr.  Ne well's  appointment  is  on  Bristol 
circuit.  We  make  Bristol  our  home.  Truly  the 
friends  of  Zion  are  kind  and  hospitable  people, 
always  ready  to  do  good  according  to  their  ability. 
All  the  praise  belongs  to  God,  whose  grace  and 
truth  has  made  them  free.  I  find  many  friends  to 
Zion  here,  and  they  are  my  friends.  I  visit  the 
Capes  and  Islands  with  Mr.  Newell,  and  happy 
seasons  we  have,  while  striving  together  to  build  up 
Immanuel's  kingdom.  He  is  God  with  us  indeed. 
It  is  in  him  we  live,  and  move,  and  have  our  being. 

This  is  a  year  of  bodily  affliction,  especially  the 
autumn  and  winter.  Death  seems  ready  to  snatch 
me  away,  whilst  many  around  me,  anxious  to  retain 
me  with  them,  do  all  they  can  for  my  good.  Once 
1  was  carried  home  from  meeting,  almost  lifeless, 
and  my  afflicted  companion  was  left  to  close  the 
meeting  alone.  While  the  physician  and  several 
loving  friends  were  around  me,  one  colored  sister 
in  the  Lord,  was  bathing  my  feet  continually  with 
cold  virfegar,  and  I  observed  that  her  tears  were 


124  MEMOIRS   OF 

fast  falling  from  her  weeping  eyes.  I  ^sked  her 
afterwards  why  she  wept  so  freely  on  that  occasion  1 
"  Why,  nnadam,"  she  replied,  "  I  wept  not  so  much 
for  you,  for  I  thought  you  happy  and  near  the  hea- 
venly world,  but  for  your  husband  and  dear  little 
children  ;  and  I  prayed  to  God  to  let  me  die  for 
you,  for  nobody  would  weep  for  me,  if  I  died.  I 
could  not  bear  the  thought  that  your  little  children 
should  meet  with  such  a  loss."  Thanks  be  to  God 
for  that  love  that  is  stronger  than  death.  We  have 
become  inured  to  meeting  and  parting  with  friends, 
so  we  pass  on  to  New  Durham  circuit ;  but  I  make 
my  home  in  Gardiner.  Here  may  the  Lord  dwell 
with  me,  and  make  my  residence  a  place  of  his  own 
habitation. 

"  My  heart  thou  waterest  from  on  high; 
O  make  it  all  a  pool." 

Here  I  find  a  small  class  of  the  dear  friends  of  Zi- 
on.  0  that  I  may  be  a  blessing  to  them,  and  they 
to  me.  Add  to  our  numbers,  and  add  to  our 
graces.  I  travel  once  round  Mr.  Newell's  circuit, 
and  am  ready  to  say,  What  has  the  Lord  wrought  ? 
Scores,  who  have  professed  to  have  found  pardon- 
ing mercy,  are  counted  in  that  region.  Decrepit 
age  and  httle  children  are  seen,  and  many  of  the 
fair  blooming  youth  are  numbered  amongst  them. 

"  All  glory  to  the  dying  Lamb, 
Who  brought  salvation  near." 

July,  1817. 
Another  year  is  gone,  and  I  can  recount  many  of 
His  mercies.     The  little  society  around  me  is  dear 


FANNT    NEWELL.  125 

to  me.  Our  class  and  prayer  meetings  are  attend- 
ed with  blessings  from  on  high.  My  soul  enjoys 
sweet  communion  with  my  God,  and  my  little  fami- 
ly. We  maintain  family  devotion,  and  find  a  family 
blessing.  0  Lord,  make  me  like  Deborah  of  old, 
a  mother  in  Israel. 

Again  I  am  interrupted  in  my  sweet  retirement, 
and  settled  repose  ;  and  consent  to  move  on  to  the 
Readfield  circuit,  and  again 

"I  give  m}'  mortal  interest  up, 
And  make  my  God  my  all." 

The  Lord  is  good,  and  forever  be  his  name  adored 
for  what  he  has  done  here  on  this  circuit.  The 
work  of  God  is  gloriously  spreading  in  different 
parts  of  this  vicinity,  but  especially  near  where  I 
reside  in  Readfield.  Our  meetings  are  most  affect- 
ing. Songs  of  joy  and  groans  of  poor  deeply 
wounded  sinners,  weeping  for  their  sins,  are  causes 
which  make  angels  rejoice,  and  shall  my  soul  be 
still?     Surely  no. 

"  I'll  praise  him  while  he  lends  me  breath, 
And  when  my  voice  is  lost  in  death 

Praise  shall  employ  my  nobler  powers." 

And  I  find  no  lack  of  friends  when  reformation 
spreads  its  heavenly  banner. 

I  have  travelled  round  this  circuit,  and  have  found 
my  soul  not  a  little  affected  by  what  I  discover  of 
the  state  of  true  religion.  0  how  many  sinners  re- 
main to  be  converted  to  God  or  perish,  and  how 
little  concern  for  their  poor  souls  too  many  of  us,  who 
profess  to  love  God,  manifest  before  a  gazing  world. 

I  am  now  removed  to  my  little  habitation  in 

11* 


126  MEMOIRS  or 

Gardiner,  where  I  again  rejoice  in  a  beloved  re- 
treat. Here  I  hope  to  rest  with  my  httle  family  in 
peace  and  tranquillity.  The  joy,  that  my  dear 
Christian  friends  in  this  place  manifest  at  my  re- 
turn, shows  how  much  they  esteem  me,  and  I  have 
a  great  regard  for  them.  0  Lord,  reward  my  bene- 
factors. 

June,  1818. 

The  New  England  Conference  is  at  Bowman's 
Point,  in  Hallowell.  I  contemplate  to  attend  the 
preaching,  and  my  desire  has  been,  that  the  Lord 
would  make  the  sitting  of  the  Conference  a  bles- 
sing to  the  people,  the  preachers  be  filled  with  the 
power  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  and  perishing  souls  ex- 
perience the  salvation  of  God.  O  Lord,  be  with 
the  preachers  in  conference,  give  them  wisdom 
from  above,  that  they  may  be  directed  aright  in  all 
their  deliberations,  and  every  preacher's  appoint- 
ment wind  up  in  thy  glory  and  the  best  welfare  of 
souls.  However  trying  to  nature  their  charge  may 
be  to  them,  go  with  them,  O  Lord,  for  thou  only 
knowest  how  hard  it  is  to  nature  to  be  an  itinerant 
preacher.  I  have  attended  meeting,  and  have  ex- 
perienced a  blessing.  The  good  Spirit  of  the 
Lord,  like  a  cloud,  seemed  to  hang  over  the  people, 
and  drops  of  mercy,  hke  foretastes  of  heaven, 
were  drank  up  by  many,  while  some,  like  David, 
could  say,  my  cup  is  full — it  runs  over. 

Sabbath.  A  trying  day  for  me,  on  account  of  a 
new  opening  for  preaching  on  St.  Croix  river.  A 
proposal  is  made  by  conference  for  a  volunteer,  and 
Mr.  Newell  wishes  to  go,  if  I  feel  free  to  go  with 
him ;  and  here  is  a  new  trial.  I  know  not  what 
will  be  for  the  best. — I  am  ivilling  he  should  go, 


FANNV   NEWELL.  127 

and  have  a  desire  that  he  should  go  f  but  shrink 
back  from  accompanying  him  ;  for  I  have  had  such 
a  scene  of  sufferings  that  my  feeble  nature  shrinks 
at  the  prospect.  I  have  a  comfortable  place  to  live 
in,  and  my  children  are  with  me  and  tender  ;  and  to 
think  of  launching  out  again  into  the  open  world,  to 
face  the  storms,  and  plunge  through  mud  and  snow 
in  those  wild  regions,  and  to  experience  heat  and 
cold,  I  am  ready  to  say,  have  me  excused,  I  cannot 
go.  With  these  discouragements,  I  go  to  meeting, 
and  my  love  for  souk  increaseth  ;  and  as  the  cry 
of  those  destitute  regions  sounds  louder  and  louder, 
my  objections  give  way,  and  I  begin  to  feel,  like 
one  of  old,  when  he  saw  the  miseries  of  a  ruined 
people,  "here  am  I,  send  me."  After  meeting  I 
gave  my  companion  some  encouragement. 

The  conference  rises,  and  Mr.  NewelPs  appoint- 
ment is  St.  Croix,  and  my  trials  are  so  great,  that 
he  concludes  to  go  and  leave  me  for  a  while.  This 
day  he  has  taken  leave  of  us,  and  his  last  prayer 
before  he  started  on  his  journey  awoke  all  the  tender 
feehngs  of  my  heart.  I  am  fearful,  that  by  not 
going  with  him,  I  have  wronged  my  own  soul,  and 
the  church  of  God.  I  now  begin  to  feel  the  af- 
flictions of  my  mind  exceedingly  heavy.  O  God, 
have  mercy  on  me  ;  for  my  heart  is  sore  pained. 
Cutting  reflections  caused  my  bowels  of  compassion 
to  move,  my  heart  to  melt,  and  my  eyes  to  overflow 
with  many  tears.  I  will  now  humble  myself  before 
my  God,  and  seek  his  perfect  way. 

Sabbath. — This  has  been  a  wearisome  week  to 
me.  I  have  had  but  little  rest,  day  nor  night,  since 
my  companion  left  home ;  for  I  am  con\anced  that 
it  was  my  duty  to  go  with  him,  but  the  path  seems 
to  be  hedged  up  with  briars  and  thorns  ;  yet  it  is  the 


128  MEMOIRS    OF 

plain  and  the  right  path  for  me  to  follow.  That 
vision,  which  I  had  in  Vermont  on  my  sick  bed  six 
years  ago,  comes  fresh  into  my  mind.  What  were 
my  feelings  then,  when  my  Saviour  waved  his  hand, 
and  said  to  me,  "  Fanny,  go  back,"  and  pointed  my 
course  to  this  wilderness  world !  0  how  dreary  did 
the  earth  appear  to  me  then,  when  in  sight  of  that 
celestial  city,  just  across  the  fiery  gulf.  My  feel- 
ings are  much  the  same  now  as  they  were  then.  I 
am  concerned  lest  I  do  the  things  I  ought  not  to 
do,  and  leave  undone  the  things  which  I  ought  to  do. 

"  O  let  thy  Spirit  guide  my  feet, 

In  ways  of  righteousness, 
Make  every  path  of  duty  straight 

And  plain  before  my  face." 

Keep  me,  O  thou  King  of  kings,  under  the  shadow 
of  thine  Almighty  wing. 

"So  shall  my  walk  be  close  with  God, 

Calm  and  serene  my  frame  ; 
While  purer  light  shall  mark  the  road, 

That  leads  me  to  the  Lamb." 

July  6th. 
Sabbath. — Attend  meeting  at  Bowman's  Point, 
and  after  meeting  heard  that  my  companion  had  re- 
turned by  water  from  the  east.  My  heart  shrunk 
within  me,  and  my  spirit  cried  out,  thou,  Lord,  hast 
sent  him  back  to  bring  this  poor  dust  where  she 
ought  to  go  ;  for  obedience  is  better  than  sacrifice, 
and  to  hearken  than  the  fat  of  rams.  The  long 
suffering  mercy  of  God  teacheth  us  daily,  that  he  is 
*'  not  willing  that  any  should  perish,  but  that  all 
should  come  to  repentance. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  129 

At  evening  I  met  my  dear  husband  in  peace  and 
saluted  him  in  these  words,  you  have  come  back  for 
help,  have  you  not  1  He  answered,  "  Woman's 
help."  These  words  went  to  my  heart,  and  my  cry 
was.  Lord  how  can  I  go  ?  it  looks  like  too  great  a 
work  for  me.  David's  words  then  came  to  me  with 
power ; — "  The  Lord  teacheth  my  hands  to  war  and 
my  fingers  to  fight,  so  that  a  bow  of  steel  is  broken 
by  my  arm," — they  were  a  great  comfort  to  me,  and 
I  could  say.  Lord !  I  am  not  afraid  to  trust  thee,  but 
my  poor  flesh  shrinks — yet  through  grace 

"I'll  rise  superior  to  my  pain  ; 
When  I  am  weak  then  I  am  •trong." 

The  thought  of  leaving  Gardiner  is  painful ;  for 
the  providence  of  God  seemed  to  cast  my  lot  there. 
It  was  pleasant  to  me,  and  my  mind  became  more 
composed,  and  willing  to  cease  travelling  than  it  had 
ever  been  before,  since  I  was  married.  I  thought, 
here  my  usefulness  may  be  as  great  as  any  where 
else.  But  now  all  these  pleasant  prospects  are 
blasted,  and  T  have  a  faint  view  that  the  hand  of  God 
is  in  all  this,  and  am  conscious  that  his  dealings  with 
me,  in  the  days  of  my  mourning,  was  to  fit  me  for  a 
life  of  suffering.  He  does  not  bid  me  stop  travelling 
yet ;  therefore  I  have  no  business  with  house  or 
home  at  present. 

All  thanks  to  God,  who  gives  me  once  more  so 
clear  a  discovery  of  the  beauties  of  Christ,  and  the 
worth  of  souls ;  with  such  strong  desires  for  the 
advancement  of  His  kingdom  among  men,  that  it 
now  swallows  up  all  my  other  prospects  and 
thoughts,  and  makes  me  willing  to  be  a  pilgrim,  or 
hermit  in  the  wilderness,  even  to  my  dying  day,  if  I 


130  MEMOIRS    OF 

might  thereby  promote  the  blessed  cause  of  my 
adorable  Redeemer.  My  soul  presents  itself  to 
God,  to  be  employed  in  his  service,  without  reserve, 
and  I  can  say  once  more, 

"I  give  m)^se]f  away; 
'Tis  all  that  I  can  do." 

Here  I  am,  Lord,  send  me  to  the  ends  of  the 
earth — send  me  from  all  that  is  called  good,  or  great 
in  this  world — yea,  I  can  say  with  Paul,  "  I  am  ready 
to  go  to  prison,  or  to  death  for  thy  sake  ;"  and  now 
I  can  say, 

"Farewell,  ray  friends  and  earthly  comforts  too, 
It  is  my  dear  Redeemer  calls,  and  I  must  go" 

Adieu !  adieu  !  ye  fading  joys  of  time,  for  I  am  now 
made  willing  t©  spend  my  life,  and  my  all,  in  the 
service  of  my  God.  Spirit  of  the  Lord!  come 
down  and  seal  me  ever  thine — anoint  me  with  the 
sacred  unction  from  above,  so  that  whilst  I  go  forth 
weeping,  bearing  precious  seed,  I  may  come  again 
rejoicing,  bringing  my  sheaves  with  me.  0  God, 
thou  hast  done  great  things  for  my  soul ;  whereof  I 
am  glad.  Oh,  how  humble  I  ought  to  be,  for  I  am 
not  worthy  to  lie  in  the  dust  before  the  Majesty  on 
high  ;  yet  I  can  say  with  raptures  of  delight ; 

'•  Oi  all  tho  crrovsUina'  kings  of  earth 

With  pity  I  loik.down, 
And  claim,  in  virtue  of  my  birth, 

A  never  fading  crown.'''' 

Juhj  16//?,  1S18. 
Between  the  hours  of  four  and  five  in  the  morn- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  131 

ing,  we  take  leave  of  Gardiner,  glad  to  save  our- 
selves and  friends  the  pain  of  a  formal  parting — go 
on  board — and  sail  slowly  down  the  Kennebec  to 
Bath — dine  with  brother  Wilkinson — return  on  board 
•  — and  anchor  for  the  night  near  the  mouth  of  the 
river,  and  we  have  a  comfortable  refreshing  sleep 
until  about  two  o'clock,  A.  M. — then  heave  anchor, 
and  bear  away  for  St.  Croix,  saihng  rapidly  for  many 
hours.     This  new  method  of  travelling  affects  me. 

Sabbatli  morning.  Instead  of  hearing  the  alarm 
for  meeting,  it  was,  "  Come,  boys,  weigh  anchor, 
and  let  us  be  off."  With  a  light  breeze  they  ran 
just  out  into  the  open  ocean,  south  of  Cranberry  Isle, 
and  there  becalmed,  we  were  tumbling  on  the  rolling 
waves,  for  about  five  hours.  This  was  a  trying 
Sabbath.  We  were  all  very  sea-sick,  but  the  Lord 
be  praised,  we  were  able  to  recover  the  harbor  be- 
fore night  came  on,  and  went  on  shore,  and  were 
most  kindly  received  by  Samuel  Hadlock's  hospita- 
ble family,  who  showed  us  every  kindness  in  their 
power.  Although  we  were  detained  there  for  seve- 
ral days,  yet  they  would  not  take  any  reward  for  all 
our  board  and  expense.  O  Lord  !  rem.ember  them 
for  good,  and  bring  them  safe  to  heaven. 

Mr.  Newell  preached  to  the  people  who  flocked 
in  to  hear  the  word  of  the  Lord.  Before  the  meet- 
ing I  was  much  tried,  and  went  into  my  apartment 
alone.  I  cried  to  the  Lord,  and  he  heard  me,  and 
inclined  my  heart  to  open  his  word ;  for  there  I 
should  find  comfort.  1  opened  that  blessed  book, 
the  Bible,  on  the  49th  chapter  of  the  Prophecy  of 
Isaiah.  I  read  and  wept — and  read  and  wept 
again.  O  thou  indulgent  Parent!  thy  goodness 
surpasses  all  my  thoughts  ;  for  thou  wilt 


132  MEMOIRS    OF 

"  Through  fire  and  water  bring 

Me  to  thy  heav'nly  place, 
And  teach  my  raptured  soul  to  sing, 

When  perfected  in  grace." 

My  faith  is  too  weak.  O  Lord,  increase  my  faith, 
and  help  me  to  labor  for  the  good  of  this  kind  family, 
who  show  us  kindness  for  thy  sake.  0  how  good 
and  pleasant  to  work  for  God,  and  the  good  of 
souls. 

"  O  may  I  ever  walk  in  thee, 
And  nothing  know  beside  ; 
^Nothing  desire,  nothing  esteem, 
But  Jesus  crucified." 


Friday  evening.  Run  into  Little  River  harbor, 
and  Mr.  Newell  preached  to  the  people. 

Saturday.  We  sail  along,  and  as  I  lay  in  my 
cabin,  I  thought  on  the  mariner.  O,  the  goodness 
of  God  in  the  preservation  of  the  sailor  !  How  thin 
the  partition  between  me  and  a  watery  grave.  The 
water  is  continually  dashing  over  my  head,  but  who 
can  be  afraid  that  has  trust  in  God — who  hath  his 
anchor,  Iwpe,  cast  within  the  vale  of  death  ?  Bless 
God,  O  my  soul,  for  a  lively  hope  in  Christ,  my 
rock. — About  1 1  o'clock  we  arrive  at  Lubec.  Mr. 
Newell  preaches  in  the  evening,  and  again  at  9 
o'clock. 

Sabbath  morning.  My  spirit  is  stirred  within  me 
to  see  the  wickedness  of  the  place.  O  may  the 
word  spoken  do  good.  O  how  dreary  to  see  men 
doing  their  own  work  on  the  Lord's  day.  0  my 
God,  have  mercy  upon  them,  and  send  reformation, 
and  give  me  patience  to  endure  all  things,  as  a  good 
soldier  of  the  cross.     At  11   o'clock,  sailed  up  the 


FANNY    NEWELL.  133 

St.  Croix  to  Plantation  No.  1,  and  preached  to  the 
people. 

jyio7iday.  Reached  Calais,  where  I  expect  to 
reside.  The  friends  met  us  at  the  shore,  and  joy- 
fully received  us.  O  Lord  !  bless  them,  and  make 
us  useful,  holy,  persevering,  and  then  we  shall  be 
happy.  We  now  joined  in  thanksgiving  for  preser- 
ving mercy. 

We  occupy  a  part  of  brother  Darling's  house. 
The  people  are  kind,  and  ready  to  do  us  good  accord- 
ing to  their  abihty,  but  I  see  a  great  door  open  for 
doing  good,  both  in  the  church,  and  in  the  world. 
Discipline  is  very  needful  in  this  place,  and  O,  that 
we  may  all  be  willing  to  bear  Christ's  easy  yoke. 

"  A  band  of  love,  a  threefold  cord, 
That  never  can  be  broke." 

Dark  clouds  are  round  about  me,  but  that  same 
God,  who  is  over  all  blessed  forever,  is  rich  unto 
all,  that  call  upon  him.  To  die  in  the  circle  of  my 
blood  relations  has  appeared  to  me  desirable,  but 
the  providence  of  God  is  mysterious,  and  his  ways 
past  finding  out.  My  soul  feels  willing  to  die  where 
he  sees  best,  even  here  amongst  strangers. 

"  Fain  would  I  rest  in  thee,  my  God, 
Thy  light  and  easy  burden  prove  ; 
The  cross  all  stained  with  hallowed  blood  ; 
The  emblem  of  thy  dying  love." 

Friday. — Accompany  Mr.  Newell  through  the 
worst  road  that  I  ever  saw  to  Robbinston.  I  was 
afraid  of  the  deep  muddy  sloughs  ;  but  the  joy  with 
which  the  friends  received  us,  and  the  eager  atten- 
tion of  the  people  to  hear  the  word  of  life,  and  the 
12 


134  MEMOIRS   OF 

appearances  of  reformation  make  me  forget  all  the 
difficulties  of  the  way,  and  rejoice  if  I  can  but  give 
the  least  encouragement  to  any  creature  under  heav- 
en, to  come  to  Christ  and  live. 

Sabbath,  August  9th. 

Calais. — Solemn  time  to  me,  but  my  eye  affects 
my  heart  to  see  the  pride  of  mortals.  A  poor  dying 
worm  !  what  have  we  to  be  proud  of, — what !  such 
dependant  beings  as  we  are,  be  proud  ?  we,  who 
have  reason  to  clothe  ourselves  in  sackcloth,  and  sit 
down  in  the  dust,  and  weep  for  our  sins,  lift  up  our 
heads  in  pride  1 — Be  ashamed,  0  thou  proud  in  heart, 
and  blush,  and  think  that  in  feeding  thy  pride  with 
vanity,  thou  dishonorest  God,  who  will  ere  long  bring 
down  his  judgments  upon  thy  guilty  head.  What 
will  you  do  or  where  will  you  flee,  when  that  great 
day  of  his  wrath  shall  come,  when  all  the  proud,  and 
they  who  do  wickedly,  shall  be  as  stubble,  and  shall 
be  burnt  up  root  and  branch  ; — no  hope  in  this  world 
where  your  prospects  are  rooted ;  and  no  hope  that 
will  profit  you  in  future  prospects.  0-  Lord,  send 
humility  and  meekness  into  my  heart,  and  let  it 
spread  all  around,  until  we  can  see  a  greater  differ- 
ence between  the  professors  of  religion,  and  those 
who  make  no  profession. 

Thursday. — Class  meeting.  A  good  affecting 
time.  I  had  great  liberty  in  speaking  to  them,  and 
especially  to  my  female  friends,  warning  them 
against  pride. 

Friday. — I  have  met  the  females  for  the  first 
time  in  this  place,  and  had  great  liberty  in  speaking 
to  them.  My  time  on  earth  looks  short.  0  for 
grace  rightly  to  discharge  every  duty.  This  is 
truly  a  dreary   part  of   Maine. — Nothing    looks 


FANNY    NEWELL.  135 

pleasant  here,  but  the  dear  lambs  of  my  Redeemer. 
There  are  too  many  sinners  here  for  me.  Nancy 
and  I  retu"e  to  pray  to  God  for  reformation,  and  we 
do  not  grieve,  that  we  left  Gardiner  ;  but  we  grieve 
for  sinners  ;  for  the  Lord  is  great  and  greatly  to  be 
feared. 

Sabbath. — After  reasoning  a  little  with  flesh  and 
blood,  I  arose,  and  spake  to  the  people,  and  had 
great  liberty  in  delivering  my  soul  from  their  blood. 
—Whatever  may  be  said  against  a  female  speaking, 
or  praying  in  public,  I  care  not ;  for  when  I  feel 
confident,  that  the  Lord  calls  me  to  speak,  I  dare 
not  refuse  ; — thanks  be  to  God  for  the  consolation 
it  gives  me,  to  find  that  God  and  man  have  a  con- 
troversy on  this  subject.  We  have  on  record  a 
Deborah  and  a  Hulda,  unto  whom  even  the  Elders 
of  Israel  went  for  counsel,  and  the  holy  prophet 
saw  that,  in  the  latter  day,  God  would  pour  out  his 
Spirit  upon  all  flesh,  and  sons  and  daughters  should 
prophesy ;  I  see  no  cause  why  prophesy  in  this  text 
does  not  favor  the  daughter  equally  with  the  son. 
In  the  Acts  we  read  of  one  Philip,  who  had  four 
daughters  that  did  prophesy.  Paul  tells  us  of  a 
rule,  which  a  woman  "  praying  or  prophesying"  is 
to  observe.  Under  these  considerations  I  can  say, 
"  happy  is  the  man,  who  condemneth  not  himself  in 
the  thing  that  he  alloweth  ;  for  unto  his  own  Master 
he  standeth  or  falleth." 

Jlugust  24th. 
Leave  Calais  for  Robbinston  and  No.  3.  My 
dear  children  cling  round  me,  and  say,  mamma,  if 
you  go,  we  must  go  too.  1  have  never  seen  the 
time  when  I  find  duty  lead  me  away,  but  my  dear 
children  would  be  reconciled  to  it,  when  I  told  them, 


136  MEMOIRS   OF 

that  I  Avas  going  to  exhort  poor  sinners,  that  they 
might  not  go  down  to  Hell. 

The  dear  young  woman,  who  was  wilHng  to  ac- 
company me  to  this  place,  (N.  }3!^sford)  flung  her 
arms  around  my  neck,  and  said,  pray  for  me,  and 
I  hope  you  will  have  the  presence  of  God,  and  be 
prospered.  We  move  on  horseback  slowly  and 
silently,  and  my  meditations  are  most  affecting,  but 
wind  up  in  this  consoling  faith.  0  Lord,  thou  know- 
est  that  it  is  love  to  thee,  that  raises  me  above  all  ob- 
structions. Mr.  Newell's  text  at  Robbinston  was 
Luke  xvi.  5,  "  How  much  owest  thou  my  Lord." 
I  arose  after  the  sermon  was  closed,  and  exhorted 
the  people  to  make  an  immediate  payment,  and 
there  was  a  shaking  among  the  dry  bones. 

Tlinrsday.  We  went  to  the  funeral  of  a  young 
man  who  came  to  the  east  to  get  great  wages  and 
make  himself  rich,  contrary  to  the  wishes  of  his 
parents.  The  Lord  blasted  all  his  hopes,  and 
brought  him  down  to  the  grave,  in  the  morning  of 
his  life,  in  the  bloom  of  youth  ;  as  saith  Job,  "  in 
prosperity  the  destroyer  cometh  upon  him," — the 
strong  men  bow  to  the  relentless  hand  of  death ; 
but  this  youth  was  very  loth  to  die,  and  when  dying, 
he  called  loudly  for  his  mother.  One  asked  him, 
what  he  wanted  of  his  mother.  "  O,"  said  he,  "  she 
was  very  averse  to  my  coming  here,  and  I  want  to 
see  her  before  I  die."  He  now  saw,  when  it  was 
too  late  for  repentance,  that  it  would  have  been 
better  to  have  followed  the  advice  of  a  mother.  It 
is  too  often  that  children  refuse  to  hear  the  counsel 
of  their  father,  and  forsake  the  law  of  their  mother, 
to  their  own  shame  and  confusion.  I  write  this  for 
the  benefit  of  other  youth. — 0  !  that  this  instance 
of  mortality  might  be  sanctified  to  the  great  good  of 


FANNY    NEWELL.  137 

this  place,  and  of  all  who  may  hear  of  this  loud 
call  of  God,  for  youth  as  well  aged  to  "  be  also 
ready."  Mr.  Newell  and  I  sang  the  Hymn  called, 
"  A  death-bed  lamentation  ;" 

"Young  people  all,  attention  give, 
While  I  address  you  in  God's  name,"  &c. 

I  never  before  witnessed  a  more  solemn  and  in- 
teresting funeral.  There  were  no  blood  relations 
to  follow  as  mourners,  yet  this  dear  youth  was  not 
buried  without  tears  to  bedew  his  memory. 

Friday  morning,  August  28th, 
We  set  out  for  Plantation  No.  3  ; — rode  about 
two  miles  on  horseback, — then  left  our  horses  and 
took  passage  in  a  birch  canoe,  across  two  small 
lakes,  about  six  miles,  where  we  were  met  by  the 
young  men,  who  rode  our  horses  round.  We  then 
with  difficulty  made  our  way  through  the  woods, 
two  miles  to  the  place  where  the  appointment  was 
made  for  preaching.  News  met  us  that  the  man  of 
the  house  was  dying,  and  were  asked  if  it  was  not 
best  to  change  the  place  of  the  meeting ;  to  which 
Mr.  Newell  replied,  No,  for  if  he  is  dying,  it  can- 
not injure  him,  and  it  may  do  him  good.  Through 
much  bodily  fatigue  I  reached  the  place,  and  the 
people  had  collected  from  all  parts  of  the  scattered 
settlement,  waiting  our  arrival ;  but  the  kind  woman 
of  the  house  soon  spread  her  table,  and  invited  us  to 
refresh  ourselves  on  what  she  had  provided.  It 
was  a  timely  refreshing  meal  to  me. 

Whilst  1  was  thinking  on  the  distance  I  had  come, 

I  said  inwardly,  if  I  had  no  more  faith  than  health 

and  strength  of  body,  I  never  should  have  been  here. 

This  settlement,   as  we  were  informed,  has  been 

made  about  eight  years,  and  there  never  has  been 

12* 


138  MEMOtRS   Of 

but  one  sermon  preached  in  the  place  before.— 
There  are  about  thirty  famihes.  I  thought,  truly 
the  harvest  is  great,  and  the  laborers  are  few.  We 
are  told  that  there  are  many  new  settlements,  where 
they  have  no  shepherd  to  guide  them  in  the  way 
that  they  should  go. 

My  spirit  is  so  stirred  within  me  at  the  sight  of 
the  people  in  destitute  places,  and  the  missionary 
spirit  takes  such  hold  of  me,  that  hard  things  look 
easy  ;  and  I  am  willing  to  encounter  difficulties,  to 
spend  and  be  spent  in  the  service  of  God  ;  for 
it  is  better  to  wear  out  than  to  rust  out.  O  Lord, 
keep  me  humble. — While  Mr.  Newell  was  preach- 
ing, my  heart  was  warm  with  the  love  of  God, 
which  more  than  compensated  me  for  all  my  pain 
and  fatigue  of  body.  After  sermon  I  arose  to 
deliver  my  mesage,  "  What  came  ye  out  for  to 
see  ?  a  reed  shaken  withthe  wind  ?'  &c.  were 
my  first  words  ;  and  I  had  great  liberty  in  pointing 
them  to  Christ,  as  a  strong  refuge  in  the  day  of 
trouble.  Mr.  N.  rose  and  told  the  weeping  con- 
gregation, that  if  they  wanted  to  see  reformation, 
and  go  to  heaven,  and  were  willing  to  seek  the  Lord 
in  his  appointed  way,  they  might  encourage  our 
hearts  to  pray  for  them,  and  manifest  their  desire  by 
rising  up.  The  whole  congregation  rose,  and  some 
broke  out  in  tears  and  loud  cries.  They  bowed 
like  the  forest  when  moved  by  a  mighty  wind.  In 
prayer  many  of  them  followed  the  example  of  Christ 
in  the  garden  of  Gethsemane.  They  kneeled,  and 
this  meeting  was  rendered  a  blessing.  The  man  of 
the  house  was  healed.  After  the  people  were  re- 
tired, he  rose  and  said  he  felt  well,  only  weak,  and 
continued  to  gain  strength,  and  soon  was  able  to  go 
to  his  daily  labor.     Thanks  be  to  God  for  his  good- 


FANNY  NEWtLL.  139 

iiess  to  the  sons  of  men.  My  soul  was  happy  while 
conversing  with  the  weeping  women,  and  Mr.  N. 
was  employed  in  like  service  with  the  weeping  men. 
We  have  many  tears  for  our  reward  this  day.  O 
Saviour !  wipe  their  tears,  and  give  them  joy.  We 
leave  the  weeping  people  and  make  the  best  of  our 
way  back  to  Robbinston,  and  here  find  great  liberty. 
The  people  appear  solemn  but  the  enemy  of  souls 
appears  ready  to  devour.  Lord,  save  us  from  his 
snares.  Our  meetings  in  this  place  have  been 
tender  and  affecting.  Return  home,  and  find  all 
in  peace.  The  Lord  has  composed  and  comforted 
their  minds. 

Sabbath.  Another  week  has  passed,  and  I  have 
enjoyed  many  happy  hours  in  my  little  family.  0  ! 
could  I  feel  an  easy  conscience — a  '  thus  saith  the 
Lord,'  I  would  travel  with  my  companion  no  more. 
O  may  I  walk  humbly  with  my  God.  May  thy 
Spirit  always  direct  my  steps,  and  make  my  duty 
plain. 

September  23d. 

With  a  melting  heart  I  set  out  for  No.  3,  and 
rode  silently  by  the  side  of  my  kind  husband,  medi- 
tating on  the  wonderful  dealings  of  God  with  me. 
How  rough  and  thorny  my  path  has  been.  I  think 
that  I  have  seen  in  my  short  life  as  much  of  the 
fading  nature  of  all  earthly  enjoyments,  as  any  of 
my  age.  I  must  say  that  it  is  of  the  Lord's  mer- 
cies, that  I  live  to  praise  him.  My  soul  is  hum- 
bled in  the  dust  by  a  remembrance  of  his  goodness. 

24f/i. — We  overtook  two  young  men,  pictures  of 
want,  who  said  they  were  just  from  Scotland,  and 
that  they  had  been  cast  away^  and  five  of  their  com- 
rades were  lost,  and  they  narrowly  escaped  with 


140  MEMOIRS   OF 

only  the  scanty  garbs,  which  they  then  had  on. — 
Their  s®rry  looks  were  enough  to  avouch  the  truth 
of  what  they  said.  Mr.  Newell  told  them  to  seek 
the  Lord,  and  he  would  take  care  of  them  in  a 
stremge  land. — "  Indeed,  Sir,"  said  they,  "  he  has 
forgotten  us  in  this  country,  for  we  have  travelled 
eighty  miles,  and  have  not  had  so  much  food  as 
would  serve  for  one  hearty  meal!"  My  heart 
melted  at  human  wo !  "  Why  have  you  not  called 
on  the  inhabitants  ?  they  would  willingly  feed  you," 
said  Mr.  Newell.  "  Sir,  we  had  rather  feel  hun- 
ger, than  ask  and  be  denied."  Mr.  Newell  said, 
**  call  at  the  next  house,  where  you  see  the  horses 
tied  on  which  we  ride,  and  1  will  beg  for  you." 
"  Thank  you,  sir,  thank  you,  sir  !"  continued  they 
both,  and  bowed  their  heads.  Cheered  with  this 
hope  of  relief,  they  quickened  their  pace  with  more 
lively  looks.  We  called  at  brother  Felt's,  who 
cheerfully  spread  his  table  for  the  needy.  They 
soon  came  to  partake  of  the  bounties  of  heaven 
from  the  hand  of  benevolence.  Mr.  Newell  ex- 
horted them,  prayed  with  them,  and  their  many 
tears  witnessed  their  sincerity.  The  only  thing  that 
gives  me  content  in  this  to  me  dreary  land  is  a  hope 
of  doing  good. 

26ih. — Again  we  meet  the  people  of  No.  3,  and 
my  faith  increases  to  believe,  that  the  Lord  will 
work  wonders  in  this  place.  The  people  are  hun- 
gry for  the  word  of  life,  and  some  of  them  distress- 
ed for  their  souls,  and  deeply  mourning  for  their 
sins.  We  spend  several  days  visiting  from  house 
to  house,  through  these  new  rough  openings  ;  and 
although  no  outward  grandeur  appears,  yet  the  Di- 
vine presence,  manifest  among  the  people,  makes 
their  houses  shine  in  my  view,  with  that  lustre, 


FANNY   NEWELL.  141 

which  art  could  never  effect,  or  paint  produce.— 
Our  Sabbath  meeting  was  crowned  with  great  good. 
The  fruits  thereof,  I  believe,  will  be  found  in  eter- 
nity. A  deep  interest  for  pure  and  undefiled  reli- 
gion seems  to  rest  on  every  mind,  old  and  young. 
God  is  with  us,  and  my  feelings  were  never  more 
ardent,  or  my  strength  more  firm  to  hold  up  the 
hands  of  God's  servant,  than  it  is  this  day.  "  Ask 
for  the  old  paths,  where  is  the  good  way,  and  walk 
therein,  and  ye  shall  find  rest  to  your  souls  ;"  was 
a  passage  that  lay  with  weight  on  my  mind.  I 
spoke  with  freedom  to  the  people,  the  Lord  helping 
me  by  his  grace.  The  dear  people  follow  us  from 
place  to  place,  and  the  sight  is  affecting.  O  may 
the  good  Spirit  of  God,  our  Saviour,  guide  these 
dear  penitent  souls  in  the  way  of  life  eternal.  O 
how  I  long  to  see  the  salvation  of  God  go  forth, 
like  the  morning. 

JMonday.  We  had  a  meeting  on  a  ridge,  where 
no  religious  meeting  had  been  ever  holden  before, 
and  a  solemn  melting  time  it  was.  O,  my  blessed 
Lord !  thou  dost  encourage  my  soul  to  labor,  and 
suffer  for  thee.  I  must  tell  of  thy  goodness,  for  it 
leadeth  to  repentance.  I  must  warn  my  fellow 
mortals  to  flee  from  the  wrath  to  come,  and  exhort 
them  to  bring  forth  fruits  meet  for  repentance. 

"  O  Jesu?!  1  ride  on,  thy  kingdom  is  glorious, 

O'er  sin,  death,  and  hell,  thou  wilt  make  us  victorious." 

We  now  set  out  for  our  next  appointment,  and  a 
number  of  the  people  followed  us — all  true  peni- 
tents seeking  redemption  in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb. 
We  moved  on,  step  by  step,  over  rocks,  roots,  and 
through  sloughs, — getting  off  where  I  could  not 


142  MEMOIRS   OF 

ride.  Thus  we  passed  from  one  mile  to  another. 
It  was  very  affecting  to  my  tender  heart  to  see  them 
weeping,  as  we  passed  along,  and  to  hear  them 
confessing  their  faults  to  each  other.  We  being  at 
a  little  distance  from  them,  I  said  to  my  husband, 
This  gives  me  more  joy  than  thousands  of  gold  and 
silver  ;  nay,  if  I  had  a  gilded  palace  to  hve  in,  and 
all  the  rich  dainties  which  this  earth  affords,  it  could 
not  give  me  such  real  solid  joy,  as  this  does.  I  am 
happier  than  a  queen  on  a  throne,  and  I  am  sure 
that  they  regard  me  more  than  any  subjects  love  an 
earthly  prince,  and  are  as  ready  to  serve  me  in 
every  thing  in  their  power,  and  that  in  love.  0  ! 
what  seraphic  joy  to  see  penitential  tears — to  see 
mourners  in  Zion.  We  call  and  visit  some  houses, 
and  find  the  people  all  tender,  and  glad  to  see  us, 
and  welcome  us  to  their  habitations  with  joy.  Our 
hearts  are  filled  with  consolation,  for  there  are  signs 
of  abundance  of  rain.  We  dine  at  one  of  the 
houses,  and  the  board  is  perfumed  with  love.  We 
eat  our  food  with  gladness  in  the  Lord. 

We  set  out  again  for  meeting,  and  are  again  fol- 
lowed by  an  increased  train  of  disconsolate  mourn- 
ing sinners.  Some  of  them  have  been  following 
us  for  more  than  three  days,  and  have  had  none  of 
the  bread  of  life.  My  heart  said,  0  Lord  !  send 
not  these  precious  souls  away  empty  ;  for 

'Thy  tender  heart  is  still  the  same, 
And  melts  at  human  wo." 

Mr.  Newell's  text  to-day  was  Matt.  xi.  28.  "  Come 
unto  me,  all  ye  that  labor  and  are  heavy  laden,  and 
I  will  give  you  rest."  This  was  a  good,  solemn, 
melting  time. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  143 

After  meeting  I  retired  into  another  apartment, 
weary  and  faint ;  but  I  had  scarcely  laid  my  head 
on  the  pillow  in  order  to  rest  the  poor  body,  before  a 
number  of  women  came  in  weeping.  This  soon 
roused  my  head  from  the  pillow,  and  seemed  to  put 
new  vigor  into  my  fatigued  body,  and  my  sore  bones 
were  at  ease,  and  my  strained  lungs  felt  new  strength, 
and  I  began  to  sing 

"Poor  mourning  souls,  in  deep  distress, 
Making  sad  lamentation,"  &c. 

As  soon  as  I  began  to  sing,  the  people  crowded  in 
one  after  another,  until  the  remaining  part  of  the 
congregation  were  present.  Some,  who  were  going 
away,  returned.  One  man  especially,  formerly 
noted  for  profanity,  came  and  leaned  his  head  against 
the  door  post.  1  cast  a  look  upon  him,  and  he 
appeared  like  one  condemned  to  death,  pale,  and 
trembling,  with  tears  pouring  down  his  cheeks,  hke 
rain.  We  prayed  with  them  again,  took  some  re- 
freshment, and  then  went  to  an  evening  meeting, 
and  the  Lord  was  with  us  in  power  and  goodness. 
After  sermon  I  had  great  liberty  in  freeing  my  mind, 
and  told  them  that  shedding  a  few  tears  was  not 
enough  to  carry  them  to  heaven  ;  but  repentance 
toward  God,  and  faith  in  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and 
a  faithful  perseverance  in  well  doing  unto  death  f 
and  that  the  same  God,  who  is  able  to  convert  and 
change  the  heart,  is  able  to  keep  the  same  unto  his 
second  coming.  I  covenanted  with  them  to  pray 
for  them  three  times  a  day ;  and  that  can  hurt 
no  one.  David  found  it  good  to  pray,  for  God 
heard,  and  delivered  him  out  of  his  trouble,  and 
when  we  kneeled  down  in  prayer,  almost  all  present 


144  MEMOIRS    OF 

came  down,  humble  in  posture.     0  !  may  the  Lord 
make  their  hearts  humble.     My  heart  is  filled  with 

joy. 

Monday.  Return  home,  and  find  all  in  peace. 
Receive  a  letter  from  my  parents,  which  informs  me 
of  the  death  of  one  I  loved  in  the  Lord.  She  was 
kind  and  free  to  help  the  poor,  and  I  have  no  doubt 
rests  in  peace.  O,  let  me  die  the  death  of  the  right- 
eous. She  is  gone,  and  I  am  going,  and  I  trust 
we  shall  meet  in  the  paradise  of  God.  TKat  is  a 
true  proverb,  *'  A  friend  in  need  is  a  friend  indeed." 
But  hypocrisy,  however  winning  her  form,  forsakes 
us  in  the  time  of  greatest  need.  Let  me  live  to 
God,  and  if  he  is  my  friend,  although  all  men  for- 
sake me,  he  will  never  forsake  me.  Therefore 
I  put  my  trust  under  the  shadow  of  his  almighty 
wing. 

Tuesday,  Visited  St.  David's  (New-Brunswick,) 
and  a  precious  time  it  was.  I  do  not  regret  my  fa- 
tigue, although  the  enemy  tried  to  disturb  me  with 
thoughts  liive  these  ;  Woman,  you  are  not  in  the  way 
of  your  duly — God  has  never  called  you  to  go  to 
this  and  that  place,  or  to  speak  in  public — it  is  your 
own  enthusiastic  notion,  and  not  from  God.  My 
inind  replied,  these  thoughts  are  very  congenial  with 
my  natural  feelings,  for  I  never  sought,  neither  did  I 
desire  to  be  the  wife  of  a  preacherj  much  less  an 
exhorter.  My  husband  preached,  and  much  power 
attended  the  word.  Near  the  close,  a  few  frag- 
ments fell  into  my  mind,  and  such  a  sense  of  eter- 
nity rolled  upon  me,  that  I  said,  0  Lord !  I  will 
£^ttempt  to  speak  once  more,  if  thou  wilt  speak 
through  this  poor  feeble  instrument  to  the  awaken- 
ing of  some  poor  soul.  Blessed  be  God  for  that 
peace,  that  overflowed  my  heart.     One  man  was 


FANNY    NEWELL.  145 

there,  who  was  heard  lo  say,  "  I  have  heard  preach- 
ing in  almost  every  clime,  and  men  of  different 
orders  and  distinguished  talents,  but  never  shed 
tears  under  any  one's  word  before."  O  Lord, 
make  it  for  his  everlasting  good.  Thanks  be  to  God 
for  the  many  tears  and  sighs,  which  I  have  witnessed 
in  almost  all  congregations,  which  I  have  attended 
round  these  settlements. 

Sabbath.  Attend  meeting  in  Calais — some  souls 
have  found  peace  in  believing,  and  we  will  rejoice 
that  their  groans  are  changed  for  songs.  All  glory 
to  the  Lord ! 

JVovember. 

We  visited  No.  3  once  more,  and  it  is  truly  af- 
fecting to  see  the  people  coming  in  the  evening, 
through  the  woods  with  torches,  bringing  their  chil- 
dren in  their  arms — so  hungry  are  these  destitute 
people  for  the  bread  of  life.  0  !  that  such  as  live 
in  villages,  towns,  and  cities,  w^ould  consider  this 
thing  well.  A  weak  excuse  will  keep  some  people 
at  home  on  fair  days ;  and  when  it  is  foul  weather 
they  say,  I  shall  spoil  my  clothes,  or  soil  my  shoes, 
or  get  a  bad  name,  and  that  will  mortify  my  pride. 
Dr.  A  Clark's  remark  is  worth  treasuring  up  in 
every  one's  mind.  He  saith,  "  a  religion,  that  costs 
us  nothing,  is  to  us  worth  nothing."  We  are  much 
encouraged  by  finding  the  people  more  settled  and 
fixed  in  their  minds  to  serve  God  with  undivided 
hearts.  They  welcome  us  as  the  messengers  of 
peace,  who  bring  glad  tidings  to  a  guilty  world. 

jyiondaij  night.     We  sleep  under  the  roof  of  a 

log  house.     The   wind  is  high,   and  to  allay   our 

fears  of  the  roof's  blowing  off,   which  shakes  with 

the  wind,  I  turn  my  thoughts  to  the  boisterous  deep, 

13 


146  MEMOIRS     OF 

and  pray  for  the  poor  sailor,  who  may  be  in  more 
imminent  danger  than  myself.  Thus  employed, 
sleep  soon  hushed  every  thing  to  silence  until  morn- 
ing. We  ride  through  the  woods  and  the  wind 
rises.  With  the  wind  my  prayer  became  fervent, 
and  my  faith  strong,  that  the  Lord  would  bring  us 
safe  through  the  bending  forest.  We  rode  on 
safely  for  some  time,  not  speaking  a  word  to  each 
other.  Our  horses  would  often  start  at  the  crack- 
ing of  the  trees;  for  they  were  falhng  on  each 
hand,  and  sometimes  across  our  path,  and  with  dif- 
ficulty we  could  make  our  way  round  them.  One 
large  hemlock  fell  across,  and  we  could  not  have 
passed  it,  had  not  the  Lord  ordered  it  to  fall  in  such 
a  manner  as  to  break  in  three  pieces,  and  the  mid- 
dle one  bounded  and  rolled  a  little  round  ;  so  that 
we  rode  between  the  shivered  ends ;  our  horses 
just  crowding  through,  and  keeping  our  path.  Then 
w^e  broke  silence,  and  began  to  sing  and  praise  the 
Lord.  This  was  a  happy  and  profitable  day.  O  ! 
how  many  dar.gers  the  Lord  has  carried  me  through. 
O,  my  soul,  love  and  praise  him  more. 

Returned  safe  home  ;  but  my  cousin,  N.  Sawtel, 
is  very  sick,  and  we  moved  him  to  our  house,  and 
in  the  fear  of  the  Lord  we  take  care  of  him,  hoping 
that  the  Lord  will  sanctify  this  affliction  to  the  great 
good  of  all  family  connections.  O  my  God,  give 
me  strength  to  do  thy  will  in  all  things.  For  two 
weeks  past  I  have  had  a  very  sick  house,  but  my 
health  and  strength  are  equal  to  my  day,  and  the 
Lord  knoweth  what  is  best.  Let  him  do  what 
seemeth  to  him  good.  The  watchers  have  the  care 
of  my  sick  ones,  and  I  find  it  good  to  retire,  and 
write  a  little.  On  my  knees  I  read  the  Bible,  pray, 
awd  lay  the  case  of  my   sick   family  before   God, 


TANNY    KEWELL.  147 

and  plead  for  their  lives — not  that  they  may  go  on 
in  sin,  but  turn  and  live  to  God  in  truth.  The  Lord 
gives  us  friends  in  this  place.  The  Lord  bless 
them,  and  have  mercy  on  the  slanderer,  and  proud 
professor  of  religion,  and  set  up  his  banner  of  love. 

February. 
Visit  Eastport.  Thanks  be  to  God  for  the  free- 
dom of  soul,  with  which  I  have  delivered  my  mes- 
sage from  the  Lord  to  them.  I  shall  long  remem- 
ber our  visit  to  this  place.  We  pass  to  East  bay, 
and  the  Lord  is  with  us. 

"Thanks  *o  thy  name  for  temporal  good  ; 
My  health  and  raiment,  friends  and  food 

Come  from  thy  bounteous  hand  ; 
Present  supply  from  thee  denpands, 
And  all  my  future  bliss  depends 

On  thy  supreme  commaad." 

March  21st. 

Plantalion  JYo.  15. — Mr.  Neweli's  text  was 
Luke  xiii.  7,  "  Cut  it  down,  why  cumbereth  it  the 
ground."  The  Lord  called  on  me  to  bear  testi- 
mony to  the  truth  of  his  gospel,  and  I  took  up  my 
cross,  which  was  unusually  heavy  at  this  time. 
After  I  sat  down  I  had  awful  temptations,  thinking 
that  I  had  done  hurt  by  speaking.  But  here  is  my 
consolation  ;  the  most  high  God  is  my  jadge,  and 
to  him  I  stand  or  fall. 

23c/. — We  awake  early,  and  the  first  sound  I 
hear  is — death.  One  of  our  last  Sabbath  congre- 
gation is  gone  to  try  the  realities  of  eternity,  and 
now  knows  the  truth  of  what  he  heard  on  that  day. 
I  shall  not  see  him  again,  until  the  heavens  shall  be 
no  more,  and  the  earth  be  moved  oift  her  place. 


148  MEMOIRS    OF 

Now  I  can  account  for  my  heavy  cross  on  the  last 
Sabbath.  It  was  the  enemy  of  souls,  that  tried 
hard  to  keep  me  from  warning  that  young  man. 
O  !  what  joy  and  peace  it  gives  me  now  to  reflect, 
that  I  spake  to  warn  the  people  ;  for  one  is  gone  to 
eternity,  and  cannot  be  warned  or  instructed  any 
more.  0  Lord  !  make  me  a  willing  and  obedient 
child,  so  that  the  blood  of  souls,  who  die  in  their 
sins,  may  not  be  required  at  my  hand. 

24tli. — The  funeral  was  attended  at  the  same 
school-house,  where  the  meeting  was  holden  on  the 
Sabbath  before.  It  was  a  most  solemn  and  aJOfect- 
ing  time.  Only  three  days  before,  he  walked  into 
this  house  with  as  much  strength,  activity,  health, 
and  beauty  as  any  one  of  his  young  -friends,  who 
were  then  around  him  ;  now  he  is  brought  in  by  the 
strength  of  others,  and  laid  stiff  and  cold  by  the 
side  of  the  wall ! — a  loud  call  and  warning  to  us  all. 

0  may  the  Lord  make  it  a  suitable  and  lasting  one 
to  young  and  old.  This  young  man  came  from 
his  native  land,  hoping  to  accumulate  money,  and 
then  go  home  and  comfort  his  parents ;  but  the 
Lord  was  pleased  to  blast  all  their  expectations, 
and  bury  all  their  hopes.  He  tarried  longer  than 
they  expected.  His  father  came  to  see  him,  was 
with  him  in  the  logging  camp,  and  was  the  first  that 
laid  his  hand  upon  him  after  his  injury.  He  was 
killed  instantaneously  by  a  log  rolling  on  him.  Mr. 
Newell's  text  was  Luke  xii.  40,  "  Be  ye  therefore 
ready  also  :  for  the  Son  of  man  cometh  at  an  hour 
when  ye  think  not."  I  also  with  a  much  less  cross, 
nay  with  an  eager  anxiety,  arose  to  be  a  worker 
together  with  God,  and  entreat  the  young  to  re- 
member their  Creator  in  the   days  of  youth ;  for 

1  have  tried  and  known  the  divine   reality  of  re- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  149 

ligion. — The  Lord  is  at  work  amongst  this  people ; 
— tears  of  penitence,  and  fruits  of  genuine  repent- 
ance, to  us  are  better  than  gold  to  the  miser,  or 
honor  to  the  great. 

25th. — Go  through  the  woods,  call  and  dine  at 
a  logging  camp.  Never  was  I  introduced  into  such 
a  scene  before.  No  woman  was  there  except  my- 
self; but  our  entertainment  was  dehghtful,  while 
we  recounted  the  tender  mercies  of  our  God,  and 
spake  of  the  reformation  in  the  woods.  Most  of 
the  camps  about  No.  3,  are  spiced  with  prayer  and 
praise.  The  woods,  agreeably  to  the  word  of 
prophesy,  do  bud  and  blossom  like  the  rose?  and 
many  are  made  joyful  in  our  God.  Thus  our 
dreary  place  is  transferred  to  the  very  verge  of  bliss 
unbounded. — We  arrive  safe  at  No.  8 — find  our 
children  and  Nancy  well,  and  the  converts  strong 
in  the  Lord,  holding  regular  prayer  meetings,  O, 
what  has  the  Lord  wrought  for  this  people.  Prayer 
and  praise  now  from  this  place  rise  daily,  whereas 
but  a  few  months  ago,  all  was  still  and  silent.  May 
Ihey  never  forget  the  loving  kindness  of  our  God, 
or  cease  to  love  and  serve  him.  Their  kindness 
to  me  and  my  little  children  has  left  indelible  im- 
pressions on  my  mind.  May  God  reward  them, 
when  my  dust  hes  mouldering  in  the  earth,  and  may 
they  meet  us  safe  in  Heaven,  for  his  name  and 
mercies'  sake. — ^Amen. 

March  4th,  1819. 
We  visit  Machias  and  form  a  most  interesting 
circle  of  acquaintance  there,  and  enjoy  many  most 
solemn  and  profitable  meetings  with  this  kind  and 
friendly  people,  and  have  the  pleasure  to  see  the 
displays  of  God's  power  in  the  awakening  and  con- 
13* 


150  xMEMOIRS   OF 

veF^ion  of  sinners.  Here  the  Providence  of  Go^ 
confined  me  until  May,  and  many  were  the  expres- 
sions of  kindness  and  Christian  friendship  which 
were  shown  to  me  and  my  dear  family,  by  all  ranks 
in  society.  The  physicians,  the  churches,  and  the 
common  people  seemed  anxious  to  do  all  in  their 
power  to  soothe  our  grief,  and  bear  us  up  under  our 
afflictions. — They  cheerfully  paid  all  our  expenses, 
and  also  loaded  us  with  many  lavors,  when  we 
parted  from  them.  O  may  that  God,  who  has  seen 
with  approbation  their  timely  aid,  meet  all  their 
wants  in  this  world,  and  bring  us  all  to  meet  in 
Heaven.  I  have  been  sick  nigh  unto  death ;  but 
the  Lord  has  raised  me  up  so  far,  that  I  venture, 
trusting  alone  in  God  for  safety,  to  take  passage  by 
water  to  Boston. 

Went  on  board  JVIay  I9th, — Found  it  hard  part- 
ing with  friends  so  much  united  in  heart.  We  have 
had  a  tremendous  gale.  Eight  hours  my  companion 
and  Brother  Dickinson  stood  at  the  pump,  and  aW 
appeared  doubtful — except  our  confidence  in  God, 
I  could  say, 

"  *Twas  in  the  watches  of  the  night, 
I  thought  upon  thy  power ; 
I  kept  thy  lovely  face  in  sight 
Amidst  the  darkest  hour." 

0  who  can  be  afraid  to  trust  a  sovereign  Lord? 
Here  I  lie  safe  in  his  hand  amidst  the  rolling  waves 
of  the  mighty  ocean,  in  this  dreadful  storm  at  sea, 
and  hear  the  hoarse  rattling  of  the  breaking  thunder, 
and  am  not  afraid ;  for  the  sea  shall  give  up  the 
dead,  who  lie  embosomed  there.  1  give  myself  to 
God,  and  now  see  his  wonders  m  the  great  deep. 

1  prayed  for  a  preparation  for  a  sudden  death,  and 


FANNY    NEWELL.  1 51 

especially  for  the  mariners,  who  I  feared  were  un- 
prepared to  die.  The  Lord  reward  them  for  their 
kind  and  tender  services  to  us.  Thej  wept,  as  we 
spake  to  them  on  the  great  concern,  which  they 
ought  to  take  for  their  soul's  best  good.  We  arrived 
safe  in  Boston,  and  my  voyage  has  done  me  good. 
In  this  town  God  has  raised  me  up  kind  friends  who, 
like  the  tenderest  of  parents,  pity  me  in  my  feeble 
state  of  health,  and  do  me  all  the  good  they  can. 
O  Lord,  reward  this  labor  of  love.  Attend  the 
New-England  Conference  in  Lynn,  and  rejoice  to 
meet  so  many  of  the  people  of  God,  and  find  it 
good  for  me  to  be  here. 

June  lOth. 

I  left  Boston  and  went  on  board  a  vessel  bound 
for  Hallowell.  1  long  to  see  my  dear  parents, 
brothers  and  sisters.  O  my  God  preserve  me  from 
severe  sea-sickness,  and  remember  my  feeble  frame. 
Help  my  infirmities,  and  save  us  from  the  dangers 
of  the  deep.  O  give  us  a  prosperous  voyage,  and 
bring  us  safe  to  land. 

Thursdmj  afternoon.  It  is  calm,  and  we  make 
but  little  way  ;  but  I  have  great  reason  to  praise 
God  for  his  goodness  to  me.  May  I  be  preserved 
from  despair  and  kept  in  perfect  peace  till  the  Lord 
please  to  call  me  home.  I  think  of  my  dear  son 
who  is  far  from  me.  0  merciful  God  help  me  to 
resign  my  all  into  thy  hands.  I  thank  thee  that 
thou  hast  given  me  so  many  of  my  dear  Christian 
friends  and  brethren  in  the  ministry  to  go  this  voyage 
with  me.  May  I  make  a  good  improvement  of  this 
opportunity. 

Saturday.  We  arrived  at  the  mouth  of  Kenne- 
bec ?iver,  and  anchored  to  wait  for  the  tide.     Yes« 


152  MEMOIRS    OF 

terdaj  I  had  a  sick  time,  I  feel  in  some  measure 
thankful  for  my  life,  and  the  mercy  that  I  enjoy. 
Saturday  night  we  arrived  safe  at  Bath ;  put  up  at 
brother  Wilkinson's,  where  we  were  treated  with 
unusual  attention  and  kindness. 

Sabbath.  We  attended  meeting  in  the  morning, 
but  in  the  afternoon  went  on  board  the  vessel  again 
and  sailed  to  Gardiner. 

And  now  where  shall  I  begin !  The  Lord  has 
been  better  to  me  than  my  fears.  Am  I  awake,  or 
do  I  dream  1  Is  it  possible  that  I  live  to  see  Ken- 
nebec once  more,  after  passing  through  so  many 
dangers  ?  O  for  a  heart  to  praise  my  God.  How 
shall  I  express  the  loving  kindness  of  God  to  un- 
worthy me? 

Monday.  We  arrived  at  my  father's  in  Sidney, 
and  were  welcomed  by  our  friends.  It  was  a  joyful 
meeting.  I  find  my  mother  quite  unwell,  and  think 
that  death  may  be  near.  My  dear  grandfather  has 
gone  to  try  the  realities  of  eternity. 

Tuesday.  I  parted  with  my  companion,  who  is 
bound  for  St.  Croix  by  water.  O  how  safe  it  is  to 
trust  in  the  Lord. 

Friday.  This  day  I  have  a  fresh  sense  of  the 
goodness  of  God.  I  have  been  crying  this  three 
days  to  him  for  relief  from  a  distressing  complaint 
which  has  threatened  dissolution.  And  thanks  to 
his  name,  he  has  regarded  the  low  state  of  his  hand- 
maid ;  and  this  day  I  am  almost  free.  0  Jesus  I 
look  to  thee  for  all ;  thou  art  the  good  Samaritan. 

Saturday.  I  have  had  an  opportunity  of  sweet 
converse  with  an  old  friend. 

Sabbath.  The  Lord  is  good  and  merciful  to  me. 
I  had  a  good  time  in  family  prayer.  My  heavenly 
Physician  is  still  healing  my  poor  body.      0  for 


FANNY   NEWELL.  153 

strength  of  soul  to  love  him  more,  and  serve  him 
better.  Keep  me  from  sinning  against  thee,  for  I 
cannot  keep  myself.  Remember  my  dear  children 
for  good. 

Evening.  T  attended  meeting  at  the  meeting 
house  near  my  father's  in  Sidney.  We  had  a  very 
solemn  time.  Br.  Jones  preached  on  these  words, 
"  He  will  beautify  the  meek  with  salvation." 

Monday.  My  heart  is  affected  with  a  sense  of 
the  goodness  of  God.  I  have  had  a  happy  nioht. 
This  night  will  never  be  forgotten  by  me.  O  my 
God,  I  have  reason  to  praise  thee  tor  all  thy  favors 
to  me.     All  is  from  thee. 

Afternoon.  I  parted  with  my  old  friend  B.  J. 
May  the  Lord  go  with  him,  and  prosper  him,  on  his 
circuit.  His  health  is  poor.  My  heart  is  pained 
when  I  see  the  ministers  of  the  Gospel  wearing  out 
in  the  work. 

Tuesday.  I  visited  my  aged  grandmother.  She 
is  left  alone.  The  Lord  has  taken  away  her  dear 
companion,  the  choice  of  her  youth.  But  she  has 
this  consolation,  that  they  will  not  be  parted  long. 

Wednesdaij.  I  feel  my  dependance  on  God. 
I  want  the  full  enjoyment  of  perfect  love.  I  feel 
grateful  for  my  health  ;  It  is  much  better  than  I  ex- 
pected it  would  be.  Jesus  is  my  friend.  O  for 
more  living  faith,  that  I  may  trust  him  for  his  grace. 
He  can  bring  me  through  the  cloud  and  through  the 
sea ;  yea,  through  the  fire  ;  and  in  the  midst  of 
raging  lions  he  can  preserve  me.  0  my  God,  thou 
knowest  my  trials ! 

Thursday.  Mr.  Newell  returned  sooner  than 
he  expected,  the  vessel  being  wind  bound  in 
Kennebec  river.  He  will  now  go  by  land  if  the 
Lord  will.     O  that  I  may  be  resigned  to  thy  will  in 


154  MEMOIRS    OF 

all  things.  None  but  God  knows  the  feelings  of  my 
heart. 

"H^w  long,  c'ear  Saviour,  O  how  long,"  &c. 

Saturday.  0  my  God,  how  far  am  I  from  what 
I  ought  to  be.  How  little  of  pure  and  undefiled 
religion  do  I  enjoy. 

"Come,  Holy  Spirit,  Heavenly  Dove,"  &,g. 

Breath  on  me  the  spirit  of  prayer  and  true  devotion. 
One  half  hour  spent  in  converse  with  thee,  my  best 
friend,  exceeds  a  thousand  years  in  the  pleasures  of 
sin. 

Sabbath.  I  attended  meeting,  and  heard  Mr. 
Newell  preach  a  sermon  on  the  death  of  my  grand- 
father on  these  words,  "  This  day  shalt  thou  be  with 
me  in  paradise."     It  was  a  solemn  time. 

"  And  must  this  body  fail,"  &c. 

JVTondaij.  I  parted  with  my  husband,  and  a  good 
parting  it  was.  We  commended  each  other  to 
God.  I  have  passed  a  solemn  day ;  and  now  while 
I  write,  upon  my  knees,  I  feel  exceeding  solemn. 
I  can  now  hear  the  voice  of  God  in  the  rumbling 
thunder,  and  see  his  power  in  the  vivid  flashes  of 
lightning,  by  which  some  of  my  fellow  creatures 
have  lately  been  destroyed. 

Wednesday.  This  afternoon  my  mind  has  been 
very  solemn,  and  the  thoughts  of  death  occupy  my 
mind.  I  feel  for  my  dear  kindred  who  are  yet  in 
their  sins.  My  children,  though  yet  but  babes,  lie 
near  my  heart.     My  little  son  is  more  than  a  hun- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  155 

dred  miles  from  me,  but  I  often  think  of  him.  He 
is  a  remarkable  child. 

Thursday.  This  also  is  a  solemn  day.  The 
thoughts  of  death  and  judgment  have  rested  on  my 
mind.  Thy  years,  O  Lord,  are  one  eternal  now,  and 
must  thy  children  die  so  soon !  O  prepare  my  soul 
for  death. 

Saturday.  Our  quarterly  meeting  begins  to-day. 
O  may  we  have  a  good  season  in  waiting  on  the 
Lord.  0  Lord,  help  me  to  fix  my  mind  on  thee. 
Brother  Hutchinson  preached  this  afternoon  on 
Psalm  cxxviii.  And  it  was  a  blessed  season  to  my 
soul. 

July  5th. 

I  went  to  Fairfield  to  see  my  sister  Atwell ;  found 
her  comfortable.  Thanks  be  to  God  for  his  un- 
speakable goodness  to  us  in  permitting  us  to  meet 
again.  0  may  I  so  live  as  never  to  come  into  con- 
demnation. 

7th.  I  returned  home  and  found  my  father  quite 
unwell.  What  awaits  me  I  know  not.  O  God, 
have  mercy  on  my  soul,  and  save  me  from  sin. 

Thursday.  My  mind  is  very  stupid.  I  know 
not  what  to  think  of  myself — I  thought  I  was  re- 
signed to  the  will  of  God  in  life  or  death  ;  but  some- 
times life  looks  desirable.  My  health  is  continued 
at  present,  but  I  know  not  what  a  day  may  bring 
forth — In  one  moment  I  may  be  hurried  into  eter- 
nity. 

Saturday.  I  am  quite  unwell  in  body,  and  some- 
what distressed  in  mind,  by  evil  suggestions  and 
disagreeable  thoughts.  The  Lord  knows  I  desire 
to  seo've  him,  and  save  my  soul. 

Sabbath.     I  am  some  better.     Attended  meeting. 


156  MEMOIRS    OF 

O  for  that  love  described  in  the  xiii.  Chap,  of  1  Cor. 

0  Lord,  thou  hast  done  great  things  for  my  soul,  but 

1  have  been  too  negligent  in  duty.     O  grant  me  par- 
don,  and  give  me  grace  for  time  to  come. 

JMonday.  This  is  a  memorable  day.  It  gives 
me  fresh  tokens  of  God's  goodrtess.  O  give  him 
glory  all  ye  hosts  above.  I  enjoy  the  presence  of 
God. 

My  soul  is  happy — a  memorable  season  for  some 
days  past.  Tribulation  is  the  common  lot  of  all, 
and  I  have  my  share  ;  but  why  should  I  complain. 
The  Lord  knows,  in  the  midst  of  the  most  extreme 
ones,  my  desire  is  to  serve  him,  and  live  free  from 
condemnation.  O,  for  that  love  that  beareth  all 
things,  beheveth  all  things,  hopeth  all  things,  yea, 
that  perfect  love  that  casteth  out  fear.  My  son  has 
been  safely  returned  to  me,  and  we  rejoice  to  see 
our  children  again  enjoy  the  privilege  of  parental 
care. 

Fehniarij,  1S20. 
I  commence  an  agreeable  acquaintance  in  Hal- 
lowell,  and  from  house  to  house,  in  the  time  of 
reformation,  I  feel  the  same  divine  Spirit  move  my 
heart  in  earnest  longings,  and  fervent  desires  for 
sinners  here,  as  I  did  in  Vermont,  or  round  the  rocky 
shores,  or  dreary  wilderness  ;  and  am  ready  to  say, 
how  can  I  bear  to  have  this  people,  so  highly  favor- 
ed of  the  Lord,  go  down  to  ruin.  Their  soft  carpets, 
rich  furniture,  and  stately  dwellings  can  no  more 
bribe  death,  or  fit  them  for  heaven,  than  the  log  huts, 
and  coarse  fare  of  the  most  destitute  regions.  I 
said  to  the  poor,  ye  may  have  salvation  through 
Christ,  my  Lord  ;  and  I  say  with  an  affectionate 
heart  to  these,  ye  must  be  born  again  or  sink  to  that 


FANNY    NEWELL.  157 

ruin,  where  it  will  be  no  consolation  to  reflect,  that 
in  yonder  world  you  lived  delicately.  The  poor 
have  wept  whilst  I  have  been  expostulating  with 
them,  and  tears  have  been  my  consolation  here. 
Glory  to  God  for  what  my  eyes  have  seen,  my  ears 
have  heard,  in  this  place.  Converts  have  been  mul- 
tiplied in  these  streets,  and  my  heart  does  rejoice 
at  what  the  Lord  has  been  doing  around  in  my  na- 
tive land. 

Sidney.  In  hope  of  doing  a  little  good,  I  take  a 
Sabbath  school  in  this  place.  O  Lord,  give  me 
wisdom  to  direct  in  all  things  aright,  to  lead  these 
children  in  the  good  and  right  way,  and  be  blessed 
in  this  undertaking  ;  for  it  is  a  love  for  the  souls  of 
these  children,  that  makes  me  willing  to  engage. 

Sabhalh.  Have  some  encouragement.  The 
children  are  attentive  to  my  instructions,  and  some 
tears  were  shed  by  them.  My  faith  is  strong,  that 
if  our  words  proceed  from  a  feeling  heart,  and  drop 
warm  from  our  lips,  their  hearts  will  feel  them  in  a 
greater  or  less  degree.  Attended  public  worship, 
and  the  great  /  AJM  has  enabled  me  to  discharge 
my  duty  once  more.  The  Lord  is  reviving  his 
work  amongst  us.  At  a  late  hour  my  uncle  came 
to  my  father's  praising  the  Lord  with  a  loud  voice, 
as  he  passed  along  in  the  highway.  His  words 
were, 

"  O,  for  such  love,  let  rocks  and  hills 
Their  lasting  silence  break  ; 
And  all  harmonious  human  tongues 
Their  Saviour's  praises  speak." 

This  was  a  memorable  season.     Every   heart  was 
melted,  and  my  soul  was  full  of  glory.     This  is  the 
beginning  of  good  days. 
14 


158  MEMOIRS    OF 

Saturday.  I  have  such  distress  for  souls,  who 
are  in  a  perishing  condition,  that  my  heart  is  pained. 
O  thou  blessed  Saviour,  who  didst  groan  beneath 
the  weight  of  all  our  sins,  I  do  not  wonder  that 
thou  didst  sweat  great  drops  of  blood,  and  pray  in 
an  agony. 

Our  class  meetings  are  seasons  of  refreshing  from 
the  Lord. 

Last  night  I  sat  up  with  an  infant  child,  danger- 
ously sick.  As  my  eyes  glanced  upon  the  child,  I 
saw  death  approaching,  and  my  mind  was  instantly 
caught  up  to  the  heavenly  world.  My  thoughts 
were,  sweet  babe,  although  pale  and  sickly  you  lie, 
yet  thou  art  blooming  for  bright  glory.  Soon  thy 
suffering  time  will  be  over,  and  thou  wilt  be  an 
inhabitant  of  Heaven  ;  and  my  soul  transported 
with  joy,  said,  gladly  would  I  suffer  thy  pain,  dear 
child,  and  die  to  be  with  Jesus.  The  night  was  a 
happy  and  profitable  one  to  me.  This  morning, 
parting  with  the  child  but  just  alive,  I  said,  farewell, 
sweet  babe,  until  we  meet,  where  parting  is  no  more. 

My  dear  husband  is  come  to  carry  me  to  his  cir- 
cuit. The  young  converts  in  Sidney  twine  about 
my  heart,  and  it  is  hard  parting  with  them  ;  but  duty 
calls  me  to  go.  0  heavenly  Father  let  me  see  re- 
formation where  I  am  going,  and  keep  the  tender 
lambs  here  also.  O,  may  they  stand  fast  in  the  lib- 
erty of  the  gospel.  I  make  my  home  in  Thomaston, 
and  the  Lord  has  raised  me  up  many  most  affectionate 
friends  and  brethren  in  this  place.  Here  also  tears 
and  songs  spice  the  regions  with  perfumes,  which 
make  the  place  extremely  pleasant  to  me.  Truly, 
thou.  Lord,  makest  a  fruitful  field  a  barren  wilder- 
ness, and  a  barren  wilderness  a  fruitful  field.  My 
soul  has  been  enlarged  with  celestial  visions,  while 


FANNY    NEWELL.  159 

dwelling  under  brother  Partridge's  peaceful  roof.  I 
admire  the  dealings  of  God  with  me,  and  clearly 
discover,  that  it  is  as  really  necessary  to  have  a  sight 
of  my  poverty,  as  to  have  visions  of  heaven.  My 
poor  body  is  sinking  under  consumptive  pains ; — 
death  may  soon  prey  on  this  mortal  body ;  but  my 
noble  spirit,  through  the  merits  and  mercy  of  my 
Saviour,  shall  boast  her  victory  over  death,  hell,  and 
the  grave. 

Thursday.  This  is  a  day  of  public  thanksgiving 
and  prayer,  appointed  by  our  rulers,  for  the  good  of 
the  community.  I  most  heartily  keep  it  to  the  Lord, 
and  pray  to  Almighty  God  for  a  blessing  on  our 
Nation,  and  on  the  church  of  God  ;  and  thank  him 
for  every  favor,  but  especially  the  gift  of  his  Son, 
and  the  joys  of  religion,  with  which  I  have  been, 
and  still  am  comforted. 

January,  1822. 

Have  had  a  solemn  meeting  in  Knox.  Death 
has  visited  this  place,  and  removed  two  of  late.  0 
may  the  people  take  warning,  and  prepare  for  a 
sudden,  or  lingering  death. 

*  *  *  Many  months  have  rolled  away,  since  I 
have  been  able  to  put  pen  to  paper.  My  poor  body 
has  sunk  to  death's  door.  All  my  kind  and  atten- 
tive physicians  and  friends  4iave  reluctantly  given 
me  up  to  die.  The  Lord  rev.ard  them  for  their  at- 
tention to  me. 

JMonday  morning.  I  awoke  with  a  rap  at  my 
door,  and  a  voice  saluted  my  ears  with  "  Dilana  is 
dead !"  O  how  mysterious  are  the  ways  of  Provi- 
dence. My  soul  is  filled  with  wonder  and  awe.  I, 
who  have  been  sick  all  summer,  am  able  to  go  and 
administer  to  my  neighbors  in  this  hour  of  affliction. 


160  MEMOIRS   OF 

All,  who  saw  me  in  my  sickness,  thought  that  death 
had  marked  me  for  his  next  victim.  Yes,  I  thought 
death  waited  at  the  door,  for  God  to  seal  his  war- 
rant, and  say  "  Enter  and  do  thy  office ;"  but  God 
has  not  suffered  him  to  enter  yet.  He  has  passed 
across  the  street,  and  plucked  a  blooming  flower. 
This  is  the  order  of  God.  His  ways  are  not  as  our 
ways. 

"  Behind  a  frowning  pro-vidence, 
He  hides  his  smiling  face." 

0  my  soul,  be  thou  humbled  in  the  dust !  0,  that 
this  providence  of  God  may  be  sanctified  to  all, 
especially  to  the  youth  of  this  place.  0  my  soul, 
praise  God  for  the  work  he  has  done.  1  was  hum- 
bled under  the  mighty  handof  God  ;  and  he  has  raised 
me  up.  My  soul  is  resting  upon  him  ;  my  strength 
is  renewed  day  by  day.  O  Lord,  direct  me  in  all 
things ! 

Saturday,      This    day    closes    the    week  and 
month. 

"  My  days,  and  weeks,  and  months,  and  years, 
Fly  rapid,  like  the  whirling  spheres 

Around  the  steady  pole  : 
Time,  like  the  tide,  thy  motion  keep. 
Till  1  shall  launch  the  boundless  deep, 

Where  endless  ages  roll." 

1  am  troubled  in  mind,  for  fear  that  I  have  not  dis- 
charged all  my  duties,  acceptably  to  my  Maker. 
0  God,  forgive  me  whatever  I  have  spoken,  thought, 
and  acted  amiss !  O  Holy  Spirit !  visit  a  repenting 
sinner.  This  day,  my  husband  leaves  us  once 
more,  to  go  to  his  circuit.     O  God !  it  is  love  to 


FANNY    NEWELL.  161 

thee  and  thy  cause,  that  makes  him  wiUing  to  leave 
his  family,  and  turn  his  back  on  all  domestic  enjoy- 
ment, and  cheerfully  say,  "  Peace  be  with  thee,  my 
dear  wife ;  take  encouragement  to  continue  to  in- 
struct the  children.  God  will  be  with  you,  all  the 
while  1  labor  to  win  souls  to  Christ  the  Lord."  I 
said.  Go,  my  husband ;  it  is  meet,  that  you  should 
go,  and  labor  in  the  gospel  field ;  for  other  souls  are 
as  precious  as  mine.  I  will  thank  God,  that  I  can 
share  in  your  faithful  labors,  from  time  to  time.  If 
the  Lord  give  me  strength,  I  will  go  with  you,  and 
hold  up  your  hands,  and  join  to  preach  the  accepta- 
\)\e  year  of  the  Lord  to  perishing  sinners,  and  the 
day  of  vengeance  to  the  finally  impenitent. 

Saturday.  I  have  just  heard,  that  my  youngest 
gister  is  sick.  0  Lord,  sanctify  it  for  her  great 
good ! 

Sabbath.  I  have  been  once  more  to  the  house 
of  God,  and  am  a  daily  wonder  to  myself.  The 
love  of  God  to  me  is  amazing.     But, 

"  Thy  gifts,  alas !  cannot  suffice, 
Unless  thyself  be  given." 

Thursday.  It  is  good  to  read  the  Bible,  and 
write  in  my  diary.  O  God,  sanctify  me  wholly  to 
thyself,  and  prepare  me  for  thy  service  ;  for  thou 
hast  raised  me  from  the  grave's  mouth ;  and  is  it 
not,  0  Lord,  that  I  may  show  forth  thy  praise? 
Then,  give  me  a  mouth  and  wisdom,  that  all  my 
adversaries  shall  not  be  able  to  gainsay,  or  resist. 

Sabbath.  I  cannot  go  to  the  house  of  God  to- 
day. It  is  a  delightful  place  to  me.  I  have  not 
frequented  the  place  of  worship  so  often,  this  year, 
as  usual ;  not  because  I  would  not,  but  because  I 
14* 


162  MEMOIRS     OF 

could  not.  But  the  love  of  God  to  me  is  unspeaka- 
ble. My  health  is  now  such,  that  I  attend  to  my 
little  family,  and  administer  to  their  wants,  in  a 
measure.  This  is  the  Lord's  doing  ;  and  it  is  mar- 
vellous in  our  eyes.  Thanks  to  thy  name,  for  these 
blessings  ;  but  glory,  honor,  praise,  and  thanksgiv- 
ing, be  given  to  God,  for  the  unspeakable  gift  of  his 
great  salvation ;  light  of  Israel,  and  glory  of  the 
world ! 

December  3,  1822. 
This  day  is  set  apart  for  a  day  of  public  thanks- 
giving and  prayer.  If  any  soul,  under  the  whole 
heaven  of  the  Lord,  has  reason  to  give  thanks,  and 
pray,  it  is  I.  Yes  !  unworthy  I,  on  whom  he  hath^ 
by  the  power  of  his  grace,  wrought  wonders.  Spi- 
rit of  the  Lord !  descend  and  help  me  to  give 
thanks,  and  perform  my  vows  to  thee  ;  for  thou  art 
worthy  to  receive  glory  and  honor,  praise  and 
thanksgiving,  from  all  intelligences  in  heaven  and  i.u 
earth. 

"The  praying  spirit  ffive  ; 
The  watchful  power  impart ; 
From  all  entanglements  beneath 
Call  off  my  peaceful  heart. 
Suffer'd  no  more  to  rove 
O'er  all  the  earth  abroad, 
An-est  the  prisoner  of  thy  love, 
And  shut  me  up  in  God." 

Thursday.  Arrived  home  safe  and  happy,  and 
said  to  my  husband.  Faith  keeps  the  dying  saint 
alive. 

April  18,  1823. 

My  heart  has  been  much  consoled  in  reading  Df. 
Clark's  comment  on  Gen.  xiii.     "  One  house,  one 


FANNY  NEWELL.  163 

day's  food,  one  suit  of  raiment,  says  the  Arabic 
proverb,  is  sufficient  for  thee ;  and  if  thou  die  at 
noon,  thou  hast  one  half  too  much."  Again,  chap. 
XV.  "  I  am  thy  shield  and  thy  exceeding  great  re- 
ward." "  Nothing,"  says  Calmet,  "  proves  more 
invincibly  to  the  soul,  the  truth  of  religion  and  the 
certainty  of  another  hfe,  than  to  see  that  the  righteous 
seldom  receive  the  reward  of  their  virtues,  and  that 
in  temporal  things,  they  are  less  happy  than  the 
workers  of  iniquity."  0  God,  make  me  wise  to 
know  my  day  of  grace,  for  there  is  no  want  to  them 
who  fear  thee. 

May  2d. 

I  visit  Gardiner.  My  side  is  worse.  It  is  with 
difficulty  that  I  keep  my  bed  all  night.  My  fears 
are  excited.  0  Lord,  prepare  me  for  a  sudden,  or 
a  lingering  death. 

Saturday.  My  complaints  increase ;  I  begin  to 
raise  some  blood.  The  Lord  knows  what  he  is 
about  to  do  with  me.  If  he  sees  fit  to  remove  me 
by  a  lingering  consumption — Amen,  my  Lord,  thy 
will  be  done. 

"  O  let  me  live  thy  blood  to  show, 
Which  purges  every  stain  ; 
And  gladly  linger  out  below, 
A  few  more  years  in  pain." 

Sabbath.  We  return  to  my  sister's  from  meeting, 
and  find  the  name  of  the  Lord  a  strong  tower. 
Therein  my  soul  is  safe,  whatever  becomes  of  my 
poor  body.  0  Lord,  I  make  a  fresh  dedication  of 
myself  to  thee.     Seal  me  thine  forever. 

May  9th. 
Feeble  in  body ;  like  the  woman  Avho  had  spent 


164  MEJklOIRS    OP 

all  her  living  upon  physicians,  and^was  nothing  heU 
ter,  but  rather  worse.  All  my  physicians  have  been 
favorable  in  their  charges — niost  of  them  have  done 
all  they  could  freely — voluntarily — I  trust  for  the 
sake  of  Him,  whom  I  serve  ;  and  they  have  my 
grateful  acknowledgments  and  prayers.  Moreover 
God  will  reward  them>  and  every  man  according  to 
their  works. 


Odobei'  IQtJh  182a. 
I  have  not  been  able  to  write  for  some  months  ;; 
but  this  day  am  able  to  take  my  pen  and  subscribe 
with  my  hand  that  God  is  good.  My  afflictions 
have  been  great — tempted,  but  not  in  despair — cast 
down,  but  not  forsaken ;  for  the  Lord  is  my  helper — 
he  hears  my  prayer ; 

"  And  my  best  wishes  to  fulfil, 
His  grace  is  ever  nigh." 

Again  I  have  strength  to  write  a  little,  and  feel 
thankfulness,  which  I  have  no  words  to  express ; 
for  although  I  am  wading  through  deep  waters  of 
affliction,  I  can  say, 

"In  Jesus  I  believe,  and  shall 
Believe  myself  to  heaven." 

For  thy  rod  and  thy  staff  they  comfort  me. 

"  Through  fire  and  water  bring 
Me  to  that  heav'nly  place, 
And  teach  me  the  new  song  to  sing, 
When  perfected  in  grace." 

In  the  world  I  have  tribulation ;  but  thanksgiving 


FANNY  NEWELL.  165 

and  praise  be  given  to  my  adorable  Lord,  that  he 
condescends  to  comfort  me  with  his  lovely  promis- 
es. Were  it  not  so,  I  of  all  other  creatures  should 
be  most  miserable ;  but  the  Comforter  is  come. 
Hallelujah !   0  Hallelujah  to  the  Lamb. 

Tuesdmj. — My  mind  has  been  troubled  about  the 
things  of  this  life.  I  am  in  a  strait.  0  how  good 
my  Benefactor  is  to  me !  My  heart  is  lifted  to 
God,  and  he  helps  me ;  but  1  want  more  faith,  for 
it  seems  to  me  as  if  all  the  powers  of  darkness 
were  combined  against  me ;  yet  with  the  poet  I  can 
say, 

"Let  devils  rage  or  hell  assail, 
I'll  fight  my  passage  through  ; 
Though  foes  unite  or  friends  desert, 
I'll  seize  the  crown  in  view." 


My  bodily  health  is  such,  that  I  know  not  which  way 
it  will  terminate.  But  God,  who  has  been  my  sup- 
port so  long,  will,  I  trust,  bring  my  soul  at  last  into 
the  mansions  of  rest.  The  Lord  has  called  me 
through  tribulation's  path,  and  it  is  what  my  soul 
expected  when  I  entered  the  vineyard  of  the  Lord, 
and  have  followed  with  a  humble  and  careful  hand, 
as  a  gleaner  in  the  Lord's  harvest. 

Wednesday. — A  most  solemn  scene  has  passed 
before  my  eyes.  One  of  my  fellow-mortals  is  car- 
ried by  my  dwelling  a  lifeless  corpse.  One  after 
another  is  called,  and  yet  I  linger  upon  these  mortal 
shores.  Thou,  Lord,  liftest  up,  and  castest  down. 
Thou  hast  heard  prayer  for  me,  and  raised  me  up 
again  and  again  to  the  astonishment  of  all  around. 
Thou  dost  continue  thy  goodness  to  me,  who  am 
poor  and  needy. 


166  MEMOIRS    OF 

Sabbath. — It  is  now  eleven  years  since  1  gave 
my  hand  to  a  Methodist  preacher,  in  hopes  to  help 
and  not  hinder  him  in  the  great  work  of  the  minis- 
try ;  and  but  a  poor  help-meet,  in  my  opinion,  even 
to  what  I  might  have  been.  Poor  health,  feeble 
constitution,  and  two  children,  with  many  domestic 
affairs,  often  serve  as  excuses  for  my  not  laboring 
among  the  people.  All  thanks  to  God  that  I  am 
what  I  am.  Israel  drank  water  from  the  rock  in 
the  wilderness ;  and  in  the  midst  of  hard  trials,  I 
often  drink  streams  of  consolation,  and  can  say, 
the  Lord  does  all  things  well.  There  is  nothing  too 
hard  for  the  Almighty.  He  can  open  a  passage 
through  the  deep.  Thou  hast  said.  When  ye  have 
done  all  that  I  have  commanded  you,  say,  we  are 
unprofil,able  servants. 

I  expect  to  enjoy  the  unspeakable  privilege  of 
remaining  with  my  children  during  the  inclement 
season  and  bad  roads,  which  prevent  my  travelling 
with  my  husband.  Some  say  to  me,  Why  do  you 
travel  so  much,  and  as  you  say  sacrifice  your  ten- 
der feelings,  and  encounter  many  hardships,  and 
wade  through  many  trials?  1  waive  a  direct  answer 
and  say,  when  you  and  I  stand  before  the  judgment 
seat  of  Christ,  to  be  judged  according  to  the  deeds 
done  in  the  body,  whether  they  be  good  or  bad,  I 
shall  be  better  prepared  to  answer  your  question. 
Hitherto  God  has  led  me  by  a  way  I  knew  not  in 
safety  ;  and  I  will  listen  to  his  voice,  and  trust  in 
him  still,  though  I  pass  through  evil  report  as  well 
as  good. 

Sabbath  eve. — Prayer  meeting  in  the  house  where 
I  reside.  And  0  what  glory  filled  my  soul,  while 
standing  in  the  crowded  congregation,  and  again 
tried  to  speak  for  God,  and  persuade  my  fellow 


FANNY    NEWELL.  167 

mortals  to  serve  God,  and  have  respect  to  all  the 
commandments.  0  Lord,  let  thy  Spirit  which 
bade  me  speak,  set  it  home  upon  their  hearts  with 
power. 

I  retire  to  my  chamber  to  rest  the  poor  body,  and 
give  thanks  to  God  for  his  divine  power,  which  did, 
and  still  does,  rest  on  poor  me.  While  reading  the 
2d  Kings,  chap.  xx.  I  cried  out.  Wilt  thou  remem- 
ber me  1  My  soul  was  humbled  within  me.  Yet 
I  could  say, 

"  If  such  a  worm  as  I  can  spread 

The  common  Saviour's  name ; 
Let  him  who  rais'd  me  from  the  dead 

Gtuicken  my  mortal  frame." 

Monday. — I  visited  an  old  lady  ninety-eight 
years  old ;  her  appearance  was  that  of  one  ripe  tor 
heaven,  and  while  conversing  with  her,  I  almost 
longed  to  be  in  her  state  ;  or  at  least  as  near  hea- 
ven. I  may  be  nearer  death  than  even  this  age  J 
pilgrim.  It  was  a  profitable  season  while  we  lifted 
the  joint  cry  to  God  to  prepare  us  for  that  important 
hour :  to  meet  God  in  death  and  judgment.  0  that 
I  may  know  my  place  in  the  church,  and  discharge 
my  duty  with  propriety.  Thy  gifts  to  me  are  great. 
But  alas ! 

"  Thy  gifts  cannot  suffice, 
Unless  thyself  be  given." 

Wednesday. — We  have  been  to  a  female  prayer 
meeting  among  the  C.  Baptists,  and  find  that  God 
is  the  same  God  over  all.  O  that  we  may  all  know 
what  it  is  to  love  God  with,  all  the  heart,  and  our 
neighbor  as  ourselves. 


168  MEMOIRS    OF 

Thursday. — I  visited  from  house  to  house,  and 
find  it  good  and  profitable  to  my  own  soul.  In  the 
evening  attended  a  prayer  meeting,  and  was  led  to 
speak  on  these  words  ;  "  Not  all  who  say  unto  me, 
Lord,  Lord,  shall  enter  into  the  kingdom  of  heaven, 
but  he  that  doeth  the  will  of  my  Father  which  is  in 
heaven. 

Friday. — I  preached  to  my  children  from  these 
words  ;  "  Ye  are  of  your  father  the  devil,  and  the 
works  of  your  father  ye  will  do."  I  had  but  two 
hearers,  and  they  very  young.  I  gave  them  a  plain 
description  of  the  works  of  the  devil,  and  his  chil- 
dren, and  then  of  the  works  of  God  and  his  chil- 
dren ;  and  the  effects  of  righteousness,  quietness, 
peace  and  assurance  for  ever.  I  then  inquired  of 
them,  Are  you  engaged  in  the  work  of  the  Lord,  or 
the  work  of  the  enemy  ?  They  could  neither  of 
them  answer  me  for  sighs  and  tears.  I  then  said, 
You  could  not  bear  the  thought  of  praying  to  the 
devil,  and  calling  him  father,  could  you?  They 
both  replied,  no  ;  as  if  terrified  at  the  bare  thought. 
I  then  proceeded  as  the  Spirit  gave  me  utterance  ; 
and  a  most  affecting  season  we  had. — We  prayed 
together  and  retired  to  rest.  0  Lord,  keep  my 
children  from  the  evils  that  are  in  the  world. 

Sabbath. — I  went  up  to  the  house  of  God  in  com- 
pany with  my  children,  and  returned  to  my  home  in 
peace.  Retired  to  my  chamber  to  plead  for  a  bles- 
sing to  rest  on  those  who  may  assemble  for  prayer. 
Lett  my  chamber  under  such  a  view  of  my  own 
imperfections,  that  my  soul  was  humbled  within 
me ;  and  I  cried.  Why  am  I  called  to  stand,  0  my 
God,  and  warn  poor  sinners  in  thy  name  ?  Ah, 
why  me  1  And  yet  I  feel  that  wo  is  me,  if  I  speak 
not  to  the  people.     This  evening  I  was  led  to  speak 


FANNY    NEWELL.  169 

on  the  woman  who  touched  the  border  of  Christ's 
garment.  There  may  I  ever  rest ;  for  I  am  sorry, 
and  repent,  for  every  misspent  moment — I  cannot 
he  down  in  peace,  unless  I  feel  thy  pardoning  love. 
Come,  O  my  Lord,  and  come  quickly  ;  forgive  all 
my  short-comings,  and  guide  me  in  the  right  way, 
for  I  can  do  nothing  without  thee. 

Sabbath,  JVov.  3. — One  of  our  fellow  clay  was 
conveyed  this  day  to  the  house  appointed  for  all  the 
living — O  may  we  all  lay  it  suitably  to  heart. 

In  the  evening  we  had  a  prayer  meeting,  and 
these  words  lay  with  weight  on  my  mind ;  "  Let 
your  loins  be  girt  about  with  truth,  and  your  lamps 
burning."  And  I  was  enabled  to  clear  my  skirt  of 
the  blood  of  souls.  Glory  to  God  for  his  divine 
assistance. 

Wednesday. — I  am  again  troubled  about  speak- 
ing in  public.  I  retired  to  my  chamber  and  opened 
my  Bible,  and  read  John  xv.  with  much  consola- 
tion. I  now  have  strength  to  take  hold  on  the  pre- 
cious promises  of  God,  and  make  a  fresh  dedication 
of  all  I  have  and  am  to  Him  forever.  If  sinners 
can  only  be  converted  to  God,  let  Him  choose  the 
instrument.  For  several  days  disease  has  pressed 
me  hard,  yet  my  mind  has  been  profitably  exercised 
on  death  and  judgment.  0  Lord,  prepare  me  for 
that  great  day  when  I  must  stand  before  thee. 

Dec.  3. — Quite  unwell  in  body,  but  calm,  serene, 
and  quiet  in  mind.  Truly,  labor  is  rest,  and  pain  is 
sweet,  if  God  be  with  us  there.  I  do  desire  to  have 
THEE  all  my  own.     I  am  weak,  but  thou  art  strong. 

O  heal  and  restore  this  shattered  frame  which 
has  been  torn  by  disease  time  after  time,  and  thrice 
been  brought  to  the  borders  of  the  grave.  0  Lord, 
15 


170  MEMOIRS    OF 

"  All  my  days  are  thy  due, 
Be  they  many  or  few; 
And  they  all  are  devoted  to  thee." 

December  4th. 

Great  bodily  sufferings,  but  0  the  goodness  of 
God  to  me.  I  compare  myself  to  a  bird  tied  to  the 
earth,  my  mind  rises  on  contemplation's  wing  to  the 
heavenly  world,  but  the  body  like  a  string  ties  me 
like  the  bird  to  the  earth  while  I  flutter  to  be  gone  ! 
Nevertheless,  resignation  composes  my  mind  to 
suffer  as  long  as  my  Heavenly  Father  sees  best. 

I  have  been  kept  on  earth  ten  years  longer  than 
I  had  expected.  Ten  years  ago  this  memorable 
day,  Dec.  4,  1821,  my  Ebeitezer  was  set  up. 

Hitherto  the  Lord  has  helped  me.  That  was 
the  month  and  the  year  when  the  Lord  took  me  up 
to  the  third  heavens !  Yea,  he  gave  me  a  fresh  com- 
mission to  go  and  call  sinners  to  repentance  ;  and 
still  I  have  increasing  desires  to  win  souls  to  Christ. 

The  Lord  is  good  ;  he  has  raised  me  up  from  the 
shades  of  death,  to  testify  of  his  goodness  and  praise 
his  holy  name.     Ah !  Why — 

"Why  my  cold  heart  art  thou  not  lost, 
In  wonder  love  and  praise?" 

I  am  jealous  of  myself;  I  fear  the  work  of  grace 
is  not  sufficiently  deep  in  my  poor  heart.  0  thou 
whose  nature  and  whose  name  is  love, 

"  Let  all  I  am  in  thee  be  lost, 
But  give  thyself  to  me." 

"  Grant  this,  and  then  from  all  below, 

Insensibly  remove  ; 
My  soul  her  change  shall  scarcely  know, 

Made  perfect  first  in  love*" 


FANNY    NEWELL.  171 

February  J  1822. 

I  am  constrained  to  leave  the  circuit,  on  account 
of  the  low  state  of  my  health,  and  retire  to  my  fa- 
ther's house  in  Sidney,  Maine. 

Sabbath. — I  was  able  to  go  to  the  chapel  and  with 
the  people  of  God  in  my  native  town. 

I  am  a  daily  wonder  to  myself. — O  Lord  thy  love 
my  soul  amazes.  Some  months  have  passed  since 
I  have  visited  the  house  of  public  worship  ;  yet  the 
Lord  has  blessed  me  while  in  reading,  meditation, 
prayer,  and  teaching  my  children,  when  able  to  per- 
form even  these  private,  and  most  delightful  duties. 
For  my  poor  body  has  sunk  to  death's  door.  Yet 
I  can  say, 

"Give  joy  or  grief,  give  ease  or  pain, 
Take  life  or  friends  away ; 
But  let  me  find  them  all  again, 
la  that  eternal  day." 

In  my  Father's  house  are  many  mansions.      John 
xiv.  2. 

December  5th, 
Yesterday  was  a  very  sick  and  painful  day  to  me. 
O  how  many  have  been  added  to  my  short  life. 
Sometimes,  in  the  hours  of  darkest  temptation,  like 
Job,  I  have  been  ready  to  say,  "  they  are  greater 
than  I  can  bear ;"  but  then  again  consolations  come 
from  the  blessed  promises  of  God,  such  as  this  ; 
"  Many  are  the  afflictions  of  the  righteous,  but  the 
Lord  delivers  him  out  of  them  all."  That  memora- 
ble day  (December  4,  in  Yermont)  has  rolled  round 
twelve  times,  and  I  am  looking  to  the  great  Jehovah 
for  help.  O,  what  is  the  Lord  about  to  do  with  my 
poor,  weak  and  sick  body  ?  Ah !  this  need  not  con- 
cern me.     Although  the  Lord  has  given  me  to  drink 


172  MEMOIRS    OF 

deep  in  his  mixed  cup ;  yet  he  will  save  me  from 
the  dregs  thereof,  which  the  wicked  wring  out  and 
drink  up. 

Sabbath  eve,  7,  The  people  assembled  for  a 
prayer-meeting.  This  was  a  reviving  time  to  me. 
Once  more,  I  am  blessed  with  hearing  the  cries  of 
mourning  penitent  sinners.  O  Lord,  bless  them 
with  peace !     My  soul  is  glad  with  exceeding  joy. 

For  my  accommodation,  prayer-meetings  are 
holden  here  ;  and  the  young  converts  speak  freely 
of  what  the  Lord  has  done  for  their  souls.  Bless 
the  Lord,  0  my  soul,  for  what  he  has  done,  in  mul- 
tiplying converts  in  this  place.  But,  0,  the  sore 
temptations,  with  which  the  enemy  pursues  me, 
from  time  to  time  !  0  Lord,  arise  and  stand  up  for 
my  help ;  plead  my  cause  against  mine  enemies, 
that  they  may  be  driven  back  and  confounded ! 

"The  waves  of  trouble,  how  they  roll ! 
How  loud  the  tempest  roars! 
But  death  shall  land  the  humble  soul 
Safe  on  the  heavenly  shores." 

Dec.  8,  1S23.  \_the  last  date  she  ever  made.'] 

"  Lord,  I  am  sick  ;  my  sickness  cure ! 
I  want ;  do  thou  enrich  the  poor ! 
Under  thy  misrhty  hand  I  stoop ; 
O,  lift  thine  abject  handmaid  up !" 

0,  most  merciful  God !  suffer  me 

"Never  to  murmur  at  thy  stay, 
Or  wish  my  sufferings  less !" 

And  thou  hast  heard  my  prayer,  0  Lord,  and  grant- 


J'ANNy    NEWELL.  l73 

ed  me  my  request.  Therefore,  I  am  encouraged 
to  pray  and  praise,  as  long  as  I  have  breath.  Yes, 
and  after  death,  the  pleasing  theme,  in  distant 
worlds,  renew. 

How  sweet  is  thy  word  to  me,  this  morning,  0 
Lord !  How  sweet  is  one  moment's  ease  from  pain 
of  body !  but  O,  how  much  sweeter  a  moment's 
release  and  rest  from  fiery  trials,  that  are  sent  of 
God,  to  try  us,  as  gold  is  tried  in  the  fire  !  The 
Lord  does  all  things  well ;  and  praise  be  given  to  his 
'  name !  0,  come,  and  let  us  praise  him  ;  for  he  * 
*  *  *  [Here,  her  strength  failed ;  and  she 
could  not  finish  the  sentence,  or  ever  write  again. 
Her  writing  is  done.  She  lingered  until  April  17th, 
1824;  and  then,  without  a  sigh  or  groan,  sweetly 
fell  asleep  in  the  bosom  of  her  God.] 


THE  CHRISTIAN'S  FAREWELL. 

"Farewell,  old  Time:  eic  thou  bast  reach'd  the  morn 
Thy  sun  shall  s;ild  his  wings  in  Capricorn  ; 
Life's  narrow  frith  I  shall  be  wafted  o'er. 
And  cast  my  anchor  on  the  eternal  shore,. 
Where  all  is  dateless,  endless,  infinite,      ^. 
And  being  has  no  measure  but  delight !    •'\ 
Farewell  thou  sun,  and  yon  bright  planets,  all 
That  roll  in  silent  beauty  ronnd  the  ball ; 
I  go,  I  go,  to  that  celestial  sphere, 
Where  Jesus  shines  through  one  eternal  year ! 
Farewell,  thou  eovtb,  and  all  that  earth  contains, 
Thy  graceful  hills,  green  meadows,  flowers  and  plains, 
I  leave  thy  wave-worn  shores  without  a  sigh, 
A  father's  mansion  house,  a  master's  joy — 
Invite  me  home ;  I  unreluctant  go 
Where  pleasure  never  wears  a  fringe  of  wo  ! 
15* 


174  MEMOIRS    OF 

Farewell  to  gold  and  silver, — wealth,  adieu  j 

You  fly  from  others,  but  I  fly  from  you. 

Farewell  to  honor,  I'm  enroll'd  above, 

My  plume,  my  crest,  is  Love,  Redeeming  Love; 

By  his  dear  hand  that  bled,  I  read  my  name, 

Wrote  'mong  the  living  in  Jerusalem. 

Farewell  to  pleasure,  vanities,  and  lies, 

I  go  to  drink  a  River  in  the  skies. 

Whose  banks  are  with  immortal  verdure  clad, 

Whose  streams  make  all  Jehovah's  City  glad. 

Farewell  to  houses,  gardens,  orchards,  lands, 

I  have  an  house  above  not  made  with  hands, 

A  spotless  mansion,  built  of  precious  stone, 

A  crown  of  living  light,  a  jasper  one. 

Farewell  to  knowledge,  first  of  earthly  things, 

I  go  to  drink  it  where  the  fountain  springs  ; 

Clear  from  its  source,  pellucid  and  refined, 

The  dregs  of  muddy  error  left  behind. 

Farewell  to  Death !     I  shall  forever  bloom 

In  youth's  fresh  loveliness  beyond  the  tomb. 

Farewell  to  sickness,  all  the  aches  and  pains, 

That  crowd  my  vitals  and  consume  the  reins  ; 

No  hectic  flush  shall  on  my  cheeks  disclose 

The  transient  blushes  of  the  dying  rose  ; 

This  aching,  burning  head,  shall  throb  no  more, 

And  these  sharp  stitches  in  my  side  be  o'er ; 

Farewell  to  friends,  I  leave  the  social  ring, 

And  fly  to  Eden  on  a  Seraph's  wing; 

I  soon  shall  join  the  ranks  of  the  first-born, 

Whom  robes  of  light  and  crowns  of  life  adorn. 

Farewell  thou  fairest  of  my  joys  on  Earth, 

The  Church  of  God,  the  place  of  second  birth. 

Of  second  Ufe,  and  nameless  comforts  too ; 

More  dear  than  gold,  more  sweet  than  vernal  dew 

Have  been  thy  verdant  pastures  to  my  soul. 

Where  flowers  appear  and  streams  of  pleasure  roll. 

I  go  to  see  the  Saints  in  beauty  bright. 

The  Saints  embower'd  in  love,  enshrin'd  in  light. 

I  go  to  see  the  Lamb  upon  the  throne, 

And  that  dear  land,  the  beatific  zone ; 

That  land  of  sweet  delight,  of  calm  repose, 

Of  Gilead's  balm,  of  Sharon's  fragrant  rose ; 

There  ceaseless  bliss,  and  sun-bright  knowledge  reigns  j 


FANNY    NEWELL.  175 

No  fiends  to  vex  me,  and  no  sin  to  stain, 

But  friendship  form'd  by  love,— O,  Angel  powers,— 

Receive  a  weary  pilgrim  to  your  bovvers ! 

Ol  let  me  listen  to  your  golden  lyres. 

And  burn,  like  you,  in  love's  seraphic  fires  ; 

Adore  the  Lamb,  in  each  soul  thrilling  chant. 

Your  ardor  feel,  and  still  for  greater  pant, — 

The  weakest,  meanest,  poorest  sinner  take 

To  your  sweet  fellowship,  for  Jesus'  sake  ! 

Farewell  my  dearest  children, — fare  you  well ; — • 

What  pangs  I  feel,  to  leave  you,  none  can  tell; 

But  I  have  drunk  the  bitter  parting  cup, 

And  now,  thank  God,  can  freely  give  you  up  : 

Love,  fear,  adore,  and  serve  the  Lord  alone! 

Soon  we  shall  meet,  where  farewells  are  unknown. 

Farewell  my  husband — I  am  loth  to  part 

With  thee,  the  joy  and  solace  of  my  heart, 

With  thee  the  dear  companion  of  my  care 

And  bliss,  when  I  had  bliss  to  share  : 

So  round  my  heart,  with  many  a  fibre  bound, 

To  give  thee  up  inflicts  the  deepest  toound  : 

But  Jesus  calls  me  to  his  bless'd  abode, — 

I  go  the  first,  but  thou  art  on  the  road  : — 

"Tis  but  a  moment!  love — repress  thy  tears, — 

And  then  we're  married  through  the  eternal  years. 

Well  now  the  bitterness  of  death  is  pass'd, — 

That  pang  of  souls  untwining  was  the  last, — 

The  coast  is  clear,  my  mortal  race  is  run  ; 

Angels  bring  near  the  chariot,  all  is  won ; 

I  soon  shall  sing,  on  yon  celestial  shore, — 

I'm  safe!  I'm  safe!  I'm  safe  forever  more. 

Step  in  my  soul— I  go  \\dth  all  my  heart, 

Now  let  thy  handmaid.  Lord,  in  peace  depart." 


176  MEMOIRS    OF 


AN  ACCOUNT  OF  HER  LAST  SICKNESS 
AND  DEATH. 

BY    HER    HUSBAND. 

After  leaving  Thomaston  Circuit,  her  health, 
hke  that  of  people  in  decline,  was  sometimes  so 
apparently  good,  that  all  indulged  the  fond  hope  that 
health  and  life  would  be  prolonged :  but  in  May 
and  June  her  disease  grew  worse  rapidly,  so  that  in 
the  judgment  of  one  of  the  first  physicians  in  the 
parts,  her  case  was  desperate  ;  and  that  two  weeks 
at  most  would  end  her  career.  Her  hps,  mouth, 
throat,  and  lungs  appeared  to  be  one  coat  of  canker. 
Her  cough  racked  her  w  hole  frame.  Her  weakness 
was  such  that  she  could  leave  the  bed  but  little. 

We  prepared  a  cordial  in  the  following  manner : — 
took  i  lb.  of  gold  thread  and  boiled  out  the  strength 
in  about  one  quart  of  water,  then  strained  it  off  and 
^dded  i  lb.  of  loaf  sugar,  and  simmered  it  away  to 
about  three  gills  and  added  a  little  brandy,  so  as  to 
preserve  it  sweet,     [i  a  glass.]* 

Doctor  Mann  from  Hallowell,  from  friendship  to 
us,  came  12  miles  voluntarily  to  inquire  after  our 
welfare,  and  do  us  all  the  good  in  his  power.  He 
approved  of  the  cordial,  and  added,  "  Mrs.  N.  you 
are  above  the  fear  of  death,  and  therefore  if  1  tell 
you  plainly  my  judgment,  you  will  not  be  alarmed — 
"  By  no  means,"  she  replied,  "  for  I  have  given  all 
up,  to  die,  and  feel  a  measure  of  calm  resignation, 
yet  I  have  some  thoughts  that   God  will  spare  me  a 

*  This  recipe  is  given  for  the  benefit  of  the  afflicted. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  177 

little  longer  to  my  children." — The  doctor  rejoiced 
in  her  prospects,  (for  he  had  obtained  a  hope  in  the 
mercy  of  God  himself,)  and  said,  "You  must  not 
flatter  yourself  with  the  thoughts  of  life,  for  I  see 
no  ground  to  encourage  you,  but  we  will  do  all  we 
can  for  your  comfort  and  relief — take  freely  of  your 
gold-thread  cordial,  keep  your  mouth  and  stomach 
moist  with  it — it  cannot  hurt  you,  and  it  may  relieve 
you  entirely  from  the  canker." — and  so  it  did  !  ! 

I  walked  with  the  doctor  to  his  carriage,  who,  with 
an  affectionate  look  said,  "  I  do  feel  it  my  duty  to 
say  to  you  plainly  before  I  leave  you,  that  one  iveek, 
or  tivo  at  farthest  will  remove  your  wife  to  another, 
and  I  trust  a  better  world  than  this."  I  replied, 
"  Doctor,  I  have  faith  to  believe  God  will  raise  her 
up  to  a  measure  of  health,  and  spare  her  to  us  a 
little  longer. 

In  two  weeks  she  was  able  to  ride  to  Hallowell. 
The  doctor  met  us  at  the  door  and  said,  "  Welcome 
to  my  house,  your  faith  was  a  good  faith. 

From  this  time,  like  most  cases  of  consumption, 
for  more  than  a  year  her  health  was  in  a  state  of 
constant  fluctuation ;  at  times  able  to  attend  the  do- 
mestic concejins  of  her  house,  and  ride  out  10  or  20 
miles,  but  often  confined  to  the  house,  and  a  few 
times  to  her  room.  But  as  the  autumn  of  1823 
approached  her  strength  failed,  her  disease  ad- 
vanced, our  fears  were  alarmed,  and  the  word  of  the 
Lord,  "  Prepare  to  meet  thy  God,"  spoke  loud  to 
us.  In  November  she  could  help  herself  but  little. 
December  and  January,  her  sufferings  were  great, 
but  the  work  of  the  Lord  on  the  circuit  demanded 
my  attention  :  but  at  our  Quarterly  meeting  holden 
in  Pittston,  Feb.  1824,  the  good  Lord  opened  the 
door,  and  brought  a  young  man  to  take  my  circuit, 


178  MEMOIRS    OF 

and  with  advice  and  consent  of  my  Presiding  Elder 
and  brethren,  and  from  a  sense  of  duty,  I  left  the 
field  and  retired  to  my  little  family,  that  by  the 
grace  of  God  I  might  stand  in  my  lot  through  the 
trying  scene,  as  a  pillar  in  my  house. 

It  now  became  necessary  to  have  watchers  every 
night ;  and  to  give  as  little  trouble  as  possible,  I 
proposed  to  rise  at  twelve  o'clock  every  night,  and 
watch  until  the  morning.  Her  benevolent  father's 
household  readily  agreed  to  take  the  necessary  care 
the  first  part  of  the  night.  Thus  I  was  favored  with 
the  opportunity  to  mark  her  piety  and  disease  day 
and  night,  and  it  was  a  season  never  to  be  forgotten. 
From  the  commencement  of  our  acquaintance  we 
ever  made  death  and  judgment  a  familiar  topic — we 
met  and  we  parted  as  though  it  was,  or  might  be, 
our  last  time.  But  now,  sitting  under  the  frozen 
wall  of  death,  and  the  grave  at  our  feet,  we  were 
making  arrangements  for  the  moment  of  separa- 
tion. Religion  has  beauties  vhich  adorn  life 
with  charms  celestial,  but  in  no  place  can  the 
worth  of  the  grace  of  God  be  so  truly  estimated 
this  side  of  heaven,  as  in  the  hours  of  sickness  and 
death. 

One  day  having  lifted  her  from  the  bed  to  the 
chair,  and  then  to  the  bed  again,  and  waiting  for 
her  to  rest,  I  asked.  How  does  death  appear  to  you 
now  it  is -doubtless  so  near?  Panting  awhile  for 
breath,  as  soon  as  she  was  able  to  speak,  she  said, 
*'  To  live  looks  pleasant,  that  I  may  watch  over  my 
children  and  train  them  up  for  God,  encourage  you 
to  preach  the  gospel,  and  do  what  I  can  to  win  souls 
to  Christ ;  but  to  die  looks  most  pleasant. 

The  last  of  February,  a  C.  Baptist  preacher,  Br. 
G.,  called  on  u?,  and  his  visit  was  like  cold  water 


FANNY   NEWELL.  179 

to  a  thirsty  soul.     He  talked  like  a  man  of  sense 
and  deep  piety.      He  observed,  that  a  Christian 
might  in  some  cases  be  more  useful  and  honor  the 
cause  of  God  more  while  suffering  the  will  of  God 
patiently,  on  a  bed  of  sickness,  than  when  doing 
the  will  of  God  in  health.     He  preached,  and  the 
Lord  set  home  the  word  with  power.     In  the  first 
of  March  a  youth  came  in  to  see  her,  and  while 
looking  upon  her,  and  seeing  her  composure  onthe 
bed  of  death,  and  hearing  her  words,  exhorting  her 
to  lay  aside  pride  and  become  an  humble  Christian, 
and  go  to  heaven,  she  was  much  affected,  and  had 
no  peace  until  she  found  the  pearl  of  great  price. 
Her  disease  was,  comparatively  speaking,  like  the 
tide  ;  her  sick  days  would  sink  her  low,  as  if  death 
would  immediately  do  his  office  ;    then  returning 
gales  of  health  would  breathe  upon  her,  and  she 
would  appear  as  though  God  was  about  to  let  her 
enjoy  the  blessings  of  health  again  :  but  in  all  these 
changing  prospects,  I  observed  a  constant  gradual 
decay ;  her  flesh  wasted,  her  strength  failed,  the 
power     of   speech  failed.      About  the  middle   of 
March,   one    night    after  passing  more  than  ten 
hours  under  such  distress  that  it  appeai'ed  as  though 
nature  must  fail,  and  she  sink  under  the  burning 
fever,  racking  pains,  and  tearing  cough,  as  I  sup- 
ported, and  partly  raised  her  up  to  relieve  her  as  far 
as  possible  by  a  change  of  posture ;  I  prayed  in  my 
heart,  that  the  compassionate  Jehovah  would  support 
and  preserve  her  from  impatience;  and  to  know 
her  state  of  mind,  I  asked,  does  your  patience  hold 
out  ?     Her  reply  was,  in  slow  and  broken  accents, 
"  0  the  goodness  of  God." 

"  I  do  not  murmur  at  his  stay, 
Or  wish  my  sufferings  less." 


180  MEMOIRS    OF 

About  this  time  a  brother  in  Christ  with  his  wife 
came  up  from  B.  and  called  on  us — we  sang, 

"  God  moves  in  a  mysterious  way, 
His  wonders  to  perforiTi ; 
He  plants  his  footsteps  in  the  deep 
And  rides  upon  the  storm,"  &c. 

We  prayed,  and  sister  D.  took  Fanny  by  the  hand, 
saying,  "  Farewell,  sister,  you  will  no  doubt  arrive 
safe  home  to  glory  before  me,  but  I  hope  to  be  so 
happy  as  to  meet  you  there.  Such  was  the  rational 
conclusion,  when  comparing  the  blooming,  healthy 
countenance  of  the  one,  to  the  pale  and  deathly 
visage  of  the  other,  panting  upon  the  bed  of  death ; 
but  the  hymn  just  sang  states, 

"  His  purposes  will  ripen  fast, 
Unfolding  every  hour." 

More  than  a  week  sooner  than  Fanny,  Sister  D. 
was  hurried  away  with  but  a  few  days  sickness  to 
meet  her  Judge.  When  I  had  performed  my  duty 
and  returned  to  my  Circuit,  and  enquired  for  sister 
Densmore — I  was  answered,  She  is  gone  to  try  the 
realities  of  vast  eternity — The  calm  composure 
with  which  she  met  her  sudden  arrest  gives  us 
lively  hopes  that  she  has  gone  safely.  About  the 
20th  of  March,  the  sweet  breeze  of  health  so  far 
revived  in  my  companion,  that  I  drew  her  into  an- 
other room  in  a  chair,  and  the  day  following,  with  a 
little  assistance  she  walked  out,  sat  down  and  sung 
one  verse  of  a  hymn.  And  our  fond  hopes  were 
flattered  that  the  Lord  would  even  raise  her  up 
again  as  in  times  past. — For  eight  or  ten  weeks,  it 
had  been  but  a  small  part  of  the  time  that  she  could 


FANNY  NEWELL.  181 

even  turn  herself  in  the  bed  without  assistance,  and 
often  we  had  to  move  her  entirely  alone. 

About  the  25th  of  March,  I  took  her  in  my  arms, 
carried  her  to  the  sleigh,  and  rode  about  eighty  rods 
and  returned,  and  when  seated,  with  a  smile  she 
said,  "  How  good  and  reviving  the  clear  air  of  this 
fair  spring  day  is  to  weak  lungs." — The  next  day 
the  tide  turned — an  ulcer  broke  upon  the  decayed 
lungs,  and  strength  and  life  ebbed  out  in  rapid 
flight,  and  to  her  comfort  and  our  joy,  the  gold- 
thread cordial,  by  the  blessing  of  God,  cleansed 
the  mouth  of  canker,  and  kept  it  clean  unto  the 
last.  Her  appetite  for  food  continued  good,  and  all 
the  kind  friends  of  different  societies,  as  if  touched 
by  a  celestial  hand,  cheerfully  offered  to  do  all  in 
their  power  for  her  comfort  and  support.  The 
Good  Lord  reward  them. 

About  the  last  of  March,  one  night  wrestling 
with  the  disease  until  three  or  four  in  the  morning, 
and  being  so  far  relieved  as  to  lie  still  upon  the 
pillows,  she  interrupted  my  reflections  by  break- 
ing the  happy  silence  of  tfee  sacred  place,  saying, 
"  Glory  to  God !  that  I  sought  and  found  religion 
in  my  youthful  days.  It  has  preserved  me  from 
those  snares  into  which  many  fall,  that  cost  them 
many  tears  in  riper  days.  It  has  been  a  shield  and 
support  unto  me  all  through  life.  And  now  a  crown 
of  everlasting  life  lies  just  before  me."  Heaven 
was  in  her  looks,  and  heaven  was  in  her  words. — 
What  shall  I  do  if  you  go  and  leave  me  ?  "  Put  the 
children  to  the  institution  on  Kent's-hill,  Readfield, 
and  go  and  preach  the  Gospel  to  poor  sinners,  and 
God  will  be  with  you  and  bless  you !"  She  appear- 
ed to  lie  on  the  grace  of  God  as  a  boat  lies  on  the 
bosom  of  the  great  deep.  Thus,  while  the  outer 
16 


182  MEMOIRS    OF 

man  was  decaying,  the  inner  man  was  renewed  day 
by  day. 

Through  the  winter,  prayer  meetings  had  been 
holden  in  the  house  on  her  account,  and  the  holy 
sacrament  had  once  or  twice  been,  administered  to 
her  on  her  sick  bed.  But  now  such  was  the  ner- 
vous afiection  that  the  least  jar  or  sound  in  almost 
any  part  of  the  house  seemed  to  shake  her  whole 
frame,  and  affect  the  whole  body  with  an  indescrib- 
able anguish.  Yet,  quiet  as  a  lamb  panting  under 
the  enormous  load — and  to  use  her  own  words, 
"  pain  is  sweet,  and  life  or  death  is  gain."  She 
placed  suffering  and^death  among  the  Christian's 
treasures. 

After  one  of  these  distressing  times  was  over, 
and  she  was  able  to  rest  on  the  pillows,  I  expressed 
my  gratitude  that  she  was  so  easy.  "  Easy  ?  yes, 
I  am  easy  to  what  I  was,  but  if  you  or  any  other 
person  was  to  pass  from  a  state  of  good  health  into 
the  sufferings  which  I  now  feel,  easy  as  you  think  I 
am,  they  would  no  doubt  make  as  much  ado,  and 
be  as  restless  as  I  have  been  in  the  greatest  distress 
which  I  have  passed  through.  There  is  not  one 
breath  even  now  without  pain,  and  the  language  of  the 
poet  is  well  suited  to  my  present  case, 

'Distressing  pains  my  vitals  tear, 
While  every  joint  and  limb 
Their  mutual  portion  bear. '" 

Having  passed  almost  the  whole  night  in  bodily 
sufTerings,  towards  break  of  day,  reclining  on  the 
pillows  with  her  eyes  full  of  expression,  and  a  coun- 
tenance shining  with  the  grace  of  God,  she  said, 
*'  My  kind  husband,  you  must  not  be  alarmed  if  I 
kiVSa  dreadful  struggle  in  death,  for  I  expect  it; 


FANNr    NEWELL.  183 

but  I  have  been  praying  to  God — and  he  will  sup- 
port me,  /  shall  be  carried  safe  through." 

The  first  of  April  the  young  brother  came  from 
my  circuit  and  requested  me  to  go  and  baptize,  and 
receive  into  society,  those  who  were  made  free  by 
the  grace  of  God.  I  appointed  a  day,  and  observed 
— if  my^  wife  is  no  worse  I  will  come,  if  dead  and 
not  buried  I  will  come,  but  if  she  is  dying  I  will  not 
come.  The  morning  came,  and  as  my  custom 
was,  I  was  ready  up,  and  at  4  o'clock  A.  M.  I  pre- 
pared to  go,  took  some  food,  rose  from  the  table, 
and  my  wife  said,  "  I  have  been  thinking  of  those 
dear  lambs,  and  think  you  had  better  stay  until  after 
the  Sabbath.  You  may  do  them  good — they  have 
need  of  help.  I  may  live,  I  may  not ;  leave  that 
with  God,  it  is  no  matter." — Knowing  how  partial 
she  was  to  my  strength  and  skill  in  lifting  and  mov- 
ing her,  my  heart  was  sensibly  touched,  to  think 
how  much  her  love  for  souls  and  resignation  to  the 
will  of  God  had  done  for  her.  1  knelt  down  by  her 
bed,  and  silently  lifted  my  case  and  laid  it  at  the  foot 
of  mercy  until  1  was  composed,  and  was  perfectly 
willing  to 

"Leave  to  his  sovereign  sway 
To  choose  and  to  command." 

After  a  word  of  vocal  prayer,  I  took  the  parting 
hand — reason  said  for  the  last  time  on  earth — nature 
wept  and  melted,  but  faith  bore  up  the  soul  in  calm 
and  heavenly  joy. 

About  20  miles  I  rode  through  the  mud  and  frost 
to  Windsor ;  met  a  large  assembly  and  several 
local  preachers,  and  we  had  the  comforts  of  the 
Holy  Spirit  for  our  support.     I  tarried  from  Thurs- 


184  MEMOIRS   OF 

day  to  Sabbath ;  and  with  the  kind  and  affectionate 
help  of  Br.  David  Young,  we  baptized,  according 
to  the  best  of  my  memory,  about  thiriij ;  and  admitted 
on  probation  ahoui  ffty.  It  was  a  time  of  great  joy  in 
that  place.  I  returned  a  few  miles  and  preached 
on  Sabbath  evening,  and  the  good  Lord  gave  me 
great  peace  in  my  soul,  all  teas  tranquil.  I  felt  that 
God  was  all  in  all,  while  I  looked  not  at  the  things 
which  are  seen,  but  at  the  things  which  are  not  seen, 
which  are  eternal. 


"Friends,  believe  me  when  I  tell, 
When  Christ  is  with  me  all  is  well." 

I  arrived  home  on  Monday  about  9  o'clock,  A.  M., 
and  as  I  opened  the  door,  my  wife,  bolstered  up  in 
the  bed,  opened  her  eyes,  and  the  first  words  were, 
"How  do  the  tender  lambs  of  the  flock  prosper? 
Are  the  young  converts  strong  in  faith,  praising  the 
Lord  ?"  I  answered,  yes,  the  God  of  Jacob  has 
becH  with  us — we  have  had  a  happy  season — "  Glo- 
ry to  God !  he  has  been  with  me  also.  I  have  not 
been  so  free  from  pain,  nor  rested  so  well  for  many 
days  before,  as  I  have  these  few  days  that  you 
have  been  gone  to  work  for  the  Lord." 

We  united  to  give  thanks  to  God  for  granting  us 
one  privilege  more  of  meeting  on  the  shores  of 
time,  and  the  joy  we  have  in  hearing  that  sinners 
are  repenting  and  turning  to  God. 

I  inquired  of  the  children,  how  they  felt  to  be  left 
without  regular  family  worship?  (not  thinking  it 
possible  for  their  mother  to  perform  the  duty. )  They 
looked  upon  each  other,  and  then  upon  their  mother 
in  silence.  She  answered,  "  We  have  devotion," 
and  proceeded  to  give  me  the  history,  as  she  was 


FANNY    NEWELL.  185 

able,  to  which  I  listened  with  deep  interest. — "  Such 
has  been  my  esteem  for  family  worship,  that  in  your 
absence  I  have  endeavored  always  to  maintain  it 
according  to  the  best  of  my  ability,  and  sometimes 
under  the  embarrassment  of  sitting  in  my  chair,  or 
lying  on  my  bed  through  bodily  weakness.  But 
now  my  voice  and  lungs  are  so  affected,  that  nature 
forbids  my  performing  that  duty  in  vocal  strains  as 
in  days  that  are  past,  and  what  shall  be  done  ?  As 
f  lay  thus  musing,  and  reflecting  on  my  case,  just 
about  to  bid  farewell  to  the  world,  my  children  about 
to  be  left,  and  if  their  father  continues  faithful, 
ranging  the  wide  world  in  quest  of  souls,  our  family 
altar  would  be  thrown  down,  and  the  children  gather 
round  a  stranger's  altar,  or  perhaps  have  their  lot 
cast  where  no  vocal  prayer  is  heard.  The  emotions 
of  my  mind  cannot  easily  be  described,  until  the 
hands  of  Israel  stretched  and  laid  on  the  heads  of 
Joseph's  children,  passed  through  my  mind.  At 
the  proper  time,  I  called  on  the  children  to  take 
their  Bibles  for  family  worship.  After  reading  their 
chapter,  I  caused  them  to  come  near  and  kneel 
down  by  my  bed  side,  and  in  the  name  of  the  God 
of  Israel  I  reached  out  my  hand  and  laid  it  on  their 
heads,  believing  that  God,  who  seeth  in  secret,  can 
bless,  whhout  words  as  well  as  with  ;  and  truly 
they  may  be  reckoned  amongst  some  of  the  most 
refreshing  seasons  that  I  ever  enjoyed  with  my  little 
family ;  and  I  humbly  hope,  that  our  children  will 
be  numbered  with  the  tribes  of  Israel,  and  have  a 
lot  of  inheritance  with  the  people  of  God.  And  as 
Israel  gathered  up  his  feet  upon  his  bed  and  died, 
leaving  his  blessing  upon  his  offspring,  so  even  I 
was  willing  to  die  and  leave  my  husband  and  children 
in  the  care  of  that  God  who  has  protected  me  as  he 
16* 


186  MEMOIRS   OF 

did  IsraeJ,  all  my  lifetime,  and  brought  me  to  hope 
in  the  resurrection  ! 

"  Such  was  the  enlargement  of  my  mind  on  the 
care  of  a  kind  Providence  over  the  righteous,  and 
the  showers  of  grace  that  descended  hke  the  dew  of 
heaven  upon  us,  that  we  wept,  and  my  tears  were 
tears  of  joy,  more  than  grief." 

Reader,  fix  your  mind  on  a  mother  with  her  chil- 
dren, thus  presenting  themselves  before  God  ;  view 
the  falling  tears,  hear  the  sobbing  children  listen  to 
the  low  voice  of  the  pale  parent,  ready  to  depart, 
now  and  then  softly  whispering,  "  Lord  bless  my 
son — my  daughter — I  leave  them  with  thee— they 
are  thine — take  them — keep  them — from  the  evils — 
that  are  in  the  world — for  Jesus'  sake — make  them 
useful — support  us  in — death — bring  us  to  meet — 
in — heaven — glory — to  God — amen —glory — glory 
— glory — praise — God — amen — amen — . 

See  the  smiles  that  speak  a  composure  and  tran- 
quillity that  a  full  view  of  parting  with  parents,  hus- 
band, and  children,  and  sinking  into  the  cold  bosom 
of  death  cannot  obliterate,  and  then  can  you  say,  in 
candor,  Tliere  is  nothing  in  religion  1  The  man  of 
God  can  say,  "  To  live  is  Christ,  to  die  is  gain  !" 
Let  all  the  people  know,  that  the  "  Sting  of  death  is 
SIN,  but  thanks  be  to  God  who  giveth  us  the  victory 
through  (faith  in)  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord !"  I  often 
saw  the  day  star  rise,  and  the  day  breaking,  while 
sitting  by  the  side  of  my  dear  wife.  In  the  language 
of  inspiration,  '^  The  morning  cometh  and  also  the 
night."  "  He  turneth  the  shadow  of  death  into  the 
morning  of  life." — I  had  such  views  of  the  resur- 
rection of  the  dead,  and  the  glory  that  shall  follow, 
that  death  appeared  like  a  friend  with  a  life-boat  to 
take  us  off  of  the  wueck  of  this  poor  world,  and 


FANNY   NEWELL.  187 

land  us  safe  upon  the  fair  shores  of  eternal  blessed- 
ness. The  narrow  giilf  of  death  and  the  gloomy 
grave,  were  so  lost  m  the  unbounded  joy  which  be- 
gan to  heave  in  view,  and  the  earnest  of  the  inheri- 
tance which  the  Lord  gave  us,  that  we  could  say, 

"'Tis  a  heaven  below,  the  Redeemer  to  know." 

And  with  Jacob,  "  God  is  here  !  this  is  the  gate  of 
heaven !"  No  dread  but  that  of  God ;  no  fear  but 
the  fear  of  the  Lord ;  no  desire  but  to  do  and  suffer 
the  will  of  God,  to  whom  we  could  look  up,  and 
with  inexpressible  delight,  cry,  Abba,  Father. 

About  the  tenth  or  twelfth  of  April,  signs  of  a 
departure  were  very  manifest,  and  I  inquired  of  her 
if  her  mind  was  the  same  as  formerly  1  and  received 
a  satisfactory  answer. 

April  15th,  as  I  sat  watching  the  slow,  deadly 
approach  of  the  maturity  and  victory  of  the  disease, 
and  the  sweet  heaven  in  the  countenance  of  my 
love,  she  broke  the  silence,  and  gave  directions 
concerning  her  funeral. 

Nature  now  appeared  to  have  given  up  the  strug- 
gle, and  had  yielded  almost  passively  to  the  disease. 
Her  cough  ceased,  mostly,  raised  but  little,  and  in- 
clined to  sleep  ;  but  such  was  her  weak  state,  that 
eight  or  ten  minutes  was  as  long,  in  general,  as  we 
dare  let  her  sleep  at  once.  By  her  request,  her 
father's  family  were  called  in  for  family  worship. 
On  the  17th  of  April,  in  the  morning,  one  of  the 
affectionate  near  neighbors  came  in,  bringing  a  plate 
of  food  ready  cooked,  of  that  kind,  which  of  late 
had  relished  best,  and  sat  the  easiest  on  her  weak 
stomach.  She  thanked  her  benefactor,  but  lifting 
her  hand  said,  "  It  looks  good,  but  I  cannot  take  it" 


188  MEMOIRS   OF 

— my  heart  felt  the  sentence !  Death  sat  waiting, 
as  on  the  banks  of  Jordan,  for  the  water  to  divide 
and  give  a  passport  through.  All  the  nourishment 
of  the  last  twenty-four  hours,  was  a  few  tablespoons 
full  of  gruel  and  cordial,  of  which  we  wet  her  lips 
and  mouth. — Such  was  her  calm  composure,  that  I 
said,  as  I  awoke  her,  your  sleep  appears  quiet — 
"  Yes,  almost  natural,"  was  the  reply — "  and  I  feel 
almost  well,  only  a  load  in  my  breast  like  a  stone." 
About  sunset,  sister  0.  Wing  of  the  society  called 
Friends,  came,  and  as  I  met  her  at  the  door  she 
said,  I  have  come  by  the  Spirit  to  Fanny,  believing 
that  if  I  did  not  come  to-day  I  should  not  see  her 
alive — something  said  in  my  heart,  You  have  come 
to  help  lay  her  out. 

The  good  Lord  so  far  supported  her,  that  she  ap- 
peared to  converse  in  a  low  tone  easier  than  she  had 
for  days — her  countenance  was  cheerful  and  most 
pleasant,  as  if  waiting  for  some  most  desirable  ob- 
ject. About  eight  o'clock,  after  having  conversed 
with  some  freedom  with  us,  she  requested  the  fami- 
ly to  be  called  in  for  social  worship.  It  fell  on  my 
mind — it  is  the  last  we  shall  enjoy  together  on  earth 
— and  so  it  was  !  I  read  a  short  portion  of  the 
word  of  God,  and  my  mind  was  fixed  on  the  Is- 
raelites passing  Jordan.  They  were  not  afraid, 
the  water  stood  as  an  heap — but  the  footsteps  of  the 
priests  were  to  be  seen,  and  the  Ark  of  the  cove- 
nant was  in  the  midst  of  the  channel  of  the  river, 
and  there  could  be  no  dread  of  danger.  My  prayer 
was,  O  Lord,  let  thine  handmaid  see  thy  face,  and 
hear  thy  voice,  and  she  will  not  be  afraid !  0  be 
thou  with  us,  and  all  is  well.  To  the  glory  of  God 
I  would  say — It  was  so !  All  was  well !  Heaven 
closed  us  round — the  shades  of  death  fell  back — 


FANNY    NEWELL.  189 

the  charms  of  the  Saviour's  dying  love  brought  life 
and  immortality  to  hght. 

My  prayer  closed, — the  family  retired.  I  said  to 
Fanny,  Your  accounts  are  sealing  up  for  eternity, 
and  how  soon  ours  will  be  sealed  we  know  not. 
You  have  been  deprived  of  public  worship  for  a 
long  time — to-morrow  will  be  the  Sabbath — you 
will  most  probably  spend  it  with  Abraham  in  the 
midst  of  saints  and  angels.  She  was  requested  to 
try  to  take  some  nourishment,  but  said,  "■  I  would, 
as  gladly  as  you  would  have  me,  but  I  cannot !  My 
case  is  desperate."  Turning  her  eyes  on  me,  she 
said,  "  If  you  will  prepare  the  drops — I  will  take 
them  if  possible,  for  I  feel  my  distress  coming  on, 
and  I  may  have  a  little  rest  the  first  part  of  the 
night."  I  stepped  across  the  room  to  prepare  them 
— she  reached  her  hands  to  her  mother,  and  sister 
W.  and  they  raised  her  up — she  coughed,  and 
raised,  but  could  not  discharge  it — fell  back  upon 
the  pillows — fixed  her  eyes  upward  whh  inexpressi- 
ble sweetness — the  family  were  called  in — but  she 
was  gone  without  a  struggle  or  a  groan.  So  much 
glory  appeared  to  shine  upon  her,  that  it  was  too 
much  for  nature,  and  she  sweetly  fell  asleep  in  the 
bosom  of  Jesus  her  Lord !  I  was  knelt  by  her 
side,  and  felt  the  last  pulse  and  the  last  motion  of 
the  heart,  and  saw  the  white  hue,  like  a  blush,  flash 
over  her  face,  and  her  eyes  full  of  lustre  and  big 
with  expression  lose  all  their  sweetness  and  sink 
down  in  death — her  head  bent  forward  a  little,  and 
all  was  silent — a  bed  of  death  !  ! 

My  feelings  none  can  tell !  Her  eternal  state  is 
fixed  !  I  felt  very  solemn,  though  1  had  such  a 
sense  of  the  presence  of  God,  as  I  cannot  describe. 


190  MEMOIRS    OF 

The  ministering  spirits  seemed  to  be  present,  and 
the  following  lines  came  to  my  mind, 

"Angels  now  are  hovering"  round  us, 
Unperceiv'd  they  mix  the  throng, — 

Wondering  at  the  love  that  crown'd  us. 
Glad  to  join  the  holy  song  : 
Hallelujah, 

Love  and  praise  to  Christ  belongs." 

I  could  say  with  the  poet, 

"  Heaven  and  earth  Agree, 

Angels  and  men  are  join'd 
To  celebrate  with  me 

The  Saviour  of  mankind  ! 
T'adore  the  all  atoning  Lamb, 
And  bless  the  sound  of  Jesus'  name." 

The  full  tide  of  heavenly  consolation  rolled  me 
along  until  after  her  dust  was  laid  in  the  dust.  My 
mind  was  enriched  by  a  celestial  power  that  seemed 
to  shut  me  in  on  all  sides,  as  the  shepherds  were 
covered  with  the  glory  that  surrounded  them. — 
Never  until  now  did  I  have  such  exalted  thoughts 
of  the  dignity  of  the  Christian !  Their  dust  is  sa- 
cred, and  the  soul  celestial  in  the  society  above, 
where  Jesus  reigns  supreme!  Many  were  the 
tears  which  I  saw  flow  from  the  eyes  of  those  who 
came  in  to  take  a  farewell  look !  But  none  made 
such  deep  impression  as  the  tears  that  fell  from  the 
fair  faces  of  the  little  children  whom  she  had  taught 
in  Sabbath  school  while  living.  They  looked,  they 
gazed,  and  melted  down,  and  turned  away,  cover- 
.  ing  their  weeping  eyes  with  their  little  hands — sweet 
offering  to  the  one  they  loved. 

The  following  lines,  which  I  found  in  her  writ- 


FANNY  NEWELL.  191 

ings,  and  read  while  sitting  by  her  remains,  ap- 
peared appropriate  to  tears  shed  at  such  a  time  as 
this. 

1.  Ye  fleeting  charms  of  earth,  farewell, 

Your  springs  of  joy  are  dry  ; 
My  soul  now  seeks  another  home, 
A  brighter  world  on  high. 

2.  Farewell,  ye  friends,  whose  tender  care 

Has  long  engag'd  my  love  ; 
Your  fond  embrace  I  now  exchange 
For  better  friends  above. 

3.  Cheerful  I  leave  this  vale  of  tears. 

Where  pains  and  sorrows  grow  ; 
Welcome  the  day  that  ends  my  toils. 
And  every  scene  of  wo. 

4.  No  more  shall  sin  disturb  my  breast, 

My  God  shall  frown  no  more  ; 
The  streams  of  love  divine  shall  yield 
Transports  unknown  before. 

5.  Fly,  then,  ye  interposing  days! — 

Lord,  send  the  summons  down  ; 
The  hand  that  strikes  me  to  the  dust, 
Shall  raise  me  to  a  Crown. 

Chorus. 
O  heaven,  sweet  heaven. 
Dear  Lord,  when  shall  I  get  to  heaven. 

Her  remains  now  rest  in  the  new  grave-yard  in 
Sidney,  Kennebeck  county,  Maine.  The  stone 
presented  by  the  kind  friends  of  Thomaston,  was 
placed  at  the  head,  with  the  inscription  in  the  fol- 
lowing order. 


192  MEMOIRS   OF 

SEEK  GOD ! 

Stop,  my  friend  !  O  take  another  vlev) 

The  dust  that  moulders  here, 

Was  once  belov'd  like  you  ! 

No  longer  then  on  future  time  rely, 

Improve  the  present — 

And  prepare  to  die  !  ! ! 


FANNY, 

The  beloved  consort  of  the 

Rev.  E.  F.  Newell, 

Died  April  17, 1824, 

Aged  30  years,  1 1  mo.  and  5  days. 


FANNY    NEWELL.  193 


EXTRACTS    FROM    THE    CORRESPOND- 
ENCE OF  MRS.  NEWELL. 


[The  following  Extracts  of  Letters  written  by  Mrs. 
Newell,  it  is  believed  will  be  read  with  interest  by  the 
circle  of  her  former  acquaintance,  and  it  is  hoped  not  un- 
profitably  by  others.] 

Extract  of  a  letter  from  Pittston  to  Roijalton,  Ver- 
mont. 

Dearly  beloved  Brother  and  Sister  H. 

I  gladly  embrace  this  good  opportunity  of  writing 
to  you,  after  having  long  premeditated  the  agreeable 
task.  You  would  excuse  this  long  delay,  if  you 
knew  my  labors,  and  visits,  which  I  perform  in  the 
name  of  the  Lord,  around  this  large  circuit,  which 
reaches  the  isles  of  the  sea,  and  extends  far  back 
from  the  shore.  After  I  left  Yermont,  and  came  to 
Maine,  I  tarried  with  my  parents,  about  six  weeks. 
And  the  time,  I  trust,  was  not  spent  in  vain.  I 
took  up  some  of  the  time  in  recounting  the  wonder- 
ful goodness  of  God — the  various  trials  through 
which  I  had  been  brought — the  many  friends  which 
the  Lord  had  raised  up,  to  smooth  my  path  in  life, 
while  travelling  over  that  rugged  part  of  Yermont. 
We  prayed,  and  sang  hymns,  and  I  had  some  happy 
meetings,  and  was  glad  after  so  long  absence,  to 
exhort  sinners  again  in  my  native  land,  to  turn  to 
God  and  live. 

I  enjoy  peace,  by  the  salt  water,  and  am  as  wil- 
ling to  serve  God  with  unwearied  dihgence,  as  when 
on  the  high  hills  of  Yermont.  Do  you  inquire  after 
17 


194  MEMOIRS    OF 

our  children,  for  whom  you  have  done  so  much? 
They  are  the  pictures  of  health,  and  their  growing 
faculties  render  them  children  of  great  promise. 
But  these  flowers  must  fade,  these  children  must 
die. 

Our  greatest  concern  is  to  train  them  up  for  God, 
and  in  the  way  that  they  should  go.  Help  by  your 
prayers.  And  may  the  Lord  bless  you,  and  your 
children,  and  bring  us  all  to  meet  in  glory  when  time 
is  no  more. 

Adieu  in  love,  F.     N. 


Extract  of  letters  written  from  JMaine  to   Verm&nt* 

Respected  Friends, 

Through  the  great  goodness  of  God,  I  am  favor- 
ed with  an  opportunity  of  writing  to  you,  and  gladly 
lay  aside  the  pressing  cares  of  life,  and  employ  a 
pleasant  moment  in  reflecting  on  your  many  acts  of 
benevolence  to  me  and  mine,  when  a  stranger  with 
you  ;  especially — the  trying  hour  of  sickness.  Re- 
ceive my  sincere  and  hearty  thanks,  for  all  the  kind- 
ness shown  me,  which  I  shall  remember,  and  often 
with  that  tenderness  of  heart,  which  causes  my  tears 
to  flow  in  abundance. 

Yea,  I  go  to  the  throne  of  grace,  and  cry  to  God 
for  you,  and  plead  his  precious  promise,  to  such  as 
visit  the  sick,  feed  the  hungry,  clothe  the  naked, 
relieve  the  oppressed,  and  entertain  the  stranger. 
But  Ah!  What  will  all  my  tears,  and  prayers, 
together  with  those  of  my  companion,  and  all  the 
Israel  of  God,  avail,  unless  you  comply  with  the 
offers  of  salvation,  as  recorded  in  the  Bible  ?     Let 


FANNY    NEWELL.  195 

me  inquire,  are  your  souls  in  health  ?  Are  you 
travelling  in  the  narrow,  happy  way,  that  leads  to 
everlasting  bliss  ?  If  so,  I  congratulate  you  on 
your  pilgrimage  journey.  All  hail  ye  redeemed  of 
the  Lord — ye  children  of  the  most  high  God  !  Go 
on. — By  the  grace  of  God  I  will  meet  you  in  glory. 

"  There  to  sing  and  shout  oui*  sufferings  o'er, 
On  that  eternal  happy  shore." 

Or  are  you  negligent  about  the  important  con- 
cerns of  the  soul  ?  Are  you  halting  without  secur- 
ing the  precious  pearl  of  inestimable  worth  1  If  so, 
you  have  reason  to  fear  (after  all)  lest  a  promise 
being  left  you — any  of  us  should  come  short  of  it. 

Forgive  my  boldness  of  speech,  for  I  realize  that 
we  are  eternity  bound  souls,  who  must  exist  as  long 
as  God  exists,  in  happiness  or  woe.  Prepare  to 
meet  thy  God.  That  when  he  comes  to  make  up 
his  jewels,  we  may  be  found  joyful  on  God's  right 
hand. 

My  health,  that  of  the  children,  and  my  husband's, 
is  good  as  usual.  May  you  and  yours  enjoy  a  like 
blessing. 

With  esteem,  F.  N. 


Extract  of  a  Letter  written  from   Calais  to  Read' 
field,  Maine. 

Benevolent  Friends, 

The  Lord  has  been  very  good  to  me.  My 
health  is  as  good  as  usual.  I  have  been  sick,  but 
the  Lord  has  raised  me  up.  I  enjoy  my  mind,  and 
am  resolved  to  serve  the  Lord,  all  the  days  of  my 


196  MEMOIRS    OF 

appointed  time,  until  my  change  comes.  I  mean 
to  redeem  my  time  with  great  industry,  so  that 
when  I  am  called  to  leave  this  world,  I  may  finish 
my  course  with  joy,  and  not  with  grief.  Then  it 
will  be  easy  dying  !  May  the  Lord  grant  that  we 
may  prove  it  true,  by  blessed  and  happy  experience  ! 
With  joy  I  received  your  letter,  and  read  your  de- 
sires to  serve  the  Lord ;  and  my  cry  was.  Amen  ! 
May  that  dear  woman  follow  on  to  know  the  Lord, 
and  the  increasing  light,  like  the  dawning  morning, 
will  be  to  you  the  light  of  life.  Happy  living,  and 
easy  dying.  For  your  encouragement,  reflect,  God 
requires  the  whole  heart.  O  give  it  to  him  without 
reserve.  A  broken  and  contrite  heart  is  a  sacrifice 
well  pleasing  in  the  sight  of  God.  Truly,  it  is  a 
great  thing  to  be  a  Christian  !  But  it  is  possible  to 
be  such  an  one,  as  the  Lord  will  accept,  and  love. 
Genuine  piety  is  a  change  from  nature  to  grace, 
Christ  the  hope  of  glory  formed  in  the  soul ;  as 
Paul  says,  "  Christ  in  you  the  hope  of  glory," 
Time  is  short.  Be  faithful.  Consider  your  Chris- 
tian privileges  ;  the  meanest  place  in  the  cause  of 
God  is  glorious — a  door  keeper  is  better  than  to 
dwell  in  the  tents  of  sin.  The  love  I  have  for  per- 
ishing souls  makes  hard  things  easy.  'Tis  like 
death  to  me  to  live  in  sloth  and  cold  indifference. 
Let  us  then  arise  and  shine,  for  the  light  is  come, 
and  the  glory  of  the  Lord  has  risen  upon  us. 

F.N. 


Extract  of  a  Letter  from  Calais  to  ReadfielcU  J^Ie. 

Dear  Youth, 

I  take  my  pen  with  pleasure  to  answer  your  let- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  197 

ter,  and  with  you  hope  that  it  will  not  be  the  last. 
But  life  is  uncertain.  These  lines  may  come  to 
your  place  of  abode — and  you,  like  a  rose  plucked 
in  the  bloom,  may  be  gone  !  And  your  charming 
beauties  may  be  sunk  in  death's  cold  embrace.  Or 
should  you  live  to  read  what  1  have  written,  I  may 
be  gone  from  the  earth  far  away.  With  these 
thoughts,  I  look  to  God  for  wisdom,  that  my  time 
in  writing,  and  your  time  in  reading,  may  not  be 
spent  in  vain,  or  wasted  like  too  many  of  our  pre- 
cious moments  already  gone,  eternally  unimproved. 

You  expressed  a  wish,  that  all  the  prayers  and 
exhortations  with  which  you  had  been  blessed, 
might  not  be  lost  upon  you,  but  that  they  may  leave 
impressions  never  to  be  worn  off.  Amen,  was  my 
reply ;  so  let  it  be,  0  Lord.  The  Bible  shows  us, 
that  there  is  a  possibility  of  such  a  loss ;  for  the 
word  of  God  saith,  (Hebrews  iv.  2,)  "  The  word 
preached  did  not  profit  them,  not  being  mixed  with 
faith  in  them  that  heard  it."  In  order,  then,  to  come 
to  God  in  a  spiritual  way,  you  must  believe  that 
God  is,  and  that  he  is  a  rewarder  of  them  that  dili- 
gently seek  him.  But  when  asked,  Do  you  believe 
he  is  ]  you  answer.  Yes.  Do  you  believe  he  is  a 
rewarder  of  all  who  diligently  seek  him  1 — silence, 
or  a  reply,  he  cannot  reward  such  a  sinner  as  I  am, 
is  made.  Here  you  see  the  lack  of  faith.  An- 
other hindrance  is  the  lack  of  humility.  Joseph  did 
not  make  himself  known  unto  his  brethren,  till  hu- 
mility had  pressed  them  down,  and  he  saw  the  an- 
guish of  their  hearts,  and  heard  them  confess  their 
guilt  in  seeking  their  brother  Joseph's  ruin.  So 
Christ  will  save  none  who  have  passed  the  time  of 
accountability  without  faith  and  repentance. 

Faith  is  composed,  I  might  say,  of  three  things : 
17* 


198  MEMOIRS    OF 

first,  assent  of  the  understanding ;  secondly,  con- 
sent of  the  will ;  thirdly,  affiance  of  the  heart.  Let 
me  say  to  you,  be  wise  to  know  your  gracious  day. 

Harbor  pride,  and  unbelief,  and  they  will  carry 
you  down  the  splendid  current  of  this  world's  glory, 
and  bar  Christ  and  heaven  out  of  your  heart,  and 
ripen  you  for  that  ruin  that  will  assuredly  overtake 
the  wicked.  Fly  then  to  Christ.  He  is  able  and 
willing  to  save  all  who  come  to  God  by  him. 
Think  it  not  hard,  that  he  requires  something  of  you. 
Be  willing  to  rank  among  those  saved  in  the  days 
of  his  sojourning  on  earth.  Bring  the  question 
home  to  your  own  heart.  Dost  thou  believe  that  I 
am  able  to  do  this  ?  All  things  are  possible  to  him 
who  believeth.  As  thv  faith,  so  be  it  done  unto 
thee.  But  a  hint  in  your  letter,  that  doubts,  whether 
it  is  true,  perplex  you  at  times.  Leave  them  as  not 
worthy  of  a  place  in  your  mind.  Be  on  the  sure 
side.  Live  according  to  the  Divine  requirements, 
and  it  will  be  for  your  true  happiness,  even  in  this 
present  life,  and  never  can  harm  you  on  a  bed  of 
sickness  and  death,  to  reflect,  that  you  have  prac- 
tised holiness  in  the  fear  of  God.  Jesus,  who 
knew  well  what  was  in  both  worlds,  has  said,  "  0 
that  thou  hadst  known,  in  this  thy  day,  the  things 
that  belong  to  thy  peace,  but  now  they  are  hid  from 
thine  eyes." 

O  then  let  us  fear,  lest  a  promise  being  left  us  of 
entering  into  his  rest,  you  and  I  come  short.  My 
young  triend,  I  have  written  a  long  letter,  receive  it 
as  my  good  will ;  weak  and  imperfect  as  it  is.  My 
prayer  is,  that  you  may  be  stimulated  to  attend  to 
that  more  sure  word  of  prophecy,  until  the  day 
dawn,  and  the  day-star  arise  in  your  heart.     Then 


FANNY    NEWELL.  199 

your  joy  will  be  full.     Then  your  next  letter  will 
give  me  the  joy  of  angels  when  sinners  repent. 

F.  N. 


Extract  of  a  Letter  from  Calais  to  Gardiner,  Me, 

Afflicted  Brother  in  the  Lord, 

When  I  heard  of  your  loss  it  deeply  affected  me. 
I  have  had  impressions  to  write  to  you  for  a  long 
time ;  to-day  I  devote  a  few  moments,  and  may  the 
Lord  direct  my  pen,  and  make  me  instrumental  of 
your  comfort  and  edification.  Brother  C,  God  has 
removed  from  you  one  of  the  greatest  blessings  en- 
joyed on  earth  ;  the  choice  of  your  younger  days, 
and  the  delight  of  your  heart !  Is  she  gone  ?  Shall 
we  see  her  no  more  until  the  great  day  of  the  Lord 
Jesus  ?  The  word  of  God  alone  can  support  us, 
under  sorrows  deep  as  thine.  Lean,  then,  upon  his 
precious  promise — "  All  things  shall  work  together 
for  good  to  them  who  love  God."  Happy  the  man 
who  can  say, 

"  I  give  my  mortal  interest  up, 
And  make  my  God  my  aW." 

Is  this  your  happy  lot?  Do  you  sink  into  the 
Divine  will?  Can  you  say,  The  world  is  weaned 
from  my  affections,  and  I  am  brought  nearer  to 
God  ?  I  trust  you  can  say  this  !  But  do  I  not 
hear  you  say,  My  cares  are  doubled  !  The  pre- 
cious branches  of  my  dear  departed  wife  are  lean- 
ing wholly  on  me,  for  support  and  instruction. — 
Your  feelings  are  known  only  to  God,  and  those 


/ 


206  MEMOIRS    OP 

who  like  you  have  been  left  with  motherless  chil- 
dren !  God  meets  your  children  with  a  promise  ; 
"  I  will  be  a  God  to  the  orphan  ;  let  them  trust  in 
me."  O  pray  to  God  ;  he  invites  you  to  call  on 
him  in  the  day  of  trouble  ;  and  he  has  assured  us 
that  he  will  hear  our  prayer.  May  we  so  hve,  that 
when  death  comes  we  may  be  ready,  and  hail  him 
as  we  would  a  friend,  who  brings  with  him  our  pass- 
port to  heaven!  There  I  hope  to  meet  all  the 
sanctified  at  God's  right  hand — to  part  no  more. 
This  lively  hope 

"  Gives  even  affection  a  grace, 
And  reconciles  man  to  his  lot." 

F.  K 


Extract  of  a  Letter  written  from  ThomastontoHaU 
lowell. 

Dear  M , 

I  hail  you  from  thg  western  bank  of  the  Penob- 
scot Bay,  on  Mr.  Newell's  circuit  extending  from 
Georgetown  to  Knox,  a  four  weeks'  range.  Truly 
the  fields  are  white  to  harvest,  and  faithful  laborers 
are  few.  I  have  a  willing  heart ;  but  viewing  my- 
self a  poor  weak  female,  I  try  to  excuse  myself, 
and  say,  why  me,  0  my  Lord,  why  me?  Why  am 
1  called  to  this,  that,  and  the  other  duty  ?  0  sister, 
I  feel  the  weight  of  the  Redeemer's  words  rest  on 
me  in  a  manner  I  never  did  before ;  "  Yerily  I  say 
unto  thee  there  is  no  man  that  hath  left  parents,  or 
brethren,  or  wife,  or  children ;  for  the  kingdom  of 
God's  sake,  who  shall  not  receive  manifold  more  in 
this  present  time,  and  in  the  world  to  come  life 
everlasting." 


FANNY    NEWELL.  201 

This  is  enough ;  who  could  ask  for  more  ?  Who 
would  not  be  willing  to  sacrifice  all  for  him,  who 
has  suffered  so  much,  and  promised  so  much  1  My 
soul  answers, 

"  If  such  a  worm  as  I  can  spread 
A  common  Saviour's  name  ; — 
Nor  sin,  nor  satan  can  I  fear, 
With  Jesus  in  my  A'iew." 


A  V'oman^  when  Christ  was  on  earth,  broke  a  box 
of  precious  ointment,  and  poured  it  on  his  head, — 
and  there  were  some  who  found  fault !  But  our 
Lord  said,  let  her  alone,  she  has  wrought  a  good 
work  on  me  ;  she  has  done  what  she  could.  The 
Lord  would  accept  of  us  if  we  did  what  we  could, 
small  as  our  mites  might  be.  I  feel  the  importance 
of  working  while  the  day  lasts,  for  the  night  (death) 
Cometh,  wherein  no  man  can  work.  The  Lord  is 
at  work  in  great  mercy,  and  converting  houIs  in 
this  place.  0  sister  M.,  my  mind  often  carries  me 
to  your  comfortable  dwelling  and  seats  mo.  by  you 
alone  in  sweet  and  private  interview  ; — but  recol- 
lection hurries  me  back  to  my  place  far  distant  from 
you. — Kind  benefactors  are  multiplied,  and  my 
"heart  is  often  raised  in  silent,  but  ardent  desires  for 
the  benevolent  souls  whose  hands  have  administer- 
ed to  my  necessities.  I  cannot  forget  them,  neither 
can  I  say  that  I  am  worthy  for  whom  they  do  this 
— Oh  no  !  I  am  the  most  unworthy  of  all  the  little 
ones  of  my  heavenly  Father.  Yet  through  the 
grace  of  God  I  do — I  must  claim  this  appellation, 
"  little  one  .'" — 0  claim  the  reward  promised,  and 
God  will  bless  you — unworthy  as  I  am,  I  claim  a 
large   interest  in  your  addresses  at  the   Throne  of 


202  MEMOIRS    OF 

Grace ;  and  may  Christ  be  our  wisdom,  righteous- 
ness, sanctification  and  complete  redemption. 

"  Descend,  celestial  fire, 

And  seize  me  from  above  ! 
Wrap  me  in  flames  of  pure  desire, 

A  sacrifice  of  love. 

Let  joy  and  worship  spend 

The  remnant  of  my  days  : 
And  to  my  God  my  soul  ascend, 

In  sweet  perfumes  of  praise." 

Farewell  in  love,  F.  N. 


Extract  of  a  Letter  from  Gardiner  to  Sidney,  dated 
Jidij  16,  18  IS. 

Dear  Mother, 

I  come  now  to  write  to  you  a  farewell,  as  I  can- 
not see  you  face  to  face  ;  And  may  the  Lord  di- 
rect my  pen.  I  calculated  much  on  seeing  you 
before  my  departure,  but  I  am  disappointed.  Shall 
I  be  disappointed  of  meeting  you  again  on  earth? 
If  I  meet  you  in  heaven  I  will  ask  no  more. — Are 
you  bound  there  ?  Then  be  careful  for  nothing ; 
but  with  prayer  and  thanksgiving  make  your  request 
known  to  God,  who  is  able  to  cleanse,  and  make 
you  fit  for  glory.  O  my  parents,  pray  for  me,  that 
I  may  be  supported  under  whatever  trial  I  may  be 
called  to  pass,  and  glorify  God  in  my  soul  and  body 
which  are  his  ;  and  may  we  all  seek  an  entire  con- 
formity to  the  mind  and  will  of  God;  and  prove 
the  depth,  and  height,  the  length,  and  breadth  of  the 
]pve  of  God,  which  passeth  all  understanding.     We 


FANNY    NEWELL.  203 

expect  to  set  sail  tomorrow  at  an  early  hour,  for  St. 
Croix.  I  leave  my  native  land,  and  for  what?  to 
gain  silver  or  gold  1  No  !  Money  could  not  tempt 
me  to  make  the  sacrifice  I  do.  What  then  am  I 
going  for?  I  answer,  to  encourage  a  preacher  of  the 
Gospel ;  and  help  in  the  great  and  glorious  work  of 
winning  souls  to  Christ !  And  although  I  may  pass 
deep  waters  of  affliction,  I  have  no  dread,  because 
1  trust  in  the  Lord ;  for  in  the  Lord  Jehovah  is 
everlasting  strength. 

Although  death  may  be  near,  and  the  grave  at 
my  feet,  I  trust  in  the  Lord  to  land  me  safe,  where 
the  waves  of  trouble  will  cease  to  roar,  and  the 
tempest  be  forever  calm.     Then,  0  then, — 

"When  the  victory  we  have  won, 
And  each  receive  a  starry  crown, 
We'll  shout  and  sing  our  sufferings  o'er, 
On  that  eternal  happy  shore." 


Extract  of  a  Letter  from  Calais  to  Sidney^  J\Iame, 

"  Dear  Parents, 

The  Lord  is  very  gracious  to  me.  He  has  visited 
us  with  sickness  since  we  came  to  this  country. 
But  he  knows  what  is  best.  Let  him  do  what 
seemeth  good  in  his  sight,  is  the"  language  of  my 
heart.  I  write  a  few  lines  and  then  give  over  writ- 
ing to  wait  on  the  sick,  one  of  whom  is  my  daugh- 
ter. But  the  Lord  is  my  shield  and  my  strength. 
His  grace  is  equal  to  my  day.  I  believe  these  af- 
flictions are  designed  for  our  good."  In  another  let- 
ter she  writes  thus  : — "  My  courage  far  exceeds  my 
strength,  or  I   should  not  go.     My  health  is  poor 


204  MEMOIRS    OF 

and  the  roads  bad ;  but  the  harvest  is  great  and 
faithful  laborers  are  few.  There  are  many  places 
destitute  of  preaching.  The  missionary  spirit  has 
got  such  deep  hold  upon  me,  that  I  am  willing  to 
encounter  great  difficulties,  to  spend,  and  be  spent 
for  God,  and  the  good  of  -souls.  Willing  to  wear 
out,  and  not  rust  out,  in  so  good  a  cause  as  winning 
souls  to  Christ,  I  think  my  labors  are,  at  least, 
acceptable  among  the  female  part  of  the  commu- 
nity. Shall  I  say  tears  are  our  hire  1  Glory  to 
God,  for  the  floods  we  see  flowing  from  the  eyes  of 
the  aged,  rolling  down  their  furrowed  cheeks,  and 
from  the  young,  like  drops  of  dew  upon  the  rose. 
The  Lord  is  doing  wonders  among  this  people. 
Give  yourselves  no  anxious  concern  on  my  account ; 
if  I  die  here,  the  will  of  the  Lord  be  done.  Reforma- 
tion makes  this  place  pleasant.  The  wilderness, 
the  solitary  places  are  glad — They  blossom  like  the 
rose.  The  songs  of  the  redeemed,  and  the  groans 
of  the  wounded,  continue  to  form  a  sweet  concert. 

"  Angels  sing,  and  men  rejoice, 
When  sinners  make  the  better  choice«" 

May  Christ  be  our  portion  forever." 

F.  N. 


Extracts  from  a  Letter  wnttenfrom  Sidney  to  Calais, 

Respected  friends,  The  providence  of  God  has 
prevented  my  intended  visit  to  your  house  before  I 
left  the  circuit.  I  was  low  on  a  bed  of  sickness  ; 
and  brought  even  to  the  gate  of  death ;  and  when 


FANNY    NEWELL.  205 

the  fever  left  me,  I  was  exceeding  low.  And  in 
hopes  of  benefit,  we  took  a  passage  by  water  to 
Boston,  and  then  to  Kennebeck,  and  arrived  at  my 
father's  in  Sidney,  Jnly  15th,  after  an  absence 
of  about  one  year. 

Happy  again  in  my  native  place,  and  in  the  midst 
of  relations,  we  gave  thanks  to  God  for  his  guardian 
care  over  us,  who  has  brought  us  to  meet  again  on 
earth.  You  are  not  forgotten  by  us,  although  sepa- 
rated by  towering  mountains,  long  gloomy  vallies, 
rivers  and  lakes  ;  yet  distance  nor  time  can  separate 
our  love  for  you,  or  cause  us  to  forget  your  hospi- 
tality. We  were  strangers,  and  you  took  us  in  to 
your  house.  Our  prayer  is,  that  you  may  be  saved, 
and  God  is  witness  of  our  tears  and  sighs  for  you. 
I  wish  you  well  as  I  do  my  own  soul.  The  Lord 
has  blessed  you  in  the  abundance  of  the  good  things 
of  this  world.  O  be  entreated  and  encouraged,  to 
seek  a  treasure  in  heaven.  What  would  it  profit  you 
to  gain  the  whole  world  and  lose  your  own  soul] 
There  is  a  divim  reality  in  pure  religion  ;  notwith- 
standing many  who  profess  to  have  it,  are  a  disgrace 
to  the  holy  cause  of  God,  and  bring  a  reproach 
upon  Christ.  But  all  this  does  not  alter  religion ; 
it  remains  the  same  pure  source  of  true  felicity ; 
therefore  lay  up  your  treasure  in  heaven.  Look 
not  on  professors  of  religion  who,  too  often,  lack 
the  "  genuine  mark  of  love."  But  look  to  Jesus, 
who  is  the  Saviour  of  all  men ;  especially  of  those 
who  believe.     God  is  love. 

F.  Newell. 


18 


206  MEMOIRS    OF 

Extract  of  a  letter,  written  from  Sidney  to  JVlacliias, 

Beloved  Friends, 

To  you  I  must  devote  a  few  moments  in  writing, 
for  you  have  a  share  in  my  affections.  You  twine 
about  my  heart.  I  cannot  forget  a  people  for  whom 
I  have  had  so  much  travail,  labor,  prayers  and  tears. 
My  desire  is,  that  you  may  follow  on  to  know  the 
Lord,  whom  to  know  aright  is  life  eternal.  The 
King's  highway  of  holiness  is  a  delightful  path  ;  it 
is  so  plain,  that  whosoever  desireth  may  walk  there- 
in. It  is  marked  with  blood,  and  that  heavy  monu- 
ment, the  cross,  is  standing  in  the  gate,  and  you 
must  take  it  up,  and  bear  it,  all  the  strait  and  nar- 
row way,  until  you  arrive  at  heaven's  gate. 

The  word  of  the  Lord  is  truth  ;  "  except  a  man 
deny  himself,  and  take  up  his  cross  daily,  and  fol- 
low me,  he  cannot  be  my  disciple."  Thus  you 
see,  you  must  not  only  enter  in  at  the  strait  gate, 
but  you  must  follow  Christ,  through  good  report,  or 
evil  report.  Yea,  go  without  the  camp,  content  to 
bear  the  reproach  of  Christ.     And, 

"  March  with  courage  in  hie  strength, 
To  see  and  praise  your  God." 

For,  "  he  who  putteth  his  hand  to  the  plough,  and 
looketh  back,  is  not  fit  for  the  kingdom  of  heaven." 
"  He  that  endureth  to  the  end,  shall  be  saved." 

At  the  gate  of  heaven  you  will  lay  down  the 
cross,  and  receive  the  crown.  O  joyful  period, 
when  all  this  warfare  shall  end  !  Who  then,  would 
not  be  willing  to  fight  for  Prince  Immanuel,  God 
with  us  ?  Wait  on  God,  and  you  shall  renew  your 
strength  in  Christ,  to  travel  on,  and  possess  the 


FANNY    NEWELL.  207 

good  land,  and  enter  in  through  the  gate  into  the 
city. 

Eternal  life  is  before  you !  What  a  prize !  An 
inheritance,  incorruptible,  undefiled,  and  that  fadeth 
not  away.  Reserved  in  heaven  for  all  who  love 
God,  and  keep  his  commandments.  Follow  the 
good  example  of  Caleb  ;  practice  holiness  in  the  fear 
of  the  Lord.  Every  man's  work  shall  be  tried  by 
fire.  Gold  suffers  no  loss  by  fire.  The  pure  in 
heart  shall  see  God.  But  alas  for  the  wicked ! 
They  shall  call  for  the  rocks  and  mountains  to  fall 
on  them,  and  hide  them  from  the  face  of  him  that 
sitteth  upon  the  throne,  and  from  the  wrath  of  the 
Lamb.  For  the  great  day  of  his  wrath  is  come, 
and  who  shall  be  able  to  stand  1 

O  horrid  must  the  state  of  that  soul  be  in,  who 
chooseth  rather  to  be  crushed  under  a  mountain  than 
see  the  face  of  God  !  But  these  shall  go  away  in- 
to everlasting  punishment ;  yea,  they  shall  be  cast 
into  a  lake  of  fire  ;  "  where  their  worm  dieth  not, 
and  the  fire  is  not  quenched."  Is  there  any  precious 
soul  within  the  reach  of  this  letter,  who  is  unac- 
quainted with  the  blood  of  Christ,  that  cleanseth 
from  all  sin,  who  is  sinning  against  God,  and  treas- 
uring up  wrath  against  the  day  of  wrath  I  Suffer 
me  to  give  you  a  word  of  exhortation.  For  you 
my  heart  is  pained,  perhaps  you  have  heard  my 
voice,  and  seen  my  tears,  whilst  pleading  with  you 
to  turn  and  live.  Believe  me ;  I  have  the  same 
desire  as  when  with  you.  O  seek  the  Lord  with 
all  diligence.  Acquaint  now  thyself  with  him  and 
be  at  peace.  They  who  seek  shall  find — give  up 
your  heart  without  reserve  to  God,  and  "  good  shall 
come  to  thee." 

Put  not  off  the  important  concerns  of  the  soul. 


208  MEMOIRS   OF 

Delays  are  dangerous !  To-day  is  the  blessed  day ; 
hear  his  voice  and  live.  The  Gospel  calls  to-day  ; 
sinners  it  speaks  to  you.  Incline  your  ear.  Come, 
and  go  to  heaven  with  the  friends  of  Jesus.  I  shall 
want  to  see  you  there.  I  shall  look  out  for  my  kind 
friends  and  benefactors ;  and  shall  I  see  any  of 
them,  in  that  great  day  of  the  Lord  Jesus,  far  on 
the  left 

"  With  horror  stand 

To  meet  their  awful  doom  ?" 

H  ow  painful  the  thought  to  my  heart.  "What,  those 
who  have  administered  to  my  wants  and  necessities 
when  I  was  with  you  1  Must  I  take  an  everlasting 
farewell  of  you,  and  see  you  go  away  into  everlast- 
ing fire,  prepared — for  who  ?  not  for  you,  but  the 
devil  and  his  angels.  The  judgment  is  not  yet 
come !  the  trumpet  has  not  yet  sounded,  nor  the 
angel  proclaimed,  that  time  shall  be  no  more  !  Glo- 
ry to  God !  the  thoughts  revive  my  soul.  Your 
probation  is  not  over.  A  space  is  yet  granted  you 
to  repent,  and  improve  your  time.  You  have  not  a 
moment  to  lose.  Set  about  the  important  work. 
Embrace  offered  mercy.  Grieve  not  the  Holy 
Spirit  of  God.  Too  long  you  have  lingered  in  the 
plain.  There  is  no  repentance  in  the  grave.  As 
death  leaves  us,  judgment  will  find  us.  Repent, 
for  the  kingdom  of  God  is  at  hand.  Refuse  not 
the  bitter  herbs  of  penitential  sorrow  for  sin.  Life 
is  fast  ebbing  out. 

"A  point  of  time,  a  moment's  space, 
Removes  me  to  that  heavenly  place, 
Or  shuts  me  up  in  hell." 


FANNr    NEWELL.  209 

I  must  close  my  long  letter ;  my  full  heart  would 
add  much  more  ;  but  my  lawful  concerns  will  not 
permit ;  for  I  labor  with  my  hands,  in  addition  to 
travelling  with  my  husband ;  and  God  is  with  me. 
May  the  comforts  of  pure  religion  in  this  world,  and 
a  seat  in  glory,  be  our  happy  lot. 

My  prayer  to  God  for  you  is,  that  you  may  be 
saved  ;  and  we  all  meet  in  heaven. 

F.N. 


Sidney f  June  ISth. 
Respected  Friends, 

With  a  grateful  heart,  I  can  inform  you  of  our 
safe  arrival  to  this  place.  Our  health  is  usually 
good.  Our  children  are  in  health  ;  and  improving, 
in  knowledge  and  learning.  0  may  we  be  humble 
and  thankful. 

"O  for  a  heart  to  praise  my  God, 

A  heart  from  sin  set  free  ! 
A  heart  that  always  feels  thy  blood, 

So  freely  spilt  for  me.  " 

And  now  permit  me  to  inquire,  how  it  is  with 
thee?  Have  you  the  direct  witness  of  the  Spirit — 
God's  Spirit,  bearing  witness  with  thy  spirit,  that 
thou  art  a  child  of  God,  born  from  above?  If  so, 
the  Lord  speed  thee  on  thy  pilgrim  journey,  and 
bring  thee  safe  to  thy  desired  haven  of  rest.  Or 
do  1  hear  you  say,  as  before  I  parted  with  you,  I 
am  shut  up  in  darkness,  doubts  and  fears  ;  sin  and 
guilt  gather  round  my  poor  heart,  and  like  a  thick 
cloud,  shut  me  up  in  terror.  Let  me  point  you 
to  the  friend  of  Sinners.  "  Behold  the  Lamb  of 
*18 


210  MEMOIRS    OF 

God,  which  taketh  away  the  sin  of  the  world !"  O 
remember  this.  He  that  cometh  to  God  must  be- 
lieve that  he  is,  and  that  he  is  a  rewarder  of  them 
that  diligently  seek  him.  Christ,  in  the  days  of  his 
flesh,  required  faith  in  those  whom  he  healed.  To 
one  he  said,  If  thou  canst  believe  all  things  are  pos- 
sible to  him  who  believeth.  To  another,  According 
to  thy  faith,  so  be  it  unto  thee.  Again — Do  you  be- 
lieve I  am  able  to  do  this  1  Go  wash  in  the  pool ! 
Stretch  out  thy  withered  hand.  Lift  up  thy  soul, 
and  pray  with  the  disciple.  Lord,  increase  my  faith. 
Rest  not,  until  you  are  brought  into  the  liberty  of  a 
child  of  God  ;  and  can  say,  Abba,  Father  ;  and  find 
an  evidence  that  your  sins  are  forgiven,  and  the  love 
of  God  shed  abroad  in  your  heart,  by  the  Holy 
Ghost  given  unto  you.  Then  you  will  have  peace 
that  the  world  knows  not  of. 

The  veil  of  darkness  will  fall  back.  The  City 
which  hath  foundation  will  appear.  Contemplation 
will  be  sweet.  Hope,  like  an  anchor,  will  keep  thy 
soul.  May  the  great  Physician  of  souls,  appear  for 
your  help.  O  follow  his  directions,  and  you  are 
sure  of  finding  rest  to  your  soul.  Farewell ;  peace 
and  good  will  be  with  you.  F.  JN". 


Extract  of  a  letter  from   Thomaston  to  JVorthjwrt, 

JMciine. 
Respected  Madam, 

From  a  sense  of  duty,  I  ad  bess  you  upon  a  sub- 
ject of  the  greatest  importance,  the  salvation  of  the 
soul.  The  Holy  Bible  presents  in  various  ways,  a 
Saviour,  Christ  the  Lord  ;  and  of  all  the  means  of 
grace,  secret  prayer  stands  the  highest  in  pure  reli- 


FANNY    NEWELL.  211 

gion.  "  Ask  and  ye  shall  receive."  The  sacred 
pages  record  many  examples  of  shiners,  which 
show  us  the  honor  God  has  put  upon  the  petitions 
of  his  people.  For  what  has  not  prayer  obtained  t 
It  has  turned  an  angry  brother,  into  a  kind  friend. 
Genesis,  xxxii.  26.  The  councils  of  the  wise  into 
foolishness,  2  Sam.  xv.  21.  Shut  up  the  heavens 
from  rain,  1  Kings  xvii.  1.  Stopped  the  course  of 
the  Sun,  Joshua  x.  12.  Raised  the  dead  to  life, 
and  has  only  been  equalled  in  its  effects  by  that  faith 
from  which  it  first  originated. 

Yea,  I  cannot  estimate  the  advantages  deri- 
ved from  an  attention  to  it.  Other  duties  may  be 
entered  upon  from  other  motives  ;  but  secret  prayer 
in  the  closet,  lifting  the  heart  to  God,  praying  to  our 
heavenly  Father  who  seeth  in  secret, — was  an 
indubitable  mark  given  to  Annanias  of  Saul's  sincer- 
ity ;  "  behold  he  prayeth  !"  Job  says  of  the  hypo- 
crite, will  he  delight  himself  in  the  Almighty? 
Will  he  always  call  upon  God  1  But  the  Christian's 
love  draws  him  to  the  closet,  for  there  the  Lord 
communes  with  him.  Come  and  let  us  reason  to- 
gether, saith  the  Lord.  Prayer  talks  with  God. 
Prayer  is  a  means  of  keeping  love,  peace  and  joy 
in  the  heart,  even  in  the  midst  of  the  greatest  trials 
and  perils.  And  no  wonder  for  it  is  God's  own 
appointed  medium. 

Call  on  me  in  the  day  of  thy  calamity,  and  I  will 
hear.  And  you,  madam,  may  obtain  this  in  the 
highest  degree.  For  Paul  saith,  The  same  God 
over  all,  is  rich  unto  all  that  call  upon  him  ;  and 
whosoever  shall  call  upon  the  name  of  the  Lord, 
shall  be  saved ! — 0  let  me  pray,  until  prayer  is  lost 
in  praise. 

F.N. 


212  MEMOIRS    OF 

Extract  from  a  letter  wntten  to  a  dodress. 
Mrs.  N. 

Indulge  me  m  my  expressions  of  love  and  affec- 
tion for  you.  They  cannot  be  erased  while  I  have 
my  reason.  You  have  given  me  a  proof  of  your 
care  for  my  feeble  body  ;  and  it  has  been  no  small 
consolation  to  me,  while  taking  the  medicine  pre- 
pared by  your  kind  hand,  that  your  prayers  are 
ascending  to  God  on  my  behalf.  I  have  no  faith 
in  medicine,  without  the  blessing  of  God.  And  he 
can  restore  to  health  and  life,  with  or  without  means. 
But  his  ordinary  way  is  with  means.  However 
simple  the  medicine,  mixed  with  faith  and  prayer, 
will  do  more  in  restoring  to  heahh,  than  the  most 
skilful  Physician,  with  the  most  powerful  drug, with- 
out faith  and  prayer.  So  you  may  learn,  that  I  am 
encouraged  to  trust  in  the  living  God,  who  is  the 
Saviour  of  all  men,  especially  of  those  that  believe. 

O  then  bless  the  Lord  with  me,  and  let  us  praise 
his  name  together.  My  health  is  much  better  than 
it  was,  and  I  desire  to  lie  hmuble  at  the  adorable 
feet  of  my  Lord,  that  I  may  catch  the  healing 
streams  that  flow  from  his  bleeding  side.  With  his 
stripes  I  am  healed.  My  soul  is  filled  with  a  sense 
of  the  goodness  and  love  of  God.  He  has  regard- 
ed the  low  estate  of  his  handmaid,  and  brought  me 
through  dangers,  both  by  sea  and  land.  He  has 
given  me  proof,  that  he  can  make  rough  places 
smooth,  and  crooked  places  straight. 

Through  Christ  strengthening  me,  I  can  do  all 
things.  1  have  had  much  bodily  weakness  and  suf- 
ferings during  my  short  life  ;  but  God  gives  me 
re  -ignation.  I  am  willing  to  do,  or  suffer,  all  his 
holy  will.  1  tenderly  thank  you  for  all  your  kind- 
ness to  me,     Look  for  the  promise  which  God  has 


FANNY    NEWELL.  213 

made  you.  It  is  better  than  gold  or  silver.  A  few 
more  days  and  then  he  will  come.  Farewell. 
May  we  meet  in  heaven.  F.  N. 


Extract  of  a  letter  ivritten  to  a  Brother  and  SiS' 

ter  B, 
Dear  Friends, 

So  I  presume  to  call  you;  for  I  have  learned 
from  your  son  and  daughter,  as  also  from  your  own 
epistle  that  you  are  the  friends  of  Jesus.  Doubt- 
less you  know  whom  Jesus  calls  his  friends.  Now, 
says  he,  ye  are  my  friends  if  ye  do  whatsoever  I 
command  you.  Are  you  obeying  the  commands  of 
Christ?  Are  you  walking  in  his  ordinances'?  Are 
you  going  on  to  perfection?  Are  you  now  enjoying 
his  love?  So  am  1 ! — Do  you  feel  the  flesh  war- 
ring against  the  spirit  ?  and  do  you  gain  daily  vic- 
tories ?  So  do  I ! — Have  you  a  bright  hope  of 
heaven  ?  So  have  I ! — Do  you  glory  in  the  cross 
of  Christ  ?  Do  you  labor  for  the  good  of  souls  ? 
Do  you  warn  them  publicly,  and  from  house  to 
house  with  tears?  Do  you  know  how  to  abound 
and  how  to  suffer  need?  So  do  I ! — Have  you 
learned  that  good  and  great  lesson,  in  whatsoever 
state  you  are  therewith  to  be  content?  I  sometimes 
fear  I  have  not  got  it  perfect,  but  I  am  striving, 
wrestling  and  groaning  that  I  maybe  perfect  and  entire 
wanting  nothing. — Do  you  earnestly  covet  the  best 
gifts,  and  do  you  see  the  more  excellent  way  and 
desire  not  to  be  a  whit  behind  the  very  chiefest  of 
the  saints  ?  So  do  I ! — Do  you  long  to  go  to  heav- 
en, and  see  all  the  glorified  saints,  and  holy  angels, 
and  Jesus  Christ  our  great  high  Priest,  who  has 


214  MEMOIRS    OF 

passed  into  the  heavens,  and  God  the  Father  with 
whom  the  Son  is  co-equal  ]— To  see  all  the  glory 
of  the  heavenly  world  is  what  I  long  for. — Do  you 
patiently  wait  for  that  hour  when  Christ  shall  say, 
"  Come  home  ye  blessed  of  my  Father,  receive  the 
crown  which  I  have  purchased  with  my  own  blood. 
Well  then  in  your  patience  possess  ye  your  souls, 

"Religion  bears  our  spirits  up — 
While  we  enjoy  this  glorious  hope, 
The  bright  appearance  of  our  Lord; 
And  Jaitli  stands  leaning  on  his  word." 

When  our  work  is  done  and  we  have  finished  our 
course,  God  will  sign  and  seal  the  warrant,  and 
send  death  to  unlock  the  earthly  prison, 

"  And  let  the  ransom'd  spirit  go 
To  grasp  the  God  we  seek  I" — 

Yes,  glory  to  God !  our  happy  spirits  will  rise  on  the 
soft  wings  of  angels,  and  be  conveyed  to  the  para- 
dise of  God.  There,  0  there  we  shall  enjoy  con- 
summate blessedness  in  a  world  without  end.  Me- 
thinks  scene  after  scene  new  and  glorious,  will  be 
unfolded  to  our  view,  and  we  shall  join  in  a  song  that 
shall  never  close.  John  said,  "  And  I  saw  as  it 
were  a  sea  of  glass  mingled  with  fire  and  them  that 
had  gotten  the  victory  over  the  beast,  and  over  his 
image,  and  over  his  mark,  and  over  the  number  of 
his  name,  stand  on  the  sea  of  glass  having  the 
harps  of  God,  and  they  sang  the  song  of  Moses  the 
servant  of  God,  and  the  song  of  the  Lamb,  saying, 
great  and  marvellous  are  thy  works,  I^ord  God  Al- 
mighty, just  and  true  are  thy  ways  ihou  King  of 
saints."  "After  these  things  (said  John)  I  heard" — 


FANNY   NEWELL.  215 

O  John,  what  didst  thou  hear  ? — I  heard  a  great 
voice  of  much  people  in  heaven  saying,  Hallelujah, 
salvation,  and  glory  and  honor  and  power,  unto  the 
Lord  our  God."  Transported  with  this  view  of 
heaven  and  glory,  I  am  lost  in  wonder,  love  and 
praise.  Yes  I  had  almost  forgotten  that  I  was  writ- 
ing with  pen  and  ink  to  mortal  friends  on  earth ; 
but  fancied  that  we  had  all  met  in  paradise. 

Well,  my  friends,  I  trust  through  the  grace  of  God 
to  be  made  partaker  with  the  saints  in  bliss  above, 
and  there  see  you  face  to  face,  where  I  shall  be  en- 
abled to  tell  you  more  of  the  beauties  of  religion 
than  my  mortal  tongue  can  possibly  describe.  Go 
on,  ye  pilgrims  of  the  Lord  ;  the  best  of  the  land  is 
before  you,  and  if  you  follow  the  Lord  fully,  as  did 
Caleb  of  old,  he  h&th  said,  "  I  will  give  it  you  for 
an  inheritance."  Fear  not,  neither  be  dismayed, 
for  the  Lord  God  Omnipotent  will  go  with  his  ser- 
vants through  this  dreary  wilderness.  Yes,  he  will 
be  a  lamp  to  thy  feet  and  a  light  to  thy  path. 

What  I  have  written  I  have  written,  hoping  that 
your  time  may  not  be  spent  in  vain,  while  you  read 
these  impressions  from  the  pen  of  a  stranger, 
made  in  compliance  with  the  request  of  your  son 
and  daughter,  J.  and  B.  Partridge,  with  whom  I 
have  formed  a  short  but  an  agreeable  acquaintance, 
which  I  trust  time  nor  distance  will  never  efface  Irom 
my  memory,  until  we  renew  our  acquaintance  in 
paradise. 

While  you  have  been  reading  the  above,  doubt- 
less you  have  judged  me  a  Christian.  So  I  pro- 
fess, and  can  say.  Lord,  thou  knowest  all  things, 
thou  knowest  that  I  love  thee.  How,  indeed,  shall 
I  speak  his  praise.  He  is  Immanuel,  which  is,  be- 
ing interpreted  by  St.  Matthew,  a  Jew,  and  well 


216  MEMOIRS  OF 

acquainted  with  the  Hebrew  language,  God  with 
us.  0  what  could  we  ask  more  ?  What  am  I, 
that  God  should  dwell  with  me  on  earth  !  I  am 
lost  in  the  inquiry,  Will  God  make  a  sinner  holy  ? 
He  will — my  heart  doth  believe  he  will.  Yea,  I 
shall  be  filled  with  all  the  fullness  of  the  Love  of 
God.  I  thirst,  I  pant  to  prove,  to  know  more  fully, 
the  grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  the  Lord  of 
glory.  He  does  let  me  drink  of  the  brook  in  the 
way,  before  I  reach  the  fountain  head.  Help  by 
your  prayers  to  keep  the  prize  in  view,  that  I  may 
ever  be  running  toward  the  mark,  at  which  Jesus 
directs  us  to  aim.  I  am  persuaded  that  the  only 
way  to  overcome  sin  and  inherit  all  things,  is  by  en- 
joying uninterrupted  communion  with  God.  Even 
now  my  soul  rejoices  in  hope  that  God  will  perfect 
what  is  lacking  in  me.  O  trust  him  with  all  your 
lieaits — be  vigilant  in  all  things  ;  so  shall  you  dis- 
appoint the  enemy,  and  bring  glory  to  God. 

And  now  I  commend  you  to  God  and  the  word 
of  his  grace,  which  is  able  to  build  you  up  and  give 
you  an  inheritance  among  all  them  that  are  sanc- 
tified. F.  N. 


THE    END. 


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